Have I done the wrong thing?
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if my gf were like u then i can say she would have become my wife already instead of gf.......i almost gave up on gaming just because of my gf....but in the end she is still not happy......well....maybe i just dun have the luck.....
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Almost painfully true in a sense...Originally posted by kopiosatu:it depends on the addiction.
if he's a chocolate addict, fine. crab addict, ok.
but this game addiction is getting too far. i would say its making the relationship almost one sided. doesn't make a difference if he was addicted to another women anyway. -
i'm addicted to women tooOriginally posted by Devil1976:Almost painfully true in a sense...
not womAn
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Sorry guys, my lappie was down yesterday and he was hogging on to the PC so i couldn't reply to all your posts...
While it is irritating to be with a game addict, i think it's not fair to break up with someone because of an addiction lehz... (but if addicted to another woman is a different story..hump!!!)
Not that I am siding him or saying that what he is doing is right, but i think sometimes when you get addicted to something that gives you pleasure, you would be almost out of control...
I am impressed by some of you, giving up games for your gfs, or if not, at least knew how to balance things, for my bf, i guess he is a little self centered...
I am giving him some 'colours' now and it seems to be working...
Last night i went chill out with my best friends till 1am and when he smsed me, i replied him with one-two-words, and lied to him that i was with this guy (whom he knows has a liking for me...) and when i came home, i just washed up, and went straight to bed without talking to him... Surprisingly, he put down his games to hug me till i fall asleep then he went on to the games...
Funny thing about some people is, you won't grab that person tightly until you are losing grip... I am not punishing him or doing a tic for a tac, i just want to be less available and more bo chap, hopefully to let him get a feel of life without me even though we are staying together... Physically there, but emotionally not...
I am now trying to act like he is losing grip, (when in fact he is not la... haha...), and see if he would make more efforts in our relationship... My friends were telling me last night that all along, i have been peddling the bicycle, and my bf was just free riding...
So now, i shall stop peddling, and when he sees that the bicycle is not moving, hopefully he would help peddle...
If he doesn't, the bicycle might just come to a halt and fall to one side... And there i don't think i need to pick it up and start peddling again... It will be just too tiring to do that, agree?
Hopefully my plan works... A little childish hor? Haha, but not much can be done anyway... -
i think its time to pull the plug of the PC and have a little talk..that act sure scared himOriginally posted by Vonderful:Sorry guys, my lappie was down yesterday and he was hogging on to the PC so i couldn't reply to all your posts...
While it is irritating to be with a game addict, i think it's not fair to break up with someone because of an addiction lehz...
Not that I am siding him or saying that what he is doing is right, but i think sometimes when you get addicted to something that gives you pleasure, you would be almost out of control...
I am impressed by some of you, giving up games for your gfs, or if not, at least knew how to balance things, for my bf, i guess he is a little self centered...
I am giving him some 'colours' now and it seems to be working...
Last night i went chill out with my friends till 1am and when he smsed me, i replied him with one-two-words, and lied to him that i was with this guy (who he knows has a liking for me... and when i came home, i just washed up, and went straight to bed without talking to him... Surprisingly, he put down his games to hug me till i fall asleep then he went on to the games...
Funny thing about some people is, you won't grab that person tightly until you are losing grip... I am not punishing him or doing a tic for a tac, i just want to be less available and more bo chap, hopefully to let him get a feel of life without me even though we are staying together... Physically there, but emotionally not...
I am now trying to act like he is losing grip, (when in fact he is not la... haha...), and he if he would make more eforts in our relationship... My friends were telling me last night that all along, i have been peddling the bicycle, and my bf was just free riding...
So now, i shall stop peddling, and when he sees that the bicycle is not moving, hopefully he would help peddle...
If he doesn't, the bicycle might just come to a halt and fall to one side... And there i don't think i need to pick it up and start peddling again... It will be just too tiring to do that, agree?
