I'm so sad...it hurts so bad...
-
Originally posted by FailureOfTheNation:the only thing i can think of is that whenever she treats me like this, i will be very aggressive and keep pestering her to try and solve the problem, because in my opinion i canot just leave the situation in such a tense state and do nothing and watch the relationship die...
Never ever be aggressive.
Never pester.
Take things easy. Go easy on yourself, go easy on her.
Again, don't be so uptight. -
Originally posted by dokono:Im not imposing my views on anyone. It's their choice to accept it or leave it. My views are open to be challenged so that you can see many sides of the picture instead of just a small part of it. So no, I dun think too highly of myself and neither do I think Im wrong either. Im very sure of myself because the girl's actions speak the loudest.
The thing is Im not going to force it down anyone's throat to accept it like it is because it is your own free will after all. But like I said, I am very sure of myself that I only read the girl's actions to determine my opinions match the real reason behind everything.
As for practicality, where's your basis for saying that? Don't get me wrong. I respect you as someone senior as well as other posters. Your insights are definitely valuable, serious. Maybe you can't accept my ideas as the truth but I tell you what I think. It's definitely part of the whole truth, if not the whole thing.
I don't want the guy to be treated like crap when he does not deserve it. Don't get me wrong. Im not trying to tell him to be a bastard either. He just needs to be reciprocated. I believe he is a good guy who just cannot believe why it appears to be like this. Forget the whole bullshit about to love is to give. A true r/s should be fair and square.
As for the truth, I will face the truth if the r/s is not meant to be. I will only be true to myself after all. I'd rather be happy than to be a slave to unrequited love.
After a long text, hope you dun get offended by my politically incorrect ideas lol. Just hope Im making sense to you...I want more gd guys feel they are being satisfied in a r/s.
doko
Actually I think what Devil meant is that you may have more absolute subjectiveness than being more objective because sometimes I feel it that manner.
Aiya, to me, I welcome more variety of dishes.
Cheers -
Yes... Having a rather personal point of view... At times saying that it's not everything but maybe just a small part of the truth... At other times saying that a personalised point of view based on own experience is the absolute truth and 'simply common sense' is.... Weird?Originally posted by Yunhaier: Actually I think what Devil meant is that you may have more absolute subjectiveness than being more objective because sometimes I feel it that manner.
Aiya, to me, I welcome more variety of dishes.
Cheers -
I hard to get personal, and I understand you do have your own concerns... But like you've mentioned about giving more opinions for the TS to consider... STOP saying that your 'suggestions' are the 'truth'.... Don't mind me saying this, but I often feel much humoured by that.... But only to that extent.. You should have also already noted that I'm not the only person bringing this up. And seriously... It's not like we've got anything personal against you... Like I've said, more perceptions are always cool... Not when you're starting to mislead TS that only your point of view is the 'simply the truth'.... The fact is... Alot of things are really not that simple no matter how much you would like to simplify things...Originally posted by dokono:Im not imposing my views on anyone. It's their choice to accept it or leave it. My views are open to be challenged so that you can see many sides of the picture instead of just a small part of it. So no, I dun think too highly of myself and neither do I think Im wrong either. Im very sure of myself because the girl's actions speak the loudest.
The thing is Im not going to force it down anyone's throat to accept it like it is because it is your own free will after all. But like I said, I am very sure of myself that I only read the girl's actions to determine my opinions match the real reason behind everything.
As for practicality, where's your basis for saying that? Don't get me wrong. I respect you as someone senior as well as other posters. Your insights are definitely valuable, serious. Maybe you can't accept my ideas as the truth but I tell you what I think. It's definitely part of the whole truth, if not the whole thing.
I don't want the guy to be treated like crap when he does not deserve it. Don't get me wrong. Im not trying to tell him to be a bastard either. He just needs to be reciprocated. I believe he is a good guy who just cannot believe why it appears to be like this. Forget the whole bullshit about to love is to give. A true r/s should be fair and square.
As for the truth, I will face the truth if the r/s is not meant to be. I will only be true to myself after all. I'd rather be happy than to be a slave to unrequited love.
After a long text, hope you dun get offended by my politically incorrect ideas lol. Just hope Im making sense to you...I want more gd guys feel they are being satisfied in a r/s.
doko
Let me bring about a common 'flaw' within your form of analysis... For example...
