Whoever said communication was important???
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There was no problem? Thought you were neglected? There might be some underlying reason for that, it is worth communicating, no?Originally posted by jeramy:i cannot be sure of that seriously, as i've said in my previous post there was still really no problems before yesterday...
but once i voiced out and then everything changed...
but still it remains a possibility..
so harsh..so cruel -
Yes, agree, give her space. By goin to her now, you are goin back to your problem again : clingy.Originally posted by dokono:No no guy... don't tell her your mistakes. That means you are begging. You may think she likes you more but it's a bad move. Dun do it. Real men dun beg.
Leave her alone. Let her call you. This will prove how much she likes you. -
Precisely, gals like to see their bf can live without them. ie have a backbone.Originally posted by galfriend:Yes, agree, give her space. By goin to her now, you are goin back to your problem again : clingy. -
1. Communication is two ways. it isn't just TELLING her how you feel when she isn't/doesn't want to divulge her own feelings back.
2. And if she does share her own feelings, it may not be something you WANT to hear.
So.. communication is important in a relationship but being able to HANDLE communication is equally important. Think about what you hope to achieve before you start communicating. Don't get discouraged if it seems difficult, you and a suitable partner, will get better in time
Practise makes perfect!
And ... difficulties in communication is a very good indication to whether the person is compatible with you or not. -
Originally posted by jeramy:thank you yunhaier... you have opened up my eyes... i know now, that i'm just too clingy...too clingy for the likes of anyone...
the real culprit is me...
i need to change...yes..
but it hurts so bad, so bad..
You are feeling the hurt because your soul is trying to evolve... somewhat like tearing your rooted ideology apart and reconstructing it. Walking away from the way you always love is a daunting task; without true enlightenment from within and just merely agreeing with me doesn't constitute substantial evolving. You may just return back to your original state should you not understand enough till it become part of your core belief.
Maybe it is not just being clingy; it may be other aspects as well.
Do you even understand yourself well enough to recognise all the factors contributing to the failure of all your previous relationship?
I cannot judge if she will accept you back, should you admit your flaws and vow to work on it because the ball is on her hand. But even if she doesn't come back, you cannot based your growth solely on getting her back; in that case, your agenda is just to get her back and not true enlightenment.
I seen so many cases; where people become apologetic about their flaws and promise to change.. in exchange for a patch back, only to sink further and further.
P.S: We are all students of Love - we DON'T learn something just because someone said something logical/meaningful. The message has to assimilate into our soul and transform into our core belief before we could truly say that we have changed.
Cheers -
It's not too late, it is never too late for us to admit our mistakes in a r/s and use it as an experience to help us become better person...that's why every failed r/s should be seen as a waste of time, but rather, as an experience that will help you to become a better bf/gf in your next one...Originally posted by jeramy:yes...now i see the light, the problem is with me... by telling her that she's neglecting me, it makes her feel guilty
so much so that she suffers added pressure on top of her school pressure, and i think escaping from me is the best way out for her...
if not there's really no solution is it? she doesnt want me to feel neglected, but on the other hand there's nothing she can do to improve the situation, she will only feel more and more guilty...
yes that is her mentality.
yes the problem is that im too clingy, im the one who should say ITS ALL MY FAULT.
i can see it now...i can see it now...but its all too late isnt it?? too late too late....
I guess for now all you can do is to let her think it through, maybe you can give her a call to let her know that when she is ready, you would like to have a heart-to-heart talk with her? Then during the talk, try to bring up this issue abt clinginess and see how she feels abt it. Then compromise on a schedule that would make both of you happy, one that will make you feel not neglected and will not make her feel pressured as well bcos of the tot that she has to entertain you everyday.
After the talk, should she refuse to come back to you, then use this experience to enlighten yourself and prevent yourself from making the same mistake again the next time you go into another r/s. Good luck!
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These are statements which Yunnie's fans have to read and understand.Originally posted by Yunhaier: You are feeling the hurt because your soul is trying to evolve... somewhat like tearing your rooted ideology apart and reconstructing it. Walking away from the way you always love is a daunting task; without true enlightenment from within and just merely agreeing with me doesn't constitute substantial evolving. You may just return back to your original state should you not understand enough till it become part of your core belief.
