2 months before wedding and ...
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Hi.
I wanna ask something abit OT and steal thread for a while.
What if its the girl who thinks you are the one, while the guy is
still in the 50-50 zone?
Ok fine.
The guy is me. I am looking forward to a career and money, with some buffer after
getting a HDB, but she is looking forward to marriage and house and everything
almost right away.
My job requires me to travel, and I feel that now is not the time to settle down
yet.
What would you do? -
how old are you? how old is she?
what do you not want to get married? Are you being fair to her?
Does she knows about it? Is she still waiting?
When then do you want to get married? Do you want kids? Does she?
There are millions of questions. More details? -
She is in NTU 2nd year and I am a high pay bangalah as S/W engineer in cheapo
Taiwanese Corporate who sucks life and blood.
I have thought of marriage, but no matter what, not now, not in near future.
While she hopes to get married when she grads and become a stay home mum!
NB! Study so much to be stay home mum!
Well, if I can afford, I would like her to be a stay home mum though.
Have 3-4 kids and I just work like hell to pay for everything.
The bulk of my query is that she determines me as "Neo: The one!" while I
am using the 50-50 chance in who wants to be a millionaire.
It's 100% not fair to her, and I feel bad about it.
Or, am I like the gal in threadstarters topic, worried about commitment! -
There are many cases where the lady has lost feelings for their guy for some reasons. The guy should consider this possibility and include this possibility on the top of other reasons. In my opinion it's a very important factor in a relationship, other than the girl's maturity. To me, the girl seems fine except of low romantic feelings for the guy.Originally posted by Devil1976:Careful on advising. Possible doesn't necessarily implicates.
I've seen and heard people who often mention that they've seen or experienced certain things themselves... But no... That doesn't necessarily means that the same thing should happen to the others... Just because you've came across it yourself
From TS's posts there are many weird things that the Gal has said to the Guy. To me, it smells of trouble and of low feelings. We do not know what the guy did other than neglecting her girl. We do not yet know the full story. We do not want to be with someone whose heart is not with us right?
That's my point.
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Question for Guy : Did you ever have a heart to heart talk with the Gal on the above points that you highlighted?Originally posted by OutOfIdeasHusband:Once, there is this guy A (33) , and this gal B (29). Gal B is a very sporty type, enjoy outdoor, the sun. Guy A is an indoor type, likes to stay at home and relax.
Guy is first bf for Gal. Gal is 2nd for Guy.
They are together for 2 years, before getting ROM. Before the ROM, the gal kick up a fuss and pick problems with the guy. All in the hope that the guy will find the gal irritating, and call off the ROM. After the ROM, the gal became havoc and stay out with frens, wanted to have fun. The guy kept quiet and the gal told the guy she regretted doing the ROM. The guy wore the wedding ring, the gal didn't. She still introduce the guy as "boyfriend". A month or so later, the guy stopped wearing the ring.
Some months later, they became ok, and they got a HDB. The guy took care of the reno, while the gal worked till late at night. They moved in together. After 1 year, the guy requested to have a traditional wedding dinner. The gal, fearing the same thing happen during ROM, would not like to have it. She needed more time for convincing herself. So, they had a quarrel over it. The guy relented and did not push further.
3 years have gone. Guy called the gal "Wife". Gal called guy "Hubby". In the 3 years, they went travel yearly, had fun doing stuffs together. Both had change for each other, guy became more outdoor, and gal loves to be with the guy. During this time, there are no big arguments or quarrels.
Gal went searching for wedding venues, and showed to the Guy. The guy wasof cos, very happy. They went and decided on the venue, and got the wedding package. They had a great day with the photoshoot. Inivitations were printed as well.
2 months before wedding. Gal went for a night outing with frens, and the Guy called her a few times to return as it is late (11pm ~ 3am). The gal became angry. They quarrel. The gal wanted to call off the wedding dinner. The guy knew she is purposely doing the same thing so as to call off the dinner. Guy asked her. She said she is still not committed. She is not sure He is the one. She feels something missing, as if waiting for another guy to appear.
Now, both guy and gal is feeling miserable. Gal wanted to have sometime alone to think about what she really wants. Guy is waiting. There are options :
a) Wait for Gal to be ready for traditional wedding dinner, could be 1 year, 2 year, never?
b) Forget about the wedding dinner. (Guy want dinner, think parents (both) also)
c) Go for counselling (Guy suggest)
d) Divorce for Gal freedom. She can goes to search for her perfect husband.
What do you think?
