how do u know if he's true?
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haiz..
suspicion, suspicion...
All I can tell from this thread is that threadstarter's bf is treating her well and is not possessive or beating her up...why all the unnecessary stuff? He is mature, experienced and treats you well.
Girl, give yourself a break. -
Originally posted by Devil1976:
She already made her choice, now she just want to find out how to test him.
NICE [b]THEORIES.... But I'm afraid I won't quite agree with...
HITTING one with HARD FACTS might be necessary AT TIMES...
BUT hitting one with your own PRE-HAND CONCRETE BELIEF(S) is NEVER really a wise move.... Childish, immature or whatever.. I see her as a 18 years old looking for help... Give her some ROOM before you decide to WHACK HER HARD.... PERSONALLY, I DON'T THINK she DESERVES THAT...
HEARD of the saying "Innocent until proven guilty"....?
I think no matter right or wrong... It's always so much EASIER to be the one holding the BAT NOW.... ISN'T IT
[/b]
Holding the bat? If I were hold any bat, she would have been flattened. If she cannot take the bat, she can also forget about settling down with a man with such a history - perhaps the history is nothing but she just blew it up.. Who knows the truth? You, Me, Her, Him, Anyone?
Besides, Would you really seek personal advice from strangers on the internet? Would you follow 100% the advice that seems logical and selectively choosen off from a bunch of strangers and follow through yet bear the consequence if it failed?
From my point of view, I would rather she be aware of the failings of internet because she is going to take thing literally. It is strange at 18, she does not have friends to talk about these things. Why she cannot call help lines, speak with her elders, or something. Something is really wrong isn't it.. Perhaps I am suspecious but I rather not teach a 18 year old to do things that people my age would not do. -
erm...quite unfair to judge the TS to be immature and dun wan to listen to advice? After all she said she is willing to listen...
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Good point. You really have to discern for yourself what makes sense to you and see if those points really work out. Looking from all perspectives is going to make you very confused as you do not know whom to follow.Originally posted by mistyblue:She already made her choice, now she just want to find out how to test him.
Holding the bat? If I were hold any bat, she would have been flattened. If she cannot take the bat, she can also forget about settling down with a man with such a history - perhaps the history is nothing but she just blew it up.. Who knows the truth? You, Me, Her, Him, Anyone?
Besides, Would you really seek personal advice from strangers on the internet? Would you follow 100% the advice that seems logical and selectively choosen off from a bunch of strangers and follow through yet bear the consequence if it failed?
From my point of view, I would rather she be aware of the failings of internet because she is going to take thing literally. It is strange at 18, she does not have friends to talk about these things. Why she cannot call help lines, speak with her elders, or something. Something is really wrong isn't it.. Perhaps I am suspecious but I rather not teach a 18 year old to do things that people my age would not do. -
my sentiments exactlyOriginally posted by mistyblue:There is no test for love except time.
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not really?Originally posted by rainee:erm...quite unfair to judge the TS to be immature and dun wan to listen to advice? After all she said she is willing to listen...
long time no see
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mine too.Originally posted by de_middle:my sentiments exactly -
yea lor, very long no chat here and in MSN liao...still remember the days when i 'bugged' u endlessly abt my 'problems' ?Originally posted by M©+square:not really?
long time no see 
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no wonder her nick looks so familiar...Originally posted by mistyblue:So there is the other half of the story.. -
women has just got to understand that men are by nature, lustful. simple as that.
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y r u carrying his past baggage with you and make yourself miserable?
It's not his fault that you are feeling miserable... You caused ur own miseries due to your own insecurities. Remember what ShuQi said in "Po Lo Zun"?
"An Quan Gan Shi Zi Ji Gei Zi Ji De" Only you can provide security to yourself.
It seems like you sentenced him based on what he used to do...
Ask yourself this question: If you don't know he has a messy past sexual life, will you even have a tiny doubt in him, based on how he is treating you right now? Or is it that if he is a virgin when he meet you means that he will not fark around in future? Come on girl,, grow up.... What's past is already the past, so why make yourself troubled on things that cannot be changed. Treasure the present and don't worry about the future. Because nobody knows what will happened tomorrow. We don't even know what will happen tomorrow so why think about marriage???
But of course it's still good to weigh your relationship but not in this manner. Both of you got to move in the same direction in order to get married. And don't get married just because it's time or you need a flat etc. It must be because you are ready to commit to each other and bring the relationship to a next level.
Anyway, both of you are just boyfriends and girlfriends. So you think he is really obligated? To me, i don't think so. Maybe you should also slammed the breaks and take things nice and slow and enjoy the process of dating and enjoy this time when you are just ready to see the world.
