Women please comment
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Originally posted by dokono:Hey thanks rane,
I believe John Gray's books does not really help much. If not, there would not be more divorces and breakups or guys having problems chasing girls.
Don't get me wrong. They are still good. I still believe there are certain things that are missing from his books. And I would like to thank you for posting.
doko
You are welcome, Doko. Yeah, though there are a lot of things we can learn from his books, I don't deny that his books lack something and that he is a little pro male (not very balance). -
Originally posted by dokono:Hey thanks rane,
I believe John Gray's books does not really help much. If not, there would not be more divorces and breakups or guys having problems chasing girls.
Don't get me wrong. They are still good. I still believe there are certain things that are missing from his books. And I would like to thank you for posting.
doko
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Okay, I havent continued from your post.Originally posted by blu_sky:Like... lets quote the simplest eg.
i've got a couple friend, the lady is an early bird. she likes to wake up early and sleep early. her daily routine is: after work, whe reaches home at 7pm watch tv and sleeps at 10pm.
but her bf is a nocturnal. likes night. he likes to work and likes to work late. everyday he will not knock off untill 9 plus.
you think they will work?
the answer is, they tried. they were together for 5 years. countless quarrels and fights. but how to compromise? the lady can barely open her eyes after 10pm, but the guy can only see her after 10pm.
oh weekends, he is a workaholic, loves to work. so weekend oso dedicated to work.
This is an example of lifestyle incompatibility.
I have thought about this. I still don't agree it's different lifestyle...don't make sense. If you have love, you can compromise. It can be either side is stuborn or the love has died off or care too much about their selves rather than make this relationship try to work out.
Lifestyle differences doesn't make you love less. I have seen cases of couples with different lifestyles together really put effort to work on the free time to spend with each other. Lifestyle differences is just an excuse.
doko -
My opinions:
1. Guys come to this forum to whine coz they dun have other revenues or sources to vent their frustrations. I suppose they feel uneasy with their male counterparts if they were to tell them their frustrations as it is a social stigma that guys should be macho and not behave whiney. Thus, forums are a good place coz nobody knows who they really are.
2. Most people come to forums with problems and asked for solutions. Some came for solutions whereas some came to rally support for their decisions.
3. Gals normally won't tell guys what she is unhappy in the relationship coz they think that if the bf really cares about them, he should be more inquisite or more sensitive in observing what makes her unhappy. But, little do they know that guys are rarely equipped with the ability of sensitiveness. Thus, gals become upset when their bfs still seem nonchalant about the whole issue. So, gals should actually tell guys what they are unhappy about and not let guys guess.
4. Sometimes when a relationship fails, its not because they are uncompatible in characters or such. It is because they have taken the relationship for granted. They thought that if the other partner really love them, they should "sacrifice" for them. But they have forgotten the way they behaved when they first fall in relationship. They forgotten that they "give" instead of "receiving".
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Hey, you are one of the few who bothered to spell my nick correctly!Originally posted by dokono:You are right. Mere attraction cannot make a relationship last. But it needs to occur first. Nothing lasts forever. I liken <Bontakun's> signature about love. Both parties need to put a lot of effort to maintain this relationship. It's a two-way thing. Not the guy giving in too much nor the girl too. Respect, trust and understanding for each other is essential. If one party breaks the trust, the relationship loses it's strength.
If the guy treats the girl well and respects her without being a doormat, I don't see why the girl should treat him back the same way unless she has an attitude problem.
That's why I never feel that a breakup is as simple as incompatibility. I view it as an excuse. With regards to your elements such as goals, objectives, character and personality issues, I feel that everyone is an individual and has different thinking. It's about compromising with one another, coupled with how much love both parties have for each other. Respect and support is essential. That is really love, not attraction.
doko
Woo hoo~~~~~~~~~!!!
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Gers prefer one to one face to face... most of them anyway.Originally posted by Orange Juice:I think majority of the people that frequent sg forums are guys. I wonder why. -
What's wrong with your nick?Originally posted by Bontakun:Hey, you are one of the few who bothered to spell my nick correctly!
Woo hoo~~~~~~~~~!!!
doko -
Agreed. Especially your last point. Give and take. Respect. Compromising.Originally posted by ILPSY:My opinions:
1. Guys come to this forum to whine coz they dun have other revenues or sources to vent their frustrations. I suppose they feel uneasy with their male counterparts if they were to tell them their frustrations as it is a social stigma that guys should be macho and not behave whiney. Thus, forums are a good place coz nobody knows who they really are.
2. Most people come to forums with problems and asked for solutions. Some came for solutions whereas some came to rally support for their decisions.
3. Gals normally won't tell guys what she is unhappy in the relationship coz they think that if the bf really cares about them, he should be more inquisite or more sensitive in observing what makes her unhappy. But, little do they know that guys are rarely equipped with the ability of sensitiveness. Thus, gals become upset when their bfs still seem nonchalant about the whole issue. So, gals should actually tell guys what they are unhappy about and not let guys guess.
4. Sometimes when a relationship fails, its not because they are uncompatible in characters or such. It is because they have taken the relationship for granted. They thought that if the other partner really love them, they should "sacrifice" for them. But they have forgotten the way they behaved when they first fall in relationship. They forgotten that they "give" instead of "receiving".
doko -
There are many who mis-spelled... unintentionally and intentionally...Originally posted by dokono:What's wrong with your nick?
doko
Like "botak", "botan" and others they can come up with.
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I see...botakun, i mean Bontakun.Originally posted by Bontakun:There are many who mis-spelled... unintentionally and intentionally...
Like "botak", "botan" and others they can come up with.
doko -
cheer up! They dun have any ill intentions!
