Why is he like that?
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your bf a bit sot, childish with "wanna win" character leh. Wanna challenge with some guys over this. He got nothing better to do meh. Can feel that he's sensitive, inferior, paranoid, and in his own world of illusions. He strongly believe those guys were out to challenge him. I wonder with his kind of attitude, how will he be able to survive in the working society? Next time you will hear he resigning because of trivial issues with his colleagues in his company.Originally posted by vgal:Oh i remember now.
When we first started together, we went ECP to skate, stood outside Mac. He keep shaking the glass of Mac and i could feel the glass moving. then i asked him not to. He said the bunch of guys inside were shaking it first. and i was saying let them do it, dun 'dou' with them. he was so angry and we had a fight and he juz left and went home (we were supposed to go back tog).
Last time I got one newly joined staff who go round telling people I shouted at him. In fact I didn't and the most I did is brief him firmly on what his jobscope is and what he's suppose to do for the day. When I found him very unsuitable for my departments (sleeping halfway during the course of work etc, slacking in work etc) , I transferred him to out of my departments, as I cannot unconfirm his probation and ask him out of the Company right away. Thus my fellow colleague got this problematic guy in her departments. Then later she told me this guy never listen to instructions, and prefer doing his own ways. I wanna tell her if a particular staff is ok and can do work, will I release him out of my departments meh. Oh ya this guy resigned within two months. This guy used to be from the IT industry and got retrenced.
Back to your topic>> Luckily you have a good temper if not you'll be fighting with him. -
maybe u are just an sex object to him?Originally posted by vgal:he came over, and we made love ? -
he might want to act he the one in control in the relationship and he purposely flare up to show that how "MAN" is he and he will regret a few days later i am sure
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this is just a 1-sided story so ya.
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ya, different, he was very nice.Originally posted by dokono:what do u mean not consistent ? what is so different from before?
How was he when he wooed u? Nice to you?
Inconsistent as in the timing he knew he ex gf (the after his divorce). He used to say tat he met her after his divorce. This morning he text me and told me he met her b4 the divorce. wouldnt u clarify or using his words, probe? -
he texted me many times to ask me go out today.Originally posted by qooorange:maybe he wants to breakup with u -
you know wad...Originally posted by vgal:he texted me many times to ask me go out today.
he doesnt sound like he loves u.......
maybe u fitted his bill of a woman diff from his ex-wife.. or just wanted u to fill the void in his life. -
that what he said! why don't you learn more about him from his ex-wife? his ex-wife might be bias but at least she able to give you the other side of the stories about his previous marriage, hence give you a better picture of what kind of man he is. you don't have to believe 100% of what his ex-wife said but you can analyse, think and make decision based on the info given by her.Originally posted by vgal:Frustration from the marriage with an indifferent wife.
there are always reasons of why things happened. your bf failed marriage is no exception. -
agree. communication is the best way to learn about each other. if you can't communicate with him, chance are your will not last long with him.Originally posted by bazi:Hi, after reading your topic, i decided to registered myself to be a member of sgForum. I am very new here and hope u guys will spare me if i say something wrong.
I am a man, i have a failed marriage b4 but i get remarried and even have a son now. I beleived what ur bf going thru rite now is the failed marriage sydrome that i once gone thru. I think he has a bad experience b4 and now he became very sensitive towards new relationship. My word of advise is if u love him, give him some probation time or sit down with him and have a 1-1 heart to heart talk. Tell him ur opinion of him and get his opinion of u! Thrash things out, couples need communication, is 2 way traffic. u don't suffer in silent, bring the topic out to him and c what he says..... -
How to ask the ex wife? would you befriend the bf of your ex gf out of the blue? remember, women are petty.Originally posted by mark_docent:agree. communication is the best way to learn about each other. if you can't communicate with him, chance are your will not last long with him. -
does he always like to bring up his ex-wife everytime when he's with you?Originally posted by vgal:ya, different, he was very nice.
Inconsistent as in the timing he knew he ex gf (the after his divorce). He used to say tat he met her after his divorce. This morning he text me and told me he met her b4 the divorce. wouldnt u clarify or using his words, probe?
When you are together with him, just ask him not to bring up the subject of the ex-wife. It seems he just cannot let go. I mean, will he be happy if you always bring up the subject of you previous bfs? Let him know that. What is most important is that the 2 of you are happy together. -
From a guy's POV:
1) DUMP HIM.
