Women please comment
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nothing much to share actually. cant get along, so cut lossOriginally posted by dokono:you mind sharing your story? if not, it's ok
doko
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have you met me?Originally posted by rainee:i met feowfeow before, dun tink they are the same person
doko -
you may disagree with me but I don't really think it's can't get along. One/two parties must have lost feelings.Originally posted by blu_sky:nothing much to share actually. cant get along, so cut loss
doko -
i met her but dun tink she sounds like uOriginally posted by dokono:have you met me?
doko -
haha! you actually think that there is only one reason why people break off? or you think you know my love life more than i do?Originally posted by dokono:you may disagree with me but I don't really think it's can't get along. One/two parties must have lost feelings.
doko -
haha... the main reason why people are together because of romantic feelings for each other. of course there are few side reasons but it always boils down to the parties love for each other. These few side reasons will add on to the main reason.Originally posted by blu_sky:haha! you actually think that there is only one reason why people break off? or you think you know my love life more than i do?
I know your love life more than you. How dare me? But that's the reason for forming this thread. I want to know why relationships become dysfunctional. It cannot just be a simple statement like what you said.
doko -
so you don't think I can be her?Originally posted by rainee:i met her but dun tink she sounds like u 
doko -
Most relationships begin with mutual attraction. But to sustain a relationship, many elements are essential. These elements include similar goals and objectives in life, compatibility in character and personality and etc and etc.Originally posted by dokono:haha... the main reason why people are together because of romantic feelings for each other. of course there are few side reasons but it always boils down to the parties love for each other. These few side reasons will add on to the main reason.
I know your love life more than you. How dare me? But that's the reason for forming this thread. I want to know why relationships become dysfunctional. It cannot just be a simple statement like what you said.
doko
Mere attraction cannot make a relationship last
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i know icyprincess too, dun think both of u are the same person.Originally posted by rainee:i met feowfeow before, dun tink they are the same person -
i had merely put it in a more concise mannerOriginally posted by dokono:haha... the main reason why people are together because of romantic feelings for each other. of course there are few side reasons but it always boils down to the parties love for each other. These few side reasons will add on to the main reason.
I know your love life more than you. How dare me? But that's the reason for forming this thread. I want to know why relationships become dysfunctional. It cannot just be a simple statement like what you said.
doko -
You are right. Mere attraction cannot make a relationship last. But it needs to occur first. Nothing lasts forever. I liken signature about love. Both parties need to put a lot of effort to maintain this relationship. It's a two-way thing. Not the guy giving in too much nor the girl too. Respect, trust and understanding for each other is essential. If one party breaks the trust, the relationship loses it's strength.Originally posted by blu_sky:Most people come together mainly begins with mutual attraction. But to sustain a relationship, many elements are essential. These elements include similar goals and objectives in life, compatibility in character and personality and etc and etc.
Mere attraction cannot make a relationship last
If the guy treats the girl well and respects her without being a doormat, I don't see why the girl should treat him back the same way unless she has an attitude problem.
That's why I never feel that a breakup is as simple as incompatibility. I view it as an excuse. With regards to your elements such as goals, objectives, character and personality issues, I feel that everyone is an individual and has different thinking. It's about compromising with one another, coupled with how much love both parties have for each other. Respect and support is essential. That is really love, not attraction.
doko -
So you think for the sake of love, one should sacrifice his goals, ambitions and even lose oneself just to make the relationship work?Originally posted by dokono:You are right. Mere attraction cannot make a relationship last. But it needs to occur first. Nothing lasts forever. I liken signature about love. Both parties need to put a lot of effort to maintain this relationship. It's a two-way thing. Not the guy giving in too much nor the girl too. Respect, trust and understanding for each other is essential. If one party breaks the trust, the relationship loses it's strength.
If the guy treats the girl well and respects her without being a doormat, I don't see why the girl should treat him back the same way unless she has an attitude problem.
That's why I never feel that a breakup is as simple as incompatibility. I view it as an excuse. With regards to your elements such as goals, objectives, character and personality issues, I feel that everyone is an individual and has different thinking. It's about compromising with one another, coupled with how much love both parties have for each other. Respect and support is essential. That is really love, not attraction.
doko
Why dun withdraw when it is still early? -
No that is not love.Originally posted by blu_sky:So you think for the sake of love, one should sacrifice his goals, ambitions and even lose oneself just to make the relationship work?
