2 months before wedding and ...
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Bingo. Thats the general feeling I have also.Originally posted by Gedanken:Uhhh, buddy, don't take this the wrong way but I think you've got much bigger things than relatives to worry about right now. The situation's fundamentally flawed, and I fear that anything you do would be like slapping a Band-Aid on a cancer patient.
Come on lah... which parents dont worry? A wedding dinner will stop them worrying? They most likely will sigh more and shake their head and try to hide their faces from their relatives to have their children 'show off they are married and then be seen that the couple are doing so badly.'
So whats next? have babies to show the relatives that the family can reproduce? -
Guy feels even forgoing the dinner and without kids, things are not going to get better with the current situation. So, is it a gone case?
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This topic may go into 5th page yet threadstarter still ask the same question...
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Yes pretty much gone case.Originally posted by OutOfIdeasHusband:Guy feels even forgoing the dinner and without kids, things are not going to get better with the current situation. So, is it a gone case?
Follow my recommendations on previous page -
Thanks. I will see what happen during the counselling.
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The most important thing is not the dinner, ROM, divorce, separation or whatever.
The most important thing is: Does Gal like Guy a lot(or at least have any feelings) and likes to be with him through thick and thin? -
i believe that if one's heart is not settled, still want to have fun and experiment it out in life (worse if it is flings that he/she wants), it would usually be a tragedy if he/she forcefully settles down. The urge to have fun will explode one day. It is a matter of time.
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Yes.Originally posted by OutOfIdeasHusband:So, is it a gone case? -
Yes, unless you are willing let her fly and experience the world, have a few flings and relationships. One day, when she is tired, and if she still misses you, she may come back to you.Originally posted by OutOfIdeasHusband:So, is it a gone case?
Are you willing to accept that? -
b + c.Originally posted by OutOfIdeasHusband:Once, there is this guy A (33) , and this gal B (29). Gal B is a very sporty type, enjoy outdoor, the sun. Guy A is an indoor type, likes to stay at home and relax.
Guy is first bf for Gal. Gal is 2nd for Guy.
They are together for 2 years, before getting ROM. Before the ROM, the gal kick up a fuss and pick problems with the guy. All in the hope that the guy will find the gal irritating, and call off the ROM. After the ROM, the gal became havoc and stay out with frens, wanted to have fun. The guy kept quiet and the gal told the guy she regretted doing the ROM. The guy wore the wedding ring, the gal didn't. She still introduce the guy as "boyfriend". A month or so later, the guy stopped wearing the ring.
Some months later, they became ok, and they got a HDB. The guy took care of the reno, while the gal worked till late at night. They moved in together. After 1 year, the guy requested to have a traditional wedding dinner. The gal, fearing the same thing happen during ROM, would not like to have it. She needed more time for convincing herself. So, they had a quarrel over it. The guy relented and did not push further.
3 years have gone. Guy called the gal "Wife". Gal called guy "Hubby". In the 3 years, they went travel yearly, had fun doing stuffs together. Both had change for each other, guy became more outdoor, and gal loves to be with the guy. During this time, there are no big arguments or quarrels.
Gal went searching for wedding venues, and showed to the Guy. The guy wasof cos, very happy. They went and decided on the venue, and got the wedding package. They had a great day with the photoshoot. Inivitations were printed as well.
2 months before wedding. Gal went for a night outing with frens, and the Guy called her a few times to return as it is late (11pm ~ 3am). The gal became angry. They quarrel. The gal wanted to call off the wedding dinner. The guy knew she is purposely doing the same thing so as to call off the dinner. Guy asked her. She said she is still not committed. She is not sure He is the one. She feels something missing, as if waiting for another guy to appear.
Now, both guy and gal is feeling miserable. Gal wanted to have sometime alone to think about what she really wants. Guy is waiting. There are options :
a) Wait for Gal to be ready for traditional wedding dinner, could be 1 year, 2 year, never?
b) Forget about the wedding dinner. (Guy want dinner, think parents (both) also)
c) Go for counselling (Guy suggest)
d) Divorce for Gal freedom. She can goes to search for her perfect husband.
What do you think?
I ask you what's yuor reason for marriage?
And hope you let the reason be love.... -
Gal seem pretty imature given that she's already in her late 20s.
I say do away with her, let her 'have her time' and think things over. There's no need for the guy to call her up every now and then to ask how shes doing or if shes reached a decision. The guy will be better off without her imo, he should just move on and find the one that respect the 'bond'.. -
Careful on advising. Possible doesn't necessarily implicates.Originally posted by dokono:It's possible that a girl can be with you but her heart might not with you. That's my point. Yep.
I've seen and heard people who often mention that they've seen or experienced certain things themselves... But no... That doesn't necessarily means that the same thing should happen to the others... Just because you've came across it yourself
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Guy hopes to proceed to the next stage in life. To work together for a common goal: financial freedom, family (in a natural way).Originally posted by Devil1976:b + c.
I ask you what's yuor reason for marriage?
And hope you let the reason be love....
Guy's belief that more than love is required as a couple progress. Responsibility and commitment for each other must be there.