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Doh...Originally posted by dokono:I see...botakun, i mean Bontakun.
doko -
How did you come up with that nick of yours?Originally posted by Bontakun:Doh...
sorry i mean signature.
doko -
The nick was taken from an anime called "Full Metal Panic Fumoffu". "Bonta" is the mascot of the anime.Originally posted by dokono:How did you come up with that nick of yours?
sorry i mean signature.
doko
As for the signature, I quoted it from the bible 1 Corinthians 13: 4 - 7. Unfortunately there is not enough space to fill in all of it, so I left out the last part "It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres".
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I forgot where I posted my essay on BGR-related issue liao...
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RaneOriginally posted by rane: You are welcome, Doko. Yeah, though there are a lot of things we can learn from his books, I don't deny that his books lack something and that he is a little pro male (not very balance).
Like to ask you from a female perspective.
Should a man offer to treat a lady on the first date in expensive restaurants? Or even treat at all? What if he is poor? Should they go dutch?
Oh, by the way, any guy or girl is welcome to comment.
doko -
Originally posted by dokono:Rane
Like to ask you from a female perspective.
Should a man offer to treat a lady on the first date in expensive restaurants? Or even treat at all? What if he is poor? Should they go dutch?
Oh, by the way, any guy or girl is welcome to comment.
doko Hi, Doko
Yes, it would be good if the man is giving the lady a treat on the first date. Not necessary to go to expensive restaurant. Going to somewhere affordable, cosy. You could try going on dutch, but from the view point of females, think for the first date it is only good that the guys offer to pay (especially this is a date, a date means the guy is seeking opportunities to impress the lady he likes).
Do be sensitive, caring, attentive, communicative during the date. To quote you a real life eg, a friend went on a date with a guy. The guy brought her to food court, this was OK for the lady. The guy told the gal that he can't afford to buy her meal and without asking her what she would like to drink, he went ahead to order coffee for her. This friend did not enjoy the date and said that after drinking coffee she had stomach upset. So, do be sensitive to the other party during date. I can't understand why the guy can't afford say spend below $5 to buy a meal in a food court for the lady, OMG! -
Bonta can comment?Originally posted by dokono:Rane
Like to ask you from a female perspective.
Should a man offer to treat a lady on the first date in expensive restaurants? Or even treat at all? What if he is poor? Should they go dutch?
Oh, by the way, any guy or girl is welcome to comment.
doko
Its the first date. Not just any common "asking a friend out". Of course it would be better to offer to treat. Unless you are on a tight budget or something, plan a nice one. Plan where you go, then find a nice place to eat there, depending on your budget, you can opt for movies or just walking around or bring her to those places with nice ambience. It depends quite abit on your talking skills to pull off a "cheap" date if you are rather poor at the moment.
Then again, it depends on your style really. You can treat all you want but you have to know her preferences and she has to more or less understand yours. Going to a place which she don't really like to eat is not that nice right? Or watching a movie while she wanted to watch another is not exactly a plus point for you also.
To win the battle, you have to know yourself as you know her. You also have to prepare abit. Even though in this modern era its common for many girls to initiate the first move, they never say they dislike being asked by many guys first right in your face, right? -
But they say 1st IMPRESSION COUNTS!!Originally posted by Bontakun:Bonta can comment?
Its the first date. Not just any common "asking a friend out". Of course it would be better to offer to treat. Unless you are on a tight budget or something, plan a nice one. Plan where you go, then find a nice place to eat there, depending on your budget, you can opt for movies or just walking around or bring her to those places with nice ambience. It depends quite abit on your talking skills to pull off a "cheap" date if you are rather poor at the moment.
Then again, it depends on your style really. You can treat all you want but you have to know her preferences and she has to more or less understand yours. Going to a place which she don't really like to eat is not that nice right? Or watching a movie while she wanted to watch another is not exactly a plus point for you also.
To win the battle, you have to know yourself as you know her. You also have to prepare abit. Even though in this modern era its common for many girls to initiate the first move, they never say they dislike being asked by many guys first right in your face, right?
That's why I always like to bring them to fast food RESTAURANT....
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hehehe ya lor let them know hor FAST your are on the first date!Originally posted by Devil1976:But they say 1st IMPRESSION COUNTS!!
That's why I always like to bring them to fast food RESTAURANT.... -
I tot da 1st impression oredi shown when you 1st met her and like wise?Originally posted by Devil1976:But they say 1st IMPRESSION COUNTS!!
That's why I always like to bring them to fast food RESTAURANT....
Oh... da 1st impression you toking is how you present yourself to her on the 1st date har...? So simple, show her your natural self regardless of what restaurant. Be it Zhen fa, fast food or even the barbie doll restaurant play house back at her house. -
Yeah... OVERCOOKED liao... <Originally posted by smudgey:hehehe ya lor let them know hor FAST your are on the first date!> -
Cannot lah. Like that I sure lose one. No hope liao.Originally posted by Bontakun:I tot da 1st impression oredi shown when you 1st met her and like wise?
Oh... da 1st impression you toking is how you present yourself to her on the 1st date har...? So simple, show her your natural self regardless of what restaurant. Be it Zhen fa, fast food or even the barbie doll restaurant play house back at her house. 
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Can lah. Dun tell me you wanna carry armor meet her everytime? Liddat cannot show da muscles behind da armor leh.Originally posted by Devil1976:Cannot lah. Like that I sure lose one. No hope liao. -
huh?Originally posted by Bontakun:Can lah. Dun tell me you wanna carry armor meet her everytime? Liddat cannot show da muscles behind da armor leh.