Hopefully my plan works... A little childish hor? Haha, but not much can be done anyway...
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Summarised in 1 wordOriginally posted by Vonderful:I am really confused here. I am not sure if my bf is being mean or I am really what he claimed but i just didn't realise..
As some of you here know, my bf is addicted to WoW, and he commits all his free time to the game. I am sickened by it, but came to terms that an addiction is an addiction, you can't expect to pull a man out of his addiction w/o pissing him off...
And i admit that I complained a lot when he spends everyday on his games and he always say he has no freedom to even play games...
I felt that all these arguments are uncalled for since this might just be a passing phase in our relationship... So to better situation, i decided to join him by learning how to play the game. But he gets impatient when i ask him questions about the games...
Then Elindra from this forum offered to teach me and so i went to get the game today, hoping to learn the basics from her then join him in the game so at least we would have some common topics in daily life, and who knows it might bring us closer...
When i got home, (we stay together), I showed him the game excitedly & he suddenly flared up at me," I already told you that if you want to learn it because of me, and not coz you like it, then NO NEED." Then he just threw the game on the bed...
Have i done the wrong thing? Would guys feel pissed off when you think your gf is pretending to like something? I admit i don't like games, coz i always die after 3 mins in every game, no matter what games... but i was hoping that i would like it once i know how to play... Of coz i might not like it ultimately, but i just wanted to try & find out...
Don't know la... Wierd... I'm fine, just puzzled... Coz sometimes you think you've done a darn great thing when in fact, it was a stupid thing to do. Just want to hear from you guys your opinions... You know, you need people to tell you when you are wrong, if not, you forever think you are right one... I want to hear some guys' point of view...
Thanks Peepz...
-EGO -
I think your partner is very fortunate to have such an understanding and mature girlfriend like you. You are doing the right thing i.e. to share the responsibility with your partner to make the relationship work. It won't work otherwise.Originally posted by Vonderful:Sorry guys, my lappie was down yesterday and he was hogging on to the PC so i couldn't reply to all your posts...
While it is irritating to be with a game addict, i think it's not fair to break up with someone because of an addiction lehz...
Not that I am siding him or saying that what he is doing is right, but i think sometimes when you get addicted to something that gives you pleasure, you would be almost out of control...
I am impressed by some of you, giving up games for your gfs, or if not, at least knew how to balance things, for my bf, i guess he is a little self centered...
I am giving him some 'colours' now and it seems to be working...
Last night i went chill out with my friends till 1am and when he smsed me, i replied him with one-two-words, and lied to him that i was with this guy (who he knows has a liking for me... and when i came home, i just washed up, and went straight to bed without talking to him... Surprisingly, he put down his games to hug me till i fall asleep then he went on to the games...
Funny thing about some people is, you won't grab that person tightly until you are losing grip... I am not punishing him or doing a tic for a tac, i just want to be less available and more bo chap, hopefully to let him get a feel of life without me even though we are staying together... Physically there, but emotionally not...
I am now trying to act like he is losing grip, (when in fact he is not la... haha...), and he if he would make more eforts in our relationship... My friends were telling me last night that all along, i have been peddling the bicycle, and my bf was just free riding...
So now, i shall stop peddling, and when he sees that the bicycle is not moving, hopefully he would help peddle...
If he doesn't, the bicycle might just come to a halt and fall to one side... And there i don't think i need to pick it up and start peddling again... It will be just too tiring to do that, agree?
Hopefully my plan works... A little childish hor? Haha, but not much can be done anyway...
All the best and hope that everything will fall into place for you and your partner soon. -
I think other wiseOriginally posted by FBI:u are really a nice gal lo..
Now there are still some hope for our sg gals, with examples like u
Zzzz -
Thank you Honeymouse... this is my last resort actually... I mean if he sense danger and yet choose to do nothing, then it simply shows the cold hard truth how much i mean to this man...Originally posted by honeymouse:I think your partner is very fortunate to have such an understanding and mature girlfriend like you. You are doing the right thing i.e. to share the responsibility with your partner to make the relationship work. It won't work otherwise.