Guy has answered his own question. Commitment is a must. -
Hmm. So girl is not avoiding or fearful of marriage directly? Just perhaps afraid of missing out on the taste of 'love' and its original recipe...?Originally posted by OutOfIdeasHusband:Gal is happy that Guy wrote, but Gal feels only when problem arise, then each other will try to do something special for him/her.
Gal had wanted to go to pre-marriage long ago, but Guy does not want. Only when problems, then start going counselling. Guy feels guilty about it now. Maybe Guy and Gal definition of marriage is different.
Gal is skeptical of upcoming counsel.
And of course, the other half of the story is likely to be already defined by Yun....
Yet you've not been exactly giving us the whole picture... As to why she wanted a life of her own even after the marriage... Because you've been living a world of your own to an extent...? You do understand that it's just difficult to set things in balance this way...? -
Then let guy understand that a marriage is an issue of 2 people being together and not just of his own thoughts and beliefs... Afterall, his wife is also alive and thinking... Only respect and mutual understanding can bring 2 people closely in harmony...Originally posted by OutOfIdeasHusband:Guy hopes to proceed to the next stage in life. To work together for a common goal: financial freedom, family (in a natural way).
Guy's belief that more than love is required as a couple progress. Responsibility and commitment for each other must be there.
Guy has answered his own question. Commitment is a must. -
Guy loves his computer too much. Obsessive in playing computer game, leading to neglect in wife at home at night.
Ok, Gal is patient with Guy, but guess there is a limit to everything. -
If you ain't thinking the right way, it probably won't beat no thinking at all...?Originally posted by OutOfIdeasHusband:Guy feels even forgoing the dinner and without kids, things are not going to get better with the current situation. So, is it a gone case? -
Things gets interesting from now on.
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Rite.....so it will only goes without thinking.Originally posted by Devil1976:If you ain't thinking the right way, it probably won't beat no thinking at all...?
Sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex is required.
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aha...maybe this is the problem?Originally posted by OutOfIdeasHusband:Guy loves his computer too much. Obsessive in playing computer game, leading to neglect in wife at home at night.
Ok, Gal is patient with Guy, but guess there is a limit to everything.
no girls like to be neglected by their bfs, esp one that is abt to become her husband (I mean basically they are already legally husband and wife, just short of the wedding dinner only rite?). So the neglect causes her to think twice, to start questioning if she has made the right choice. And she might have told this problem of hers to some other frens and they mite have made comments that influence her thinking, hence causing her to want to call off the wedding?
I think you should spend more time with her...maybe she is having the pre-marriage blues...go for counselling if possible, then have a good talk with each other. Good luck
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wah so fast ah.Originally posted by rainee:aha...maybe this is the problem?
no girls like to be neglected by their bfs, esp one that is abt to become her husband (I mean basically they are already legally husband and wife, just short of the wedding dinner only rite?). So the neglect causes her to think twice, to start questioning if she has made the right choice. And she might have told this problem of hers to some other frens and they mite have made comments that influence her thinking, hence causing her to want to call off the wedding?
I think you should spend more time with her...maybe she is having the pre-marriage blues...go for counselling if possible, then have a good talk with each other. Good luck 
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so fast? i m referring to the threadstarter's situation wor...Originally posted by M©+square:wah so fast ah. -
Hi there.Originally posted by OutOfIdeasHusband:Guy loves his computer too much. Obsessive in playing computer game, leading to neglect in wife at home at night.
Ok, Gal is patient with Guy, but guess there is a limit to everything.
Perhaps the best is for the Guy and Gal to be totally honest (be it painful) to each other during the day of counsel. That, will help a lot and might even bring your relationship to a deeper level. I have a recommendation for an excellent marriage counselor, if you wish to have more choices. My wife and i did our pre-marriage prep with this person. Let me know if interested and i can PM you his contact.
i am in favour of the opinion that there is still a choice. A choice to forgive and to love (both ways and not one way). The rest of the other choices are really secondary. Perhaps i, being someone who had walked the painful path of divorce, tend to caution anyone against walking that path.
Finally, in a marriage, trust must first be given before it can be earned and not the other way round.
All the best !
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IMO,
In a relationship, no problems will arise becoz of only One party's factor contribution. It's More
or Less factors only. You won't realise ... that indirectly, each of UR's action is the result of the other's behaviour. Perhaps the "image" you both projected to each other ... is not way it should be ... Both of you will simply reject each other's way of speech/words ... becoz the mindset has been imprinted that everything is against he/she ...
A conselling may work ... rephrase - The conselling will work, ONLY if both party are wiling to listen and accept what the councilor's advise, willing to work 2gether to save the Marriage ... IFn NOT ... it will just be a formality.
A couple, both he and she, must be MATURED enuff to understand, what is a Marriage, why they are in a Marriage, what is Communication, what is Commitment ... in order for them to walk the path down blissfully ... Do u both know, the oath you both took during the ROM, what it means? Is it from your heart? Will u honored it? If it's not, then it's no longer an oath, but just words - english words.
Remember, it's easy to go thru a Marriage, but never easy to go thru a Divorce.