How to please him?
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Sigh~ Sigh~ Sigh~Originally posted by spink^gurl:i stayed overnite at his hse e whole weekend, im so sad he juz sae he wan to go out and ask me to dress up and get a cab hme. didnt even lemme shower.. keep sae its too late..
i tinks he wont ask mi to eat dog poo, i know he wun. im nt a hooker. i juz want a good bf to acc me, tok to me, make me happi, y is tat so veri hard?
to all the ppl who scold mi, happy life to u all, go lead ur happy lifes, thanks! i tink im going to end my life soon the den i tink ur comment is horrible, y do i haf to login and c all tis he wun pickup my cal, he wun answer my sms, his mum scold mi when i cal his hse
Girl... be logical... suicide is definitely NOT an option...
You wrote into the forum, hoping to find someone to AGREE or AFFIRM what you are doing is right... unfortunately, in your case, it's been a clear-cut case that you have been badly abused... and apparently you are the only person who don't think so.
Seems like to me your boyfriend is about to drop you soon.
Let me ask you a question... Deep down inside you... do you think he really really loves you? Or is he making use of you?
Don't waste your emotions on someone who's undeserving of your love... you have loved him well, just that this time round, he didn't love you back the way you should be loved...
But that's not the end of the road... You'd just need to pick up the phone... call a good friend... cry it out... and face the fact that this time it just didn't work... but you did your best...
Babe... if you ever need listening ears... just PM me... Life is beautiful... as long as you give yourself a chance to see it... -
thats not nice to say...Originally posted by NewAge:Nope! Dump the threadstarter she need to wake up and WAKE UP QUICK LAH. -
YEAH.Originally posted by M©+square:Which i've specifically mentioned. They are not ready.
Which leaves possiblity of them accepting advices at later stage?
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he is juz angry.. he dun mean it de... after he shout at mi he wld sae sorri... so its ok ba...Originally posted by Magnus:spink^gurl ,
I was shock to read what you went thru.
I speak for every man here in the forum, If a guy truly loves his women, no matter how angry, would never slap or get physically abusive.
Both of you are not even married, & he can treat you this way??
I'm not saying he's wrong. You also plays a part in condoning his behaviour, why did you give yourself to him readily?? You cheapen yourself.
You have lost all self-respect in his eyes & nothing's gonna change that.
Take care.
he keep asking mi whether i luv him or juz playing ard... of cos i haf to prove tat i luv him... no we dun use protection for sex... he sae he wld be careful nt to shoot inside...
its ok for all of euu to scold him.. somtimes hes still a gd bf... last time he was better but im so scare to tinks of life wifout him -
how does he react when u ask him out for a date?
his response... etc.. does he get irritated when u try to kiss him. -
M© hereby announce that this thread will no longer be read by him.
All the best guys.
Cheers -
Originally posted by spink^gurl:he is juz angry.. he dun mean it de... after he shout at mi he wld sae sorri... so its ok ba...
No, this is not OK. Saying sorry is useless if he doesn't mean it.
he keep asking mi whether i luv him or juz playing ard... of cos i haf to prove tat i luv him... no we dun use protection for sex... he sae he wld be careful nt to shoot inside...
No, you have to realize that he is controlling you psychologically. He doesn't love you, he just want to have sex.
its ok for all of euu to scold him.. somtimes hes still a gd bf... last time he was better but im so scare to tinks of life wifout him
Why do you need him in your life? -
WHO?Originally posted by M©+square:M© hereby announce that this thread will no longer be read by him.
All the best guys.
Cheers -
i ask him where is he todae.. wad a big mistake... he scold me all type of rude tinks. But maybe its bcos he angry la so i cal back and say sorry. he oso sae next time dun make him angry. i sae okOriginally posted by imDANIEL:how does he react when u ask him out for a date?
his response... etc.. does he get irritated when u try to kiss him.
todae we nvr go out, he nvr cal mi, i scare to cal him cos i tink he still angry wif me. but im concern and msg him to ask him abt the fungus in the d*ck, whether he got take medicine? he reply and sae maybe i f*ck wif the boy in the office and gif him e fungus. but this boy and mi are oni colleague, hes a full time i oni temp... he sae dun let him catch mi talking to the boy. haiz last month he even cum and ask the boy which gang he frm..
he get irritated after sex, alway ask me to faster go dun dirty his bed
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pls add me on msn or something. PLEASE. i wnat to tok to u. i undersatnd what u are gg thru. plese lemme help u.
i wll pm u my addy and number.
