who will u choose?
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the only thing wrong with B is the son i'm guessing.
i assume stable income means stable and sufficient.
problem is for B its like you have no feelings for him from the description, and the son might be aproblem as in can you accept him and him you etc -
Only you yourself can decide because I would advise you to choose with your heart - who do you love most? rather than with your head - who has better qualities to make a better husband?
Any one of us choosing will only be able to do so with our heads and not from the heart because we dunno who the candidates are.
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no no...choose mi...i'm in NS...no gambling habits..poly grad...will get a car in the future...and no son...looking for future wife...
lolz..choose mi..~? -
I know my answer sounds silly to some, but i will choose A. Why? Simply cos i love him.. . . U dun love B,let him find someone who does.With B's financial stability,it wun be hard,even if he has a son,nowadays modern society is more willing to accept that. . .. I still believe that love can overcome alot..Unless you say A does not love u..but according to u he does, gd luck
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wtfOriginally posted by silent_lamb:yes i definitely will.. im willing to take on hardships with him as long as he cherish me well.. and i have eaten alot of hardship so far alr.. sold 3 hp, pawn my jewellery, i even have to borrow money for abortion when im having he's baby..
but i do admit he's good to me in some ways too.. at least he did not leave me when i am sick ( i am seeking treatment for an eating disorder and depression )
i really dont know what to do.. i think it has become a bread or love issue in many sense alr..
he pop ur cherry
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Every case is uniqueOriginally posted by browniebaobao:why must stop contact?
Cannot be frens meh?
Is she selfish? I dun think so. -
Here's the problem.. What if she's willing to accept the man and the son BUT the son does not want to accept her..Originally posted by hisoka:the only thing wrong with B is the son i'm guessing.
i assume stable income means stable and sufficient.
problem is for B its like you have no feelings for him from the description, and the son might be aproblem as in can you accept him and him you etc
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*Groans* Oh the agony of choice....Originally posted by silent_lamb:Mr A:
1. been together with him for 2 years, when he is broke, in NS, never left him in lurch before
2. been taking me for granted for these 2 years until i seriously wanted to breakup with him, seeing that he is changing in some ways. except for gambling. (can borrow money from me to gamble even when very broke)
3. in ALOT of financial problems
4. unstable income
5. o'level graduate
6. one thing for sure: his love for me will not change
then when i am being disillusioned abt mr A, Mr B appeared..
Mr B:
1. stable income with a car
2. ite grad
3. good to me too
4. 25 with a son
Note: i am looking for a future husband.
Mr B loves me alot.. i like Mr B too but of cos i love Mr A much more after been thru so much with him.. but i jus feel tired abt worrying for money, his gambling habits.. everytime i get my pay or allowance, most of it goes to him.. im not a materialistic gurl but im jus tired of being broke.. but i still can't bear to let him go.. i have given my everything into this relationship with him..
who shld i choose? i am going crazy.. -
Yo Babe!Originally posted by silent_lamb:Mr A:
1. been together with him for 2 years, when he is broke, in NS, never left him in lurch before
2. been taking me for granted for these 2 years until i seriously wanted to breakup with him, seeing that he is changing in some ways. except for gambling. (can borrow money from me to gamble even when very broke)
3. in ALOT of financial problems
4. unstable income
5. o'level graduate
6. one thing for sure: his love for me will not change
then when i am being disillusioned abt mr A, Mr B appeared..
Mr B:
1. stable income with a car
2. ite grad
3. good to me too
4. 25 with a son
Note: i am looking for a future husband.
Mr B loves me alot.. i like Mr B too but of cos i love Mr A much more after been thru so much with him.. but i jus feel tired abt worrying for money, his gambling habits.. everytime i get my pay or allowance, most of it goes to him.. im not a materialistic gurl but im jus tired of being broke.. but i still can't bear to let him go.. i have given my everything into this relationship with him..
who shld i choose? i am going crazy..