All the best and hope that everything will fall into place for you and your partner soon.
I am not that all rational when it comes to love, but based on past experience, i know that if someone doesn't love you enough, he would one day hurt you real bad... So i rather find out now then get bitten the second time... Ouch...
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quite a biased statement..slamming down on ALL of the girls in sgOriginally posted by 0lala:I think other wise
Zzzz
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Don't mind him. Just ignore.Originally posted by StarPuppy:quite a biased statement..slamming down on ALL of the girls in sg -
You really hate sg girls hor, from your previous posts in other threads... How about study hard in school now, don't think so much and earn big bucks next time & migrate... Then you don't have to suffer at the sight of sg girls liao... Jia you, ya?Originally posted by 0lala:I think other wise
Zzzz
Migrating to vietnam is a good idea, but you gotta have enough money to buy a plot of land too... & there you can have your fav vietnam wife and live happily ever after... (And remember don't come back here... & don't let us catch you with a sg wife 10 years later...) -
somehow..the way he puts it..like he himself is a very great, perfect..blah blah guyOriginally posted by Vonderful:You really hate sg girls hor, from your previous posts in other threads... How about study hard in school now, don't think so much and earn big bucks next time & migrate... Then you don't have to suffer at the sight of sg girls liao... Jia you, ya?
Migrating to vietnam is a good idea, but you gotta have enough money to buy a plot of land too... & there you can have your fav vietnam wife and live happily ever after... (And remember don't come back here... & don't let us catch you with a sg wife 10 years later...) -
But he can't work as Criminologist (or along that industry) if moves to Vietnam.Originally posted by Vonderful:You really hate sg girls hor, from your previous posts in other threads... How about study hard in school now, don't think so much and earn big bucks next time & migrate... Then you don't have to suffer at the sight of sg girls liao... Jia you, ya?
Migrating to vietnam is a good idea, but you gotta have enough money to buy a plot of land too... & there you can have your fav vietnam wife and live happily ever after... (And remember don't come back here...) Sad story. -
Originally posted by Vonderful:Sorry guys, my lappie was down yesterday and he was hogging on to the PC so i couldn't reply to all your posts...
While it is irritating to be with a game addict, i think it's not fair to break up with someone because of an addiction lehz...
Not that I am siding him or saying that what he is doing is right, but i think sometimes when you get addicted to something that gives you pleasure, you would be almost out of control...
I am impressed by some of you, giving up games for your gfs, or if not, at least knew how to balance things, for my bf, i guess he is a little self centered...
I am giving him some 'colours' now and it seems to be working...
Last night i went chill out with my friends till 1am and when he smsed me, i replied him with one-two-words, and lied to him that i was with this guy (who he knows has a liking for me... and when i came home, i just washed up, and went straight to bed without talking to him... Surprisingly, he put down his games to hug me till i fall asleep then he went on to the games...
Funny thing about some people is, you won't grab that person tightly until you are losing grip... I am not punishing him or doing a tic for a tac, i just want to be less available and more bo chap, hopefully to let him get a feel of life without me even though we are staying together... Physically there, but emotionally not...
I am now trying to act like he is losing grip, (when in fact he is not la... haha...), and he if he would make more eforts in our relationship... My friends were telling me last night that all along, i have been peddling the bicycle, and my bf was just free riding...
So now, i shall stop peddling, and when he sees that the bicycle is not moving, hopefully he would help peddle...
If he doesn't, the bicycle might just come to a halt and fall to one side... And there i don't think i need to pick it up and start peddling again... It will be just too tiring to do that, agree?
Hopefully my plan works... A little childish hor? Haha, but not much can be done anyway...
Have you ever thought that your readily acceptance towards his game addiction might have contributed to his nonchalant attitude towards the relationship? Chances are, he is oblivious to how deep this issue has affected you.
