how could she? this so heartless~
-
I think you misinterpreted my statement? I said "usually", not all girls.Originally posted by blu_sky:Contrary to what you said, no, i did not leave my ex for another guy. i left him because he betrayed my trust. no matter how sad he was or how hard he cried, i couldnt stay anymore cos the moment he betrayed my trust, i stopped loving him.
Third parties is not the only reason why relationships break down
your above statement is too narrow-minded, thats all i can say.
He betrayed your trust? Good that you left him, otherwise I will flame you for not leaving him.
Again, this boils down to another third party. He betrayed your trust and so fast, you stopped loving him? The bond is so weak? Maybe your love for him is not that much after all to begin with?
Third parties not the only reason? You are right. See, I am not so bad. I agree with you again. Sometimes, people are insecure, needy or possessive, making it very tiring to maintain the relationship. Perhaps this can be linked to my thread again, for further discussion.
doko -
The thing is, (let me speak up for the girls), the r/s' ended not because we didnt give it our all. Even if we're the one who initiate the breakup, we'd still feel sad because we had loved fiercely and truly before and a breakup is certainly the last thing on our mind. And to have to put an end to the r/s, is simply because we see no future in it and that it is heading no where. It breaks our heart to do so too.Originally posted by dokono:A good example of confusion strategy, making everyone think that the man is the bad guy.
Usually, the guy is the last to know he's unwanted before he realised he's been dumped for another guy.
Threadstarter, don't worry. You are not the only victim and definitely won't be the last. Nothing is ever guaranteed in love(game).
doko
And NOT becos we've had plans to two-time you guys!
Frankly speaking, I've heard more stories of guys bidding their time and ask for a break only after they've secured a new gf. Usually, a girl does not do that. The break occurs simply because of differences which cannot be reconciled -
I kinda agree with this part.Originally posted by mamamamama:you thought that things were fine. either she's good at concealing her troubles, or you are an insensitive guy. -
Hmm.
-
Originally posted by YouDonKnowMe:
Relax... are you speaking for yourself or for girls as a whole? A girl once commented that girls behave similarly in a certain fashion or another to guys in areas of relationships. I think she is speaking common sense to me.
The thing is, (let me speak up for the girls), the r/s' ended not because we didnt give it our all. Even if we're the one who initiate the breakup, we'd still feel sad because we had loved fiercely and truly before and a breakup is certainly the last thing on our mind. And to have to put an end to the r/s, is simply because we see no future in it and that it is heading no where. It breaks our heart to do so too.
And [b]NOT becos we've had plans to two-time you guys! Frankly speaking, I've heard more stories of guys bidding their time and ask for a break only after they've secured a new gf. Usually, a girl does not do that. The break occurs simply because of differences which cannot be reconciled [/b]
You know, your first paragraph can be just summed up with one sentence- You just have no feelings for him anymore. And it's not your fault that you have no feelings. It's just not there any more. You just can't force it, right? No doubt you loved him before but now the feeling is gone. When the feeling is gone, of course there is no future.
It breaks your heart? Because you can't bear to see him sad because you need a reason to justify the breakup. So if it breaks your heart, why did you break up with him? Just don't make sense. It's whether you want or don't want only. Let me ask you something. If your desire to stay with him is greater than the desire to breakup, will you still breakup?
As for two-timing, I did not say it's on purpose. Sometimes, you just don't like the guy anymore but you are still with him. Maybe last time, but not now. And then, you start looking for a new one before you dump the old one. That's why I say you are not two-timing in mind beforehand. Im not saying you plan to betray him first. There are many such cases in this forum so usually a girl does not do that you say?
Remember, there are some girls who have a backup because they can't stand to be alone but in actuality, they don't love the guy.
More stories of guys securing a new girlfriend before they do the dumping? Then how come there are so many stories of guys complaining of being dumped/rejected/change of heart/single in this forum and other forums? Why?
Don't get me wrong. The guys you mentioned deserved to be bashed as well. I do know such people. Im speaking for guys who are sincerely good and get rejected constantly. I don't blame girls.
