sad
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Originally posted by Yunhaier:
/Lights 3 ciggies
Counting the least possibility, that adds up to three separate women. Registering marriage this June? Do you think that a marriage will change your man?
[b]You should never marry someone thinking that they will change; they won't.
***
Your Lover
A is an example of possible benefic relationship (not necessary karmic). His appearance in your life is very straightforward:
I) He questioned the identity of your relationship and definition of your Love. Namely, would you be marrying for Love or Security.
II) He presents an alternative, in which your mind is beginning to see that it is possible to have a relationship with a man, vastly different from your current boyfriend (that your man is not exclusive and not-the-only-one)
III) CloUdiSm states we '...attract the qualities we exude...' - therefore when your esteem is bounded by his control, which signifies certain degree of inferiority, you will see yourself accepting, regardless, the mindless temper your boyfriend flares into. A presented a side which you thought it was loving and devoid of aggression.
You mentioned that all the pain your SO has inflicted upon you has greatly decimated your love for him and that you will close one eye no matter what happen in the future, which I presume it will include emotional abuses, which has spread regularly over the period of five years (CloUdiSm speaks about Boundary Regression - which is a long theory, but I won't have enough time and space for it)
The truth is that you are unwilling to make decision for yourself and rather circumstance make those difficult decisions.
NOBODY has the right to abuse you, even if he is your boyfriend/husband. And the emotional abuses are so brutal that it has caused you to abnegate your prerogative of Love.... your 'basis entitlement' of being loved and cared for, in exchange of a delusion perception of Love, saying that you must shoulder and accept everything negative about him, regardless.
This is crap.
You are in a 'Love business' and all that comes with the 'love business' must come, not just the negative side of Love.
***
Your Difficulty Your stultifying effort to make any decision to due to a phenomenon known to CloUdiSm as the Marpessa Complex.
In the Greek mythology, Marpessa was the more fortunate maiden beloved by Apollo, although she would have lived happily ever after with Idas, one of the heroes of the Calydonian Hunt and also one of the Argonauts, whom carried her off from her father with her consent.
Idas refuse to give up and dared to fight Apollo. In the end, Zeus parted them and told Marpessa to choose.
She chose the mortal, fearing, that the God would not be faithful to her.
You are like her; rather the evil you know than the evil you don't, for you rather chose a known wrecked relationship over an unknown utopia.
You are so rooted to the shores of your relationship, even though it has lost much meaning and you adjure the idea of leaving the island even you have the means to do so.
You are buying the ideology of 'security' and despite that you have invested so much, you are still unwilling to abandon your bad investment.
***
Your Voice You cannot step into a marriage when you have someone else occupying space within your heart, mind and soul.
And you cannot step into a marriage with the power of commitment minus Love.
Because this spells vehement karmic suffering.
Consider this:
I) Avoid accepting commitment/s that you are unsure of - namely marriage. It must be put to later date.
II) CloUdiSm second Law of Love (Law of Relationship Existence) states that '...No one can make us stay in a bad relationship except ourselves...' Learn that you are empowered to make decisions for your love life and quit letting circumstances make for you. If you must leave him, then do so and not subjected to emotional weakness.
III) IF you MUST communicate with him, then by all means do so. If you want to give a chance to this relationship, he must at least know what is happening before he could propose a viable solution to work things out between the both of you or see new reason/s why you should NOT remain in this relationship.
Cheers[/b]
/prays to ah yun
Finally, you "xian sheng" liao.....
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In General case:Originally posted by Yunhaier:You are buying the ideology of 'security' and despite that you have invested so much, you are still unwilling to abandon your bad investment.
Cheers
Is abandonment the only win win solution? Can a bad investment be made good then?
Cheers -
Heh, bone picking eh?Originally posted by dcx:MC.........i didn't know you beat up your gf.........
haiz........u disappoint me.....
You'll have to see why i replied to only dever's post mah. -
Out of topic dude.Originally posted by dcx:But the fact is humans often make mistakes in their lives... Even devils do.... >>> Must be you... -
/me strikes dcx with a bolt of lightning.Originally posted by dcx:/Lights 3 ciggies
/prays to ah yun
Finally, you "xian sheng" liao.....
Cheers -
Originally posted by M©+square:In General case:
Is abandonment the only win win solution? Can a bad investment be made good then?
Cheers Bad investment be made good?
That's speculating.
And like all rule of business: high gains equal high risks.
Cheers -
On Wed night, thru mSN, i told guy A tat we should keep a distance and try not to chat everyday or sms each other, otherwise it will become a habit. Cuz we chatted to wee hours of nite for a week.
He was like huh........... ok can try.
However, I cannot!! I die already......this time. Why am I behaving like that?
I told him that I will not be around over the weekend, hopefully as time pass by, we can really stop......
What the heelll i m doing? -
Originally posted by nici:On Wed night, thru mSN, i told guy A tat we should keep a distance and try not to chat everyday or sms each other, otherwise it will become a habit. Cuz we chatted to wee hours of nite for a week.
He was like huh........... ok can try.
However, I cannot!! I die already......this time. Why am I behaving like that?
I told him that I will not be around over the weekend, hopefully as time pass by, we can really stop......
What the heelll i m doing? -
Ok...give us your msn, and we will tempt you everyday and you will soon forget about guy A.Originally posted by nici:On Wed night, thru mSN, i told guy A tat we should keep a distance and try not to chat everyday or sms each other, otherwise it will become a habit. Cuz we chatted to wee hours of nite for a week.