I don't think anyone can tell you what to do... You have to decide your own destiny. But let me share my story. I was with a Mr. D for almost 3 years... I have lost count how much I have loaned Mr.D to pay up for his gambling debts... from EPL to World Cup... each debt comes in midto high four-digit amounts... and because he's on and off jobs, most of his living expenses were paid by me...
Everyone thought I must be mad... I guess I was... But at that point of time, I truly believed he loves me... afterall I did so much for him. He told me he will change... But he never did....
I though I could take the monetary stress and the objections from my family... I believed one day, he will lead a normal life... It's been 2 years since we broke off... He's still the same...
One thing I realise about habitual gamblers is that they will never change...
No asking you to dump him immediately... Just want you to face the facts bravely... after going through so much crap... after all the pain... you are just waiting for the sweet ending to come... the day Mr. A will finally wake up and be a real man...
Mr. B shouldn't even be in the picture... cos you have to make a decision for yourself... if you are going to leave Mr.A...
Be brave girl... sometimes... persistence doesn't pay off... life's as such...
Good luck! -
of course i mean frens only, nth more than that lah.Originally posted by dokono:haha..i don't want to get too personal here...
I did not say become strangers. Ok, for arguments' sake, friends are just friends, nothing more. Same status as your good male friends. Is that what you are trying to say?
Maybe you just want to be friends but would your ex want to be just friends? Have you considered that? Especially when you are already attached to someone new?
so if he dun mind remain as frens, and i dun mind, why not?
even if we are both attached, give each other blessings lor. -
I din see the 'son' part until now.
Hmm.. curious.. how old is his son? Is he divorced or what? Where's the mother of the son? Have you ever found out?
Either one you choose, there will be problem de. -
Im emphasising loyalty on both partners' part.Originally posted by browniebaobao:of course i mean frens only, nth more than that lah.
so if he dun mind remain as frens, and i dun mind, why not?
even if we are both attached, give each other blessings lor. -
you should choose Mr B. a guy with gamble habits are not reliable. well, they might just take ur money and ran off. although Mr b has a son. but does his son accept u? if he did. den u should comsider Mr B.
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Originally posted by dokono:Im emphasising loyalty on both partners' part.
im also emphasizing that being frens with an ex does not equate to not being loyal/faithful. -
You've got to make it very clear to Mr A that you're not going to put up with a detrimental habit such as gambling. See what his reaction's like.
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ok BBB notedOriginally posted by browniebaobao:
im also emphasizing that being frens with an ex does not equate to not being loyal/faithful. -
B is 25? i guess his son is still too young to object rite? mai tu liao.Originally posted by rach_wl93:you should choose Mr B. a guy with gamble habits are not reliable. well, they might just take ur money and ran off. although Mr b has a son. but does his son accept u? if he did. den u should comsider Mr B.
it will take a very major event to change A's gambling habit. Like when his gambling habit resulted in somebody's death or really cause irreversible harm to someone. and trust me, u're the most likely person to fill up that position. -
Originally posted by silent_lamb:Mr A:
1. been together with him for 2 years, when he is broke, in NS, never left him in lurch before
2. been taking me for granted for these 2 years until i seriously wanted to breakup with him, seeing that he is changing in some ways. except for gambling. (can borrow money from me to gamble even when very broke)
3. in ALOT of financial problems
4. unstable income
5. o'level graduate
6. one thing for sure: his love for me will not change
then when i am being disillusioned abt mr A, Mr B appeared..
Mr B:
1. stable income with a car
2. ite grad
3. good to me too
4. 25 with a son
Note: i am looking for a future husband.
Mr B loves me alot.. i like Mr B too but of cos i love Mr A much more after been thru so much with him.. but i jus feel tired abt worrying for money, his gambling habits.. everytime i get my pay or allowance, most of it goes to him.. im not a materialistic gurl but im jus tired of being broke.. but i still can't bear to let him go.. i have given my everything into this relationship with him..
who shld i choose? i am going crazy..