The breakup occurs not only because of irreconcilable differences but also because most importantly, you don't like him anymore (while he still likes you).
Im posting this not because I hate girls or what but because of their actions. They don't match what they say. As a woman, I believe you know it. They frustrate the guys. But I still like girls.
doko -
Hmm.................................................Originally posted by Devil1976:Hmm.
I see both Udonknowme and Doko's posts hor kinda remind me of something:
(This is subjective and DO NOT represent everyone. Only a portion of the human population)
Both parties loved and gave their all into the relationship, enjoying the bliss and company in the process.
Both parties once into a certain stage, are unable to re-ignite the past flame that so burn with fiery passion and ask the big question, "How to carry on?".
Both parties contemplate immediate break ups, drag ons and excuses to think of a better "solution". This cause upset and misery to both sides.
Then both parties see a new character enter into the fray. Seeing as a life bouy, both parties "may" choose the new character as a scapegoat to end the old relationship. (It may not be so, there could be other factors)
You will more or less see where this is going. The problem AT HAND may perhaps be lack of fuel to carry on the fire (passion) or realising more of the person's true self in time. The problem AFTER HAND is how messy it is going to end up. Both sides will be hurt, complications will occur, awkwardness will be present, many more will follow.
The problem BEFOREHAND is: have any of you ever considered what was the reason you love the person well enough for you to declare your love for that person? Don't give me the "love has no reason" crap. There is attraction between the two of you. There IS A REASON for you two to decide to be together.
Ask youselves this also: Knowing your previous relationships that ended the way you do not want, are you going to repeat the same whole thing when you meet someone new? "Wow, he is cute and funny! I can't help falling in love with him!", "She is hot! I fall head and heels over her!", "He is so cool and suave!", "She is gentle and has a smile like the sunshine"...
Are you going to just fall in love with someone without actually bothering to know that person more and understanding that person and give that person more chances to know you more? Are you going to jump in blindly into the pool without actually testing the temperature first? -
that is so wrong~!!!Originally posted by dokono:A good example of confusion strategy, making everyone think that the man is the bad guy.
Usually, the guy is the last to know he's unwanted before he realised he's been dumped for another guy.
Threadstarter, don't worry. You are not the only victim and definitely won't be the last. Nothing is ever guaranteed in love(game).
doko
a friend once said "ppl do not realise that in a breakup, it is not only the one who is dumped (lack of a better word) that hurts. the Person who initiates the break up hurts just as much!!!"
We hurt too.... it hurts to HAVE to end something that was once so beautiful.
and It hurts even more when You know YOU have to be the BAD gal and end it, while hurting someone you once loved so much!!!!
SO DO NOT SAY THAT IT IS A STRATEGY!!! -
Look at it this way.... if u know that the relationship is not going to last... u basically can not ever see yourself marrying this guy. Do you go on in this relationship... thinking "hey he have not ask me to marry him, so no need to think about it."Originally posted by dokono:You know, your first paragraph can be just summed up with one sentence- You just have no feelings for him anymore. And it's not your fault that you have no feelings. It's just not there any more. You just can't force it, right? No doubt you loved him before but now the feeling is gone. When the feeling is gone, of course there is no future.
It breaks your heart? Because you can't bear to see him sad because you need a reason to justify the breakup. So if it breaks your heart, why did you break up with him? Just don't make sense. It's whether you want or don't want only. Let me ask you something. If your desire to stay with him is greater than the desire to breakup, will you still breakup?
doko
then the one fine day he decides to pop the qn. you say "errrr.... i don't think i can marry you....ever"
should we all wait for that day to come and then say no thanks? -
The reason I say it's a strategy is because the girl still cry and confuse the guy. So sweet of you to cry even though you do the dumping? And then the guy gets confused that she still likes him. You know, when the guy does the dumping, people will say he's a bastard. But when the girl does the dumping, people say he neglected her. So she's always the good guy forever? haha...Originally posted by smudgey:that is so wrong~!!!
a friend once said "ppl do not realise that in a breakup, it is not only the one who is dumped (lack of a better word) that hurts. the Person who initiates the break up hurts just as much!!!"