He was like huh........... ok can try.
However, I cannot!! I die already......this time. Why am I behaving like that?
I told him that I will not be around over the weekend, hopefully as time pass by, we can really stop......
What the heelll i m doing?
Either you will feel irritated by us, or you will eventually realised who is your true love among all. Who knows, you might find a better love with us all. -
Originally posted by nici:On Wed night, thru mSN, i told guy A tat we should keep a distance and try not to chat everyday or sms each other, otherwise it will become a habit. Cuz we chatted to wee hours of nite for a week.
He was like huh........... ok can try.
However, I cannot!! I die already......this time. Why am I behaving like that?
I told him that I will not be around over the weekend, hopefully as time pass by, we can really stop......
What the heelll i m doing?
You're cute leh.....
In RED, you're doing something which,in your mind, you don't want to do it, but in your deepest heart (subconsciously), you're yourself.
Decide for yourself and not for others.
The power's yours~~~ (Sounds familiar if you have ever watch Captain Planet~) -
DANGER!Originally posted by nici:I am going abit crazy thinking of A and my present r/s. Should I get married for the sake of marrying or should I get free?
Do not ROM for the sake of getting married.
Make ur decision first.
U will only compound your problem into a bigger mess if U add in ROM. -
Originally posted by nici:On Wed night, thru mSN, i told guy A tat we should keep a distance and try not to chat everyday or sms each other, otherwise it will become a habit. Cuz we chatted to wee hours of nite for a week.
He was like huh........... ok can try.
However, I cannot!! I die already......this time. Why am I behaving like that?
I told him that I will not be around over the weekend, hopefully as time pass by, we can really stop......
What the heelll i m doing? The poison deepens... the more you suppress, the worst it gets.
Emotional engineering?
We shall see whether the heart or the mind is more powerful.
Cheers -
danger mode means?Originally posted by nici:Because of his temper; if he is in good mood, i will be in safe mode, lousy mood, then I will be in danger mode.
he beats U or something? -
hurhurhur......scared-ed liao huh?? lady-beater...Originally posted by M©+square:Heh, bone picking eh?
You'll have to see why i replied to only dever's post mah.
p/s: I think dever's also one..... -
It has always been the trend of sgf...Originally posted by Devil1976:Out of topic dude. -
Next time pls strike me with 4D n Toto Top prizes....thank you...Originally posted by Yunhaier:/me strikes dcx with a bolt of lightning.
Cheers -
*ahem*! *ahem*!!Originally posted by parn:Ok...give us your msn, and we will tempt you everyday and you will soon forget about guy A.
Either you will feel irritated by us, or you will eventually realised who is your true love among all. Who knows, you might find a better love with us all. -
aha! never read her all posts, right?Originally posted by Xcert:danger mode means?
he beats U or something? -
yes...if she changes the ROM date...questions would be asked...but being asked questions now is better that sorting out a messy divorce later....and its not like questions wouldnt be asked should they divorce later....Originally posted by parn:Please help her!!! If she change her ROM date, both parents and her bf will sense something is not right and this action will bring her pre-marriage into an even greater turmoil than the existence of this A guy.
nici...read my post again if you start to have any doubts again. It will clear your doubts and put your mind back to the right state.
And stop posting irresponsible stuffs. Cos once she made the wrong decision, there is no turning back for her. Who is willing to take the responsibility to help her up again?
How many of you guys here can hold a relationship and love a girl for 5 years or more? If there is, then you should be able to understand the love and the efforts that both of them have put into this relationship. Isn't it kinda mean to destroy their love foundation with a few mere sentences to stir up some irresponsible feelings in another?
I dont think changing ROM date would bring the relationship into turmoil...the SO would know that she is having doubts about the relationship and that he better pull up his socks...the threadstarter on the other hand should not ROM with him until she is convinced that the SO is really the one she wants to marry...
its not about "not rocking the boat"...but to find a boat that she is comfortable with.
There is no "right" decision here...its a decision that she will have to live with for the rest of her life....so she should really think about it and be comfortable with whatever decision she makes... -
I am pretty worried by ur choice of "have to be".Originally posted by nici:I still and have to be with my SO. -
my apologies....posted that post after reading it in page 1 before reading about the clarification in page 5Originally posted by dcx:aha! never read her all posts, right? 
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sure or not?Originally posted by Xcert:I glanced thru the pages...I know it was mentioned that she was beaten...but I think it wasnt the threadstarter who said that...
Actualli she did mentioned lah........ -
my bad.Originally posted by dcx:sure or not?
Actualli she did mentioned lah........ -
ah nici.......don't worry or blame yourself....i believe none of us here feel that you're a lousy person....you just lacked of the ability to stand for yourself...i.e. making decision for yourself and not others (Think have been mentioned by quite a number times already... )
Btw, ah nici.....if you're outside, look up at the sky and maybe you'll get something out of it...and if you're inside(indoor), look out at the window and see the sky....Then you look around your surroundings(indoor n outdoor)....You'll find and realise something that's so simple and is always ard you...but you just missed it everyday after some incidents happened... -
oh yeah~~~~ I like calling you "ah nici"........sounds cute...........ah nici ah nici ah nici~~~~~~~~~
ah nici sounds like hokkien "like that squeeze"?? Not too sure...lousy in
hokkien..
ah nici~~~
pai seh pai seh....can't help it...