2 months before wedding and ...
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Ok, Guy appreciate all the advise. Situation seems negative. But Guy feels that "dono" has his own points, Guy will take note.
Nobody will be able to fully understand the situation, because Guy simply cannot put every details down. Guy only put down what guy think is a clue to something, but not sure if it is a clue.
Guy actually wanted to have lunch with Gal and then go to counselling, Gal said she go there meet better. Gal said colleague treat lunch.
Is guy over suspicious that gal has already made up her mind to break? -
It's not looking good, pal. Look, do what you can - if things don't work out, at the very least you'll have a clear conscience.
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Today is the big day.
All the best to Guy. -
Cut it short, the guy need to understand if this r/s can't work dun force it. Dun mind the ring, the flat and all the money or even the love and effort he has put in. Short pain is better than regrate forever, wait till they have child is even worst. She is to many of us had said immature and to me she is not the one for the guy. Guy must learn to let go, gal need to know what she really want.
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Well... I see no point in me trying to contribute too much else as I see that you hold quite a strong belief within yourself.....Originally posted by shrekho:The things that I want are materialistic.
Right now is money, career and power.
Power to have a change and say in many things.
Power to change the lives of people around to be a better one.
Power to really boycott policies made for civillians.
Absolute power and money.
Aas for GF.... errmmm..... perhaps you are right when you
say I allow her to make me "The One" .
But I am Shrek, not Neo leh.....
Just some personal advices for you..
With higher power should come a higher responsibility... Power. Use. Abuse. Or be abused by it?
Absolute power and money doesn't necessarily gives you absolute love. In fact, it just often blurs the vision of it.... -
Hope you got what you want.Originally posted by shrekho:The things that I want are materialistic.
Right now is money, career and power.
Power to have a change and say in many things.
Power to change the lives of people around to be a better one.
Power to really boycott policies made for civillians.
Absolute power and money.
Aas for GF.... errmmm..... perhaps you are right when you
say I allow her to make me "The One" .
But I am Shrek, not Neo leh..... -
Ok, during the counselling session, Gal was frank about her commitment not 100%, she might stray. She is concerned of her freedom (base on the late night outing that day). Gal feels Guy is great, close to perfect. She knows she might be alone forever if they were to be separated. No guys are after her now, maybe not even later, she feels so.
EDIT: Gal said she feels Guy and Gal are like normal housemates. When they get home, Guy do his things, Gal do her things. (thought this might help in analysing the issue)
Guy said its more on the concern. Anyway, the greater problem was on the commitment and not about the freedom.
Counsellor said from the Gal's point of view, it seems like Gal wanted "Out" of the relationship. Gal said she is not sure.
Counsellor said Guy and Gal are very different, 1 indoor, 1 outdoor. Counsellor said to go back and think about 5 common things both enjoy doing and return later.
Guy and Gal agree 5 common things are difficult. They will think together. Guy feels even they can come out with 1000 common things, but does it help to solve the commitment issue? Sigh... -
Okay, the seed of doubt has been planted and definitely budding.
Guy, think, explore options & good luck.
Gal, think, explore what is done and possibly get over those stuffs fast or she will be losing out a great guy. -
Gal can do saturday morning gym, follow by afternoon cycling till night.
sunday can go out run, swim or skate.
Gal is signing up all types of running events.
Then on weekdays, running up to 3 times a week, swiming once/twice a week.
Is this a type of obsession?
Gal basically have a lot of things to do during weekends. If gal ever stays at home, she will maybe get bored and go to sleep.
Guy no longer has the mood to play computer games. No games for the last week. Guy just watch TV while Gal surf net in the living room.