"My dad has a moustache." Common sense 'truth' yup? And this is based on my own experience... Now... Then I see my friend's father and my friend's friend's father... All have moustache... They are all true based on my own experience...
But should I be so sure as to conclude that all fathers wear a moustache?
Understand your own experience does not represents the whole truth... And no matter how wise one might be... Should one think in that absolute mindset, it's just already a flaw within its own form....
Another thing. If you're most willing to help in AA... Come with a correct form of mindset... It's not really your knowledge which determines who you are in here...
-
Cool!
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time to be single............enjoy some time alone, why notOriginally posted by FailureOfTheNation:i know, i can't help but feeling like a piece of shit...
its been 4 relationships so far, and all 4 failed within 6 months, not because of change-of-heart, not because of third party or whatever, but becuase of what?
it must be me..i must be a flop bf. -
Ah... yes I agree with you. You see my point.Originally posted by Bontakun:Ok, let me sumarise what you have said here: If a person does NOT know the other party WELL enough and jump into the love wagon, all those you mentioned will more or less happen.
So basically, it all boils down to how well the person knows and understands the other party well enough before deciding should the person go for it and raise the level of the relationship to another level or not.
Unfortunately very few people are capable of holding on to the initial passion and feelings for the "love" for the other party and analyse the possibilities of the relationship before investing into it.
We see so many couples saying how they got together. Some say they met eye to eye and dated. Some took longer time and confess their feelings and got together. Some are more direct and just tell them. Many fall in "love" based on the initial feelings and heat of passion because they want to feel the emotions of the moment. They rarely consider the consequences of dating on impulse unless they had in mind to date ONLY and nothing else involved.
It is beneficial for those who post their problems in AA and for the many people who give their suggestions, views and advices. On the one hand, the troubled can find many options and ponder upon it. On the other hand, the people who read the problems and postings can learn a few good things as well as to what will they do if they are in the TS's shoes.
Beers.
doko -
Thanks for your feedback...Originally posted by Devil1976:I hard to get personal, and I understand you do have your own concerns... But like you've mentioned about giving more opinions for the TS to consider... STOP saying that your 'suggestions' are the 'truth'.... Don't mind me saying this, but I often feel much humoured by that.... But only to that extent.. You should have also already noted that I'm not the only person bringing this up. And seriously... It's not like we've got anything personal against you... Like I've said, more perceptions are always cool... Not when you're starting to mislead TS that only your point of view is the 'simply the truth'.... The fact is... Alot of things are really not that simple no matter how much you would like to simplify things...
Let me bring about a common 'flaw' within your form of analysis... For example...
"My dad has a moustache." Common sense 'truth' yup? And this is based on my own experience... Now... Then I see my friend's father and my friend's friend's father... All have moustache... They are all true based on my own experience...
But should I be so sure as to conclude that all fathers wear a moustache?
Understand your own experience does not represents the whole truth... And no matter how wise one might be... Should one think in that absolute mindset, it's just already a flaw within its own form....
Another thing. If you're most willing to help in AA... Come with a correct form of mindset... It's not really your knowledge which determines who you are in here...
A lot of things are that simple. People think too much. Eh ok let me give you a typical example: The girl treats the guy very coldly suddenly after a few months. I can only explain it with dropping feelings for the guy and/or there is something wrong with her character and you found out sooner. Maybe a lot of people will say she is troubled, she has a nightmare, she failed her test, blah blah etc. Well they maybe true but the no. 1 priority which is the girl's feelings towards the guy has to be considered as well. That is what Im driving at. You see my point? It is very important in a r/s. She will never mention "Get lost! Im turned off by the sight of your face!" She will just give another excuse. It's like talking to a wall.
Haha... Im not trying to impose or brag anything here. Before I give my opinions, I always try to make sure what is really happening before posting them. At least they have to make sense, in accordance to reality. Because, after all, reality is that simple.
doko -
Originally posted by vgal:
TS
Hey TS,
i strongly recommend you read the following's posts again and again untill you understand what they mean:
Dokono at 20/10 10:51 and 11.04
Yun (except at 21/10 11:14)
Rockstar
Devil.