*Loves* -
Aiya,your relationship now is something like habit alre n for him is a routine to meet u up ,have sex and give u money to go home.
YOu wun die without him one lar, u will feel damn hurt in the beginning but after a month or 2 you will be just fine.Go and do something you like further ur studies or learn a new skills and you will confirm be very happy one.
The best time to dump him is when he go into army
You know why i know all these?? cos last time i also abit bastard like him alway take things for granted,but i dun give my ex $$ to go home at least i sent her home but after that go chiong with my friends and sian other girls
After i went in ns she broke off with me and that was national day .
Was beri beri sad for 1 month even my oc also dun want to disturb mewent to ktv with buddies then seems like all the love songs is mend for me like the song name hou lai 
and andy lau songs qin shen da yi gue
But after 1 month, I ok alre -
you should go for a IQ TestOriginally posted by spink^gurl:i ask him where is he todae.. wad a big mistake... he scold me all type of rude tinks. But maybe its bcos he angry la so i cal back and say sorry. he oso sae next time dun make him angry. i sae ok
todae we nvr go out, he nvr cal mi, i scare to cal him cos i tink he still angry wif me. but im concern and msg him to ask him abt the fungus in the d*ck, whether he got take medicine? he reply and sae maybe i f*ck wif the boy in the office and gif him e fungus. but this boy and mi are oni colleague, hes a full time i oni temp... he sae dun let him catch mi talking to the boy. haiz last month he even cum and ask the boy which gang he frm..
he get irritated after sex, alway ask me to faster go dun dirty his bed -
im nt a silly or retarded gurl... i got 5As in my o levels okOriginally posted by ghimpheng:you should go for a IQ Test
two yrs is nt a short time, i feel veri normal to meet up wif him after work (last time is studies), then maybe go his hse to watch dvd if his parents are nt hme, or go out to where he wans to bring mi. i cannt understand y ishe so mad these few mnths? have i becume stupid to make him angry all e time? i nt purposely one lors, is sumtimes i so tired but he stil wan sex... if i dowan he sae im sleeping with mi colleague in the office.
yesterday i saw his condition on his privat*s but dun dare to ask him if he take his medicine? -
Seriously, I'd recommend that you get some professional counselling and therapy. Your core belief of relationship is distorted.Originally posted by spink^gurl:im nt a silly or retarded gurl... i got 5As in my o levels ok
two yrs is nt a short time, i feel veri normal to meet up wif him after work (last time is studies), then maybe go his hse to watch dvd if his parents are nt hme, or go out to where he wans to bring mi. i cannt understand y ishe so mad these few mnths? have i becume stupid to make him angry all e time? i nt purposely one lors, is sumtimes i so tired but he stil wan sex... if i dowan he sae im sleeping with mi colleague in the office.
yesterday i saw his condition on his privat*s but dun dare to ask him if he take his medicine? -
his penis is infected and you are still have unprotected sex with him?Originally posted by spink^gurl:im nt a silly or retarded gurl... i got 5As in my o levels ok
two yrs is nt a short time, i feel veri normal to meet up wif him after work (last time is studies), then maybe go his hse to watch dvd if his parents are nt hme, or go out to where he wans to bring mi. i cannt understand y ishe so mad these few mnths? have i becume stupid to make him angry all e time? i nt purposely one lors, is sumtimes i so tired but he stil wan sex... if i dowan he sae im sleeping with mi colleague in the office.
yesterday i saw his condition on his privat*s but dun dare to ask him if he take his medicine?
If you did not sleep around, then probably he might have, rite, gal?
You want a change in the current horrible situation? Let me teach you what to do. The next time when he hits or scolds you very unreasonably,
Step 1: walk away.
Step 2a) Either don't answer his calls for 3 days AT ALL; or
2b) tell him you want to break off.
If he still have the slightest feelings for you, it might give him time to think about the situation. Try to use this opportunity to earn back your respect.
If he does not come after you, he is gone case already. No loss to you gal. remember, during this process, have dignity. ok?
