Deep crush with female colleague... sigh
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my definition of Best friend is someone with whom i can be totally myself with. be it goofy, lame, idiotic, etc.
someone who accepts me as i am, whom i do not have to be too polite with, someone with whom i can say anything and everything.
someone who know me so well we can just sit down together not talk, doing nothing and yet still having fun.
someone who i know i can run to.
and of course vis versa -
Hi bro,Originally posted by gnehp:I feeling very guilty now about being in a very deep crush with my female colleague. I've a girlfriend of 6 years and our relationahip has been wonderful, we've been travelling the world together many times and she's my best friend. Recently I had to work with this female colleague of mine on a project. Not sure how it happened but I just can't stop thinking about her.
During the project, we had drinks every night and we seem to get along extremely well. So well that I thought she was my girlfriend. I think she likes me as well, but I'm not sure. She would come to me to chat very often. As we drank, she would rest her head on my shoulder. I just feel so comfortable with her around.
Even in office today, we would chat like friends and make fun of each other. Nothing that hints that we are close. I can't help but look at her each time she walks past my desk. She would look at me and give me a sweet smile.
I'm feeling really in the pits right now. I know it's wrong. I don't want this to happen and I treasure my relationship with my girlfriend. I need the strength to break free of such feelings but can't seem to find it.
I'm ashamed to talk to anyone about this but to share it anonymously here.
Btw, how old are u?
It is quite normal for man to hv crush for other girls, bcos it is the nature of MAN. BUT, u must think when the crush is over, what is left behind?
U hv a gf for 6yrs now, I beleived u both hv already reach the stage of being "get use" or "xi guan". This is the most vulnerable stage of a relationship whereby u both will take for granted.
If u hv a good relationship wif ur present gf now, y shld u go for a crush where u don't know the outcome? On top of that, u hv to build the relationship all over again. Unless u hv no more feeling for ur gf now, that is different ball game, but u said u 2 are perfect rite now.
I beleived ur female colleague is a attractive one, but trust me, when a man reach a certain age, u will find out that outlook is no more important, most important is what is inside a woman thats counts. I m not saying that ur female colleague is evil...... I think u shld know wat i mean....
Last but not least, be fair to ur gf, try to build a perfect relationship with her on top of a good one now, instead to choose a unknown relationship.
I hv fell down once b4, trust me, it is REAL painful, till now i still regret it, but life goes on..........
May Buddha bless u...... -
working together is one kinda life; staying together is another.
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always be careful... shall i call that fling? haha.. if u want to have fun, u better watch it... wait u burn ur hand then u knw..Originally posted by gnehp:I feeling very guilty now about being in a very deep crush with my female colleague. I've a girlfriend of 6 years and our relationahip has been wonderful, we've been travelling the world together many times and she's my best friend. Recently I had to work with this female colleague of mine on a project. Not sure how it happened but I just can't stop thinking about her.
Even in office today, we would chat like friends and make fun of each other. Nothing that hints that we are close. I can't help but look at her each time she walks past my desk. She would look at me and give me a sweet smile.
I'm feeling really in the pits right now. I know it's wrong. I don't want this to happen and I treasure my relationship with my girlfriend. I need the strength to break free of such feelings but can't seem to find it.
I'm ashamed to talk to anyone about this but to share it anonymously here.
been through what u have been..
my story
I left my bf whom i have been with 2 years for another guy... i really regretted a lot... till today i still can't forget my ex-bf.. bcos he still knows me the best.. but i still continue wif my current bf... mine is also office romance.. usually hard to last but some last..
dude, do think it through wad u wan... if not u will DEFINITELY REGRET FOREVER... take my advice... if can avoid her at cost.. rmb be FOCUS FOCUS FOCUS wad u n ur gf been through together.. n how much u two love each other in e beginning... when e project ended.. u won't see her anymore.. do u knw by going out wifout telling ur gf is cheating already...
Everythg starts from small... so beware of all ur actions n thinking.. its true no pt thinking wif ur dick.. shut it off.. think wif ur heart n mind... -
You are considered a lucky fellow to know such a good person, do you know how hard it is to know someone you can connect well with? Why can't you treat others as a friend? I believe it is due to desires and fantasy, innate of humans anyway.