Things have been going as normal between Guy and Gal. Still going out during weekend. -
make a baby
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jia jia you ben nan nian jing....Originally posted by qooorange:make a baby
I really sympathise your situation. Now already so bad, wont hving a baby add on more burden? Think twice...solve the current situation before falling into bigger problem. I think you two are incompatible too. Gal doing outdoor activity while guy indoor, their different activities has driften them further apart. Not knowing each other. But, no 2 person in earth are 100% compatible. If she is so headstrong, you become a follower, do you like it? I am sure you must be suppressing your anger all this while. Why not separate for a while, make yourself disappear, I am sure she will miss you and want you back bcos there is no potential guy already...but what if you are happier without her around? Then make yourself disappear forever lor.
Note that ROM is already considered married..that's the fact. Traditional marriage is nothing but acknowledgement.
By law, you are already considered husband and wife. Make your choice, disappear or stay...take care. -
If they want to get a baby, I strongly discourage divorce.Originally posted by qooorange:
make a baby -
Must think carefully, in the first place they are not ready yet.Originally posted by qooorange:make a baby -
Hey YoOriginally posted by OutOfIdeasHusband:Gal can do saturday morning gym, follow by afternoon cycling till night.
sunday can go out run, swim or skate.
Gal is signing up all types of running events.
Then on weekdays, running up to 3 times a week, swiming once/twice a week.
Is this a type of obsession?
Gal basically have a lot of things to do during weekends. If gal ever stays at home, she will maybe get bored and go to sleep.
Guy no longer has the mood to play computer games. No games for the last week. Guy just watch TV while Gal surf net in the living room.
Things have been going as normal between Guy and Gal. Still going out during weekend.
How was the counselling?
Is it working? Going on fine? -
At home still doing their own things individually as the girl has mentioned? Doesn't solve the problem yeah?Originally posted by OutOfIdeasHusband:Gal can do saturday morning gym, follow by afternoon cycling till night.
sunday can go out run, swim or skate.
Gal is signing up all types of running events.
Then on weekdays, running up to 3 times a week, swiming once/twice a week.
Is this a type of obsession?
Gal basically have a lot of things to do during weekends. If gal ever stays at home, she will maybe get bored and go to sleep.
Guy no longer has the mood to play computer games. No games for the last week. Guy just watch TV while Gal surf net in the living room.
Things have been going as normal between Guy and Gal. Still going out during weekend.
Choose something in between? Guy possible to join girl for jogs and such? Maybe not all the time but at least be with her for part of the schedule which she deems quite important in her life style?
Need more sparks in life and enthusiasm toward each other... Girl likes guy as a good guy but needs more than just a 'computer boy'.
As counsellor has mentioned, more common activities or topics to share in life? -
r/s out of convenience...
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Was chatting with my sister just now.
And it brings to mind another old couple. So here is their story.
They marry young, they have children young. Now, they are in their 50s and lots of free time on their hand.
Wiffey will always follow Hubby out on any touring trip, even though she is terribly uncomfortable riding pillion on his sports bike.
because, she knows her hubby is a player, everytime go tour, sure will find opportunity to find young pretty gals to spend the nite with.
She makes the effort to stick to her man, literally.
Thread starter has no children to which the couple can have a common ground with. Except with their HDB flat, but both arent doing the same kind of things together.
I have another couple, that has 2 computers in one bedroom, face to face, they will go online together, one playing games, another one just surfing the net and checking emails.....hope it helps.
Or sometimes, just one sitting at the sofa reading the book and the other one on the PC. Thats how they define together time. Together, but doing their individual things. Sticking together.
Its the company and presense that might help glue each other together.
Ever hear this: 2 friends sitting together at a porch. They may not be saying anyting togethre, but they still feel like that is the best conversation they ever had?
Err....i forgot wat it was, but can someone bring up the actual words for that scenerio? -
It's your heart that speak for itself, if love doesn't exist whatever you do is meaningless. ROM and divorce is just a piece of paper, two person coming together and stay forever is by love and it need effort to make it last. Determination and will to do it. If you let money to determine love, well you can say bye bye to it.
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It's the X=factor, they call it the feeling.
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Wow... I learnt alot from this thread because I am ignorant of many things discussed here.
