Why is he like that?
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ya but he is still not answering the question why he is still unhappy. is he trying to say u cannot say anything at all?Originally posted by vgal:he dropped me a sms today. "actually we were very happy when we juz met yesterday dun you think. i juz get very affected when you said this and that. i need peace now. just love in peace n be happy. i dun want to care about trivial n not impt things anymore. juz talk and think and do happy things. u understand? we are at different stages regarding this matter."
he doesn't want to mention it, so be it. anyway like what he suggested, jus dun talk abt negative things anymore. -
Originally posted by vgal:
if he don't take it to heart then what for he got so upset and work out over such small issues? That different stages he mentioned>> what is he referring to?
he dropped me a sms today. "actually we were very happy when we juz met yesterday dun you think. i juz get very affected when you said this and that. i need peace now. just love in peace n be happy. i dun want to care about trivial n not impt things anymore. juz talk and think and do happy things. u understand? [b]we are at different stages regarding this matter."[/b] -
Obvious it your bf fault. Angry over such a trival matter. But maybe there some thing bothering him that why... but what i can't stand is call u go home alone at 1.30am in the middle of the night
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I once had a relationship similar to yours. The man had just come out of a failed marriage and displayed symptoms almost identical to what you've described.
I realised later (after a clean break), that he was still not ready to handle a new relationship. He was still angry over losing his ex-wife, and he vented much of that anger on me.. sometimes it translated into unreasonable or juvenile behaviour in public. Like your lover, he also chased me out of his house (mine was at 3am in the morning!) when I teased him about something... it was over such a small thing that I cannot recall what it was about!
I broke up with him because I could see he was using to ease his pain during his in-transition period. Yes, he had been tender at times, and the lovemaking was mindblowing, but it dawned on me that it might just be his way of emulating what it would have been like to still be with his ex-wife, whom he was so used to. But ultimately, I chose to end the r/ship because I felt he wasn't worth it.
When men come out of a long relationship, they often have the most difficulty getting back on their feet. Your current man needs time to move on from his prev marriage. And U gotta decide whether or not he's worth the wait. =) Power to you, whatever path you take. -
What was his responsibilities like when he was in the army?
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u go girl! girlpower!
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he juz messaged me early in the morning to tell me something about his past which was not consistent with what he had told me b4. and so i told him wat he told me b4 and said im confused. you know wat he said?
"Do you need to probe into my past with his wife on how they ended up divorce............... Actually do u realise u r a very probing person? Fact is i dun like people to probe esp when i din do anything wrong."
i replied " u msg me early in the morning to confuse me and tell me im probing when i clarified? Dont want me to ask then dun confuse me and then tell me im probing later." "
him: do u need to get so affected? it doesnt even concern u directly. N do u need to be so detail to want to know everything?
Hell no! he contradicts and expect me not to clarify? and when i clarify, accusing me of probing and want to know everything? Aint this unfair??!?! -
Precisely. This is what bugged me. Like now i m the one upset over the most trivial things!??!Originally posted by Phoebie:if he don't take it to heart then what for he got so upset and work out over such small issues? -
so im to supposed to pretend that i dunno when i see him upset? and i m unhappy with something im supposed to pretend that i'm happy? Will that work?Originally posted by dokono:ya but he is still not answering the question why he is still unhappy. is he trying to say u cannot say anything at all?
he doesn't want to mention it, so be it. anyway like what he suggested, jus dun talk abt negative things anymore.
Will i be later accused of:
1) bottling my grievances and not communicating?
OR?
2) indifferent to his emotions n feelings?
wil such a relationship every work? -
Thank you gal. Thank you for your much appreciated support and encouragement. *gratefulOriginally posted by spinsugar:I once had a relationship similar to yours. The man had just come out of a failed marriage and displayed symptoms almost identical to what you've described.
I realised later (after a clean break), that he was still not ready to handle a new relationship. He was still angry over losing his ex-wife, and he vented much of that anger on me.. sometimes it translated into unreasonable or juvenile behaviour in public. Like your lover, he also chased me out of his house (mine was at 3am in the morning!) when I teased him about something... it was over such a small thing that I cannot recall what it was about!
I broke up with him because I could see he was using to ease his pain during his in-transition period. Yes, he had been tender at times, and the lovemaking was mindblowing, but it dawned on me that it might just be his way of emulating what it would have been like to still be with his ex-wife, whom he was so used to. But ultimately, I chose to end the r/ship because I felt he wasn't worth it.