Probably neither.
Because you are making a choice between two, my dear.
Think not you can, direct the course of love, for love, If it finds you worthy, directs your course
Cheers -
btw, B is a divorced as he needs to ROM with the mom of his son first before they can put both their names in his son's birth cert. they will be in contact every week when the wife meets his son as the custody of his son is with B. his son is 4 years old and is quite friendly to me but i think he's too young to know who i am actually..
i alr told B that i will be 2 timing for one mth. during this one mth i will still gif A a chance. and he's ok with it, but he wants a DEFINITE answer in one month. he sadi he will not stand 2 timing after this one mth.. i hope things will really work out for me.. it's so hard to make a decision and be sure that it is the best one for me.. -
I'm gonna approach this objectively.
Have A tried counselling to get rid of the gambling habit? If not, go for counselling. Otherwise, forget the notion that A will ever change. Like Squiggly mentioned, habitual addicts (gambler, alcoholic, drugs) will not change. If they do, they would have done so.
And I would advise against going into relationship for a while if you intend to break up. Why? Because you would want to again look at relationship with another man objectively.
Love is such an abused concept.
The reason that you are here is because you're disturbed, when in fact, deep down you already know the right decision, you just need validation. So, there, trust yourself and make the right decision.
Stop lying to yourself and live the life you deserve. -
what u said have really made an impact on me and woke me up.Originally posted by moongster:I'm gonna approach this objectively.
Have A tried counselling to get rid of the gambling habit? If not, go for counselling. Otherwise, forget the notion that A will ever change. Like Squiggly mentioned, habitual addicts (gambler, alcoholic, drugs) will not change. If they do, they would have done so.
And I would advise against going into relationship for a while if you intend to break up. Why? Because you would want to again look at relationship with another men objectively.
Love is such an abused concept.
The reason that you are here is because you're disturbed, when in fact, deep down you already know the right decision, you just need validation. So, there, trust yourself and make the right decision.
Stop lying to yourself and live the life you deserve.
thank u. -
Just in case there is misunderstanding, I'm suggesting that he goes for counselling to get rid of the gambling addiction first.
Here are some information pertaining to getting help:
http://www.ncpg.org.sg/faq.html -
but somehow the problem is that i dunno who i love more.. how do u decide who do u love more?Originally posted by :Only you yourself can decide because I would advise you to choose with your heart - who do you love most? rather than with your head - who has better qualities to make a better husband?
Any one of us choosing will only be able to do so with our heads and not from the heart because we dunno who the candidates are.
i mean of cos, i love A more as i have been with him for so long alr and did so much for him.. but feelings for B is strong too.
i do not want both. i know that's so selfish, but i want the want who can gif me happiness for me in future.. -
Originally posted by harrymushroom:no no...choose mi...i'm in NS...no gambling habits..poly grad...will get a car in the future...and no son...looking for future wife...
lolz..choose mi..~?
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Gosh... can tell tat you are deeply affected by your bf A and your relationship with him... having eating disorder and depression cld possibly also mean tat the stress is much more than what you can handle...
the fact tat you are seeking treatment and tat he is still by ur side... can mean tat you are determined to nip the problem and turn the tides over, and tat he is slowly making amends to his past deeds by treating you nicer...
if you aint in a strong hurry to get marry... and if you are truly deeply in love with bf A, give him some more time.. and decide firmly on the time factor... if he fails ur trust again, then u hv to decide if tis is truly the life u wanna lead for the rest of ur life...Originally posted by silent_lamb:yes i definitely will.. im willing to take on hardships with him as long as he cherish me well.. and i have eaten alot of hardship so far alr.. sold 3 hp, pawn my jewellery, i even have to borrow money for abortion when im having he's baby..
but i do admit he's good to me in some ways too.. at least he did not leave me when i am sick ( i am seeking treatment for an eating disorder and depression )
i really dont know what to do.. i think it has become a bread or love issue in many sense alr..