You should continue to befriend your collegue, but without the alcohol. Perhaps you will see her true colors one day? -
hmm...Originally posted by rainee:erm...dun tink so.
A best fren means someone I share everything with. I share a lot of things about myself with my dear. He does the same to me as well. Whenever any of us has a problem, we will let each other know and will try to help each other out.
Of course, we are more than frens as well, we do have our intimate moments etc that frens do not have, but that does not mean he is not my best fren. I define close frens as those who will stand by you in the moment of needs and someone I can trust and have faith in.
If I cant find a best friend in my dear, who else can I find it in? I don't think I am that close to anyone else and no one else is always so ready to help me when I am in some deep trouble. And this does not lead to me taking him for granted. In fact it has helped us to appreaciate each other more.
Don't tell me that you do not share your problems with your gf? Does that cause her to take you for granted? Helping her when she is in trouble will cause her to do that to you?
if yes, then I think your relationship might be the dysfunctional one instead.
I agree when you said best friends help you when there are times of need. But best friends cannot be intimate with each other unless when there's chemistry it may bring over to the line of lovers.
But when it comes to being your gf/bf, things are different. We place special priority over the best friends at times. There's a tendency that we will treat our lovers better than best friends. Also, when it comes to r/s stuff, we also expect our partners to treat us well. There's a form of expectation there from both partners.
Don't get me wrong and don't put words into my speech by saying that helping her when she is in trouble will cause her to be like that. I want partners to help one another when there is trouble in times of crisis. But I think it's not good for the r/s to keep treating your gf as someone who will constantly be your Aunt Agony.
Trust me, it's not good for the r/s. Constantly treating your gf as Aunt Agony as in keep complaining to her your negativities will make her lose feelings because you are putting a lot of discomfort onto her, ie pressure. Try to stay positive as much as possible. Don't allow trivial stuff to cause your own self-esteem to be wrecked.
The man is supposed to be a source of inspiration for the lady, not to drown her with sorrows. Lady, I don't know about you. Would you like it if your bf keeps telling you sad stuff everyday, day in day out? I believe you are a very nice person and will console your bf as much as possible. But if he keeps complaining every single little thing to you every single minute as compared to a guy who keeps being positive as much as possible even though he is facing obstacles, who will you prefer?
That's my role as a lover. I will keep talking positives as much as possible. I want my lady to be happy. It's not being deluded, it's you looking at the bright side of things despite facing setbacks. Life will always throw something at you and if you are always going to be worked up, you are not going to live for long. So, always stay positive, happy and encourage each other. Don't take yourself too seriously and learn to laugh out loud easily, then move on. I don't want to keep harping on problems after problems with my girl.
After saying so much, so what is the difference between a lover and a best friend? It's that, you can share your best friends with your problems but try to stay away talking too much about your problems. We do talk about problems but I will not want to keep talking about it. The main priority of the r/s is to be a happy and upbeat one all the way. It's how you see things. You can remain positive or choose to be negative.
I know you may disagree but it's ok. It's how I see things should be.
doko -
doko, just stick to your point of view.
and appreciate how happy other relationships can be when couples are best friends.
All that u have mentioned exposes ur lack of understanding what a best friend couple relationship really means. U don;t need to understand cos ur relationship works for u, albeit differently. Anymore comments would be bordering on patronage. -
I agree with your first paragraph.Originally posted by Rock^Star:My definition of best friend: Someone who loves u totally and unselfishly (that includes guys friends). Someone whom u feel totally comfy with. Someone whom u can depend on. Someone whom u can trust. Someone whom there's absolute chemistry.
My gf fulfils all the above and therefore, is my best friend too. And for those reasons, I have good guy friends but not best friends. Wait later become Brokeback Mountain! 
Wait a min..you don't have a best guy friend? Better start getting closer, not to the point of being brokeback of course lol
doko -
rockOriginally posted by Rock^Star:doko, just stick to your point of view. and appreciate how happy other relationships can be when couples are best friends.
All that u have mentioned exposes ur lack of understanding what a best friend couple relationship really means. U don;t need to understand cos ur relationship works for u, albeit differently. Anymore comments would be bordering on patronage.
I know how you feel about best friend couple r/s stuff. I used to think it that way as well. Now, to me, it's not the same. Lovers can never be treated as best friends.