2) Even as a guy, I can't tolerate his attitude. DUMP HIM
3) NO GUY WILL ASK HIS GIRL TO LEAVE AT 1:30AM, NO MATTER WHAT REASON! DUMP HIM!
4) Sorry to say this, but seems to me he's using u for you-know-what. Protect yourself and DUMP HIM!
5) Even if we do get his side of story, I can't really think of any possible reasons to justify his actions. DUMP HIM!
so yeah... in short... DUMP HIM!
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Hallo, vgal,
I believe there are two excellent advices in this thread, from the man who divorced, and the woman who was with someone who divorced.
I think your BF syndrome is very much due to that.
I dont think it has anything to do with childishness, selfishness, ego, dominance, etc said by the rest of other people.
Perhaps it's hard to imagine, but a divorce can seriously set a man off his balance. A man will be in terrible self doubt, agony, hurt, disappointment, feel a failure, and carry extra difficulties from friends, family, and relatives.
As you mention also, he just got a new job.
This is double whammy.
I imagine he is very much in a sensitive state right now. Not only is he divorced, but he is also trying to settle into a new career, get a footing.
A career for a man is important, an identity.
He is trying to re-establish his footing, his life.
Also read his SMS, he said he's at a different stage.
So....with this condition....
When you talk to him, hey how come you hide eating noodles here? It may be a joke for you, since you are happy, but it will bring him into a state, a state when he was in pain, when he was quarreling with his wife, and when he is presently still in recovery from agony. Your small joke is a stinging critisism to his ears.
How should I put it......like when you rub salt, a healthy person can take a bath with salt, it's nice for the skin. But imagine someone with cuts, and takes a bath with salt and rub it on the skin, it will be painful.
Same like your jokes, it's nice for you because you are healthy, but painful for him, because he have cuts.
Simply......you have to remember that he is nursing his hurt....cuts all over.....
So.....try to tune in to his frequency, try to be more patient, more sensitive.
If it's hard on you....since the frequency tuning may be too wide.....then perhaps you can consider giving him more time to heal.......
Because I believe it might be a little unfair for you also if you must tune the frequency too wide for him.....so consider if you need to give him some time to heal (aka temporary breakoff).
Best wishes,
#$%^&* -
Thanks for your wishes.Originally posted by #$%^&*:Also read his SMS, he said he's at a different stage.
His 'different stage' meant that he is in a stage where he does not want to have problems in a relationship, he juz wants peace, laughter and happiness, i think. -
Hi,Originally posted by vgal:Maybe wat u say is true. But im wearing out. i no longer feel the anger that i once had from his action, or the hurt that i once had. Not numb yet, cos im still puzzling.... i think.
If u r not angry/hurt by his action, dats mean u r no longer CARE! In this case, why r u still wif him? I m not encourage u to break up wif him, btw.
Woman r sensitive, u shld know whether he loves u. The way he talk to u, care abt u or even when u have "S#X" wif him. Btw, couples make love, not having s#x, there is a big diff.
I think u need a break.... don't stress urself up. It is quite difficult to advise u thru' forum. U shld get some close fren and talk to them, or even siblings....
U r mature enough to judge, stay in a clear mind n u'll b alrite!
Last tips to stirr up ur mind... CAN U C UR FUTURE WIF HIM?
Take care! U hv my blessing..... -
looks like a fantasy story where the victim
always online -
U are quite an understanding gf but the guy jus does'nt cherish it
no offence jus my point of view
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The boyfriend may not have the ability to see the messy situation he's in?Originally posted by Komon:U are quite an understanding gf but the guy jus does'nt cherish it
no offence jus my point of view
He made the decision though.
But it doesn't mean he wanted those(arguements) to happen. -
something like thatOriginally posted by M©+square:The boyfriend may not have the ability to see the messy situation he's in?
He made the decision though.
But it doesn't mean he wanted those(arguements) to happen. -
i think i cant do it,Originally posted by dokono:i think the lesser u say the better. have u noticed that no matter what u say he will just not be happy ? Maybe it's becos he's going thru a transition state but this man still has to control his emotions. He needs to have self-control which he doesn't have apparently. He sounds like a wounded animal. This man has a lot of ego blocking him now.
The better way to show u like him will be through actions. Every time u see him unhappy, just brush away the subject, talk abt something funny(eg make fun of some actor like stephen chow?) and make him a meal or get him a drink or something like that? Like do something special for him? U must be ready to react fast. Just dun accuse and argue back. It gets worse and worse. U need to see a common trend from his own actions.
i think i deserve better.
i think i can do better as an understanding and fun gf rather than a act-blur clown.
maybe i dun love him that much. -
Originally posted by Yunhaier:
I think i dun have the time. Or maybe i juz dun have the patience.
