I'm so sad...it hurts so bad...
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Hi threadstarter, I hope you don't despair.Originally posted by FailureOfTheNation:I've been with my gf for 6 months, i know its not a long time, but still it meant something to me.
I have put in so much into this relationship, sacrificed so much, till the point i think i am willing to do almost anything, i really see her as my future wife, as the one for me...but sadly i am not the one for her...
i have tried my best already, giving in and giving in, but why did things turn out this way?
just yesterday she started ignoring me halfway into sch (we are both in uni) for apparently no reason. (maybe i did something but i wasnt aware) i asked her what was wrong and she said "nothing" she just feels very tired and dun feel like talking.
i know, i can accept that, but the problem is she dun feel like talking ONLY to me, but can chat and joke happily with her friend (who is in same class as us).
why? am i not an important person to her?
why? if she really loves me why does she treat me like that?
for your info she ignores me completely, dun talk to me, and dun even give me a single glance.
today, she ignores my sms and msn, i have a gut feeling..she wants to do a silent break with me..
cannot, i cannot accept it...break up with me if you want, but dun do it silently...no...
previously when she had her mood swings she also ignores me, and when she recovers she will be back and we would become normal again, i dunno if this time she will recover too, but i think my heart cannot take it anymore, the extreme flunctuation, is breaking my heart...
what's my next step? should i go and confront her and do a clean break? really..i cannot accept a silent break..no...no...............no..........
In my whole life I've been through quite a few such incidents. I have friends regardless guy or girl who been through similar cases too. And all of them boils down to 1 reason.
There's a 3rd party.
I hope you're one exceptional case. But if it is really a 3rd party, then I hope you can be strong. -
hmmm okay.Originally posted by dokono:haha...what do you mean I "sound" like?
the way you put it sounded like the girl was at fault.
i'm not saying your views are wrong or what... not here to pick an argument either...
but i thought it would confuse the poor guy here less if we gave a objective view of things instead of suggestive opinions 
after all we're only bystanders... 
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hahaha... I knew you would say that I sound like that...no Im open to challenges to my opinions. Everyone is entitled to their own thoughts but I believe I gave a very realistic point of view.Originally posted by MooKu:hmmm okay.
the way you put it sounded like the girl was at fault.
i'm not saying your views are wrong or what... not here to pick an argument either... but i thought it would confuse the poor guy here less if we gave a objective view of things instead of suggestive opinions after all we're only bystanders...
Allow me to clear things up k? Here goes:
Im not giving suggestive opinions. All along the girl shows signs of low feelings to the guy. You want evidence: Avoidance/Dun want to talk/dun feel like talking/Arguing/saying its her fault... it's all very common female behaviour when the girl gets turned off slowly...We just have to ask ourselves logically.
Does a girl with high feelings towards the guy do all that kind of hurt ? Does a girl who likes me hurt me? See my point? I m giving a point of view that is only common sense.
So you see, Im not saying it's the girl's fault. No where did I mention its her fault. It's her feelings to the guy that are at fault here. And the poor guy did it by giving in too much and showed too much of a nice guy. Nothing wrong with being a nice guy logically speaking. But what kind of result do we have here?
Hey Im not saying be an evil guy either but sometimes the poor guy has to speak up for himself and know his own position, know his stand properly. Make it clear to the girl. Dun be taken for granted. It's the cause of many heartaches. "Im treated her so well and she treated me like crap?!" We want to treat girls well but they have to earn it.
doko -
Originally posted by MooKu:hmmm okay.
the way you put it sounded like the girl was at fault.
i'm not saying your views are wrong or what... not here to pick an argument either... but i thought it would confuse the poor guy here less if we gave a objective view of things instead of suggestive opinions after all we're only bystanders... 
You know like a meal?
If all similar dishes, the taste is gonna be damn boring.
Cheers -
haha...Besides being not boring, there's one more thing:Originally posted by Yunhaier: You know like a meal?
If all similar dishes, the taste is gonna be damn boring.
Cheers
you know what? I may sound controlversial but it is the truth. Only the truth is the most powerful. She was tough on the guy so the guy had to be tough on the girl.