It is like if I am born rich and when I spent extravagantly, I will deemed it as normal because I was developed and taught that manner. Similarly, he would have thought that everything is well (because he is oblivious) and be able to leave the relationship on auto pilot mode and everything will still go on smoothly.
There are people who spoke about individual space and freedom - I don't think it should be at the expense or sacrifices of another. Too much individualism promotes self love, not mutual love.
*** CloUdiSm states this to be Overgrown Baby Syndrome (OBS); where the man goes all out to win their woman trophy in the chase, only having the man turning the auto pilot mode in the relationship, being far too complacent in their comfort zone.
In fact, these are pseudo-security and comfort because beneath the 'everything is fine' facade, lies another story. In your case, you won a short battle, but I still believe in proper communication before investing into those trickery stratagem, essential for you to 'win' the war.
I believe man are still man - they are fools until you reveal emotions to them blatantly. Dropping hints to a man is like music to a cow - they need to be told before they are known. If most man don't even think about what are they going to wear tomorrow, I think it better to presume that, by default, they will fail at all form of clue-picking because they will not think about your clue.
Telling your addicted gamer man that you wanna go watch movie and dragging him out because you desire some life OUTSIDE gaming is NOT even suggesting that message. Even if you repeat that behaviour constantly, I think it's better to reckon the message will not even into him until you speak to him about it. Even if you go out with someone he dislike, it still does NOT suggest anything wrong with the relationship UNTIL you do mention something about it.
The next day, he will probably be consumed over levelling and completing WOW quests than to invest his thoughts into his woman.
Can you imagine if, for example, you tell him: 'I think your gaming addiction is affecting the relationship', leave it open ended, then you continue your strategy? You force your man to think out of his comfort zone and REVIEW his relationship because you are now telling your man to peddle his effort and not waits for the bike to fall.
You don't have to appear like you want him to sacrifice his game to have life OUTSIDE gaming (he doesn't need to), you insinuate the idea across and let him resolve internally. Even if you lay the rules, saying that he can only play only so much... restrict him on these days... you are increasing his thirst for gaming to compensate this addiction because he now sees it as a lack of supply with higher demand situation.
Therefore, you must create a psychological vacuum, by creating security through insecurity, as you need to input NEW considerations into his mind other than just gaming. There must be an ebbing result from his gaming addiction as variables changes and you must not maintain status quo. (Just in case you don't know what I mean, I am saying that you must show him that the balancing scale does not balance if the weights are heavier on one side and you don't go restore that balance by pulling the lighter scale with your hands and make it 'balance' - which I termed it as status quo).
Then effectively, you will pit yourself against WOW, like two different goods. Remember this truth: he will play less only when he gains higher satisfaction in other aspect of life or if it is cannibalizing something which he cannot afford to lose. Therefore, if he nothing else in the world can interest him outside gaming, you show him the debilitating effect of gaming.
I believe that you don't want him to stop gaming altogether; you just don't want him to neglect you - therefore if you can insinuate the fact that spending quality time with you is a satisfaction higher than gaming, he will naturally game less.
Create security through insecurity.
Cheers -
Originally posted by kopiosatu:i'm addicted to women too
not womAn -
I'm sure you didn't watch russell peters.Originally posted by Devil1976: 
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Originally posted by M©+square:I'm sure you didn't watch russell peters. LOL!!!!!
Be a man... do the right thing.
Cheers -
I certainly think it's better than doing nothing at all?Originally posted by Vonderful:Sorry guys, my lappie was down yesterday and he was hogging on to the PC so i couldn't reply to all your posts...
While it is irritating to be with a game addict, i think it's not fair to break up with someone because of an addiction lehz... (but if addicted to another woman is a different story..hump!!!)
Not that I am siding him or saying that what he is doing is right, but i think sometimes when you get addicted to something that gives you pleasure, you would be almost out of control...