I'll like to add to the above though or emphasize the following.
I think you are very high emotional maintenance. It is very stressful for a person who dates a very high emotional maintenance person. that could be the reason why your relationships usually last only half a year.
Another thing. You are showing that you are so weak! Gals dun like weak guys! Learn to stay cool, or at least for a start, appear cool (then slowly learn to stay cool). Take things easy! Don't be so uptight. Remember this.
With absolutely no intention of malice or slamming you, i write the above because i mean well. Take care.
[b][/b]
please take note of Vgal's particular advice as well. This is great advice.
doko -
wow, din know the thread had exploded into such fierce exchanging of views and opinions.
anyway, i do read all of your replies and many of those have managed to make me view things in another perspective which would i otherwise would not managed to be able to see at all, and for that i thank all of you guys.
the points which you guys have observed, especially those about me, for example, too possessive, too aggressive, well i was never able to see it myself but yup now i know.
especially this line which struck sense deep into my head:
if its going to be a painful break, then let it be now.
what's the point to delay if the outcome is going to be the same? other guys out there facing the same situation as me, please take into consideration this. doesnt matter if you managed to drag on for another day, another week, or another year, still the outcome is the same...so no point.
as for my situation now, it is indeed getting better. perhaps because of the confrontation, which i gave her an ultimatium which is if she is going to continue treating me like that then there's no point in us being together.
i believe because of my behaviour in the early stages of the r/s (giving in, enduring craps etc), it portrayed me as someone who cannot live without her, and so she wasnt afraid of losing me. but now that i took the step to confront her, perhaps she can realize my true worth.
what if she stays the same? then now i have a clearer mind on what to do...
once again, thank you all. -
Then don't mind me telling you a 'simple truth' here... You're not suitable for counselling another at all... At this point, I just can't help but to ask how old you are...? Not that I belittle age at all, I'm just curious how old you are to be thinking at this...Originally posted by dokono:Thanks for your feedback...
A lot of things are that simple. People think too much. Eh ok let me give you a typical example: The girl treats the guy very coldly suddenly after a few months. I can only explain it with dropping feelings for the guy and/or there is something wrong with her character and you found out sooner. Maybe a lot of people will say she is troubled, she has a nightmare, she failed her test, blah blah etc. Well they maybe true but the no. 1 priority which is the girl's feelings towards the guy has to be considered as well. That is what Im driving at. You see my point? It is very important in a r/s. She will never mention "Get lost! Im turned off by the sight of your face!" She will just give another excuse. It's like talking to a wall.
Haha... Im not trying to impose or brag anything here. Before I give my opinions, I always try to make sure what is really happening before posting them. At least they have to make sense, in accordance to reality. Because, after all, reality is that simple.
doko
Using your own 'typical example', I shall tell you why this is so....
A girl treating a guy coldly for few months... You came up with 2 conclusions of priority... Dropping feelings for that guy or fault with the girl's character?
The worse is when you've came up with the possibilities that the girl might be facing other problems in her life and STILL so 'simply' brushed those away as 'unimportant' or of a 'lesser priority'...?
Obviously you've never seen a person who's in depression or really troubled before... A person who sometimes cannot control his / her own temper...? With your 'simple example', you're telling me that these people just deserves to be condemned...?
It's REAL FUNNY how you can PRIORITISE or come up with suggestive conclusions like...
Troubled girl => Dropped feelings for a guy?
OR
Troubled girl => fault in a girl's character...
Let me tell you a few 'simple conclusions' of my own...
1. No matter a male or a female alike. Are you suggesting that a person has to be 'perfect' without temper to be in a relationship? Or that a person in true love in a relationship would not have any temper?
2. Isn't a love relationship about 'love' and caring for each other...? Shouldn't you be asking and caring for your partner when things go wrong for him / her? Instead of using a SIMPLE 'finger-pointing-method'.. "If her feelings for me is strong enough, she shouldn't do something like that"....?
3. It seems to me that you simply have little idea of what 'love' is truly about... But rather the 'delusion' that you do know 'quite simply' ALOT about it...? Using 'common sense'...?
4. I 'simply' don't see what you've got to brag... And I won't be pretty much surprised if you're the only person feeling that way...