R/s has to be equal on both sides, takes two hands to clap.
doko -
hmmmmmm....
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She doesn't love you anymore. The truth always hurts. Move on.. I'm sure you will find someone who will appreciate you more.
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The scenario that u mention really sound like mine 1 yr ago. I had this similar experience of having a gf that ditch me almost in a similar manner. Though that period of time i did sense something is wrong but only drag on for a while b4 i made any confrontation with her. Sometime when time is not on ur side and she has made up a decision to be with someone else she feel more comfortable with you only had to give her your blessing.Originally posted by FailureOfTheNation:I've been with my gf for 6 months, i know its not a long time, but still it meant something to me.
I have put in so much into this relationship, sacrificed so much, till the point i think i am willing to do almost anything, i really see her as my future wife, as the one for me...but sadly i am not the one for her...
i have tried my best already, giving in and giving in, but why did things turn out this way?
just yesterday she started ignoring me halfway into sch (we are both in uni) for apparently no reason. (maybe i did something but i wasnt aware) i asked her what was wrong and she said "nothing" she just feels very tired and dun feel like talking.
i know, i can accept that, but the problem is she dun feel like talking ONLY to me, but can chat and joke happily with her friend (who is in same class as us).
why? am i not an important person to her?
why? if she really loves me why does she treat me like that?
for your info she ignores me completely, dun talk to me, and dun even give me a single glance.
today, she ignores my sms and msn, i have a gut feeling..she wants to do a silent break with me..
cannot, i cannot accept it...break up with me if you want, but dun do it silently...no...
previously when she had her mood swings she also ignores me, and when she recovers she will be back and we would become normal again, i dunno if this time she will recover too, but i think my heart cannot take it anymore, the extreme flunctuation, is breaking my heart...
what's my next step? should i go and confront her and do a clean break? really..i cannot accept a silent break..no...no...............no..........
Its difficult to move on, most probably for everyone. My world crash when she told me that she is going to be with her ex, during that period of time i had only like few days b4 my exams commence. i manage to survive both on the emotional side and sch stress by just hanging out with friends. I believe your exams should be nearing. Make your move to confront her asap. If its gg to be a painful break do it now, unless she gave u the opportunity to salvage the situation which i do not have the other time round.
It will be crap if i put in words like asking you to move on. those posts that said this probably never had these sort of experience. I can only say that time will be able to heal all the wounds. Indulge yourself with school works or daily activities with friends will make your day much more easier to pass. though when night falls you will be thinking of her. Luckily for me i manage to complete my studies, without much effort cause i really didn't have the mood for anything . But never take the risk and gamble like me as i feel that its sheer luck that i manage to get through.
Give me a pm if you really feel like finding someont to talk to. -
Theres always 2 side to every story..
1) Ask yourself, are you really the one for her?
2) 6mths is too short to say she is your future wife.
3) Confront her and let her know that you wanna know the problems.
P.S : Dont always put 100% in a r/s thinking she is the one. -
guys, thanks.
i guess a confrontation is the way to go, and quote from one of the reply,
if its going to be a painful break anyway, then let it be now...
sadly to say, after all that i've done, i've not managed to secure myself a place in her heart, i did not managed to make her feel worthy enough to open herself up to me and attach to me emotionally.
perhaps she was only with me to enjoy the fun of things, and when problems strike, she escapes. perhaps she have found some other person in her life.
but then again, could there really be such a person who treats his/her other half badly just because he/she is in a bad mood? but in his/her heart he/she still loves him/her? haha maybe i'm just trying to deceive myself again... -
guys, thanks.
cheer up man, all is not lost yet. i've been in the exact same position as you but my relationship survived till today. in fact its gonna be our 19th month on tuesday. haha its not a very long time but i was like you when my relationship first started. we were classmates in secondary school and i was pretty possessive, like we would go out after school twice a week or something like that. and i used to walk her home almost everyday from school.
i guess a confrontation is the way to go, and quote from one of the reply,
if its going to be a painful break anyway, then let it be now...
sadly to say, after all that i've done, i've not managed to secure myself a place in her heart, i did not managed to make her feel worthy enough to open herself up to me and attach to me emotionally.