Meanwhile, during the 3 days or the breakup, you may think there is nothing you can do or will feel bored. Meet up with friends, or if no friend, meet up with the people from AA esp the gals. Do not fall prey into other men with ill-intentions cos you will be the most vulnerable then.
This is called 'yi tui wei jin'.
I wish you good luck. -
This is the article I have got from a website and hope that'll help you to identify the trend of an abusive relationship.
No respect, no relationship
We look for relationships so that we can share part of our lives. In a good relationship the partners support each other, sharing the good times and helping each other through the tough ones.
When someone matters deeply to us, and those intense feelings of love and respect are returned, it enables us to face the world with confidence.
Things will not always go smoothly. Building and maintaining a healthy relationship needs a commitment from both partners to work at it.
But it is worth it, because in a good relationship people feel good about their partner and good about themselves.
Not all relationships work that way, no matter how much we might want them to. When there is violence or intimidation the relationship can become very destructive and physically and emotionally dangerous.
While every person's experience of an abusive relationship will be different, there are some common patterns of controlling behaviour and abuse, which are often evident before the relationship becomes physically violent:
Possessiveness
- checking on their partner all the time to see where they are, what they're doing and who they're with
- trying to restrict where they can go and who they can see
Jealousy
- accusing their partner of being unfaithful or flirting without good reason
- isolating their partner from family and friends, often by rude and objectionable behaviour
Put downs
- humiliating their partner, either publicly or privately by attacking their intelligence, their looks or capabilities
- constantly comparing their partner unfavourably with others
- blaming the partner for all the problems in the relationship
Menace & Threats
- yelling, sulking and deliberately damaging things that are of importance to their partner
- threatening to use violence against their partner, the partner's family, friends or even a pet -
Continuing on from my previous post ......
ItÂ’s not OK
ItÂ’s not OK to be physically threatened or scared into things which make you uncomfortable or unhappy, just because you are in a relationship.
CarolineÂ’s Story
I was with my boyfriend Matt for a year and a half. At first, I thought he was ‘the one’ – we used to have such a great time when we went out together and he was always telling me how special I was. But then he changed. He’d get really paranoid and jealous and think I was cheating on him. He was always yelling at me. After a while it felt like I couldn’t do anything right, he was angry with me all the time. One time after we’d been to a party we had a huge fight. He said I’d been coming on to one of his mates, and he slapped me hard across the face. After that, it got worse. Mum was really worried about me. I tried to make excuses for Matt but she said it was Matt who had the problem. My best friend told me the same thing. I talked to a counsellor and she explained that if I was so special to him then he wouldn’t hurt me. If he really cared about me, he wouldn’t hit me. I have a new boyfriend now. He really respects me. Sure we argue sometimes. But we have a great relationship where we can both talk about things honestly. It feels good and I feel good.
Sharon and DaveÂ’s Story
It all started a couple of months after our daughter Emma had started seeing Michael. We didn’t like him because we thought that he was too possessive. She stopped seeing her friends so she could be with him, but he would still get jealous, and yell at her if she did something he didn’t like. We found it difficult to talk to her about it – when we said something, she would say he only got jealous because he loved her. We didn’t want to interfere, because we didn’t want her to sneak around and see him without us knowing, but the whole relationship just didn’t seem right. His behaviour was having an impact on the whole family. His angry moods got worse, and one day she came back from a weekend away with cuts and bruises. After that we called a relationship counselling line, and they really helped. They helped with ways to approach Emma and talk to her about Michael’s abusive behaviour, and help her understand that she wasn’t to blame for his actions. When Emma broke it off, we helped by taking his phone calls for her. Now things are back to normal – Emma feels good about herself and is doing really well at uni.
It’s not OK to be put down and pushed around – shoved, hit, slapped, kicked, punched. No one deserves to be treated this way. No one should use violence – or the threat of violence – to make you do what you don’t want to do.
ItÂ’s not OK for someone to use the excuse that they are tired, stressed, over worked or under financial pressure as a reason for their violent behaviour.
Breaking the cycle of violence
A violent relationship may not be violent all the time. Some of the time, violent people treat their partners very well. They can be very loving and sorry for their violent behaviour. It can make it hard to see whatÂ’s really happening. There is a strong chance that the violence will get worse over time and the relationship more abusive.