We hurt too.... it hurts to HAVE to end something that was once so beautiful.
and It hurts even more when You know YOU have to be the BAD gal and end it, while hurting someone you once loved so much!!!!
SO DO NOT SAY THAT IT IS A STRATEGY!!!
You are hurt even more because you have to look like the bad guy? You care about your face. haha...You are not hurt. You don't even care about the relationship anymore. But I'd rather you do it so the guy can face rejection properly and look for a new girl, rather than staying with someone who don't love him.
Allow me to ask you a question: when you decide to end a relationship, do you look for a new target? Or soon after, you already have one?
doko -
BontaOriginally posted by Bontakun:Hmm.................................................
I see both Udonknowme and Doko's posts hor kinda remind me of something:
(This is subjective and DO NOT represent everyone. Only a portion of the human population)
Both parties loved and gave their all into the relationship, enjoying the bliss and company in the process.
Both parties once into a certain stage, are unable to re-ignite the past flame that so burn with fiery passion and ask the big question, "How to carry on?".
Both parties contemplate immediate break ups, drag ons and excuses to think of a better "solution". This cause upset and misery to both sides.
Then both parties see a new character enter into the fray. Seeing as a life bouy, both parties "may" choose the new character as a scapegoat to end the old relationship. (It may not be so, there could be other factors)
You will more or less see where this is going. The problem AT HAND may perhaps be lack of fuel to carry on the fire (passion) or realising more of the person's true self in time. The problem AFTER HAND is how messy it is going to end up. Both sides will be hurt, complications will occur, awkwardness will be present, many more will follow.
The problem BEFOREHAND is: have any of you ever considered what was the reason you love the person well enough for you to declare your love for that person? Don't give me the "love has no reason" crap. There is attraction between the two of you. There IS A REASON for you two to decide to be together.
Ask youselves this also: Knowing your previous relationships that ended the way you do not want, are you going to repeat the same whole thing when you meet someone new? "Wow, he is cute and funny! I can't help falling in love with him!", "She is hot! I fall head and heels over her!", "He is so cool and suave!", "She is gentle and has a smile like the sunshine"...
Are you going to just fall in love with someone without actually bothering to know that person more and understanding that person and give that person more chances to know you more? Are you going to jump in blindly into the pool without actually testing the temperature first?
I like your post.
when they say love has no reason, what they are really saying is they are attracted to each other.
Two people fall in love with each other because of their looks first. Somehow they are comfortable with each other. They say it takes a lot of time to peel layers off a person's character. You can't just marry him him/her straightaway.
doko -
Yes I agree with you. If you don't love the guy, just make a clean break. I don't like to be with someone who don't like me. I hope this applies to all women. Don't stay with someone you don't like even though he's rich.Originally posted by smudgey:Look at it this way.... if u know that the relationship is not going to last... u basically can not ever see yourself marrying this guy. Do you go on in this relationship... thinking "hey he have not ask me to marry him, so no need to think about it."
then the one fine day he decides to pop the qn. you say "errrr.... i don't think i can marry you....ever"
should we all wait for that day to come and then say no thanks?
Same thing with guys who don't love their girlfriends anymore. Just make a clean break and don't stay with someone you don't like because you cannot stand to be alone without a girlfriend.
doko -
Originally posted by dokono:It breaks your heart? Because you can't bear to see him sad because you need a reason to justify the breakup. So if it breaks your heart, why did you break up with him? Just don't make sense. It's whether you want or don't want only. Let me ask you something. If your desire to stay with him is greater than the desire to breakup, will you still breakup?
doko
Actually for personality differences, the desire to remain is usually greater than the desire to break up. Just that people don't know how to resolve the conflicts and thus feeling 'little choice' but to leave the relationship?
Somewhat like the chair in the bus is wet (air-con dripping water) and even though you are tired, you would rather choose to stand, even if you really wanna sit down and rest for a moment before you reach your destination?
*** To me, it doesn't matter who initiate the break up? It doesn't matter who pass the buck to be the ultimate 'bad person'? Does it make any difference to the 'perished relationship'? So what's with all the finger pointing?