perhaps she was only with me to enjoy the fun of things, and when problems strike, she escapes. perhaps she have found some other person in her life.
but then again, could there really be such a person who treats his/her other half badly just because he/she is in a bad mood? but in his/her heart he/she still loves him/her? haha maybe i'm just trying to deceive myself again...
and it sucked when we argued because she just not want to talk to me for the day. it may not seem like much but we were in the same class and i get quite upset when i see her laughing along with other classmates but not talk to me at all. i thought that she was being immature by not wanting to solve the issue that we were having.
okay to cut the long story short, just "give up". force yourself to not think about her all the time and i promise, you would feel ALOT better. maybe message her once? and if she doesnt reply, just heck care. make her think that youre not really bothered by it. just play hard to get la basicallly. but dont too hardcore also la, haha try and make small talk with her i guess but if she doesnt seem interested then please dont carry on.
and of course my method might not work for you. but good luck in this dawg. i hope in a few days' time you'll post that things are looker brighter for you
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hey.. i have been reading sgforums for some time now. as i find it interesting..
read yur story n decided to register n post a reply cos me too have just recover from a relationship..
bro, if it is not yours is not yours..
alwiz tell yurself "God has better plans". U r neva a failure, it is
just tat the girl u luv will not be the one which will stood by u for the
rest of your life. Keep looking dun give up
If u ask me, be it there is a third party or not u have to admit tat yur current relationship is making u unhappy. If tat is it , end it and move on with life.
I am sure there r many ppl out there who will wanna see u be happy. -
people, after much thinking i decided to go for a confrontation with her.
if the outcome is going to be the same i reckon it doesnt matter if i do it today, tomorrow, next week or next month
so this afternoon i went ahead and look for her and we sat down and talked about it.
what she said was that she did not have the intention to end the r/s but she behaved in that manner becoz there's something but she did not wish to tell me what it is...
ok so now i'm still taking things as it comes...well if its still salvagable i think i will not give it up easily.. -
dudeOriginally posted by FailureOfTheNation:people, after much thinking i decided to go for a confrontation with her.
if the outcome is going to be the same i reckon it doesnt matter if i do it today, tomorrow, next week or next month
so this afternoon i went ahead and look for her and we sat down and talked about it.
what she said was that she did not have the intention to end the r/s but she behaved in that manner becoz there's something but she did not wish to tell me what it is...
ok so now i'm still taking things as it comes...well if its still salvagable i think i will not give it up easily..
just hold back now...dun pressurise her. Let her have the time to clear her mind.
All the answers are with her now. It's like playing winning eleven. You must know when to strike, when not to. Know how to pass the ball around and wait for the right moment when your intuition tells it is the right moment.
doko -
I think the TS is saying that how can you expect a relationship to be flawless and perfect...? In reality sense... How many relationships are indeed 'flawless'...? And does it mean that they don't deserve to exist simply because they're not flawless...? 'Flawless' in who's eyes..? Your eyes? Your partner's eyes? Or others' eyes...?Originally posted by missqi: How can a relationship be perfect with any cracks?
Cracks.. Big or small... Numerous or little in number... Is up to the eyes to pick them up? -
Keep it low boy. No offence, but I think you're thinking too highly of yourself.Originally posted by dokono:haha...what do you mean I "sound" like?
When in actual facts, your 'ideas' often are just confined within your own thoughts and pretty much lack practicality.
I personally doesn't mind more suggestive perceptions.. BUT suggesting that one's own ideas are the 'truth' almost all the time for your instance probably needs a little toning down and reviewing... Don't you think? -
How old are the both of ya?Originally posted by FailureOfTheNation:people, after much thinking i decided to go for a confrontation with her.
if the outcome is going to be the same i reckon it doesnt matter if i do it today, tomorrow, next week or next month
so this afternoon i went ahead and look for her and we sat down and talked about it.
what she said was that she did not have the intention to end the r/s but she behaved in that manner becoz there's something but she did not wish to tell me what it is...
ok so now i'm still taking things as it comes...well if its still salvagable i think i will not give it up easily.. -
Im not imposing my views on anyone. It's their choice to accept it or leave it. My views are open to be challenged so that you can see many sides of the picture instead of just a small part of it. So no, I dun think too highly of myself and neither do I think Im wrong either. Im very sure of myself because the girl's actions speak the loudest.Originally posted by Devil1976:Keep it low boy. No offence, but I think you're thinking too highly of yourself.