Trust me... you haven seen enough so why bother to tie yourself up so fast. -
How do u expect every 18 year old to have friends, esp friends that u can trust, can speak to. maybe u are that lucky majority. but unfortunately, not everyone is as lucky as you. sad to say, i am not so lucky. you are so naive. some people can live till 50 and be bloody rich, yet do not have a true friendOriginally posted by mistyblue:She already made her choice, now she just want to find out how to test him.
Holding the bat? If I were hold any bat, she would have been flattened. If she cannot take the bat, she can also forget about settling down with a man with such a history - perhaps the history is nothing but she just blew it up.. Who knows the truth? You, Me, Her, Him, Anyone?
Besides, Would you really seek personal advice from strangers on the internet? Would you follow 100% the advice that seems logical and selectively choosen off from a bunch of strangers and follow through yet bear the consequence if it failed?
From my point of view, I would rather she be aware of the failings of internet because she is going to take thing literally. It is strange at 18, she does not have friends to talk about these things. Why she cannot call help lines, speak with her elders, or something. Something is really wrong isn't it.. Perhaps I am suspecious but I rather not teach a 18 year old to do things that people my age would not do.
i thought u were as mature as u described, but from this post of yours, i realised how naive you are. Yes, i am a naive girl. i believe all the advices that u people give cos i am unable to confide in anyone in the reality. at least i find comfort to know that there are people who understands, and i can bare my heart with.
the world is living in a mask. and i feel that the virtual world is a temporary space where i can live the way i want to be. Yes, i am childish and naive. but i have my pride too. whhy do u have to step on me like that. u can offer criticisms, but u cannot judge me. i never judge people. i respect every individual. i think this is something, u as a "mature adult" have to learnt. You are learned and experienced. but it is very sad that u do not know how to respect others. -
i have received ALOT ALOT of kind advices from all the forumites here. i am so very grateful.
and the conclusion that i got from myself, is that i will follow my heart, and trust him with all my heart. just like how i trust everyone ard me. if him, or anyone decides to cheat me, it's ok. at least i have lived well to my consicence. -
That's why I mentioned you shouldn't apply your own belief into others' needs... Systems and settings... Let alone coming at it with a 'bat'... Whether you've 'flattened' her or not is another issue... The real deal is whether you could have possibly hurt or mislead her...?Originally posted by mistyblue:She already made her choice, now she just want to find out how to test him.
Holding the bat? If I were hold any bat, she would have been flattened. If she cannot take the bat, she can also forget about settling down with a man with such a history - perhaps the history is nothing but she just blew it up.. Who knows the truth? You, Me, Her, Him, Anyone?
Besides, Would you really seek personal advice from strangers on the internet? Would you follow 100% the advice that seems logical and selectively choosen off from a bunch of strangers and follow through yet bear the consequence if it failed?
From my point of view, I would rather she be aware of the failings of internet because she is going to take thing literally. It is strange at 18, she does not have friends to talk about these things. Why she cannot call help lines, speak with her elders, or something. Something is really wrong isn't it.. Perhaps I am suspecious but I rather not teach a 18 year old to do things that people my age would not do.
Note that I'm not saying you're misleading her. In fact, I agree with you that most of us are likely to be very far from what the truth might hold at this point.. But no. That doesn't mean we cannot advise.. Discourage or give encouragement... (based on evidence we present to our course of belief)
I'm not saying she should follow us on 100% note... Just more opinions to open up her perceptions... And I think she herself already understood this too... She's 18 but not stupid. Based on some of her 'understandings', I can say though she might be confused... It doesn't mean she's not thinking at all... Even anyone WELL ABOVE 18 can be CONFUSED and NOT THINKING... By comparson, I would like to think she's doing not too bad...
SEEMINGLY as it may be... NOT ALL threads with this kinda 'format' comes with the "I already know what I wanna do, I just need people to support my case" mentality.... She's not even in a stable relationship with this guy yet... You think she really think so much 'support' to kick him out of her life...
'Fallings' of the internet and taking advices from strangers...? And... Just what are 'strangers'...? It almost made me wanna laugh to think that you hear and listen from 'people you know' would means their advices would be more sound..? Better...? 'Fallings'...? Just what kinda 'belief' is this....?
I can agree with you that if she's going to take it with a man with such a form of 'history'... The road probably won't be that easy... But nope, that doesn't mean we can 'naturally guide' her into OUR OWN FORM of BELIEF(S)..... -
It's not advisable to be 'blind'... Least to say for your case...Originally posted by silent_lamb:i have received ALOT ALOT of kind advices from all the forumites here. i am so very grateful.
and the conclusion that i got from myself, is that i will follow my heart, and trust him with all my heart. just like how i trust everyone ard me. if him, or anyone decides to cheat me, it's ok. at least i have lived well to my consicence.
As the old Chinese saying goes... "Do not doubt one, but would be foolish to hold no caution against another...." -
better break since he has such a messy past
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judging from ur prev post, he is B wif a son right?