Once, I broke off with someone without reason - didn't had anyone as a 'backup' as well. Completely without reason given, but it was a very sad choice because it wasn't about love - the challenges ahead was daunting? I chose to give it up because somehow I thought there was incompatibility, even though we didn't quarrel a single bit throughout the span of the relationship?
Breaking up doesn't always mean no feelings. Likewise, having no feelings doesn't always mean breaking up.
Relationship is a choice, likewise, breaking up is also a choice.
Cheers -
One of the reasons I like your post is because you don't get so worked up easily.Originally posted by Yunhaier: Actually for personality differences, the desire to remain is usually greater than the desire to break up. Just that people don't know how to resolve the conflicts and thus feeling 'little choice' but to leave the relationship?
Somewhat like the chair in the bus is wet (air-con dripping water) and even though you are tired, you would rather choose to stand, even if you really wanna sit down and rest for a moment before you reach your destination?
*** To me, it doesn't matter who initiate the break up? It doesn't matter who pass the buck to be the ultimate 'bad person'? Does it make any difference to the 'perished relationship'? So what's with all the finger pointing?
Once, I broke off with someone without reason - didn't had anyone as a 'backup' as well. Completely without reason given, but it was a very sad choice because it wasn't about love - the challenges ahead was daunting? I chose to give it up because somehow I thought there was incompatibility, even though we didn't quarrel a single bit throughout the span of the relationship?
Breaking up doesn't always mean no feelings. Likewise, having no feelings doesn't always mean breaking up.
Relationship is a choice, likewise, breaking up is also a choice.
Cheers
I thought one of the main reasons why people leave the relationship is because they can't tahan the other person anymore? One side has to have a lot of resentment building up inside before they get out? Think about it. If the desire to stay is greater than the desire to leave, then why do people still break up? Could there be resentment in either party? Can't take it any more?
Your air-con analogy, I don't really see the link. If you really desire to sit down, you will take a piece of tissue and clean it right? Unless you don't have it.
Im not trying to finger-point anyone. That's not my intention. My point is, a lot of girls, especially in this forum do the dumping when the guy is being good to her. Why? What's wrong? There has to be a reason. That's my concern. And usually, another guy will soon come along. Take note, I say usually, not always. And usually, when the guy leaves, people will say the guy is a jerk/bad guy. But when the woman leaves, people will say her needs have been neglected. Is that the real reason?
You breaking off with someone without reason? There has to be a combination of reasons. Everything happens for a reason, especially in relationships. What you mean "challenges ahead were daunting"? It's really confusing words. Incompatibility? Men and women had many differences biologically in the first place. While some people managed to go through against all odds to maintain the relationship, many relationships just keep failing. Could it be there's no such thing as unconditional love in the first place? Everything we know is all fantasy?
Breaking up doesn't mean no feelings? Possible. Very very rare. Let's take a look at a normal relationship. After a while one party decide to leave. If there's feelings, how could it be possible that they still break up? Unless the feelings are not high enough to begin with or they had just faded away? No doubt there will still be a bond. One thing's for sure, the party being dumped will definitely be damn sad because he/she thought everything is okay so far.
Everything is a choice. Breaking up or starting a relationship. But to do so, it has a reason right ? Love is a very complicated game.
doko -
totally like this statement!Originally posted by Devil1976:How I FELT.
Yup, it was crap.
But no matter... I've learnt my fair share from the relationship.. But 'better things' won't come if sh|tty people don't go...?? <>
anyway TS... cheer up and move on... be in control of your destiny! -
Originally posted by dokono:
On the contary, I never get too surprised by girls, ever so unpredictable and irrational.
I know you are nice. But you are not the only who did this remember? Not say scheming, the girl is trying to be nice but because she did this, the guy gets confused again, still trying to think of false hopes.