When men come out of a long relationship, they often have the most difficulty getting back on their feet. Your current man needs time to move on from his prev marriage. And U gotta decide whether or not he's worth the wait. =) Power to you, whatever path you take. -
Are you sure it's love between the 2 of you? Or is it just lust on his side? Why doesnt he get angry when you two are hugging and kissing? Why doesnt he get angry when you two are making love? Think about it....
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cant deny more ..as always we heard the one side onlyOriginally posted by dokono:this guy seems to be very possessive kind of person. he's weak becos he tried to control you too much. tell me: do you have a lot of guys chasing you last time?
dun accuse him of anything yet ok? we dun wan to jump into conclusions. we just want to see a common pattern emerging from his actions. just keep it to urself first. -
i think the lesser u say the better. have u noticed that no matter what u say he will just not be happy ? Maybe it's becos he's going thru a transition state but this man still has to control his emotions. He needs to have self-control which he doesn't have apparently. He sounds like a wounded animal. This man has a lot of ego blocking him now.Originally posted by vgal:so im to supposed to pretend that i dunno when i see him upset? and i m unhappy with something im supposed to pretend that i'm happy? Will that work?
Will i be later accused of:
1) bottling my grievances and not communicating?
OR?
2) indifferent to his emotions n feelings?
wil such a relationship every work?
The better way to show u like him will be through actions. Every time u see him unhappy, just brush away the subject, talk abt something funny(eg make fun of some actor like stephen chow?) and make him a meal or get him a drink or something like that? Like do something special for him? U must be ready to react fast. Just dun accuse and argue back. It gets worse and worse. U need to see a common trend from his own actions. -
we can't hear from the other side haha.Originally posted by ha8n:cant deny more ..as always we heard the one side only -
what do u mean not consistent ? what is so different from before?Originally posted by vgal:he juz messaged me early in the morning to tell me something about his past which was not consistent with what he had told me b4. and so i told him wat he told me b4 and said im confused. you know wat he said?
"Do you need to probe into my past with his wife on how they ended up divorce............... Actually do u realise u r a very probing person? Fact is i dun like people to probe esp when i din do anything wrong."
i replied " u msg me early in the morning to confuse me and tell me im probing when i clarified? Dont want me to ask then dun confuse me and then tell me im probing later." "
him: do u need to get so affected? it doesnt even concern u directly. N do u need to be so detail to want to know everything?
Hell no! he contradicts and expect me not to clarify? and when i clarify, accusing me of probing and want to know everything? Aint this unfair??!?!
How was he when he wooed u? Nice to you? -
maybe he wants to breakup with uOriginally posted by vgal:why is he like that? -
your bf very childish and immatureOriginally posted by vgal:Oh i remember now.
When we first started together, we went ECP to skate, stood outside Mac. He keep shaking the glass of Mac and i could feel the glass moving. then i asked him not to. He said the bunch of guys inside were shaking it first. and i was saying let them do it, dun 'dou' with them. he was so angry and we had a fight and he juz left and went home (we were supposed to go back tog). -
2 words. Dump HimOriginally posted by vgal:he juz messaged me early in the morning to tell me something about his past which was not consistent with what he had told me b4. and so i told him wat he told me b4 and said im confused. you know wat he said?
"Do you need to probe into my past with his wife on how they ended up divorce............... Actually do u realise u r a very probing person? Fact is i dun like people to probe esp when i din do anything wrong."
i replied " u msg me early in the morning to confuse me and tell me im probing when i clarified? Dont want me to ask then dun confuse me and then tell me im probing later." "
him: do u need to get so affected? it doesnt even concern u directly. N do u need to be so detail to want to know everything?
Hell no! he contradicts and expect me not to clarify? and when i clarify, accusing me of probing and want to know everything? Aint this unfair??!?! -
cant help but think that this is a lust relationship and not a love relationship.
he is very temperamental.
And i think both of u dun really understand and cant communicatate with each other well. -
Originally posted by vgal:he juz messaged me early in the morning to tell me something about his past which was not consistent with what he had told me b4. and so i told him wat he told me b4 and said im confused. you know wat he said?