5. Your thoughts and opinions often contradicts yourself... And you seems so eager to 'prove something' than much of anything else... You seems too 'self-absorbed' to seriously listen to what others have got to say, and is pretty much confined within your own thoughts...
Like I've already mentioned enough... Although you DO give reasonable advices or SUGGESTIONS at times... It's just sad to see someone SO DELUSIONISED.
Nothing too personal I hope? But I believe there're certainly other places to 'prove' how SMART you are other than AA yup?
GOOD DAY.... -
Originally posted by FailureOfTheNation:
It's good to know where you stand and not be too 'soft'?
wow, din know the thread had exploded into such fierce exchanging of views and opinions.
anyway, i do read all of your replies and many of those have managed to make me view things in another perspective which would i otherwise would not managed to be able to see at all, and for that i thank all of you guys.
the points which you guys have observed, especially those about me, for example, too possessive, too aggressive, well i was never able to see it myself but yup now i know.
especially this line which struck sense deep into my head:
[b]if its going to be a painful break, then let it be now.
what's the point to delay if the outcome is going to be the same? other guys out there facing the same situation as me, please take into consideration this. doesnt matter if you managed to drag on for another day, another week, or another year, still the outcome is the same...so no point.
as for my situation now, it is indeed getting better. perhaps because of the confrontation, which i gave her an ultimatium which is if she is going to continue treating me like that then there's no point in us being together.
i believe because of my behaviour in the early stages of the r/s (giving in, enduring craps etc), it portrayed me as someone who cannot live without her, and so she wasnt afraid of losing me. but now that i took the step to confront her, perhaps she can realize my true worth.
what if she stays the same? then now i have a clearer mind on what to do...
once again, thank you all.[/b]
But don't try to pull any stunt or try anything too 'fantastic' just to 'prove anything' if she's really quite important to you...
REMEMBER. When a milk becomes SPILLED, too late crying over it...
KEEP A BALANCE FOR NOW.
GOOD LUCK. -
thanks for that devil..Originally posted by Devil1976:It's good to know where you stand and not be too 'soft'?
But don't try to pull any stunt or try anything too 'fantastic' just to 'prove anything' if she's really quite important to you...
REMEMBER. When a milk becomes SPILLED, too late crying over it...
KEEP A BALANCE FOR NOW.
GOOD LUCK.
anyway we are in our early mid-twenties, if you get what is that haha
handling a r/s is much tougher than chionging through the forest in brunei.
-
I understand your concern. Im not going to argue with you over this small matter. I just want to focus on the context of this thread. It's more important than personal issues.Originally posted by Devil1976:Then don't mind me telling you a 'simple truth' here... You're not suitable for counselling another at all... At this point, I just can't help but to ask how old you are...? Not that I belittle age at all, I'm just curious how old you are to be thinking at this...
Using your own 'typical example', I shall tell you why this is so....
A girl treating a guy coldly for few months... You came up with 2 conclusions of priority... Dropping feelings for that guy or fault with the girl's character?
The worse is when you've came up with the possibilities that the girl might be facing other problems in her life and STILL so 'simply' brushed those away as 'unimportant' or of a 'lesser priority'...?
Obviously you've never seen a person who's in depression or really troubled before... A person who sometimes cannot control his / her own temper...? With your 'simple example', you're telling me that these people just deserves to be condemned...?
It's REAL FUNNY how you can PRIORITISE or come up with suggestive conclusions like...
Troubled girl => Dropped feelings for a guy?
OR
Troubled girl => fault in a girl's character...
Let me tell you a few 'simple conclusions' of my own...
1. No matter a male or a female alike. Are you suggesting that a person has to be 'perfect' without temper to be in a relationship? Or that a person in true love in a relationship would not have any temper?
2. Isn't a love relationship about 'love' and caring for each other...? Shouldn't you be asking and caring for your partner when things go wrong for him / her? Instead of using a SIMPLE 'finger-pointing-method'.. "If her feelings for me is strong enough, she shouldn't do something like that"....?
3. It seems to me that you simply have little idea of what 'love' is truly about... But rather the 'delusion' that you do know 'quite simply' ALOT about it...? Using 'common sense'...?