There's a fine line that exists due to the expectations of a r/s.
doko -
Hear hear!! Rock^Star, I couldn't have said that better myself!!!Originally posted by Rock^Star:doko, just stick to your point of view. and appreciate how happy other relationships can be when couples are best friends.
All that u have mentioned exposes ur lack of understanding what a best friend couple relationship really means. U don;t need to understand cos ur relationship works for u, albeit differently. Anymore comments would be bordering on patronage. -
Doko, you still do not understand that the concept of haveing a partner that is also your best friend does not mean u treat your partner as strictly your bestfriend...Originally posted by dokono:rock
I know how you feel about best friend couple r/s stuff. I used to think it that way as well. Now, to me, it's not the same. Lovers can never be treated as best friends.
There's a fine line that exists due to the expectations of a r/s.
doko
I guess this concept is best understood when you experience it.
i do hope you'll understand it one day. -
smudgeyOriginally posted by smudgey:Doko, you still do not understand that the concept of haveing a partner that is also your best friend does not mean u treat your partner as strictly your bestfriend...
I guess this concept is best understood when you experience it.
i do hope you'll understand it one day.
I do agree with what you say in your first paragraph...only the last several words "does not mean strictly treat your partner as your partner as your best friend"
Nothing wrong. Different people have different definitions of the words "best friends". It's a very wide scope.
doko -
ok fine.Originally posted by dokono:smudgey
I do agree with what you say in your first paragraph...only the last several words "does not mean strictly treat your partner as your partner as your best friend"
Nothing wrong. Different people have different definitions of the words "best friends". It's a very wide scope.
doko
but once again,
I do hope you'll understand it one day. -
No hard feelings if I disagree with you. Just a exchange of opinions and something to share here.Originally posted by smudgey:ok fine.
but once again,
I do hope you'll understand it one day.
And, Thank you. I do appreciate it.
With that, we shall revert back to the original topic.
doko -
a lot of good advice here... but let me add on something
This is a "colleague". And be mindful of office romance if u value your career.
it is common to flirt even when attached. so I think you shouldn't read too much into this gal's action towards you.
Maybe all she wants is a flirt.... and nothing long term and u r just making yourself miserable by being so concern and worried...
as for flirting. it is quite common lah. just don't let it get out of hand.... i think you are basically pretty much at the threshold of flirting already... move along somemore and u r pretty like "cheating" on your gf. -
I thank you all who have responded for your comments and advice. I know what I want in life, just that the part of getting rid of the feeling for my colleague is tough. We sit side by side, separated by a partition. I see her everyday and we communicate in office by popping our heads across the partition. Still joke a lot everyday in office. I'm sure the feeling will fade away soon. When I think back, I would laugh at my foolishness.
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Wah, why so excited?Originally posted by smudgey:Hear hear!! Rock^Star, I couldn't have said that better myself!!! Anyway, to have love and a best friend in one is great! -
Just wondering why you had drinks with her every night... Blame yourself for being an arse.... So why not change.Originally posted by gnehp:I feeling very guilty now about being in a very deep crush with my female colleague. I've a girlfriend of 6 years and our relationahip has been wonderful, we've been travelling the world together many times and she's my best friend. Recently I had to work with this female colleague of mine on a project. Not sure how it happened but I just can't stop thinking about her.
During the project, we had drinks every night and we seem to get along extremely well. So well that I thought she was my girlfriend. I think she likes me as well, but I'm not sure. She would come to me to chat very often. As we drank, she would rest her head on my shoulder. I just feel so comfortable with her around.
Even in office today, we would chat like friends and make fun of each other. Nothing that hints that we are close. I can't help but look at her each time she walks past my desk. She would look at me and give me a sweet smile.
I'm feeling really in the pits right now. I know it's wrong. I don't want this to happen and I treasure my relationship with my girlfriend. I need the strength to break free of such feelings but can't seem to find it.
I'm ashamed to talk to anyone about this but to share it anonymously here. -
Originally posted by dokono:
okie, I get your point about not talking too much about your problems with your gf. But I do not agree with you about "the main priority of a r/s is to be happy and upbeat all the way". The path to true love is not a smooth one. If you insist on bottling everything to yourself, then what's the point of having a r/s?
hmm...