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Originally posted by Bontakun:
not bad advice ...u think u know someone --think again as guys r also as not
[b]How well do you know him? What is his character and behaviour? Whats his lifestyle? How well does he know you?
IF you knew him well enough, you already know more than his messy past sexual life. You will know about his behaviour, his approach towards life, his attitude towards others, etc, etc AND you would be able to decide you want to be with him in the first place and vice versa.
BUT skip that because you are now more concerned about his feelings towards you and are your feelings both mutually the "same" towards each other or not.
How long have you been with him? How is you life with him? How much do you really love him? Do you doubt him? Have you considered a possible future life together with him all the time as in "you two are living together and such"?
I can see from your further replies that you are not as ready as you assumed you are to commit. Answer those questions in red to yourself and you will see a clearer picture.[/b]
what /how they look -
yes. he is B with the son.
i realised that sometimes, being overly serious in a relationship can become a form of extreme stress for both parties.. maybe taking things easier might be a betta approach.. i will let fate decide if thinga will wrk out anot.. i will stop trying so hard.. think it will only result the reverse.
Moreover, it's time that i open myself up more and make more friends.. this is what i lost in my previous relationships. i think it's time to gain back the social life that i deserve. who knows, i will be happier this way. rather than cooping myself, thinking only abt BGR all the time. life seems to be more than that. -
There you go....thats the spirit!Originally posted by silent_lamb:rather than cooping myself, thinking only abt BGR all the time. life seems to be more than that.
*cheers* *cheers* *cheers* -
ya good thinking. life got lot to do, playing games, shopping, working, etc.Originally posted by silent_lamb:yes. he is B with the son.
i realised that sometimes, being overly serious in a relationship can become a form of extreme stress for both parties.. maybe taking things easier might be a betta approach.. i will let fate decide if thinga will wrk out anot.. i will stop trying so hard.. think it will only result the reverse.
Moreover, it's time that i open myself up more and make more friends.. this is what i lost in my previous relationships. i think it's time to gain back the social life that i deserve. who knows, i will be happier this way. rather than cooping myself, thinking only abt BGR all the time. life seems to be more than that.
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YUP.Originally posted by silent_lamb:yes. he is B with the son.
i realised that sometimes, being overly serious in a relationship can become a form of extreme stress for both parties.. maybe taking things easier might be a betta approach.. i will let fate decide if thinga will wrk out anot.. i will stop trying so hard.. think it will only result the reverse.
Moreover, it's time that i open myself up more and make more friends.. this is what i lost in my previous relationships. i think it's time to gain back the social life that i deserve. who knows, i will be happier this way. rather than cooping myself, thinking only abt BGR all the time. life seems to be more than that.
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Nobody likes to waste time... too precious a commodity these days.. Then again... are you two like "officially" an item?Originally posted by silent_lamb:Im willing to listen. i won't continue if he's not true. i dun wanna waste my time on someone who doesn't love me.
but the problem now is, how do i know if he's true?
The problem is there is no way to tell if his sincere or you're just another "one of them".... Don't discount him cos of his past (afterall, everyone deserves a chance). But give yourself lots of space to do your own thing... go out with your own friends... afterall you're only 18 and you should go out and have fun.
I am afraid, the only way to tell if this guy is for real is through time... Everything's still nice and rosy for now... -
agreed dont worry too much about anything not healthyOriginally posted by silent_lamb:Moreover, it's time that i open myself up more and make more friends.. this is what i lost in my previous relationships. i think it's time to gain back the social life that i deserve. who knows, i will be happier this way. rather than cooping myself, thinking only abt BGR all the time. life seems to be more than that. -
Finally... the silent lamb speaks up... well-said...Originally posted by silent_lamb:How do u expect every 18 year old to have friends, esp friends that u can trust, can speak to. maybe u are that lucky majority. but unfortunately, not everyone is as lucky as you. sad to say, i am not so lucky. you are so naive. some people can live till 50 and be bloody rich, yet do not have a true friend
i thought u were as mature as u described, but from this post of yours, i realised how naive you are. Yes, i am a naive girl. i believe all the advices that u people give cos i am unable to confide in anyone in the reality. at least i find comfort to know that there are people who understands, and i can bare my heart with.
the world is living in a mask. and i feel that the virtual world is a temporary space where i can live the way i want to be. Yes, i am childish and naive. but i have my pride too. whhy do u have to step on me like that. u can offer criticisms, but u cannot judge me. i never judge people. i respect every individual. i think this is something, u as a "mature adult" have to learnt. You are learned and experienced. but it is very sad that u do not know how to respect others.
All the best girl... 18 is only the beginning... wish you will be blessed with happiness.. and stay focus on what you want in life...