After a violent incident, it’s common for both the abusive partner and the victim to try and make it OK – make excuses, apologise, promise to change. But there is no excuse for this behaviour and just saying sorry is not good enough. Sometimes the violent person will blame the victim – “it wouldn’t happen if you did what I said”.
Things may settle down for a while – the abuser may feel guilty, the victim may try to go along with whatever they want. Usually it’s only a matter of time before the build-up to violence starts again.
For someone who is experiencing violence in a relationship, things can feel very confusing, especially if this is their first relationship. They may try to make excuses, think of it as an isolated incident or something that only happened because their partner was drunk or stressed. They may not be sure what behaviour to expect from a partner.
People subject to violent abuse can begin to think that the violence is their fault. They might start to try to fit in with whatever their partner wants, even if it makes them uncomfortable. They might feel scared that their partner will hurt them if they try to leave.
SophieÂ’s Story
I had a close friend in school called Rachel. We were quite good friends through school and uni, where she met Marcus. He was a popular guy but had a violent temper. It became pretty clear that he was knocking her around. The stories sheÂ’d make up to explain the bruises were pathetic. She was always making excuses for him. She was a really bright girl but when Marcus dumped her she just went to pieces. She dropped out of uni and ended up living with Ian. Ian was just like Marcus. Somehow she seemed to think she didnÂ’t deserve any better. It was impossible to see her without Ian being around and he was so rude. I guess I just gave up and we lost touch.
I heard from one of our other school friends that Ian just got more and more violent. But Rachel just couldnÂ’t bring herself to leave him - the last beating was so bad she ended up in hospital. I never had the courage to talk to her about Marcus or IanÂ’s abusive behaviour. I sometimes wonder what would have happened if I had. Maybe I could have encouraged her to talk to the police or a counsellor about what was happening. Maybe I should have tried to make her understand that she wasnÂ’t the problem - that she didnÂ’t deserve to be treated like that, and most men are not like that.
Breaking up any kind of relationship is hard to do, but it can be particularly hard to leave a violent boyfriend or partner.
When you are frightened and your selfesteem is low, it can be hard to find the strength to leave. ItÂ’s sometimes easier to hope that things will change for the better. Too often they donÂ’t.
But the first step in changing things is to understand whatÂ’s been happening is wrong. Even if your boyfriend or partner says they care about you and you care about them, itÂ’s not OK to be treated like this.
Talk to someone
Listen to your feelings and trust them – if something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. Talk to someone who cares about you. Talk to your Mum or Dad, a family member, a friend, or someone in your community like your doctor, your teacher, your local religious leader, or call the campaign Helpline for confidential advice.
Find someone you trust and tell them about whatÂ’s happening to you. DonÂ’t feel ashamed or embarrassed.
You are not responsible for somebody else’s violent behaviour. Your first responsibility is to yourself – get safe and stay safe.
If you want to talk to someone about your relationship or you want help to get safe, the contact points provided in this booklet will help you find the right person to give you support. -
Sorry guys... it's a long one but it's the last one.... just hope this will give the threadstarter an idea of the situation she is in....
ItÂ’s a crime
It can be hard to accept that someone you care about has deliberately hurt you. WeÂ’re not just talking about hitting. Abuse can also include using force or fear to make you do things that you donÂ’t want to do.
Perhaps more than at any other time in our lives, it is during adolescence and the early adult years that we seek out new experiences which help us understand who we are and what we want.
Sometimes this can involve getting caught up in high-risk situations.
Forcing someone to have sex when they donÂ’t want to, or forcing them into having sex by making them think they will be harmed if they donÂ’t, is a serious criminal offence.
• The definitions and labels differ slightly - in some states this offence is called ‘rape’, in others it is called ‘sexual assault’, ‘sexual intercourse without consent’ or ‘sexual penetration without consent’.
• ‘Sexual assault’ in everyday language is a general term, which includes rape, but also other offences such as indecent assault.
• Sexual assault does not necessarily involve violence, for example it can be touching a person in a sexual way without the person’s consent.
Sexual assault and violence against women is a significant problem.
No means no
BrettÂ’s Story
The police say they are going to charge me with sexual assault.
