My heart is dead.
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He is not that good looking. The only reason I loved him because he was sincere and nice. Until later when I got to know him better did his habits surface. He smokes, drinks and lied. His reluctance to upgrade is a problem since a long time ago. If he upgraded, as in he is WILLING to change and improve himself, I would still be with him.Originally posted by moongster:From what you say, it is as though the love is gone. Yet, you are wondering if you should hang on for fear of not able to find someone who will love you as much and perhaps, out of commitment.
Love, is a very strange thing.
When one is young, physical attraction plays a major part. As one grows older, other factors like ability to provide becomes important. When these needs are satisfied, then, loyalty becomes important.
Also, does he have habits like cheating, gambling, drinking, smoking or becoming violent? These are factors that might help you to look at relationship objectively.
Most importantly, you know what you want out of a relationship, and I think being aware and taking the necessary steps to have a fulfilling relationship is important.
I take it that both of you are still young. Indeed, if the love is not there, frustration would slowly grows into resentment, and one day, things will erupt.
I think the question is perhaps, if he were to take his 'O' level and continue on his course at Shatec, would you still love him or it does not matter anymore?
The truth hurts, reality bites, and life goes on. -
No you don't heh hehOriginally posted by M©+square:Do i look like i need help?
Cheers
And btw, it's a she (thank you very much)
And btw again, yes I do charge for my love coaching sessions. So can anyone advice how do I collect fees by posting here in the forum?
I'm just joking. It's my passion to be doing this job, so I'm just poking around to see if there's any experiences that I can share.
I also believe that we can all learn from each other's life and love experience too, right guys?
Cheers! -
I've been pushing him to upgrade for AGES. Since the start of our relationship infact. It's not that long, just 10 months.Originally posted by Xtrider:some guys juz need a push la... be firm with your decision and let him know about it. -
Enjoy your stay!Originally posted by Dating Specialist:No you don't heh heh
And btw, it's a she (thank you very much)
And btw again, yes I do charge for my love coaching sessions. So can anyone advice how do I collect fees by posting here in the forum?
I'm just joking. It's my passion to be doing this job, so I'm just poking around to see if there's any experiences that I can share. I also believe that we can all learn from each other's life and love experience too, right guys?
Cheers!
Cheers -
Hi TSOriginally posted by Quinsy:I've been pushing him to upgrade for AGES. Since the start of our relationship infact. It's not that long, just 10 months.
I can understand how much pain you must be going through now. To see the relationship nosediving and yet you don't really have the heart to jump out of it.
Again, another question I'd like to ask you is - How do you know your bf truly loves you that much?
Why I'm asking this is because I get a feeling that he could just be very caring towards you, because he wants to have a "hold" on you. This sounds a bit like emotional blackmail.
He knows your soft spot - which is your soft heartedness, hence he's able to capitalise on it. Otherwise, you would have left him ages ago without feeling a shred of guilt, not to mention starting this thread here.
Again, this is just a guess. Whether or not it is true depends on how you assess the situation yourself.
Hope this helps.
Cheers
P.S If a guy isn't able to move together with you, it's a matter of time that you will face many critical issues affecting your relationship, because in order for a relationship to work, it's never only one person's effort.
You need to move together, to progress as a couple. If he decides to remain stagnant, it's either you stay with him at where he is, or you have to move on.
Moving on will be painful, inevitably, because you still care for him. So it's how you decide to cut off from this emotional baggage or you stick with it. -
Thanks!Originally posted by M©+square:Enjoy your stay!
Cheers
And hi Yunhaier! Nice to meet you here too! Reason why I'm here? I've already mentioned in the previous post in this thread!
And hey moongster, I totally agree what you wrote too in your response. Nice advice -
Actually, I won't know how much he truly loves me. I can only trust his word, right?Originally posted by Dating Specialist:Hi TS
I can understand how much pain you must be going through now. To see the relationship nosediving and yet you don't really have the heart to jump out of it.
Again, another question I'd like to ask you is - How do you know your bf truly loves you that much?
Why I'm asking this is because I get a feeling that he could just be very caring towards you, because he wants to have a "hold" on you. This sounds a bit like emotional blackmail.
He knows your soft spot - which is your soft heartedness, hence he's able to capitalise on it. Otherwise, you would have left him ages ago without feeling a shred of guilt, not to mention starting this thread here.