When in actual facts, your 'ideas' often are just confined within your own thoughts and pretty much lack practicality.
I personally doesn't mind more suggestive perceptions.. BUT suggesting that one's own ideas are the 'truth' almost all the time for your instance probably needs a little toning down and reviewing... Don't you think?
The thing is Im not going to force it down anyone's throat to accept it like it is because it is your own free will after all. But like I said, I am very sure of myself that I only read the girl's actions to determine my opinions match the real reason behind everything.
As for practicality, where's your basis for saying that? Don't get me wrong. I respect you as someone senior as well as other posters. Your insights are definitely valuable, serious. Maybe you can't accept my ideas as the truth but I tell you what I think. It's definitely part of the whole truth, if not the whole thing.
I don't want the guy to be treated like crap when he does not deserve it. Don't get me wrong. Im not trying to tell him to be a bastard either. He just needs to be reciprocated. I believe he is a good guy who just cannot believe why it appears to be like this. Forget the whole bullshit about to love is to give. A true r/s should be fair and square.
As for the truth, I will face the truth if the r/s is not meant to be. I will only be true to myself after all. I'd rather be happy than to be a slave to unrequited love.
After a long text, hope you dun get offended by my politically incorrect ideas lol. Just hope Im making sense to you...I want more gd guys feel they are being satisfied in a r/s.
doko -
so what is so great abt her, they r plentiful of gals out there that r good and got feelings, trhis is not the gal u want as your wife right? maybe she thinks herself big, even if she regard u as her bf, she should at least talk or discuss. not just by ignoring. by ignoring she is just proud and no good person. hey safe yourself now then regret later. she is not the only great gal there, alot of gals out there that is better and be kind to u.
i 100% feels she is wrong to just ignore u, hey the more u r nice or giving in or looks kind or she find u easy, she do that. let her know u r great person or a hunk, not just a limp. -
Power struggle? Can you try to elaborate more? I am not familiar with this in a relationship between guy and girl.Originally posted by dokono:Haha..in any r/s... there is usually some sort of power struggle that either party wants...and no offense, girls, it is usually the women. All women test guys. That is where the man can see if he is called the true MAN. The woman wants to see if the bf is a real MAN to be worthy of her baby. It's about protecting his own stand.
I feel that in areas of r/s especially, guys should learn to hold back and not attempt to rush in to fix things. That's because it means pressure to the woman. The guy should feel as if it does not affect him. If things get bad, prepare to get out. No one likes cracks to appear. In short, take a zen-like approach.
Usually the women? I believe many of us men are also testing water to see if the relationship is worth investing further or not. So I do not really think its all women who wanted to "test" all the time.
I do agree with you that guys should learn to hold back and not rush in to fix things when it comes to relationship cracks. However I do not understand the "if things get bad, prepare to get out" part. Why so?
Taking a zen-like approach. Hmm... I am not sure about this but I think not all people can use this approach well, for not many are patient or understanding by nature. Its a virtue to be learnt and cultivated though. -
But we all eat rice leh. We are Fan(4) Tong(3)!!!Originally posted by Yunhaier: You know like a meal?
If all similar dishes, the taste is gonna be damn boring.
Cheers -
Power struggle? Have you noticed that in all the complaints in r/s in the forum? Either the girl wants the power or the man over the other party. I say it's usually the girl. Girls want to be pampered and be treated like princesses. Not all girls give in the r/s. When they are married, the woman wants control by controlling the purse strings. Married couples quarrel because of money. Read and observe stories of breakups and carefully analyse all these. There are successful stories but Im talking about the failed ones. Try to understand why failed marriages are on the rise.Originally posted by Bontakun:Power struggle? Can you try to elaborate more? I am not familiar with this in a relationship between guy and girl.
Usually the women? I believe many of us men are also testing water to see if the relationship is worth investing further or not. So I do not really think its all women who wanted to "test" all the time.
