Am i thinking too much?
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give him an ultimatum then. if not break up,Originally posted by bee_gal:Really? he so stress and busy, still want to fight with him?
He is saying by next year it will be fine, but i do not know if it is true. Also, i do not know how much longer can i bottle these.
Bear with it -> very unhappy (see, you see me complaining here everyday)
Fight with him -> dont want to stress him too.
I am caught. -
So what is he going to do about the reasons he gave for missing the phonecalls? Will he do anything?
If the reasons the gave are true, do you feel better about it?
I think it is not about picking up phonecalls or how long he takes to call back. I think you both don't understand each other enough. You don't know know his social circle and his character enough to have peace when he misses a call. That's why you worry.
I think you need to discuss also about long term plans. Are your current country of residence permanent? How should both of you settle down in future? If neither of you is moving, then how to keep this relationship going? -
just to add on....sometimes you need to be firm in your decisionOriginally posted by Space1999:give him an ultimatum then. if not break up, -
if you are not happy with the situation and not willing to bear it or you think you cant bear it, why not?Originally posted by bee_gal:It is just the beginning, not too deep, but deep enough to try to be try to bear with one issue after another, one week after another.
you are suggesting i pull the plug?
after all , this unhappy feeling will permeates the whole relationship, my guess is he will be unhappy too because you are unhappy. you see, this is a a vicious circle, takes on e party to be unhappy to start it all. -
IMO your problem is a lack of communication. Which leads to distrust. You don't really believe he's that stressed and busy anyway right ?
If it takes a fight to get you to understand each other more, then do it!
And if the relationship is not meant to be, why prolong ?Originally posted by bee_gal:Really? he so stress and busy, still want to fight with him?
He is saying by next year it will be fine, but i do not know if it is true. Also, i do not know how much longer can i bottle these.
Bear with it -> very unhappy (see, you see me complaining here everyday)
Fight with him -> dont want to stress him too.
I am caught. -
No, we have never really fought. It is usually me telling him i am unhappy with it, and ask him think about it. No real fighting.Originally posted by pocari_sweat:Do you fight with him? Does he fights back and quarrel with you to stress on his points? -
but remember, he may just be innocent of everything you think or feel of...sometimes we hang the innocent.Originally posted by duotiga83:just to add on....sometimes you need to be firm in your decision -
being neutral leads you nowhere...you need to take sides.....Originally posted by Space1999:but remember, he may just be innocent of everything you think or feel of...sometimes we hang the innocent. -
Tats not good, it may give an impression of you are the one who is complaining all the time. Dont he complain about anything?Originally posted by bee_gal:No, we have never really fought. It is usually me telling him i am unhappy with it, and ask him think about it. No real fighting.
He may be the type of person who keep his feelings repressed all the time , unhappy or not. And one day it just explode and he is gone. -
Originally posted by sillyme:So what is he going to do about the reasons he gave for missing the phonecalls? Will he do anything? He said he will try to answer my calls. he said that he will tie his phone round his wrist. Of course i know he is not serious with the latter.
If the reasons the gave are true, do you feel better about it? Yes i will. I do not have a problem with the reasons. It is the perpetaully unanswered calls that starts my doubts.
I think it is not about picking up phonecalls or how long he takes to call back. I think you both don't understand each other enough. You don't know know his social circle and his character enough to have peace when he misses a call. That's why you worry. Maybe. Regardless, where got so coincidental, missed all calls, when he got to answer calls most of the times in case it is work related? Wouldn't you qn why?
I think you need to discuss also about long term plans. Are your current country of residence permanent? How should both of you settle down in future? If neither of you is moving, then how to keep this relationship going? We have discussed this. -
the quiet typeOriginally posted by pocari_sweat:Tats not good, it may give an impression of you are the one who is complaining all the time. Dont he complain about anything?
He may be the type of person who keep his feelings repressed all the time , unhappy or not. And one day it just explode and he is gone. -
No, i do not like to complain about the same thing twice. i hate nags.Originally posted by pocari_sweat:Tats not good, it may give an impression of you are the one who is complaining all the time. Dont he complain about anything?