Again, this is just a guess. Whether or not it is true depends on how you assess the situation yourself.
Hope this helps.
Cheers
P.S If a guy isn't able to move together with you, it's a matter of time that you will face many critical issues affecting your relationship, because in order for a relationship to work, it's never only one person's effort.
You need to move together, to progress as a couple. If he decides to remain stagnant, it's either you stay with him at where he is, or you have to move on.
Moving on will be painful, inevitably, because you still care for him. So it's how you decide to cut off from this emotional baggage or you stick with it.
And you're right. The only thing that is stopping me now is his claim of loving me very much. -
quinc.. if next few days got MRT "problem" again i knw who to blame..
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Wah!!! Chek ark ah!Originally posted by skeujin:quinc.. if next few days got MRT "problem" again i knw who to blame.. -
wats chek ark? the 2nd boat tt noah built?Originally posted by M©+square:Wah!!! Chek ark ah! -
luckily NEL got gates one.
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at chek jawa!?Originally posted by skeujin:wats chek ark? the 2nd boat tt noah built? -
Why is personal upgrading being a issue in a r/s?
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Think you got the Chinese idiom the other way round: Shouldn't it be chang tong bu ru duan tong?
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Cos taking an interest to learn more is a life VALUE system - like I said it doesnt need to be WORK - if the guy is interested in cooking, having a passion for it, and the interest to find out more - that makes up who he is. Instead of someone who just wanna get by life with no passions, no interests,Originally posted by T.Ryousuke:Why is personal upgrading being a issue in a r/s? -
maybe she does not like someone who is complacent.Originally posted by T.Ryousuke:Why is personal upgrading being a issue in a r/s? -
Time to break and leave! There are many better guys out there who are better qualified, more good looking, have more sincerity and kindness and do not have the bad habits which ur bf has.
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i second that.Originally posted by ShrodingersCat:Cos taking an interest to learn more is a life VALUE system - like I said it doesnt need to be WORK - if the guy is interested in cooking, having a passion for it, and the interest to find out more - that makes up who he is. Instead of someone who just wanna get by life with no passions, no interests,
if a guy love a ger, sldnt he think for her future? meaning to upgrade, so that he can provide a better life for her in the future?
the guy, if is truly as what TS claims, is a good-for-nothing, who does not want the best for TS, what right has he gt to claim he love her? words cannot feed stomach, i believe this simple logic no1 dunno.
of cuz if TS reason for leaving him is becuz there are richer suitors then, i keep quiet, but if TS reason for leaving is becuz she dun see a bright future with him, then it's naturally 100% correct. -
As I told you bud...be rational. Completely rational. Love is priceless, because when you sell it you can't get anything! Call me a jerk or what, I don't farking care alright. But think with your head, not your heart. Will love be able to pay your bills, your 3 meals, your clothes, your house, your future kid's education? It can't! If you are looking for someone to past time with, I'm sure he's doing a fine job. But if you are lookin at the long-term, 5-10years or even longer, don't bother. You want to end up just going to ROM to register your marriage and then full-stop? OR do you want to go out and be the bride everybody envies, the star of the day even if its for one day only? What is love? Love is nothing but a feeling that has caused many trouble.In this day and age, also looking how hypocritical society has become, love is the only thing which will set you back.
Ladies out there, call me a jerk or what. But really, be practical. I know you can earn your own $$, but will you want to feed a xiaobai for the rest of your life? My ex's friends have been talking to me bout the ex having problems with the guy she's with because he's an ITE dropout and working in the retail line. And this guy can't help her with projects and all that, only know how to go out with her. Thing is as a couple, it is to help and complement each other not suck the soul out of each other. Also Quincy, why stay committed when you know the crack is only going to be wider? Go while you still can. When we guys are desperate, any last ditch method we have we will use. Act cool,beg, threaten its all in the bag of tricks. So you might as well just move on since you feel you deserve better. There's nothing wrong in wanting to protect yourself. Totally nothing wrong in that. -
Besides, you made it clear to him now. You didn't manipulate him, used him then dump him. So nothing to feel guilty about.