4. I 'simply' don't see what you've got to brag... And I won't be pretty much surprised if you're the only person feeling that way...
5. Your thoughts and opinions often contradicts yourself... And you seems so eager to 'prove something' than much of anything else... You seems too 'self-absorbed' to seriously listen to what others have got to say, and is pretty much confined within your own thoughts...
Like I've already mentioned enough... Although you DO give reasonable advices or SUGGESTIONS at times... It's just sad to see someone SO DELUSIONISED.
Nothing too personal I hope? But I believe there're certainly other places to 'prove' how SMART you are other than AA yup?
GOOD DAY....
In this guy's context, Im not condemning the girl. I never condemn people. I don't accuse one party until there are consistent actions. For example, if the girl doesnt love the guy anymore, how can I condemn the girl? I can't force it. I can't buy her 999 roses and make her come back to me! The feelings are not there anymore! It's called facing reality.
In this thread, when the girl treated him coldly consistently while she enjoys herself in the presence of so many people. Obviously, she is CLINICALLY SANE and she treated him like that. It's funny how come when in love people can give excuses like "depression", "bird flu" or worse "bad temper"? Can you afford a wife with a bad temper?
But did the threadstarter not think of these: Can it be her feelings/respect for me that is decreasing? Was it my behaviours/actions turning her off after we got attached that made her behave towards me like this? Was it because the man she used to have a crush on is different after being attached to him and she is disappointed? But... people rationalise and give excuses like "haze", "fever" "did not take my lunch" whatever bullcrap they choose to believe.
Remember, Im still focusing on the context of this thread. Im stating opinions based on one side of the story. Go read TS's post on page 2, 21 October 2006, 11:32 AM. What do you think the girl is thinking if you were the girl? But we will have different opinions. He is talking to a WALL! Why? The guy is pressurising her! Only people like us can tell because we are watching from a third party point of view. The more you want to open, the more she wants to run away!
Assuming she loved him and she treated him as if she owned him. From the context of the TS's ranting, it is obvious she was pampered too much, resulting in him being taken granted for. Don't ask me why. Females are turned off by this behaviour.
The girl did not lose temper. She lost her respect for him instead. Everyone has a temper but in varying amounts. This depends on how much you can take from a partner. I say the best is not to argue at all. Yes, love is about caring. I want you to love. You should show concern when she is genuinely feeling down, not when she is enjoying in the accompany of friends but not in the bf? What kind of bullsense is that? I thought her face is supposed to glow in her bf's pampering?
No i do not know a lot. I still have much more to learn from you and other posters. My quest for knowledge is never-ending. I do believe you give correct advice as well. Seeing that I respect you even though I have not seen your face before, I have no reason to be deluded, just that I know what Im talking about. Because you post things that I agree though not totally. How can you force someone to agree with you? Is that person deluded then for not agreeing with you even though he is mentally sound? The fact that I made effort to reply shows my respect for you.
You don't have to agree with this post.
With that,
Enjoy your holiday!
doko -
Btw, no matter how things might turn or seems to drift... One very important factor for you is your emotional stir ups... Try to keep yourself in check and not let your own anxiety messes things up for you...Originally posted by FailureOfTheNation:thanks for that devil..
anyway we are in our early mid-twenties, if you get what is that haha
handling a r/s is much tougher than chionging through the forest in brunei. -
I think you do make some of your valid points in this post of yours. You're holding some fundamental flaws within your style of reasoning... To make things worse, you're actually stubborn in your belief if not over-confident in your ability to analyse sometimes...Originally posted by dokono:I understand your concern. Im not going to argue with you over this small matter. I just want to focus on the context of this thread. It's more important than personal issues.
In this guy's context, Im not condemning the girl. I never condemn people. I don't accuse one party until there are consistent actions. For example, if the girl doesnt love the guy anymore, how can I condemn the girl? I can't force it. I can't buy her 999 roses and make her come back to me! The feelings are not there anymore! It's called facing reality.
In this thread, when the girl treated him coldly consistently while she enjoys herself in the presence of so many people. Obviously, she is CLINICALLY SANE and she treated him like that. It's funny how come when in love people can give excuses like "depression", "bird flu" or worse "bad temper"? Can you afford a wife with a bad temper?
