My Wife lied to me..
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I'm not uptight, neither am i offended. But i am very doubtful if you are aware of the implications and repercussions there would be if TS believe and follow your following advice.Originally posted by dokono:No offense but why do you get so uptight over my message? You should not be focusing on me. You should be focusing on why. Point out what's wrong and don't let your emotions cloud your judgement by saying one liners. It's not helping his cause.
Why is the woman doing all these things despite being married and having kids? Is she putting effort to make the relationship work on a consistent basis? Im not saying the guy is totally correct here as well. Both sides make mistakes. But I see the guy putting a lot of effort trying to support his family.
doko
Originally posted by dokono:
Why not she treat him better? She is doing what's good for herself but not what is good for the family?
doko
Go figure. -
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Originally posted by blu_sky:
Hello, read my earlier post. I am against divorcing because of the kids. He is a grown up and he can decide whose advice he wishes to follow. I don't want him to quarrel in front of the kids. You are speaking on what is good for her but not what is good for the entire family.
I'm not uptight, neither am i offended. But i am very doubtful if you are aware of the implications and repercussions there would be if TS believe and follow your following advice.
[b]Originally posted by dokono:
Why not she treat him better? She is doing what's good for herself but not what is good for the family?
doko
Go figure.[/b]
You may not like what I say but I will still say it. This man needs to know this woman lied. It's a cardinal sin. You are saying you can get away with lying because you think it's good. So the woman can lie and the man cannot? So I cheated on you, lied to you and hopefully get away with it? It's like I lied and said sorry to the police. Think the police will let me go away?
This woman lied and I see no reason to condone her. Where's her integrity? She lied and expected to be treated even better? No way. She betrayed the trust factor. Im sorry, my style.
doko -
Dear lostboy1978,
Please do not treat comments in this thread seriously. Most people here are probably in their teens and early 20s who have not started out working or seeking a life of their own.
You have a complicated situation, at least seek comments from a more mature forum. I will not give comments on how to solve, i am sure you already have a plan of your own.
I am sure real life friends and real life family are your real source of consolation and advice.
Cheers.
p.s. my family has been in that kind of situation b4, somethings are easier said than done. especially from what i read from these inexperience forumers.
p.s. the rest do not flame me. u probably know what rubbish words u can spout to influence a depress mind like dear lostboy -
Instead of giving him sound and logical advice, you are simply sowing seeds of grievances, get it?Originally posted by dokono:Hello, read my earlier post. I am against divorcing because of the kids. He is a grown up and he can decide whose advice he wishes to follow. I don't want him to quarrel in front of the kids. You are speaking on what is good for her but not what is good for the entire family.
You may not like what I say but I will still say it. This man needs to know this woman lied. It's a cardinal sin. You are saying you can get away with lying because you think it's good. So the woman can lie and the man cannot? So I cheated on you, lied to you and hopefully get away with it? It's like I lied and said sorry to the police. Think the police will let me go away?
This woman lied and I see no reason to condone her. Where's her integrity? She lied and expected to be treated even better? No way. She betrayed the trust factor. Im sorry, my style.
doko
and p/s: I had never once said that lying is good. In fact i said it is bad. if you couldnt read, i can copy and paste for you to see.
So stop putting words into my mouth.Originally posted by blu_sky:Agree. But i do not fault TS entirely as lying is always wrong and bad. By lying, she has shaken one of the fundamentals of a relationship, trust. -
But you can't expect the man to treat her better once the trust factor is betrayed. Logical to you at least? Instead, it's her who needs to earn his trust? Logical again?Originally posted by blu_sky:So stop putting words in my mouth.
I read your post you don't condone lying so Im not putting words into your mouth by saying that lying is good. I did not even mention it.
I think I have made my point and don't wish to speak anymore on this. We have to hear more from threadstarter.
doko -
You simply have no clue about problem solving.Originally posted by dokono:But you can't expect the man to treat her better once the trust factor is betrayed. Logical to you at least? Instead, it's her who needs to earn his trust? Logical again?
I read your post you don't condone lying so Im not putting words into your mouth by saying that lying is good. I did not even mention it.
doko -
You did not even mention it? Allow me to show you what you have said.Originally posted by dokono:But you can't expect the man to treat her better once the trust factor is betrayed. Logical to you at least? Instead, it's her who needs to earn his trust? Logical again?
I read your post you don't condone lying so Im not putting words into your mouth by saying that lying is good. I did not even mention it.
I think I have made my point and don't wish to speak anymore on this. We have to hear more from threadstarter.
doko
quote:
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Originally posted by dokono:
Hello, read my earlier post. I am against divorcing because of the kids. He is a grown up and he can decide whose advice he wishes to follow. I don't want him to quarrel in front of the kids. You are speaking on what is good for her but not what is good for the entire family.
You may not like what I say but I will still say it. This man needs to know this woman lied. It's a cardinal sin. You are saying you can get away with lying because you think it's good.So the woman can lie and the man cannot? So I cheated on you, lied to you and hopefully get away with it? It's like I lied and said sorry to the police. Think the police will let me go away?