I agree when you said best friends help you when there are times of need. But best friends cannot be intimate with each other unless when there's chemistry it may bring over to the line of lovers.
But when it comes to being your gf/bf, things are different. We place special priority over the best friends at times. There's a tendency that we will treat our lovers better than best friends. Also, when it comes to r/s stuff, we also expect our partners to treat us well. There's a form of expectation there from both partners.
Don't get me wrong and don't put words into my speech by saying that helping her when she is in trouble will cause her to be like that. I want partners to help one another when there is trouble in times of crisis.[b] But I think it's not good for the r/s to keep treating your gf as someone who will constantly be your Aunt Agony.
Trust me, it's not good for the r/s. Constantly treating your gf as Aunt Agony as in keep complaining to her your negativities will make her lose feelings because you are putting a lot of discomfort onto her, ie pressure. Try to stay positive as much as possible. Don't allow trivial stuff to cause your own self-esteem to be wrecked.
The man is supposed to be a source of inspiration for the lady, not to drown her with sorrows. Lady, I don't know about you. Would you like it if your bf keeps telling you sad stuff everyday, day in day out? I believe you are a very nice person and will console your bf as much as possible. But if he keeps complaining every single little thing to you every single minute as compared to a guy who keeps being positive as much as possible even though he is facing obstacles, who will you prefer?
That's my role as a lover. I will keep talking positives as much as possible. I want my lady to be happy. It's not being deluded, it's you looking at the bright side of things despite facing setbacks. Life will always throw something at you and if you are always going to be worked up, you are not going to live for long. So, always stay positive, happy and encourage each other. Don't take yourself too seriously and learn to laugh out loud easily, then move on. I don't want to keep harping on problems after problems with my girl.
After saying so much, so what is the difference between a lover and a best friend? It's that, you can share your best friends with your problems but try to stay away talking too much about your problems. We do talk about problems but I will not want to keep talking about it. The main priority of the r/s is to be a happy and upbeat one all the way. It's how you see things. You can remain positive or choose to be negative.
I know you may disagree but it's ok. It's how I see things should be.
doko
[/b]
As the saying goes, a problem shared is a problem halved. Sharing problems do bring couples closer as well. Of course I do not mean you should rant and complain to your gf every single day. But there is no point in trying to keep yourself positive and upbeat every single time just because you want your gf to feel happy and bottle everything to yourself. if you keep everything to yourself just because you do not want to pressure her, then one day you might just explode yourself.
Even with my best fren, I do not keep ranting to him or her. But when I have a big problem which I am troubled with for a long time, I will kinda get it out of my chest by talking to them...but that does not mean I will do this to them everyday.
Maybe you have the wrong definition of best frens as well. -
People got genuine problem and u call him an arse?Originally posted by banzie:Just wondering why you had drinks with her every night... Blame yourself for being an arse.... So why not change.
It's human to err and be attracted to another while attached. -
hmm...Originally posted by rainee:okie, I get your point about not talking too much about your problems with your gf. But I do not agree with you about "the main priority of a r/s is to be happy and upbeat all the way". The path to true love is not a smooth one. If you insist on bottling everything to yourself, then what's the point of having a r/s?
As the saying goes, a problem shared is a problem halved. Sharing problems do bring couples closer as well. Of course I do not mean you should rant and complain to your gf every single day. But there is no point in trying to keep yourself positive and upbeat every single time just because you want your gf to feel happy and bottle everything to yourself. if you keep everything to yourself just because you do not want to pressure her, then one day you might just explode yourself.
Even with my best fren, I do not keep ranting to him or her. But when I have a big problem which I am troubled with for a long time, I will kinda get it out of my chest by talking to them...but that does not mean I will do this to them everyday.
Maybe you have the wrong definition of best frens as well.
We can share problems. As I said, I will never keep talking about the problems. I will want to solve problems and not be a whiner. You got it? Read my post again and try to understand it...haha..I know you are a good girl. You want to help your bf. I don't know about you but I won't explode because it's all about practising self-control. It builds character and patience with yourself. There are many ways to release stress other than talking.
Also of course sometimes we have to use common sense and refrain from ranting to our friends everyday.