I do agree with you that guys should learn to hold back and not rush in to fix things when it comes to relationship cracks. However I do not understand the "if things get bad, prepare to get out" part. Why so?
Taking a zen-like approach. Hmm... I am not sure about this but I think not all people can use this approach well, for not many are patient or understanding by nature. Its a virtue to be learnt and cultivated though.
Testing? Even you want to be fair in the r/s, it is usually very hard to avoid. Even the nicest girl will test you, subconsciously, in a r/s unless you are just a normal male friend. If you are weak and easily intimidated by her, there's no way she can respect you. Treat all tests as opportunity to display your strong stance as a man.
Get bad? When you know it's gone case sooner or later, the earlier you get out to retain your pride, the better. When you know whatever you do, the woman will not like you. You also feel less hurt. You might not be used to it.
Zen-like? Because many people by nature like to rush and rush into a r/s. And the woman feels pressure because of this. I feel it's better to let her rush into this.
doko -
Ok, let me sumarise what you have said here: If a person does NOT know the other party WELL enough and jump into the love wagon, all those you mentioned will more or less happen.Originally posted by dokono:Power struggle? Have you noticed that in all the complaints in r/s in the forum? Either the girl wants the power or the man over the other party. I say it's usually the girl. Girls want to be pampered and be treated like princesses. Not all girls give in the r/s. When they are married, the woman wants control by controlling the purse strings. Married couples quarrel because of money. Read and observe stories of breakups and carefully analyse all these. There are successful stories but Im talking about the failed ones. Try to understand why failed marriages are on the rise.
Testing? Even you want to be fair in the r/s, it is usually very hard to avoid. Even the nicest girl will test you, subconsciously, in a r/s unless you are just a normal male friend. If you are weak and easily intimidated by her, there's no way she can respect you. Treat all tests as opportunity to display your strong stance as a man.
Get bad? When you know it's gone case sooner or later, the earlier you get out to retain your pride, the better. When you know whatever you do, the woman will not like you. You also feel less hurt. You might not be used to it.
Zen-like? Because many people by nature like to rush and rush into a r/s. And the woman feels pressure because of this. I feel it's better to let her rush into this.
doko
So basically, it all boils down to how well the person knows and understands the other party well enough before deciding should the person go for it and raise the level of the relationship to another level or not.
Unfortunately very few people are capable of holding on to the initial passion and feelings for the "love" for the other party and analyse the possibilities of the relationship before investing into it.
We see so many couples saying how they got together. Some say they met eye to eye and dated. Some took longer time and confess their feelings and got together. Some are more direct and just tell them. Many fall in "love" based on the initial feelings and heat of passion because they want to feel the emotions of the moment. They rarely consider the consequences of dating on impulse unless they had in mind to date ONLY and nothing else involved.
It is beneficial for those who post their problems in AA and for the many people who give their suggestions, views and advices. On the one hand, the troubled can find many options and ponder upon it. On the other hand, the people who read the problems and postings can learn a few good things as well as to what will they do if they are in the TS's shoes.
Beers. -
From what i see, your gf is just immature or she doesn't 'really' love u.
Sometimes its useless to just talk it thru. She will give u all kinds of reasons for her behaviour and that she still love you, but end of the day she still acts the same.
Actually, ur prob is very easy to solve. Just that u cannot accept the truth atm. You cannot change her overnight but if she loves u, she will consider your feelings and not give u heartaches everyday.
Cool off from her and see how she reacts. If she really loves you, she will look for you again. If not, give her up. -
Hey TS,
i strongly recommend you read the following's posts again and again untill you understand what they mean:
Dokono at 20/10 10:51 and 11.04
Yun (except at 21/10 11:14)
Rockstar
Devil.
I'll like to add to the above though or emphasize the following.
I think you are very high emotional maintenance. It is very stressful for a person who dates a very high emotional maintenance person. that could be the reason why your relationships usually last only half a year.
Another thing. You are showing that you are so weak! Gals dun like weak guys! Learn to stay cool, or at least for a start, appear cool (then slowly learn to stay cool). Take things easy! Don't be so uptight. Remember this.
With absolutely no intention of malice or slamming you, i write the above because i mean well. Take care.