This woman lied and I see no reason to condone her. Where's her integrity? She lied and expected to be treated even better? No way. She betrayed the trust factor. Im sorry, my style.
doko -
You are asking the man to be weak and beg for her forgiveness when she lied to him. "Im sorry you lied. Please forgive me for exposing you..."Originally posted by blu_sky:You simply have no clue about problem solving.
No self-respecting human will do this. Go figure.
doko -
Again, you have put words into my mouth.Originally posted by dokono:You are asking the man to be weak and beg for her forgiveness when she lied to him. "Im sorry you lied. Please forgive me for exposing you..."
No self-respecting human will do this. Go figure.
doko
Again, i want to tell you you have no problem solving skills. -
That's the message you seem to imply by saying to treat her better when she lied to him.Originally posted by blu_sky:You did not even mention it? Allow me to show you what you have said.
quote:
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Originally posted by dokono:
Hello, read my earlier post. I am against divorcing because of the kids. He is a grown up and he can decide whose advice he wishes to follow. I don't want him to quarrel in front of the kids. You are speaking on what is good for her but not what is good for the entire family.
You may not like what I say but I will still say it. This man needs to know this woman lied. It's a cardinal sin. You are saying you can get away with lying because you think it's good.So the woman can lie and the man cannot? So I cheated on you, lied to you and hopefully get away with it? It's like I lied and said sorry to the police. Think the police will let me go away?
This woman lied and I see no reason to condone her. Where's her integrity? She lied and expected to be treated even better? No way. She betrayed the trust factor. Im sorry, my style.
doko
doko -
Did not you just ask the man to treat her better, implying she can get away for lying? I need not say more. People can judge for themselves who make sense. Im sorry I riled your ego.Originally posted by blu_sky:Again, you have put words into my mouth.
Again, i want to tell you you have no problem solving skills.
Only you know whether I put words into your implied meaning. That's it. Last post.
doko -
You are telling me that i implied that lying is good? When i have loudly and clearly said lying is bad?Originally posted by dokono:That's the message you seem to imply by saying to treat her better when she lied to him.
doko
You are indeed the master of putting words into people's mouth.
i have no interest to exchange with someone like that. This is my last reply to you, will not reply to your post anymore. -
Last post already still keep amending?Originally posted by dokono:Did not you just ask the man to treat her better, implying she can get away for lying? I need not say more. People can judge for themselves who make sense. Im sorry I riled your ego.
Only you know whether I put words into your implied meaning. That's it. Last post.
doko
Btw, asking him to treat her better does not mean that she can get away for lying. It is a strategy to soften the situation, then solve the problem when the situation is softer, ie not so tense. Everyone defensive how to resolve problem?
In relationship, plain impulse will not solve problems. Need to use a bit of brain too. -
Cool it. I think you've already made your point and message clear enough. No point argue with him anymore.Originally posted by blu_sky:You are telling me that i implied that lying is good? When i have loudly and clearly said lying is bad?
You are indeed the master of putting words into people's mouth.
i have no interest to exchange with someone like that. This is my last reply to you, will not reply to your post anymore. -
Sure. for you only, mod.Originally posted by Devil1976:Cool it. I think you've already made your point and message clear enough. No point argue with him anymore. -
Logic or no logic, your reasonings do not solve much of any problem.Originally posted by dokono:But you can't expect the man to treat her better once the trust factor is betrayed. Logical to you at least? Instead, it's her who needs to earn his trust? Logical again?
I read your post you don't condone lying so Im not putting words into your mouth by saying that lying is good. I did not even mention it.
I think I have made my point and don't wish to speak anymore on this. We have to hear more from threadstarter.
doko
This is a marriage you're talking about here... It's not right to lie, and yes... Trust factor can be broken... But then so what....? What's suppose to be the next steps to be taken...? Condemn her? Would you think that as the most appropriate 'advice' or 'conclusion' you can come up with...? -
Ideally both patries should be involved as well as commited...Originally posted by lostboy1978:Where ??
Need both party??
Yuo can get the appropriate help from this link
http://www.sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=75218 -
'Confrontations' are not always the way to solving things... You got to keep your cool and know what you're actually asking about or asking for....Originally posted by lostboy1978:Hi, I' m new to this forum just new to seek some advise.
I'm married with 2 kids , my wife is a full time housewife
2 months ago so said she wanted to work part-times ,but after that she started to change.
One night, around 1am i saw her hp vibrate and i take a look.It was from a guy said he had reached home.I then reply back (pretending) when is the last time we meet and he said "we just meet last friday what??"
I erupted and woke my wife up and confronted her , she denied.Then i left home in the morning and start to sms her she is not trueful to me at all.
Then suddenly she said yes , she meet him just because of work and a short while only.She said he is only friend.
I sms the guy and ask him not to disturb my family or else...
Then every settled and we are back to normal.
Then last friday she said wanted to go spa and i agreed to take care of the kids.I called her at around 11 plus wondering why she's not home yet.