He may be the type of person who keep his feelings repressed all the time , unhappy or not. And one day it just explode and he is gone. -
really? you are nagging here alreadyOriginally posted by bee_gal:No, i do not like to complain about the same thing twice. i hate nags.
are you sure you dont nag in real life? -
Dont worry. He is the ultimate expressive type.Originally posted by pocari_sweat:the quiet type -
isnt those the quarrelsome and argumentative type?Originally posted by bee_gal:Dont worry. He is the ultimate expressive type. -
You dont know some people do things online which they never do in real life?Originally posted by Space1999:really? you are nagging here already are you sure you dont nag in real life?
naggin is bad. i do not want the people around me to feel that, cos i hate to be nagged too. but you dun know me, if you think i am a nag, and thereby ignore me, what have i got to lose? -
Argumentative, yes he is. But i better him in that game. So he wont play that game with me.Originally posted by Space1999:isnt those the quarrelsome and argumentative type? -
Originally posted by bee_gal:
Gives me the impression that no matter how much he assures you, you will still feel insecure.
He said he will try to answer my calls. he said that he will tie his phone round his wrist. Of course i know he is not serious with the latter.
There are only two options. Suck it in and bear with it (most of us don't change).
Or move on. -
Maybe he just give in?Some guys are like that to avoid a confrontation.Originally posted by bee_gal:Argumentative, yes he is. But i better him in that game. So he wont play that game with me. -
bee_gal's needs are pretty basic and simple but it seems the guy doesn't understand why it's important to meet even simple ones to keep the r/s going well than to neglect it. It's something that would not take alot out of a bf so I think bee_gal's review at this stage is fair to herself. If things are already so easily neglected by him at this stage, there's little valid grounds that going forward will make the r/s a happy one. -
Originally posted by sillyme:quote:
my comment referred to him wearing it round his wrist. Of course he didnt do that, and i wouldnt expect that too. He was really joking (confirmed by the hindsight).
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Originally posted by bee_gal:
He said he will try to answer my calls. he said that he will tie his phone round his wrist. Of course i know he is not serious with the latter.
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Gives me the impression that no matter how much he assures you, you will still feel insecure.
There are only two options. Suck it in and bear with it (most of us don't change).
Or move on.[/b] -
i do agreeOriginally posted by sillyme:Gives me the impression that no matter how much he assures you, you will still feel insecure.
There are only two options. Suck it in and bear with it (most of us don't change).
Or move on.
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No lah... those 'arguments' are done in the name of fun. You know tease? I have greater gift of the gab.Originally posted by pocari_sweat:Maybe he just give in?Some guys are like that to avoid a confrontation. -
Yes, i thought such needs are very basic and simple too? I do not expect him to meet me all the time. Infact most of the time, we dun meet, except on weekends, which during some weekends, he also cant make it. I accepted that graciously too. We can dun talk long on the phone daily, i know he is busy, fine, no long hours of chatting on the phone then.Originally posted by macjoe:bee_gal's needs are pretty basic and simple but it seems the guy doesn't understand why it's important to meet even simple ones to keep the r/s going well than to neglect it. It's something that would not take alot out of a bf so I think bee_gal's review at this stage is fair to herself. If things are already so easily neglected by him at this stage, there's little valid grounds that going forward will make the r/s a happy one.
Is being contactable too much to ask for? Hey, i am not asking him to make sure he answers all my calls you know? I am merely saying, do not miss ALL my calls. Too much to ask for? -
Yes, all i need is such simple thing to keep the relationship going during this difficult time. Too much to ask for? or is it not that simple?Originally posted by macjoe:bee_gal's needs are pretty basic and simple but it seems the guy doesn't understand why it's important to meet even simple ones to keep the r/s going well than to neglect it. It's something that would not take alot out of a bf so I think bee_gal's review at this stage is fair to herself. If things are already so easily neglected by him at this stage, there's little valid grounds that going forward will make the r/s a happy one.
Maybe you are right.... maybe