I recalled an old theory written in CloUdiSm ages ago (I think I will put a name to it someday and probably reclassify it under third Law of CloUdiSm) - it's about how people, who thought that they have been through much in Love, refusing to renew lessons and insisting on resuming where they previously left, despite being very unevolved.
We got to understand that a new relationship is a whole new experience, regardless of how vivid our past was. Loving your ex-girlfriend/wife is certainly different from loving your current one (Synastry explains this through different energies coming from different natal chart) But sometimes (especially so for divorced/separated cases or BGR of many years) because our emotions become so jaded and sombre, that we refuse to restart. We thought that we have invested so much over the years, only to find it a failure at the end of the day, therefore we must resume where we left and reluctant to begin all over again.
You see, chances are, you don't have to begin 'all over again' - you just need to begin from where your flaws surface and work hard on them. And for some people, that probably means the very beginning because this is how they have handled their relationship all through their life. And when you snowball this phenomenon, you can roughly guess how 'unmarriageable' he is because much unevolved personalities will prevent/hinder them to achieve a fulfilling relationship.
Man usually won't talk much about their failed relationship to the next woman of their life, especially so if the problems lies with them. Because it is not glorious and is a raw punch to their esteem. Sometimes, he just doesnÂ’t want to be reminded about this hidden self of his and continue to reiterate the behaviour subconsciously. In the end? He faces the same music and consequence all over again. He fails and fails, until he enlightens himself.
When I was young, probably about four- six years old, I have foul temper (Moon in Aries) and often beat up my older brother. When after I reached Primary school at seven, I self taught emotional control and reason with myself how futile it is to hit someone.
Then it became a past.
I overcome the subject of temper at the age of seven. And using myself as a measure scale; is your man willing to humble himself to explore his untouched emotions and learn what life has to teach him? Even if he has to 'return' to as young as seven and learn what I was learning back them?
If you want this relationship to work, you got to evolve him. And for that to happen, you have to reach inside of him and lift him out. He may or may not allow you to do that, but you could probably try. Be prepare for conflicts because your man will resist against your attempt and chances are, you may perish from trying and give up altogether, like what his ex-wife probably felt when she signed the divorce documents.
If you don't want to shoulder this burden, you may want to reconsider your decision in the near future.
P.S:[b] If you want love somebody, grow along with him - have him/her walk beside and not behind you.
Cheers [/b] -
We are not idiots. I had got bfs who still loved me after we had a relationship (with the definition from the bible).Originally posted by clementius:i believe i spotted the problems. pre-marital sex is a gamble for gals really. some guys will get bored of u after he "scored". Or he just using u for sex.
gals who sleep with their bf are idiots. (this is my personal opinion as a guy) all my guy buddies have consensus on this: when a guy truly loves a gal, sex is the last thing on his mind. -
Thank you. But i do not have a good temper, really. i just wanted to make the relationship work.Originally posted by Phoebie:Luckily you have a good temper if not you'll be fighting with him.
i fully understand that you cant have 2 angry people in the relationship at the same time. So when he was angry, i rather take a step back and be patient. But, this cant be happening all the time. Like someone said, he rather be angry/fight with me than to lose face. my patience is wearing thin. -
Maybe. My package looks like a good 'catch' i think.Originally posted by Steph84:you know wad...
he doesnt sound like he loves u.......
maybe u fitted his bill of a woman diff from his ex-wife.. or just wanted u to fill the void in his life. -
Yes, i have been thinking of this. Consciously and unconsciously been thinking the whole week. Think i cant be with a man i cannot be myself, cannot communicate, or the matter joke, freely.Originally posted by bazi:Hi,
If u r not angry/hurt by his action, dats mean u r no longer CARE! In this case, why r u still wif him? I m not encourage u to break up wif him, btw.
Woman r sensitive, u shld know whether he loves u. The way he talk to u, care abt u or even when u have "S#X" wif him. Btw, couples make love, not having s#x, there is a big diff.
I think u need a break.... don't stress urself up. It is quite difficult to advise u thru' forum. U shld get some close fren and talk to them, or even siblings....
U r mature enough to judge, stay in a clear mind n u'll b alrite!
Last tips to stirr up ur mind... CAN U C UR FUTURE WIF HIM?
Take care! U hv my blessing.....
Thank you for your blessing