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nah, u r nt a jerk, i think that being able to move together in a relationship and being able to provide is very important. if you are not willing to upgrade than there is no future. think of it this way as the society is progress and you are lagging behind and when the time comes when you THINK you want to upgrade, there won be much chances and you will be left behind.Originally posted by SpecOps87:As I told you bud...be rational. Completely rational. Love is priceless, because when you sell it you can't get anything! Call me a jerk or what, I don't farking care alright. But think with your head, not your heart. Will love be able to pay your bills, your 3 meals, your clothes, your house, your future kid's education? It can't! If you are looking for someone to past time with, I'm sure he's doing a fine job. But if you are lookin at the long-term, 5-10years or even longer, don't bother. You want to end up just going to ROM to register your marriage and then full-stop? OR do you want to go out and be the bride everybody envies, the star of the day even if its for one day only? What is love? Love is nothing but a feeling that has caused many trouble.In this day and age, also looking how hypocritical society has become, love is the only thing which will set you back.
Ladies out there, call me a jerk or what. But really, be practical. I know you can earn your own $$, but will you want to feed a xiaobai for the rest of your life? My ex's friends have been talking to me bout the ex having problems with the guy she's with because he's an ITE dropout and working in the retail line. And this guy can't help her with projects and all that, only know how to go out with her. Thing is as a couple, it is to help and complement each other not suck the soul out of each other. Also Quincy, why stay committed when you know the crack is only going to be wider? Go while you still can. When we guys are desperate, any last ditch method we have we will use. Act cool,beg, threaten its all in the bag of tricks. So you might as well just move on since you feel you deserve better. There's nothing wrong in wanting to protect yourself. Totally nothing wrong in that.
If there is no willinglyness to upgrade and change there is no point. you can say that i am materialistic or maybe being very practical but if you cant feed urself than what is love? love can be drunk like water and feed you everyday. -
This is the paradox of unhealthy relationship that so many people are trapped in.Originally posted by Quinsy:He is not that good looking. The only reason I loved him because he was sincere and nice. Until later when I got to know him better did his habits surface. He smokes, drinks and lied. His reluctance to upgrade is a problem since a long time ago. If he upgraded, as in he is WILLING to change and improve himself, I would still be with him.
Realise that in order for a person to change, he need to be willing to change for himself, not for someone else. Sometimes, a person will also change when something drastic happen.
Time revealed the truth, and that was how you got to know him better. Take it as paying your dues and learning from this lesson of life. Now, you have to decide if this is the kind of relationship that you want to be in.
Remember there is no right or wrong decision, only whether the decision is appropriate at the moment and the best decision at that time. Nobody can predict the future.
The way I see it, there is no point getting yourself unhappy by staying in an unhealthy relationship. Typically, both parties need to put in the effort to make it work, failing which, it is best to let go and move on. -
I have just one question for you. Do you want someone who love you but he is not rich or you want someone who dun love you but is rich?
Just remember that you dun go into the r/s because of money, why care about your family ? Its your life, your parents only bring you to this world but does not means they can control your life.
Be open and disclose the r/s let your parents know why you want to be wth your bf, open your heart and speak with them, you will not get something if you nv ask.
But of cos the above statement is only applicable if you still love your BF. If you have no more feeling for him, then better have a clean break, if not you will only hurt him more.
Just my 2 cents. -
it may not be a rich man that some women want, what is important to them maybe financial security. She juz wouldnt want to worry about basic things like utilities and school fees of the kids, or worry about being able to foot the medical fees involved when giving birth to the kids or should anyone fall sick.Originally posted by LegacyMan:I have just one question for you. Do you want someone who love you but he is not rich or you want someone who dun love you but is rich.
Just remember that you dun go into the r/s because of money, why care about your family ? Its your life, your parents only bring you to this world but does not means they can control your life.
Be open and disclose the r/s let your parents know why you want to be wth your bf, open your heart and speak with them, you will not get something if you nv ask.
But of cos the above statement is only applicable if you still love your BF. If you have no more feeling for him, then better have a clean break, if not you will only hurt him more.
Just mt 2 cents. -
Dear Quinsy,
Gal, be strong and move on. It may hurt now but pain is only temporary. For the sake of your own future, harden your heart and let your mind rule.
I know it is hard for you but trust me (i was in a v v similar situation before), the rainbow is at the end of the storm.