She never ans,I call her 20 over times worried about her .
Then the call was through, she never ans it , the phone was accidentally answered.I heard her toking with some guys laughting happliy over the phone,the back groung sounds like a kara ok place.I wait till 1plus then she came home. telling me the mrt reaches the interchange at 12 plus and have to wait for cab.
I told her everything but she denied again. She said i'm getting too sensative and dont trust her.What can i do.We quarrel and she leave home .Went to my in laws place.
2nd incident, yesterday i called up my in laws and she told me my wife went to work.Then my friend sms me that he saw her at boat quay... I double check with him again and he is very sure its my wife.
I confronted her but she denied again... bu lastly admitted (she sound like i 'm forcing her to admit one)
I think our relation is coming to and end..We should i do?
So what do you actually wish for now...?
What do you believe is the situation? -
I really dont know what to do now, maybe should rest and think about it slowly.
I may get a transportation also maybe a small car or commercial van. So next time if we can get together again can bring the whole family out.I know she like to go shopping .
I think thats very important also.
I started to miss her already and my kids too -
What the threadstarter did was a mistake to begin with by making a lot of accusations. She finally admitted that she lied to him and so he cannot trust her as much as before. The problem is they got "divorced"(ie broke up before). This means the marriage should not have taken place from the start. This makes things more complicated because of the children.Originally posted by Devil1976:Logic or no logic, your reasonings do not solve much of any problem.
This is a marriage you're talking about here... It's not right to lie, and yes... Trust factor can be broken... But then so what....? What's suppose to be the next steps to be taken...? Condemn her? Would you think that as the most appropriate 'advice' or 'conclusion' you can come up with...?
Divorce should be the last resort in my opinion. It all depends on him if he can live with someone like that in the long term. The kids and the family harmony should be of utmost importance.
doko -
Where are your kids now?Originally posted by lostboy1978:I really dont know what to do now, maybe should rest and think about it slowly.
I may get a transportation also maybe a small car or commercial van. So next time if we can get together again can bring the whole family out.I know she like to go shopping .
I think thats very important also.
I started to miss her already and my kids too -
So you're 29 years old? How old is your wife?Originally posted by lostboy1978:Hi, I' m new to this forum just new to seek some advise.
I'm married with 2 kids , my wife is a full time housewife
2 months ago so said she wanted to work part-times ,but after that she started to change.
One night, around 1am i saw her hp vibrate and i take a look.It was from a guy said he had reached home.I then reply back (pretending) when is the last time we meet and he said "we just meet last friday what??"
I erupted and woke my wife up and confronted her , she denied.Then i left home in the morning and start to sms her she is not trueful to me at all.
Then suddenly she said yes , she meet him just because of work and a short while only.She said he is only friend.
I sms the guy and ask him not to disturb my family or else...
Then every settled and we are back to normal.
Then last friday she said wanted to go spa and i agreed to take care of the kids.I called her at around 11 plus wondering why she's not home yet.
She never ans,I call her 20 over times worried about her .
Then the call was through, she never ans it , the phone was accidentally answered.I heard her toking with some guys laughting happliy over the phone,the back groung sounds like a kara ok place.I wait till 1plus then she came home. telling me the mrt reaches the interchange at 12 plus and have to wait for cab.
I told her everything but she denied again. She said i'm getting too sensative and dont trust her.What can i do.We quarrel and she leave home .Went to my in laws place.
2nd incident, yesterday i called up my in laws and she told me my wife went to work.Then my friend sms me that he saw her at boat quay... I double check with him again and he is very sure its my wife.
I confronted her but she denied again... bu lastly admitted (she sound like i 'm forcing her to admit one)
I think our relation is coming to and end..We should i do?
What is your current occupation? What is your wife's current part-time job? Is this her 1st job?
Your kids.. What are their genders?
What is your horoscope and your wife's? -
Meaning all along u din bring her out! makan or tour also can mah!Originally posted by lostboy1978:I really dont know what to do now, maybe should rest and think about it slowly.
I may get a transportation also maybe a small car or commercial van. So next time if we can get together again can bring the whole family out.I know she like to go shopping .
I think thats very important also.
I started to miss her already and my kids too
I think u have alot work to do to this marriage rather than finding her fault. Seriously you need to understand her feeling and needs.
No need to buy car unless u have spare cash, if u have the heart she will be very happy liao. -
Now you're sounding logical in many senses.Originally posted by dokono:What the threadstarter did was a mistake to begin with by making a lot of accusations. She finally admitted that she lied to him and so he cannot trust her as much as before. The problem is they got "divorced"(ie broke up before). This means the marriage should not have taken place from the start. This makes things more complicated because of the children.
Divorce should be the last resort in my opinion. It all depends on him if he can live with someone like that in the long term. The kids and the family harmony should be of utmost importance.
doko
You'll have to understand that we can have many logics within us each day. As much as they might sound 'logical' from our point of view, they need not necessarily be even applicable to certain situations. Hence we have to be careful of what we utter.