Why dun withdraw when it is still early?
Love is patient, kind and being understanding.
Question is if your partner is understanding and knows you love him whole-heartedly, why is the relationship a hindrance anyway? It shouldn't be as long as he has a good attitude.
One question: is that why he left you?
doko -
I think you are missing the point.Originally posted by dokono:No that is not love.
Love is patient, kind and being understanding.
Question is if your partner is understanding and knows you love him whole-heartedly, why is the relationship a hindrance anyway? It shouldn't be as long as he has a good attitude.
One question: is that why he left you?
doko
Anyway, what makes you think he left me? -
ok you are saying if the relationship isn't working anymore, you think should exit early? is that what you are trying to say?Originally posted by blu_sky:I think you are missing the point.
Anyway, what makes you think he left me?
then you left him?
doko -
Yes, i think should end a relationship if it is not working anymore if you can. No point forcing it.Originally posted by dokono:ok you are saying if the relationship isn't working anymore, you think should exit early? is that what you are trying to say?
then you left him?
doko
when a relationship ends, it may not be who left who? it maybe mutual? -
You are right. If you don't like him anymore, shouldn't waste each other's time.Originally posted by blu_sky:Yes, i think should end a relationship if it is not working anymore if you can. No point forcing it.
when a relationship ends, it may not be who left who? it maybe mutual?
mutual? it's never mutual. In all cases of breakups I know, it is never mutual. Maybe you can afford to let go, he maybe dying inside even though he agreed. If it's mutual he would have left you long ago. After all, there's emotional bond left.
doko -
i no longer hate my ex,we are friends now,sort of....
but.....we broke up after almost 6 months because he was cheating on me with someone who was supposed to be one of my best friends at the time.he was sleeping with her in our bed.....(his house,but i was living with him).he'd never showed any signs of cheating,or really even flirting with other women before this happened.we are happy,spent all our time together when either of us wasn't at work,we never really argued....i kept his house clean,always had meals cooked for him,did everything i could for him,he was the same with me.........we were completely happy......i thought....until one day...........it was a year and a half ago that we broke up.
and then just recently i found out,since we've been friends again for a while now,that he'd cheated on me in the very start of our relationship,and i never knew about it.he hid it from me all along.
but even though it's been really hard,somehow i've managed to forgive him,and we still have some kind of friendship...we still care about each other,only as friends do though....not even that much really,if either of us really needed help,we'd help each other.but thats all.......
what can i say?.........you wanted to know about ex bf's............try to understand mine.........i know i can't........ -
It may not be a case of 'you dun like him anymore, therefore breaking up'. In some break ups, both parties may still like/love each other alot, but still have to break up to avoid larger conflict in future?Originally posted by dokono:You are right. If you don't like him anymore, shouldn't waste each other's time.
mutual? it's never mutual. In all cases of breakups I know, it is never mutual. Maybe you can afford to let go, he maybe dying inside even though he agreed. If it's mutual he would have left you long ago. After all, there's emotional bond left.
doko
This is called "chang tong bu ru duan tong". -
can you cite some examples?Originally posted by blu_sky:It may not be a case of 'you dun like him anymore, therefore breaking up'. In some break ups, both parties may still like/love each other alot, but still have to break up to avoid larger conflict in future?
This is called "chang tong bu ru duan tong".
doko -
Like... lets quote the simplest eg.Originally posted by dokono:can you cite some examples?
doko
i've got a couple friend, the lady is an early bird. she likes to wake up early and sleep early. her daily routine is: after work, whe reaches home at 7pm watch tv and sleeps at 10pm.
but her bf is a nocturnal. likes night. he likes to work and likes to work late. everyday he will not knock off untill 9 plus.
you think they will work?
the answer is, they tried. they were together for 5 years. countless quarrels and fights. but how to compromise? the lady can barely open her eyes after 10pm, but the guy can only see her after 10pm.
oh weekends, he is a workaholic, loves to work. so weekend oso dedicated to work.