But did the threadstarter not think of these: Can it be her feelings/respect for me that is decreasing? Was it my behaviours/actions turning her off after we got attached that made her behave towards me like this? Was it because the man she used to have a crush on is different after being attached to him and she is disappointed? But... people rationalise and give excuses like "haze", "fever" "did not take my lunch" whatever bullcrap they choose to believe.
Remember, Im still focusing on the context of this thread. Im stating opinions based on one side of the story. Go read TS's post on page 2, 21 October 2006, 11:32 AM. What do you think the girl is thinking if you were the girl? But we will have different opinions. He is talking to a WALL! Why? The guy is pressurising her! Only people like us can tell because we are watching from a third party point of view. The more you want to open, the more she wants to run away!
Assuming she loved him and she treated him as if she owned him. From the context of the TS's ranting, it is obvious she was pampered too much, resulting in him being taken granted for. Don't ask me why. Females are turned off by this behaviour.
The girl did not lose temper. She lost her respect for him instead. Everyone has a temper but in varying amounts. This depends on how much you can take from a partner. I say the best is not to argue at all. Yes, love is about caring. I want you to love. You should show concern when she is genuinely feeling down, not when she is enjoying in the accompany of friends but not in the bf? What kind of bullsense is that? I thought her face is supposed to glow in her bf's pampering?
No i do not know a lot. I still have much more to learn from you and other posters. My quest for knowledge is never-ending. I do believe you give correct advice as well. Seeing that I respect you even though I have not seen your face before, I have no reason to be deluded, just that I know what Im talking about. Because you post things that I agree though not totally. How can you force someone to agree with you? Is that person deluded then for not agreeing with you even though he is mentally sound? The fact that I made effort to reply shows my respect for you.
You don't have to agree with this post.
With that,
Enjoy your holiday!
doko
I'm not saying you must agree with my form of thoughts. I'm just asking you to keep an open-mind for things... Always thinking that your thoughts are 'simply the truth' is never wise... Least to say it's quite an irresponsible act to guide a lost one based on your biased view....
You do not properly hold the correct mindset for counselling another. When I made my point in my last post, you told me you won't wanna argue with me. This is fine with me. But instead, you tried to argue with me AVOIDING altogether the LOOPHOLE you've shown in your previous post. This just seems rather 'weird' for me. Alot of times you can say one thing but yet do another.
You try to belittle others' comments even though you have already admitted that you don't know alot. If you want others to respect your post, but show minimum respect for others' advices.. Alot of times they need not be 'craps' or bullsh|ts like you've suggested... You just FAIL to UNDERSTAND their points... But INSTEAD tries to IRON and RULE OUT their worthy points BASED on your BIASED conception....
As much as I can be LAZY, you've got me STARTED... WAKE UP.
Like I've said, YOUR FORM OF MINDSET IS NOT SUITABLE FOR COUNSELLING FOR NOW.
I really don't wish to pick any bone with you as nobody's perfect. But just as nobody's perfect... I'm hereby telling you that your 'simple mentality' doesn't work alot of the time. You can try to argue for your point if you want, but do NOT let me see you BELITTLE or PUT DOWN another AA advising party again SIMPLY because you THINK you are right... -
Btw, let me know if these conversations going on between me and dokono is bothering you...Originally posted by FailureOfTheNation:thanks for that devil..
anyway we are in our early mid-twenties, if you get what is that haha
handling a r/s is much tougher than chionging through the forest in brunei. -
hmm what do you mean? when things get bad and she starts ignoring me again for no apparent reason do u mean i must keep my emotions in check and not do anything??Originally posted by Devil1976:Btw, no matter how things might turn or seems to drift... One very important factor for you is your emotional stir ups... Try to keep yourself in check and not let your own anxiety messes things up for you...
i admit at the point which she starts ignoring me i will go into emotional turmoil and think of all the negative stuff, but after a while i'll be ok and am able to try and resolve things calmly. -
When she starts ignoring you, and you go into emotional turmoil, wat did you do?Originally posted by FailureOfTheNation:hmm what do you mean? when things get bad and she starts ignoring me again for no apparent reason do u mean i must keep my emotions in check and not do anything??
i admit at the point which she starts ignoring me i will go into emotional turmoil and think of all the negative stuff, but after a while i'll be ok and am able to try and resolve things calmly. -
Originally posted by Devil1976:
Like I have said, anyone is free to agree or disagree with me based on their own judgement. I have already told TS from the start that he can choose to accept or ignore my comments. As much as I think other guys' posts are important, I definitely know what I am saying when I posted my comment. As such, I do not think I am biased because I do not rationalise behaviours. The reason I stick to my own beliefs is because I know what I am saying. Combined with other posters opinions, it does not confuse threadstarter. In fact, the whole truth can be seen.