I met Julia at a party – I really liked her. We started going out but she was pretty old-fashioned about sex and stuff. I guess I was a bit more experienced than her. She said she didn’t want to go too far. It really bugged me that she got to make all the decisions. Sure she had said “no” that night when I finally went all the way. But I just thought if she was really my girlfriend and really cared about me she could do what I wanted for a change. Afterwards, she was really upset and crying, but I thought she’d get over it. She told her parents and they went to the police.
IÂ’ve tried to explain that I was pretty drunk, but the police say thatÂ’s no excuse. My mum is taking me to see a counsellor for guys. But I am really scared about whatÂ’s going to happen.
Being someoneÂ’s boyfriend doesnÂ’t give you the right to decide what they should do. And nothing gives you the right to use force.
Communicate
Communication is key for all relationships. Surveys report that boys in particular are anxious about communication. Many feel that they need to “have a few drinks” before they are able to talk to girls. Sometimes they might need help to find more positive ways to handle shyness and the fear of rejection.
Without communication there can be no real relationship. If communication is poor or not valued, negotiating the boundaries of the relationship will be difficult, if not impossible.
Poor communication can lead to conflicting expectations, especially about sex. Sex without consent is sexual assault - there is no room for confusion.
Stay safe and play it safe
Sadly, most violence against women occurs within a relationship – that’s why learning how to build healthy relationships is so important. But trouble can happen outside relationships – with strangers or people you don’t know well.
We have all heard or read about horrible cases where young people find themselves in terrifying situations completely outside their control.
Think about the things you can do to keep safe and out of trouble.
Plan to go out and hang out in a group. Go with people you feel safe with and who you know have your best interests at heart.
Look out for yourself and your friends – good friends make sure that their friends are safe and make safe choices.
Have some transport plans to make sure you can get there and back safely.
Let someone know (parents, brother/ sister, housemate) where you are going, and when youÂ’ll be home. If your plans change let them know.
Alcohol and sex can be a dangerous mix. If you are not in control of yourself, you wonÂ’t be able to control the situation.
Remember if you are so drunk that you don’t know if the other person is consenting – stop. It could be rape. When you know that the other person is so drunk they may not be capable of giving consent – don’t do it – because this would be rape.
Agreeing to one type of activity such as kissing doesn’t mean there is a ‘green light’ for other sexual contact – remember it’s OK to change your mind and say “no” at any stage.
You shouldn’t stop being careful just because you know the person you’re with – you may not know them as well as you think.
DonÂ’t be alone and isolated with someone you donÂ’t know well.
If you start to feel uncomfortable, go with your feelings, and get to a safe place as fast as you can.
KylieÂ’s Story
I was lucky because my friends were there for me and looked after me. It wasnÂ’t like I didnÂ’t know him. HeÂ’d been at the pub before, we had talked a bit. He seemed an OK guy. He kept buying me drinks and I guess I was in a mood for partying, so I kept drinking them. Way too many, way too fast. He kept trying to get me to go outside. I didnÂ’t want to but we ended up in the car park.
I was frightened. I felt sick. I didnÂ’t want to be there. I didnÂ’t know how to get away. Tanya and Jo had been keeping an eye on me. They were worried IÂ’d had too much to drink. They noticed I wasnÂ’t inside and came looking for me.
They just told him I was drunk and they were taking me home. They got my bag and me into a taxi and took me home.
Good friends can make a big difference.
How to get help
Finding the right time and courage for you to talk about these issues is important.
Relationships are a key part of our lives.
The relationship experiences of young people can affect their whole lives because how people treat us affects how we feel about ourselves – not only now but into the future.
DonÂ’t be frightened to ask for help, especially if you or someone you know is in a violent relationship or has been exually assaulted.
Relationships may not be easy but they should never hurt. -
Originally posted by honeymouse:
I like this. It is so true.