That should be the first step. you guys are married and should try to communicate to solve problems together and come to an understanding... -
complicated issue hor
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Does she knows your intention?Originally posted by shrekho:She is in NTU 2nd year and I am a high pay bangalah as S/W engineer in cheapo
Taiwanese Corporate who sucks life and blood.
I have thought of marriage, but no matter what, not now, not in near future.
While she hopes to get married when she grads and become a stay home mum!
NB! Study so much to be stay home mum!
Well, if I can afford, I would like her to be a stay home mum though.
Have 3-4 kids and I just work like hell to pay for everything.
The bulk of my query is that she determines me as "Neo: The one!" while I
am using the 50-50 chance in who wants to be a millionaire.
It's 100% not fair to her, and I feel bad about it.
Or, am I like the gal in threadstarters topic, worried about commitment!
Maybe you should really let her know and try to work something out from there...?
When you mentioned '50-50'... Is that your feelings for her or your willingness to commit...? -
As you've mentioned, we do not know the full story... So why be too quick in drawing or even proposing a conclusion?Originally posted by dokono:There are many cases where the lady has lost feelings for their guy for some reasons. The guy should consider this possibility and include this possibility on the top of other reasons. In my opinion it's a very important factor in a relationship, other than the girl's maturity. To me, the girl seems fine except of low romantic feelings for the guy.
From TS's posts there are many weird things that the Gal has said to the Guy. To me, it smells of trouble and of low feelings. We do not know what the guy did other than neglecting her girl. We do not yet know the full story. We do not want to be with someone whose heart is not with us right?
That's my point.
Considering a scenerio as a possibility is one thing... Suggesting it as the scenerio is another...
Yes, but the girl is having troubles and probably uncertainty.. But of which sort? How could we be too quick to decide that her heart is not with him? To 'condemn' her too soon?
Have you considered that the fact if what you've suggested is not quite true, what negative thoughts you might be installing to our TS? Is that being fair to him and his wife -
I personally find thread-start still sugar coating his messages.
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Originally posted by viciouskitty74:Rite.....so it will only goes without thinking.
Sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex is required.
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Apparently it makes cyanide easier to swallow.Originally posted by M©+square:I personally find thread-start still sugar coating his messages.
No matter how you dress it up, when all is said and done, decisions are best based upon what one thinks, not what one feels. Review the facts and circumstances objectively before assessing the situation. -
Hey yo...Originally posted by Devil1976:Does she knows your intention?
Maybe you should really let her know and try to work something out from there...?
When you mentioned '50-50'... Is that your feelings for her or your willingness to commit...?
50-50 as im 50% commitment, 50% ideal wifey....
Problem is that I love to look around and disturb people.
Worst part is that i travel.
Sometimes, the girls out there out shine my gf, but morals tell me that I am a
happily attached ogre.... I am a happily attached ogre... But, am I?
How would you know if you and her are the one? I heard is a feeling thing.
NB.. I love Money more than anything else leh!
I -
I understand your concern that it might be negative and what I said is not nice. Because the truth is sometimes not nice to hear.Originally posted by Devil1976:As you've mentioned, we do not know the full story... So why be too quick in drawing or even proposing a conclusion?
Considering a scenerio as a possibility is one thing... Suggesting it as the scenerio is another...
Yes, but the girl is having troubles and probably uncertainty.. But of which sort? How could we be too quick to decide that her heart is not with him? To 'condemn' her too soon?
Have you considered that the fact if what you've suggested is not quite true, what negative thoughts you might be installing to our TS? Is that being fair to him and his wife
It's not about drawing a conclusion la. It's about being objective and we have to face the facts and not try to avoid it. It might be painful but it makes us stronger.
Most of the time, the woman's feelings towards the guy have been neglected and they WILL NOT tell you they have no feelings nor will it be printed on their foreheads. Most people dread to think about it. They can think of thousands of reasons but still refuse to include that the girl has low feelings. Why? Because the male ego is too strong. Simple as that.
Women do not even know it themselves. I have been saying many times the woman's feelings towards the guy is the most important and usually the guy doesn't know it themselves, whether it has been dropping.
Im not suggesting it to be a scenario. It is a very real possibility. Romantic feelings do fade. It must be considered. It forms the basis for every r/s.
Now, Im not accusing or condemning the girl. In fact it is not the girl's fault. It's very natural that feelings can fade. It is in the female's nature. How can she stop herself from losing feelings? It's not within her control. Love is not logical, at least to them.
It can be due to many reasons and I feel that the threadstarter did not tell us enough information. It can be he neglected her or did not date her or he was too clingy or he tried to control her or she might not have loved him before the ROM or other undisclosed reasons.