I think you do make some of your valid points in this post of yours. You're holding some fundamental flaws within your style of reasoning... To make things worse, you're actually stubborn in your belief if not over-confident in your ability to analyse sometimes...
I'm not saying you must agree with my form of thoughts. I'm just asking you to keep an open-mind for things... Always thinking that your thoughts are 'simply the truth' is never wise... Least to say it's quite an irresponsible act to guide a lost one based on your biased view....
You do not properly hold the correct mindset for counselling another. When I made my point in my last post, you told me you won't wanna argue with me. This is fine with me. But instead, you tried to argue with me AVOIDING altogether the LOOPHOLE you've shown in your previous post. This just seems rather 'weird' for me. Alot of times you can say one thing but yet do another.
You try to belittle others' comments even though you have already admitted that you don't know alot. If you want others to respect your post, but show minimum respect for others' advices.. Alot of times they need not be 'craps' or bullsh|ts like you've suggested... You just FAIL to UNDERSTAND their points... But INSTEAD tries to IRON and RULE OUT their worthy points BASED on your BIASED conception....
As much as I can be LAZY, you've got me STARTED... WAKE UP.
Like I've said, [b]YOUR FORM OF MINDSET IS NOT SUITABLE FOR COUNSELLING FOR NOW.
I really don't wish to pick any bone with you as nobody's perfect. But just as nobody's perfect... I'm hereby telling you that your 'simple mentality' doesn't work alot of the time. You can try to argue for your point if you want, but do NOT let me see you BELITTLE or PUT DOWN another AA advising party again SIMPLY because you THINK you are right...
[/b]
I dunno what you mean by saying Im avoiding the loophole. Care to elaborate? Perhaps at times I was not too specific in my explanation. The main focus in on the TS's plight here. I do not want to argue but you kept saying I want to argue. This is supposed to be a friendly discussion. TS's situation is more important. That is the reason why I do not want to argue with you over my "so-called biased" opinions.
If you said my mindset was not correct, what is your definition of a correct mindset then? Are you saying that your mindset is the absolute mindset for all to adopt? Please enlighten me on this.
Nowhere did I belittle others' posts. I even encouraged TS to read good posts. I posted my comments and let TS decide himself. I repeat, I DID NOT belittle others' comments nor pick on them. If you notice carefully, most of the time I advise TS. I don't know how or where you get the idea I belittle people.
Are you saying that disagreeing with people is called belittling, in your definition? As much as I welcome people disagreeing with me, I believe I have the right to disagree as well.
As I said, the focus is on TS, not on my mindset/opinions/whatever. I don't wish to get personal. I do not wish to argue with anyone. I wish to receive/give constructive feedback.
I shall reiterate again. I want to have a friendly discussion.
I respect you as a moderator.
Thank you
doko -
FailureOfTheNation,
6 months..When it's the last time you guys were really happy together?
From what I see, she may not be ready for a serious relationship.
I'm not saying she's not serious about it, it's just that maybe you re coming in too strong.
Both of u are still studying right? Maybe she just want a simple, happy relationship and not those "objective-oriented" type that leads to marriage. It may just stress her off.
Not all issues had to be solved, like "right here, right now, all cards laid on the table". Sometimes gotta give your partner some space.
On the other hand, she might have feel both of you are not compatible and more often than not, they won't say or talk about it. It's purely personal preference. -
Originally posted by FailureOfTheNation:how can a relationship be perfect without any cracks?
The thing is NO relationship can be PERFECT!Originally posted by missqi: How can a relationship be perfect with any cracks?