I am impressed by some of you, giving up games for your gfs, or if not, at least knew how to balance things, for my bf, i guess he is a little self centered...
I am giving him some 'colours' now and it seems to be working...
Last night i went chill out with my best friends till 1am and when he smsed me, i replied him with one-two-words, and lied to him that i was with this guy (whom he knows has a liking for me...) and when i came home, i just washed up, and went straight to bed without talking to him... Surprisingly, he put down his games to hug me till i fall asleep then he went on to the games...
Funny thing about some people is, you won't grab that person tightly until you are losing grip... I am not punishing him or doing a tic for a tac, i just want to be less available and more bo chap, hopefully to let him get a feel of life without me even though we are staying together... Physically there, but emotionally not...
I am now trying to act like he is losing grip, (when in fact he is not la... haha...), and see if he would make more efforts in our relationship... My friends were telling me last night that all along, i have been peddling the bicycle, and my bf was just free riding...
So now, i shall stop peddling, and when he sees that the bicycle is not moving, hopefully he would help peddle...
If he doesn't, the bicycle might just come to a halt and fall to one side... And there i don't think i need to pick it up and start peddling again... It will be just too tiring to do that, agree?
Hopefully my plan works... A little childish hor? Haha, but not much can be done anyway...
But for your act... You would have to be careful and monitor closely... Otherwise if the bike falls, damage might be inevitable?
Also, read through Yun's post for you... It might give you some invaluable thoughts, though I won't totally agree with Yun...? " -
Little Miss Von,
I understand how you feel with regards to his addiction, and seriously, there really is nothing much you can do about it.
I have been playing WoW for close to 2 years now, since its beta stage. The game is one massive time-sink. If one can't put in the time, one falls behind, way behind in terms of gear, reputation, in game currency etc etc. Everything in the game is a grind to get the one-up over the other players, be it rank, equipment, or even guild-ranking just for the sake of ego. That is the main reason why he HAS to play the game day in day out, attend the same raids 20 times to get DKP to purchase better equipment etc etc. It will never end, and WoW will continue to flourish as the developers are constantly releasing new game content that requires even more time just to experience the new stuff and get the good loot. WoW is currently very much a massive raiding game- and each raid takes a minimum between 2-6 hours at one go.
If he drops out of a raid half-way, he will be penalised. If he signs for a raid and doesn't show up, he gets penalised too. He might have to raid the same dungeon 20 times to get the piece that he wants. Gear in the game right now makes the difference, it is more important than anything else, making the player absolutely stronger and harder to kill than his peers in lousy gear.
Right now, a typical WoW week before the server maint shutdown on Tuesday will consist of the following raids. Molten-Core, Blackwing Lair. Zul-Gurab, Ahn Qirajh 20. Ahn Qirajh 40, Naxx and Onyxia Lair. All these dungeons have a cool-down period of between 3.5 to 7 days, means if he misses a single raid by his guild, he will have to wait for the dungeon reset to do it again with them, or he can join a Pick-up-Group (PUG) which is usually a horrible waste of time, and take even double the time to clear a single stage. The raid dungeons listed above are the high-end ones, I haven't included the *easy raids* like Upper Blackrock spire, Scholomance, Stratholme, DireMaul, which take about 1-1.5hours to clear. ThatÂ’s why the second he reaches home, he turns on the computer. I do that too.
The only time he will be able to spend with you will be on Tuesday nights whereby all the WoW servers will shut down for Maint. It usually takes abt 6 hours, sometimes even more if itÂ’s a big patch or prep for a future release. -
i still think its pretty absurd to wait for ONE day to even attempt to have a relationship witha game addict.
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I think you made a mistake staying together with him. Space out. It creates some kind of "I miss you" feelings. Besides, Singapore is so small a country that you guys can meet anytime. Don't be too attached like he's part of your limbs.Originally posted by Vonderful:Sorry guys, my lappie was down yesterday and he was hogging on to the PC so i couldn't reply to all your posts...