I did not conclude that ''her heart is not with him'' but I said consider this as a top possibility. Why do I come to this line of thinking? Im analysing everything based on facts. She said "she is not sure if He is the one" if you remember. She also asked him to ''find another girl'' if you also remember. Why would some one you assume ''loved'' you say this? Shouldnt that hit something in your gut feeling? Any guy can sense something is wrong when his lady said something like this. He will just feel something is not quite right.
In fact there are quite a few forumers who agree to this line of thinking. eg. Marcuz1977
Again, threadstarter: I do not want to accuse your lady and I am not trying to instill negative feelings to you. You just have to be objective and not let your own feelings dictate your judgement. Like what Marcuz1977 said, observe your Gal during the counselling. But during the counselling process, she will not tell you "I have lost feelings for you". But what she says is some way or another signalling that her feelings for you might had fade. Eg. Things like what you did or didn't do. Only you yourself can feel what is actually happening. -
then let go of her and concentrate on ur career? Since it is not fair for her if u dun love her dat much after all?Originally posted by shrekho:Hey yo...
50-50 as im 50% commitment, 50% ideal wifey....
Problem is that I love to look around and disturb people.
Worst part is that i travel.
Sometimes, the girls out there out shine my gf, but morals tell me that I am a
happily attached ogre.... I am a happily attached ogre... But, am I?
How would you know if you and her are the one? I heard is a feeling thing.
NB.. I love Money more than anything else leh!
I -
i can summarize with 5 letter
B I T C H -
yeah its a drag to read the posts and the picture is always going to be fuzzyOriginally posted by M©+square:I personally find thread-start still sugar coating his messages.
So the poster also does selective reading as well.
There are a lot of problems going on and it seems that its a little late to ask questions of this sort at this point of their r/s. So I wonder what is the real deal. -
You never know...Originally posted by vincentchean:i can summarize with 5 letter
B I T C H
Your summary skill cmi leh. -
I think i'm just like your wife. So i pulled the plug 5 months into the relationship and dropped the guy.
2 main reasons
1) Love - I felt that i don't love him. I even question myself did i ever love him before. There is something really seriously wrong when your boyfriend tell you I love you and you cannot reply him or say the same things back to him because you are unsure if you love him. This carried on for 3 months and i cannot take it longer. So i pulled the plug.
I dun wan to use him and find another guy, and dropped him like dirt when I find someone new. It's unfair to him cause he is a very nice guy and loves me a lot. I don't want to make use of him and feel guilty. I'm already feeling very guilty and couldn't be happy when i was with him. So no point carrying on a relationship, where i torture myself and in turn torture him. In the end, nobody is happy and people around us are miserable too. He refused to let go in the beginning but due to my insistance, he have to let go.
2) Compatibility - I feel that we are not suitable. ANd he is not the kind of guy for me -
But it isn't fair to her at all if I break up with her for no reason.Originally posted by rainee:then let go of her and concentrate on ur career? Since it is not fair for her if u dun love her dat much after all? -
Gal went out last night with fren. Guy didn't call, as to give her more time.
After Gal came back (about 10), Guy just asked casually how is everthing. Gal seems ok. After a while both went to bed and sleep, and cuddle. Everything seems normal.
This morning, Guy sms gal and able to carry on a usual type of sms messaging. Gal also ask guy if guy want to join for a trip to Malaysia over the weekend (Gal had asked 1 week before). Malaysia outing is with Gal's fren.
It is quite impossible to describe the whole situation in many details. It would probably bored everyone.
Anyway, tomorrow is the counselling day. See what Guy feels after the meeting. -
Personally, I think the issue is not about whether 'yuou and her are the one'.... The thing is... She can only be 'the one' if you allows her to....Originally posted by shrekho:Hey yo...
50-50 as im 50% commitment, 50% ideal wifey....
Problem is that I love to look around and disturb people.
Worst part is that i travel.
Sometimes, the girls out there out shine my gf, but morals tell me that I am a
happily attached ogre.... I am a happily attached ogre... But, am I?
How would you know if you and her are the one? I heard is a feeling thing.
NB.. I love Money more than anything else leh!
I
Ultimately it's not about 'the one', 'the two' or 'the three'.... It's about what you want in life...? People do often outshine each other in one way or another... But are those girls out there willing to be so attached to you like your gf do...? To do the things that your gf is prepared to do for you...?
Know what you want in life.... -
Originally posted by dokono:
What you've mentioned MIGHT be suggestive of the truth, but need not necessarily be anywhere near to reflective of the truth...