Maybe it is not just being clingy; it may be other aspects as well.
Do you even understand yourself well enough to recognise all the factors contributing to the failure of all your previous relationship?
I cannot judge if she will accept you back, should you admit your flaws and vow to work on it because the ball is on her hand. But even if she doesn't come back, you cannot based your growth solely on getting her back; in that case, your agenda is just to get her back and not true enlightenment.
I seen so many cases; where people become apologetic about their flaws and promise to change.. in exchange for a patch back, only to sink further and further.
P.S: We are all students of Love - we DON'T learn something just because someone said something logical/meaningful. The message has to assimilate into our soul and transform into our core belief before we could truly say that we have changed.
Cheers
Anyway, those highlighted in red were home runs.
/pat Yun
Cheers
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Guy...no one says it's your fault unless you think it is. Please dun think too much. As what rainee has said, tell her to call you when the time she is ready. Meanwhile, just disappear and concentrate on your own life.Originally posted by jeramy:thank you people.
dokono, compadre, MS, rainee, Yunhaier.. your replies have led me to see the situation from a new perspective, which otherwise will continue to elude me.. after such a long loop, now i know that my being too clingy probably scared off the girls...
previously, i realised that i was too possesive and i think i managed to reduce that a bit..
now, i know i'm too clingy, and i will work on that.
i am contemplating whether to look for her and tell her my mistakes, so perhaps this r/s can still be salvaged? or should i just continue to leave her alone?
what do you guys think?
Only the woman knows when is the right time. -
Bo fans lar... @4@#%@^@^#$^Originally posted by M©+square:These are statements which Yunnie's fans have to read and understand.
Anyway, those highlighted in red were home runs.
/pat Yun
Cheers
Cheers -
By reading this thread and the advices here again, l think l noe sumtinz more and meaningful le...thanks guys all =D We all shld learn from our mistakes and keep on learnin to be the better, perhaps not the best, but at least to be better
Cheers -
i think u misunderstood the term. when relaying your feelings, you have to be tactful as well? think about it. . .
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From her reply, it seems that she already has doubt on the relationship even before you talked to her.
When you talked to her about her neglecting you, you found out the truth faster.
For break ups, it's always better earlier than later. -
yup i agree 100%, its always better to break up earlier rather than sink deeper and deeperOriginally posted by Parka: From her reply, it seems that she already has doubt on the relationship even before you talked to her.
When you talked to her about her neglecting you, you found out the truth faster.
For break ups, it's always better earlier than later. -
yeah..certainly its not just by agreeing with u..but then again..its a first step isn't it??Originally posted by Yunhaier: You are feeling the hurt because your soul is trying to evolve... somewhat like tearing your rooted ideology apart and reconstructing it. Walking away from the way you always love is a daunting task; without true enlightenment from within and just merely agreeing with me doesn't constitute substantial evolving. You may just return back to your original state should you not understand enough till it become part of your core belief.
Maybe it is not just being clingy; it may be other aspects as well.
Do you even understand yourself well enough to recognise all the factors contributing to the failure of all your previous relationship?
I cannot judge if she will accept you back, should you admit your flaws and vow to work on it because the ball is on her hand. But even if she doesn't come back, you cannot based your growth solely on getting her back; in that case, your agenda is just to get her back and not true enlightenment.
I seen so many cases; where people become apologetic about their flaws and promise to change.. in exchange for a patch back, only to sink further and further.
P.S: We are all students of Love - we DON'T learn something just because someone said something logical/meaningful. The message has to assimilate into our soul and transform into our core belief before we could truly say that we have changed.
Cheers
perhaps sometime later i can really evolve...and truly gain enlightenment, and then i can say that i'm a better lover...
but before that, i got to work hard.. -
thanks man people,
somehow after reading some of the replies here (esp Yunhaier) i am sort of able to be more at peace with myself and get those negative feelings out of my system..
in other words im feeling better...
as for the situation between me and gf, will update again if there's any progress, but for now the situation is much better, we are back on talking terms
once again, thanks -
Ok good... I will send you my bills to your address.Originally posted by jeramy:thanks man people,
somehow after reading some of the replies here (esp Yunhaier) i am sort of able to be more at peace with myself and get those negative feelings out of my system..
in other words im feeling better...
as for the situation between me and gf, will update again if there's any progress, but for now the situation is much better, we are back on talking terms
once again, thanks
Cheers -
gogo yunhaeir....u can open a Fan club liao...
cheers.. -
i know its outta the topic but steve irwin died, poor guy, badluck with a sting ray lol
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Finally you decided to focus on yourself instead of on her. Why I said that? Have you ever thought that the more virtues you cultivate, the better person you are AND more people will appreciate for who and what you are more?Originally posted by jeramy:yeh, its true, from young my self-esteem was low...so i think that in turn led to my being clingy and insecure..
how to go about improving??