My point is: read all the threads, hear all the r/s issues problems and stuff, observe your own, you will come to realise that a male-female r/s is much more complicated than just best friends. It's just the way things work.
No offense here if I were to disagree with you. Of course, any guy who is your bf is surely a lucky guy. I would want him to enjoy your time spent together though.
doko -
I am not saying the male-female r/s is the same as frenshipOriginally posted by dokono:hmm...
We can share problems. As I said, I will never keep talking about the problems. I will want to solve problems and not be a whiner. You got it? Read my post again and try to understand it...haha..I know you are a good girl. You want to help your bf. I don't know about you but I won't explode because it's all about practising self-control. It builds character and patience with yourself. There are many ways to release stress other than talking.
Also of course sometimes we have to use common sense and refrain from ranting to our friends everyday.
My point is: read all the threads, hear all the r/s issues problems and stuff, observe your own, you will come to realise that a male-female r/s is much more complicated than just best friends. It's just the way things work.
No offense here if I were to disagree with you. Of course, any guy who is your bf is surely a lucky guy. I would want him to enjoy your time spent together though.
doko More like you are not reading what I want to say... 
Thing is, I have asked many of my frens, and I have also observed my own r/s as well as read about others, and I have seen many successful couples who said that they treat each other as best frens as well. Many forumites here have also been saying the same thing. But this does not mean that they are JUST best frens. They have other intimate moments that best frens do not have.
And you mention something interesting here: that you would like to be a solver, not a whiner. But do you know that sometimes girls just do not want their problems solved? They just want you to listen to them when they have had a hard day at work, and the more you try to solve it, the more agitated they will become and you will also feel irritated because you couldn't provide a solution. Sometimes, for a girl, the most effective method to relieve stress is to talk to someone about the thing that has been causing her a lot of stress Of course it is important to stay positive, but sumtimes it is important for us to have a ranting session every now and then and we do hope our bf to listen and hopefully get them to side with us. Dunno about other girls, but this is the way I work sometimes I just want to talk and I do not want my dear to provide a solution. Ain't that weird?
And my bf enjoys his time with me, even if sometimes we do complain to each other about our daily problems. I guess I will just get him here later to testify to this later -
Yeah...Originally posted by rainee:I am not saying the male-female r/s is the same as frenship More like you are not reading what I want to say...
Thing is, I have asked many of my frens, and I have also observed my own r/s as well as read about others, and I have seen many successful couples who said that they treat each other as best frens as well. Many forumites here have also been saying the same thing. But this does not mean that they are JUST best frens. They have other intimate moments that best frens do not have.
And you mention something interesting here: that you would like to be a solver, not a whiner. But do you know that sometimes girls just do not want their problems solved? They just want you to listen to them when they have had a hard day at work, and the more you try to solve it, the more agitated they will become and you will also feel irritated because you couldn't provide a solution. Sometimes, for a girl, the most effective method to relieve stress is to talk to someone about the thing that has been causing her a lot of stress Of course it is important to stay positive, but sumtimes it is important for us to have a ranting session every now and then and we do hope our bf to listen and hopefully get them to side with us. Dunno about other girls, but this is the way I work sometimes I just want to talk and I do not want my dear to provide a solution. Ain't that weird?
And my bf enjoys his time with me, even if sometimes we do complain to each other about our daily problems. I guess I will just get him here later to testify to this later
I agree with your 3rd paragraph. Guys should spend sometime to listen to their lady. It helps maintain the r/s. As for siding with you hopefully, it depends on the situation. Yes, guys do not need to provide a solution. They are not your psychiatrist either. Sometimes, girls already know what to do. They just want to release tension.
And yes, if possible, get your guy here. We can learn something.
doko -
yup, will show this thread to him definitely...but now he is offline while I am at my workplace...when he is online then I let him knowOriginally posted by dokono:Yeah...
I agree with your 3rd paragraph. Guys should spend sometime to listen to their lady. It helps maintain the r/s. As for siding with you hopefully, it depends on the situation. Yes, guys do not need to provide a solution. They are not your psychiatrist either. Sometimes, girls already know what to do. They just want to release tension.
And yes, if possible, get your guy here. We can learn something.
doko
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Originally posted by rainee:yup, will show this thread to him definitely...but now he is offline while I am at my workplace...when he is online then I let him know
doko