"Do you need to probe into my past with his wife on how they ended up divorce............... Actually do u realise u r a very probing person? Fact is i dun like people to probe esp when i din do anything wrong."
i replied " u msg me early in the morning to confuse me and tell me im probing when i clarified? Dont want me to ask then dun confuse me and then tell me im probing later." "
him: do u need to get so affected? it doesnt even concern u directly. N do u need to be so detail to want to know everything?
Hell no! he contradicts and expect me not to clarify? and when i clarify, accusing me of probing and want to know everything? Aint this unfair??!?!
I recalled an old theory written in CloUdiSm ages ago (I think I will put a name to it someday and probably reclassify it under third Law of CloUdiSm) - it's about how people, who thought that they have been through much in Love, refusing to renew lessons and insisting on resuming where they previously left, despite being very unevolved.
We got to understand that a new relationship is a whole new experience, regardless of how vivid our past was. Loving your ex-girlfriend/wife is certainly different from loving your current one (Synastry explains this through different energies coming from different natal chart) But sometimes (especially so for divorced/separated cases or BGR of many years) because our emotions become so jaded and sombre, that we refuse to restart. We thought that we have invested so much over the years, only to find it a failure at the end of the day, therefore we must resume where we left and reluctant to begin all over again.
You see, chances are, you don't have to begin 'all over again' - you just need to begin from where your flaws surface and work hard on them. And for some people, that probably means the very beginning because this is how they have handled their relationship all through their life. And when you snowball this phenomenon, you can roughly guess how 'unmarriageable' he is because much unevolved personalities will prevent/hinder them to achieve a fulfilling relationship.
Man usually won't talk much about their failed relationship to the next woman of their life, especially so if the problems lies with them. Because it is not glorious and is a raw punch to their esteem. Sometimes, he just doesnÂ’t want to be reminded about this hidden self of his and continue to reiterate the behaviour subconsciously. In the end? He faces the same music and consequence all over again. He fails and fails, until he enlightens himself.
When I was young, probably about four- six years old, I have foul temper (Moon in Aries) and often beat up my older brother. When after I reached Primary school at seven, I self taught emotional control and reason with myself how futile it is to hit someone.
Then it became a past.
I overcome the subject of temper at the age of seven. And using myself as a measure scale; is your man willing to humble himself to explore his untouched emotions and learn what life has to teach him? Even if he has to 'return' to as young as seven and learn what I was learning back them?
If you want this relationship to work, you got to evolve him. And for that to happen, you have to reach inside of him and lift him out. He may or may not allow you to do that, but you could probably try. Be prepare for conflicts because your man will resist against your attempt and chances are, you may perish from trying and give up altogether, like what his ex-wife probably felt when she signed the divorce documents.
If you don't want to shoulder this burden, you may want to reconsider your decision in the near future.
P.S: If you want love somebody, grow along with him - have him/her walk beside and not behind you.
Cheers -
i believe i spotted the problems. pre-marital sex is a gamble for gals really. some guys will get bored of u after he "scored". Or he just using u for sex.Originally posted by vgal:he came over, and we made love.
gals who sleep with their bf are idiots. (this is my personal opinion as a guy) all my guy buddies have consensus on this: when a guy truly loves a gal, sex is the last thing on his mind. -
i still believe its the bad sex.
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it takes two to clap.
for an argument for occur, its takes 2 people.
firstly, your boyfriend is in the wrong cus he failed to control his emotions properly.
if he is in a bad mood, he can always say,"look, im in a bad mood now. i need to be alone" sort of stuffs.
being his understanding girlfriend, you can always leave him alone.
also, he has vented his anger onto you for two times (according to your msg) over trival matters.
so when he is in a good mood, talk to him.
tell him how you feel and how you dont want to be treated like.
on the contrary, you should also be more sensitive.
if he is frowning or he looks as if he is in a bad mood, then leave him alone and dont disturb.
if both parties are understanding and sensitive enough, a relationship will definitely work out. -
its because she/he/it does'nt use enough punctuations marks so it's quite blur what she meant lolOriginally posted by dragg:again i dont understand what you are trying to say. -
i guess that he i kinda taking advantage of ur understanding unknowingly.
The best way would be find him and tell him how u feel. Dun SMS or talk on the phone. Face to face Communication is the best way of communicating. Not only it tells the person how u feel, it also make the person felt how you feel through body language.
He might in the wrong.. but what if he thinks the same way like u? Do u both understand each other? Do u think that he is always in the wrong? Do u even try to think if u did something that makes him angry?
This is just my POV.