I understand your concern that it might be negative and what I said is not nice. Because the truth is sometimes not nice to hear.
It's not about drawing a conclusion la. It's about being objective and we have to face the facts and not try to avoid it. It might be painful but it makes us stronger.
Most of the time, the woman's feelings towards the guy have been neglected and they [b]WILL NOT tell you they have no feelings nor will it be printed on their foreheads. Most people dread to think about it. They can think of thousands of reasons but still refuse to include that the girl has low feelings. Why? Because the male ego is too strong. Simple as that.
Women do not even know it themselves. I have been saying many times the woman's feelings towards the guy is the most important and usually the guy doesn't know it themselves, whether it has been dropping.
Im not suggesting it to be a scenario. It is a very real possibility. Romantic feelings do fade. It must be considered. It forms the basis for every r/s.
Now, Im not accusing or condemning the girl. In fact it is not the girl's fault. It's very natural that feelings can fade. It is in the female's nature. How can she stop herself from losing feelings? It's not within her control. Love is not logical, at least to them.
It can be due to many reasons and I feel that the threadstarter did not tell us enough information. It can be he neglected her or did not date her or he was too clingy or he tried to control her or she might not have loved him before the ROM or other undisclosed reasons.
I did not conclude that ''her heart is not with him'' but I said consider this as a top possibility. Why do I come to this line of thinking? Im analysing everything based on facts. She said "she is not sure if He is the one" if you remember. She also asked him to ''find another girl'' if you also remember. Why would some one you assume ''loved'' you say this? Shouldnt that hit something in your gut feeling? Any guy can sense something is wrong when his lady said something like this. He will just feel something is not quite right.
In fact there are quite a few forumers who agree to this line of thinking. eg. Marcuz1977
Again, threadstarter: I do not want to accuse your lady and I am not trying to instill negative feelings to you. You just have to be objective and not let your own feelings dictate your judgement. Like what Marcuz1977 said, observe your Gal during the counselling. But during the counselling process, she will not tell you "I have lost feelings for you". But what she says is some way or another signalling that her feelings for you might had fade. Eg. Things like what you did or didn't do. Only you yourself can feel what is actually happening.[/b]
Pardon if I seems to be snapping at you, as I often is reluctant to comment on others' comment. My point is so that TS would not take it in a negative manner which might really complicate things if happens.
Since you've already put up your stand to the TS, I have nothing to add.
Have a nice day. -
The things that I want are materialistic.Originally posted by Devil1976:Personally, I think the issue is not about whether 'yuou and her are the one'.... The thing is... She can only be 'the one' if you allows her to....
Ultimately it's not about 'the one', 'the two' or 'the three'.... It's about what you want in life...? People do often outshine each other in one way or another... But are those girls out there willing to be so attached to you like your gf do...? To do the things that your gf is prepared to do for you...?
Know what you want in life....
Right now is money, career and power.
Power to have a change and say in many things.
Power to change the lives of people around to be a better one.
Power to really boycott policies made for civillians.
Absolute power and money.
Aas for GF.... errmmm..... perhaps you are right when you
say I allow her to make me "The One" .
But I am Shrek, not Neo leh..... -
I agree.Originally posted by OutOfIdeasHusband:Gal went out last night with fren. Guy didn't call, as to give her more time.
After Gal came back (about 10), Guy just asked casually how is everthing. Gal seems ok. After a while both went to bed and sleep, and cuddle. Everything seems normal.
This morning, Guy sms gal and able to carry on a usual type of sms messaging. Gal also ask guy if guy want to join for a trip to Malaysia over the weekend (Gal had asked 1 week before). Malaysia outing is with Gal's fren.
It is quite impossible to describe the whole situation in many details. It would probably bored everyone.
Anyway, tomorrow is the counselling day. See what Guy feels after the meeting.
Let's wait till tomorrow then we continue with the discussion. -
Hey dude, it is not that I want to maintain my stand or what. No offense if I sound like Im bragging but it is the truth most of the time. The woman's feelings is the decider of many things.Originally posted by Devil1976:What you've mentioned MIGHT be suggestive of the truth, but need not necessarily be anywhere near to reflective of the truth...
Pardon if I seems to be snapping at you, as I often is reluctant to comment on others' comment. My point is so that TS would not take it in a negative manner which might really complicate things if happens.
Since you've already put up your stand to the TS, I have nothing to add.
Have a nice day.
But it is nice that you highlighted what I suggested as concern for the threadstarter. At least we get to see many sides of the picture.
Threadstarter: don't get me wrong here. I am against divorce. Try to save your marriage as much as you can. We are here to help.
Cheers