If you are searching for a relationship that is Perfect, without any cracks. then u are pursuing something that does not exist.
look at it this way. u know there's certain things your bf/gf does that bugs you, like perhaps he/she is overly friendly towards her friends.... will that bug you if you were not in a relationship with him/her?
when we start a relationship with someone, we start to see them in a different light. we have diff. expectations for friends and for partners. it's a simple fact. hence we tend to quarrel/fight more with our partners then friends. BUT that is a GOOD thing (in moderation). cos it shows you CARE about him.
FailureOfTheNation, if u really treasure this relationship, think abt it, did u do anything wrong? talk to her, make her talk to you. clear things up.
you might wanna apologise first. it helps to cool her down before attempting to talk to her. so do something sweet, something nice for her.
u can msg me if u like a listening ear... -
FailureOfTheNation, this is one point i MUST Agree and Amphasis again....Originally posted by Devil1976:It's good to know where you stand and not be too 'soft'?
But don't try to pull any stunt or try anything too 'fantastic' just to 'prove anything' if she's really quite important to you...
REMEMBER. When a milk becomes SPILLED, too late crying over it...
KEEP A BALANCE FOR NOW.
GOOD LUCK.
if her heart is no longer with you, there's NOTHING you can do that can change that.
Don't do anything silly just to 'Show her how much she means to you' when that happened to me, it only showed me that i was right to leave. that he will only get worse, more dependent if i returned to him.
remember. NEVER do anything you'll regret. -
That should be pretty cool for now. Try to keep your emotional turmoils under control. It's ok to be 'disturbed' if it does not excessively bother you too much.Originally posted by FailureOfTheNation:hmm what do you mean? when things get bad and she starts ignoring me again for no apparent reason do u mean i must keep my emotions in check and not do anything??
i admit at the point which she starts ignoring me i will go into emotional turmoil and think of all the negative stuff, but after a while i'll be ok and am able to try and resolve things calmly.
Keeping your emotions in check does not mean you don't do anything. It's cool that you try to resolve things calmly there afterafter.. But REMEMBER... The period whereby you're thinking too negatively and confused is the same moment when disasters are more likely to happen.. Especially if you have that period prolonged..
Do your gf know about or have seen you in such turmoils before? -
I do not wish to waste my time on you for now.Originally posted by dokono:Like I have said, anyone is free to agree or disagree with me based on their own judgement. I have already told TS from the start that he can choose to accept or ignore my comments. As much as I think other guys' posts are important, I definitely know what I am saying when I posted my comment. As such, I do not think I am biased because I do not rationalise behaviours. The reason I stick to my own beliefs is because I know what I am saying. Combined with other posters opinions, it does not confuse threadstarter. In fact, the whole truth can be seen.
I dunno what you mean by saying Im avoiding the loophole. Care to elaborate? Perhaps at times I was not too specific in my explanation. The main focus in on the TS's plight here. I do not want to argue but you kept saying I want to argue. This is supposed to be a friendly discussion. TS's situation is more important. That is the reason why I do not want to argue with you over my "so-called biased" opinions.
If you said my mindset was not correct, what is your definition of a correct mindset then? Are you saying that your mindset is the absolute mindset for all to adopt? Please enlighten me on this.
Nowhere did I belittle others' posts. I even encouraged TS to read good posts. I posted my comments and let TS decide himself. I repeat, I DID NOT belittle others' comments nor pick on them. If you notice carefully, most of the time I advise TS. I don't know how or where you get the idea I belittle people.
Are you saying that disagreeing with people is called belittling, in your definition? As much as I welcome people disagreeing with me, I believe I have the right to disagree as well.
As I said, the focus is on TS, not on my mindset/opinions/whatever. I don't wish to get personal. I do not wish to argue with anyone. I wish to receive/give constructive feedback.
I shall reiterate again. I want to have a friendly discussion.
I respect you as a moderator.
Thank you
doko
Ask yourself what are you doing in AA.
Let your HEART be the ANSWER to whatever you've said.... Whatever you questioned... Whatever you did... Whatever you tried to show....
I do not ask of you to follow absolutely of my mindset... Each of us is an individual here... You are who you ARE....
Just be RESPONSIBLE for YOUR ADVICES...
GOOD DAY. And hopefully a better one tomorrow....?