My post (this particular one only...) is to more or less give some ideas (not telling you ah... its giving pointers...) on how you can improve yourself. Low self-esteem included.
You can try to ask your close friends, especially those who know you for a long time, what flaws you have. You MUST be OPEN to their criticism. You cannot shun back what they said and only hear what you want to hear. Many people do that and they never grow.
Never say you are the ugliest, poorest, shortest, skinniest, most stupid, etc, etc. REMEMBER: No human is perfect. They have flaws and they won't show it out that easily unless its pretty obvious.
Also take note there are less fortunate people trying to survive out there in this world made cruel by humans. Those disabled, mentally challenged, elderly, and others who seemed to be struggling with their lives are doing their best to make out the best with what they have to live in this world. Many of them know how to take life easy as they do NOT expect many things. They live simple and happy. Its something we all can learn from them.
Try to go out with people who are more joyous, happy, nice and those who gave you very good impressions. These people (even if they have problems of their own) can at least show a positive and influencing side to the people around them. Observe how they act, and learn from them, but try not to imitate them too much, unless you want to be branded a "Mark II" of someone...
Insecurity is one issue that has a major factor on low self-esteem.
How do you act when a task is given to you? Say... a project? Do you panic at the deadline given? Or do you fear you may not have enough resources to support your stuffs? Or better, you fear no one is there to lend you a hand when you need it? Take a moment to think how you act when every situation comes to you and then ask your friends how they respond in the same situation.
It also has to do with your upbringing and the enviornment you were brought up. Families and friends have a huge influence on who you are now. Many of us do not have an ideal family upbringing, but that does not stop us from being the good person we are capable of. It is through self awareness and acknowledgement that we have areas to improve which makes us one step closer to being a good person as a whole.
There are many others I can talk (or crap) about. I just need a more specific topic to address about. As for what you are going to do with relations to your relationship with the girl: Let her go first. Focus on your own cultivation. You will realise more people want to be with you because you are good natured and have the general wellness and blessings for people around you.
This not only applies to you, but to all who need to see inside of them and re-evaluate themselves. Me included. -
......Originally posted by dokono:No no guy... don't tell her your mistakes. That means you are begging. You may think she likes you more but it's a bad move. Dun do it. Real men dun beg.
Leave her alone. Let her call you. This will prove how much she likes you. -
~INSTALLS AIR-CON in Yun's room~ <Originally posted by Yunhaier:Bo fans lar... @4@#%@^@^#$^
Cheers> -
Bo fans lar!! !@#$@$%@#%^@#$^#^#^Originally posted by xShevchenkox:gogo yunhaeir....u can open a Fan club liao...
cheers..
P.S: And for the 32423563477677845234th times; it's yunhaier not yunhaeir.
Cheers -
Originally posted by Devil1976:......
What Im trying to say here is that the guy should be aware that his own feelings for the girl doesn't count...only the girl's feelings matter the most in a r/s. Therefore he shouldn't be thinking of only his own feelings and try to call the girl. This may actually backfire.
If the girl calls back, it means the girl might still have feelings for him(though I would still think it's very low). -
Hey, you ain't da only 1 whos nick spelled wrongly... Mine got many variations...Originally posted by Yunhaier:Bo fans lar!! !@#$@$%@#%^@#$^#^#^
P.S: And for the 32423563477677845234th times; it's yunhaier not yunhaeir.
Cheers
Botakun
Botankun
Botak......
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Originally posted by Bontakun:Hey, you ain't da only 1 whos nick spelled wrongly... Mine got many variations...
Botakun
Botankun
Botak...... Mine got:
yuanhaier
yunhair
Yunhaer
Yuhaier
Cheers