This is an example of lifestyle incompatibility. -
Hi, DokoOriginally posted by dokono:Thanks rane
Dating: On the issue of refusing to communicate when there are problems, sometimes the guy kept asking what happened to the girl, or why she is so moody, anything like that, some women will just not say anything when clearly there is something. My question is, how is the guy going to communicate when the girl don't want to talk when everyone is empahsising on the importance of communication?
Married: Are you telling us your marriage problems or are those problems you have stated those problems of other people?
doko
Nice to talk to you again. Well, there are girls behave that way you mentioned above. Guess the girl is not ready to talk or just don't feel like bringing it up, or she is afraid if she brings on the subject he will not be able to take it or get angry or hurt. Well, if she is not ready to talk may be wait till she is in good mood and so happen you two are on the same topic or things relating to the topic you could gently, tactfully ask her again. Hee hee, I usually will communicate on what's on the mind unless I am not prepare to talk about it. Communicate is of utmost importance in any relationship. If we don't make things clear and depend on assuming - then like what a man told me b4 "just making an ass out of you and me" (oops, sounds rude but that's what was told by him). I agree with this saying.
Me, I am just quoting what happen to my friends' marriages. Sigh, don't know why man can go on sleeping with other woman even after wife confronted him and he promised he won't do it again.
There are many differences between male and female that's why it's not easy to keep relationship going. I do learn a little from the books by JOhn Gray. Just to share a bit - he was interviewed on radio and he mentioned that his wife said it is OK to look at women but don't drool. There are far too many things we have to learn about from both genders and hope after learning we could put these to practice then there will be less stress and fewer problems. -
at least you n ex are friends ..mine hate meOriginally posted by ozzy_gurl:i no longer hate my ex,we are friends now,sort of....
but.....we broke up after almost 6 months because he was cheating on me with someone who was supposed to be one of my best friends at the time.he was sleeping with her in our bed.....(his house,but i was living with him).he'd never showed any signs of cheating,or really even flirting with other women before this happened.we are happy,spent all our time together when either of us wasn't at work,we never really argued....i kept his house clean,always had meals cooked for him,did everything i could for him,he was the same with me.........we were completely happy......i thought....until one day...........it was a year and a half ago that we broke up.
and then just recently i found out,since we've been friends again for a while now,that he'd cheated on me in the very start of our relationship,and i never knew about it.he hid it from me all along.
but even though it's been really hard,somehow i've managed to forgive him,and we still have some kind of friendship...we still care about each other,only as friends do though....not even that much really,if either of us really needed help,we'd help each other.but thats all.......
what can i say?.........you wanted to know about ex bf's............try to understand mine.........i know i can't........ -
Hi Doko, below text is extracted form John Gray's website, hope you find them useful:
There are four keys to creating mutually supportive and rewarding relationships:
1. Purposeful communication;communicating with the intent to understand and be understood.
2. Right understanding;understanding, appreciating, and respecting our differences.
3. Giving up judgments;releasing negative judgments of ourselves and others.
4. Accepting responsibility;taking equal responsibility for what you get from the relationship and practicing forgiveness.
These four keys can unlock the potential within you to create loving relationships and fulfill your hopes and dreams. They will help you realize why your relationships have had problems in the past, and provide a foundation to build stable and life-enriching relationships in the future. -
Hey thanks rane,Originally posted by rane: Hi Doko, below text is extracted form John Gray's website, hope you find them useful:
There are four keys to creating mutually supportive and rewarding relationships:
1. Purposeful communication;communicating with the intent to understand and be understood.
2. Right understanding;understanding, appreciating, and respecting our differences.
3. Giving up judgments;releasing negative judgments of ourselves and others.
4. Accepting responsibility;taking equal responsibility for what you get from the relationship and practicing forgiveness.
These four keys can unlock the potential within you to create loving relationships and fulfill your hopes and dreams. They will help you realize why your relationships have had problems in the past, and provide a foundation to build stable and life-enriching relationships in the future.
I believe John Gray's books does not really help much. If not, there would not be more divorces and breakups or guys having problems chasing girls.
Don't get me wrong. They are still good. I still believe there are certain things that are missing from his books. And I would like to thank you for posting.
doko