Relationships may not be easy but they should never hurt. -
nobody is silly or retarded.Originally posted by spink^gurl:im nt a silly or retarded gurl... i got 5As in my o levels ok
two yrs is nt a short time, i feel veri normal to meet up wif him after work (last time is studies), then maybe go his hse to watch dvd if his parents are nt hme, or go out to where he wans to bring mi. i cannt understand y ishe so mad these few mnths? have i becume stupid to make him angry all e time? i nt purposely one lors, is sumtimes i so tired but he stil wan sex... if i dowan he sae im sleeping with mi colleague in the office.
yesterday i saw his condition on his privat*s but dun dare to ask him if he take his medicine?
just that when you love someone so much till it hurts, your devotion and love for that special someone can blind you so much that you would do anything just to make that person happy.
if you really feel that your love for him is so strong and that you both will work out in the future, just follow your heart.
but of course, if you can also at the same time endure all that he is doing towards you now.
from the way you explain your story, i don't think that he would change any time soon.
it may get worst or better...
but life is simple, we all make choices and don't look back.
think it carefully, if he is the one that you want to spend the rest of your life with.
if you think it is worth it, then just follow your heart.
may you don't regret your decision.
cheers. -
Err... It's never advisable to anyhow give your contact number to someone you're not even familar with over the internet...?Originally posted by silent_lamb:pls add me on msn or something. PLEASE. i wnat to tok to u. i undersatnd what u are gg thru. plese lemme help u.
i wll pm u my addy and number.
*Loves* -
Originally posted by vgal:
i wun have the strength, the courage, the heart to do it? once i lost my hp the male colleague found it in the office, den he slap mi and sae i was a b*tch slping ard. i tinks tat situation onwards make him veri angry le... he was waiting at mi hse void deck when i reach hm.. in this case i ask got ask him was he worry, he sae juz dun make him angry again..
his penis is infected and you are still have unprotected sex with him?
If you did not sleep around, then probably [b]he might have, rite, gal?
You want a change in the current horrible situation? Let me teach you what to do. The next time when he hits or scolds you very unreasonably,
Step 1: walk away.
Step 2a) Either don't answer his calls for 3 days AT ALL; or
2b) tell him you want to break off.
If he still have the slightest feelings for you, it might give him time to think about the situation. Try to use this opportunity to earn back your respect.
If he does not come after you, he is gone case already. No loss to you gal. remember, during this process, have dignity. ok?
Meanwhile, during the 3 days or the breakup, you may think there is nothing you can do or will feel bored. Meet up with friends, or if no friend, meet up with the people from AA esp the gals. Do not fall prey into other men with ill-intentions cos you will be the most vulnerable then.
This is called 'yi tui wei jin'.
I wish you good luck.[/b]
he dowan to use protection, sae its nt veri comfy. but he oso sae he be careful.. act this advice is very similiar 2 the advice my male colleague sae... juz leave him... he wld help me.. im tinking how to help? im still ok mahs..
thereis no frends to meet anyway after work, so meet him lors. there are no frends to acc mi go out, so meet him and lethim decide where to go lors... last time when he jio me he got sae he veri hard to express his feelings... mabbe tats y bah? he oso mentions im lucky to haf a bf lyk him... protect mi.. -
tis too long i didnt finish... sori arOriginally posted by honeymouse:This is the article I have got from a website and hope that'll help you to identify the trend of an abusive relationship. -
But he does not sound like he is protecting you, my girl.Originally posted by spink^gurl:i wun have the strength, the courage, the heart to do it? once i lost my hp the male colleague found it in the office, den he slap mi and sae i was a b*tch slping ard. i tinks tat situation onwards make him veri angry le... he was waiting at mi hse void deck when i reach hm.. in this case i ask got ask him was he worry, he sae juz dun make him angry again..
he dowan to use protection, sae its nt veri comfy. but he oso sae he be careful.. act this advice is very similiar 2 the advice my male colleague sae... juz leave him... he wld help me.. im tinking how to help? im still ok mahs..
thereis no frends to meet anyway after work, so meet him lors. there are no frends to acc mi go out, so meet him and lethim decide where to go lors... last time when he jio me he got sae he veri hard to express his feelings... mabbe tats y bah? he oso mentions im lucky to haf a bf lyk him... protect mi..
What about ur colleagues? Are they ur friends too? -
i haf a male colleague.. always cum talk to mi..veri friendly, last time he found mi hp... but my bf dun lyk him de.. so oni talk in officeOriginally posted by dokono:But he does not sound like he is protecting you, my girl.
What about ur colleagues? Are they ur friends too?