To TS:
5 common things you and your wife both enjoy does not seems to "help" solve the issue on the surface, BUT have you wonder why the counsellor want you two to do that when he/she/it can ask you two to do so many other things?
A couple are together so they can both do thing together and enjoy each other's company. My GUESS is that the counsellor is trying to use this to build up a situation to help you two repair the current issue. But do not force yourself to find 5 things your wife loves doing and accomodate her. You are cheating yourself this way and this is NOT what the counsellor wants.
A counsellor's job is to help both of you find the root of the problems and you two are to remedy it. If you or she cheated the way through, then it defeats the purpose of going for counselling.
Frankly speaking, this is out of my league for I am young and foolish in this. The counsellor is doing a fine job to help both of you. Period.
To shrekho:
You want career and $$$, your GF wants commitment and family.
I can't advice you much on this, but I can give a suggestion, WHICH you can ignore: Tell her what you want (the career and $$$ stuffs) and let her tell you more on what she wants. THEN give both yourselves a time frame IF you two agrees to it.
This time frame can be long or short. Say three years?
Why? This time frame is for you to set your goals on your career and for her to test her resolve on her love and commitment towards you. Sounds abit unfair you are not using it to test YOUR resolve and commitment for her right?
It may seems to be unfair but it also at the same time test your feelings towards her and your passion for career. During the time frame any of you may change. Perhaps you find that all your career moves are good but you lack something. Something vital that it seems incomplete in your life. You have no satisfaction earning millions or such, then you think of her. OR for her case, she may think that having a career herself may be a new excitement? She won't have so much inkling of being a housewife as she initially thought she wanted to be.
You two can still date and have fun. Call each other, sms, msn, email, send letters, etc, etc during the time BUT the main topic is still the time frame. You two have decided to give a certain time to think about these issues and marriage and such are out of the way during this period.
Once the time frame is up, meet up and assess the whole situation again. Recall back during the period on what you did, how you felt and what things changed. Maybe by that time you are not as career-minded as you used to be? Or she is more adventurous than before? Maybe the love is even stronger because you two seldom meet up due to you travelling alot? Or there are more not so idea situations by then?
Its up to you and her really. You both want to make things happen, some form of sacrifice has to be made first. Its basically the "time makes love grows fonder" thing, or it can be the other way round...
In any case, I pray for all of you to handle your issues the best way possible and you all be happy and have peace at heart no matter the outcome.
Cheers. -
Thanks Bo. Anyway, we went out for KTV session last evening. We enjoyed it. Dinner has been postpone.
We will continue going for the counselling, maybe we may attend marriage preparation course. I do not know how long it takes, in the end, it may turns out I am the one who wants out. -
That is good! Whatever happens, NEVER lose hope. Do your best and we support you, man.Originally posted by OutOfIdeasHusband:Thanks Bo. Anyway, we went out for KTV session last evening. We enjoyed it. Dinner has been postpone.
We will continue going for the counselling, maybe we may attend marriage preparation course. I do not know how long it takes, in the end, it may turns out I am the one who wants out.
& if "bo" is being refered to mee, I tink its better to address my nick as Bonta.
Coz many ppl bo sim call my nick as botak, botan, bosim, boliao, bobo char char, etc, etc... -_________________- -
Great to hear that you enjoyed the KTV session! Find more things in common that you enjoy. That will build more togethernessOriginally posted by OutOfIdeasHusband:Thanks Bo. Anyway, we went out for KTV session last evening. We enjoyed it. Dinner has been postpone.
We will continue going for the counselling, maybe we may attend marriage preparation course. I do not know how long it takes, in the end, it may turns out I am the one who wants out.
Why would you suddently think that you might be the one wanting out? -
There is only so much hurt, and sadness, and despair one can endure.
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Straight to it...make yourself disappear. If you miss her after a year, reunited with her or else disappear forever (could be legally). We make our own choice - to live a life in agony or not