While it is irritating to be with a game addict, i think it's not fair to break up with someone because of an addiction lehz... (but if addicted to another woman is a different story..hump!!!)
Not that I am siding him or saying that what he is doing is right, but i think sometimes when you get addicted to something that gives you pleasure, you would be almost out of control...
I am impressed by some of you, giving up games for your gfs, or if not, at least knew how to balance things, for my bf, i guess he is a little self centered...
I am giving him some 'colours' now and it seems to be working...
Last night i went chill out with my best friends till 1am and when he smsed me, i replied him with one-two-words, and lied to him that i was with this guy (whom he knows has a liking for me...) and when i came home, i just washed up, and went straight to bed without talking to him... Surprisingly, he put down his games to hug me till i fall asleep then he went on to the games...
Funny thing about some people is, you won't grab that person tightly until you are losing grip... I am not punishing him or doing a tic for a tac, i just want to be less available and more bo chap, hopefully to let him get a feel of life without me even though we are staying together... Physically there, but emotionally not...
I am now trying to act like he is losing grip, (when in fact he is not la... haha...), and see if he would make more efforts in our relationship... My friends were telling me last night that all along, i have been peddling the bicycle, and my bf was just free riding...
So now, i shall stop peddling, and when he sees that the bicycle is not moving, hopefully he would help peddle...
If he doesn't, the bicycle might just come to a halt and fall to one side... And there i don't think i need to pick it up and start peddling again... It will be just too tiring to do that, agree?
Hopefully my plan works... A little childish hor? Haha, but not much can be done anyway... -
Things gonna get much worse in abt 45 days time!
Worldwide release of WoW Expansion Pack - The Burning Crusade
'000s more quests,
'000s more new LOOT!
New Zones and mounts never seen or experienced before!
I foresee that he will be glued to his computer every single day. -
Hey.. I'm taking time off from.. erm.. work to post this..
Ok.. i tink u r in a similar position as my gf.. so wat u r getting now is the guy's pt of view.. n hopefully ur bf's pt of view.
Ok fine.. as much as i hate to admit it.. i'm bloody addicted. Ok i dun play WoW. But comparing the games i'm suckered for with WoW.. I tink i might juz jump down a 10 storey building if i'm forced cold turkey to stop playing WoW.
(sigh.. me no chance to play WoW..
)
But by joing the game as well.. the 1st thing tt crosses my mind is.. Why r u doing this? Are u trying to know this game so as to better control me? Havent i spent enough time with u shopping already??
Yes.. sooner or later when logic sets in.. I'll realise tt u r juz trying to understand me better. But the feeling of sb breathing down my neck while i'm doing wat i like is juz uncomfortable.. restrictive. Feels as though u r intruding into my personal space. I supp addicts of all sorts will get agitated when their fix is withheld or interrupted, regardless by whom.. even pple whom they love.
Ok la.. i've nv vented my frustration to the extent of throwing things but i muz admit my temper flew b4.. paiseh..
IF a solution is wat u want.. i dun have one. I'm still stuck in front of the comp now.
Try talking to him lor.. maybe lovey dovey can work.. i dunno.. gd luck ya..
Once u r successful pls impart ur skills to my gf.. i nid discipline..
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The guy is pissed because if she plays the game, he will have to devote part of his limited *resources* - play-time to help her along in the game. and so it will lead to a restriction on what he can and cannot do in the game, a narrowing of his social circle etc etc.
He wants to help you improve your toon, but he doesnt want you to be his baggage, plus when he sees you die multiple times in game, he will also feel guilty because as your man, he is supposed to prevent that from happening.
play the game for fun, to experience an online realm etc etc, but not for the purpose of keeping track of him or observing his every move. He might be using WoW as an outlet to release his alternate personality and with you around, he might not be able to do it anymore, or he doesnt want to show you his alternate personality.