Im really intrigued by the behaviour of girls, really. They never fail to surprise me.
doko
-
we are hurted not because we have to LOOK like the bad guy. it's because we have to BE the bad guy. When we decide to end the relationship, do u think it is easy for us? We too have put in our all during the course of the relationship, but when it dies, do u think we don't mourn?!Originally posted by dokono:The reason I say it's a strategy is because the girl still cry and confuse the guy. So sweet of you to cry even though you do the dumping? And then the guy gets confused that she still likes him. You know, when the guy does the dumping, people will say he's a bastard. But when the girl does the dumping, people say he neglected her. So she's always the good guy forever? haha...
You are hurt even more because you have to look like the bad guy? You care about your face. haha...You are not hurt. You don't even care about the relationship anymore. But I'd rather you do it so the guy can face rejection properly and look for a new girl, rather than staying with someone who don't love him.
Allow me to ask you a question: when you decide to end a relationship, do you look for a new target? Or soon after, you already have one?
doko
the hurt we cause is inevitable. The relationship is going nowhere, if it goes on, the hurt will be worse.
The reason why when guys does the dumping, most of the time they are seen as the B@stard is that they are stronger, they can hide their emotions and be cruel or they just do not care anymore. Most gals are not so good at masking our emotions.
and to your last qn, I can't speak for the rest, but since u directed the qn at me, the ans is NO. As most of my advices indicate, I believe it unhealthy to jump right into another relationship. -
Cannot "tahan" is but only one of the many things that caused breakups. There is also the "taken the wrong road" and "jumping in too fast" and many others.Originally posted by dokono:One of the reasons I like your post is because you don't get so worked up easily.
I thought one of the main reasons why people leave the relationship is because they can't tahan the other person anymore? One side has to have a lot of resentment building up inside before they get out? Think about it. If the desire to stay is greater than the desire to leave, then why do people still break up? Could there be resentment in either party? Can't take it any more?
Your air-con analogy, I don't really see the link. If you really desire to sit down, you will take a piece of tissue and clean it right? Unless you don't have it.
Im not trying to finger-point anyone. That's not my intention. My point is, a lot of girls, especially in this forum do the dumping when the guy is being good to her. Why? What's wrong? There has to be a reason. That's my concern. And usually, another guy will soon come along. Take note, I say usually, not always. And usually, when the guy leaves, people will say the guy is a jerk/bad guy. But when the woman leaves, people will say her needs have been neglected. Is that the real reason?
You breaking off with someone without reason? There has to be a combination of reasons. Everything happens for a reason, especially in relationships. What you mean "challenges ahead were daunting"? It's really confusing words. Incompatibility? Men and women had many differences biologically in the first place. While some people managed to go through against all odds to maintain the relationship, many relationships just keep failing. Could it be there's no such thing as unconditional love in the first place? Everything we know is all fantasy?
Breaking up doesn't mean no feelings? Possible. Very very rare. Let's take a look at a normal relationship. After a while one party decide to leave. If there's feelings, how could it be possible that they still break up? Unless the feelings are not high enough to begin with or they had just faded away? No doubt there will still be a bond. One thing's for sure, the party being dumped will definitely be damn sad because he/she thought everything is okay so far.
Everything is a choice. Breaking up or starting a relationship. But to do so, it has a reason right ? Love is a very complicated game.
doko
The air-con analogy. There is a link, but I not sure mine the same as Yun's or not: The tissue (compromising without further understanding) is only a stop gap measure. It can clean the wet area but it will not stop the water drip (main problem already present). You need major overhaul. Stop the air con system and check the machine and apply the necessary repairs.
You also have to understand, gals function differently than guys. They go through emotional struggle too when breaking up but differently. Maybe they cannot give you an immediate answer like many guys do, but they have an answer which will be revealed if you are patient enough. "Her needs had been neglected", its one of the reasons, not the "real" reason.
There is unconditional love, but its very hard for most of us to do it. We are selfish. We are jealous. We are proud. We put ourselves first rather than the person we thought we so loved. This selfish love is bigger than unconditional love because many of us are unable to love others as much or even more than we love ourselves.
If you ever contemplate break up in the first place, it only meant you never truely loved the person afterall. Which brings back to what I have posted: You must understand the person well enough to decide you, along with your loved one, can persevere through all obstacles and commit to each other even should the feelings ever falter. Same thing for the other party.
From Smudgey's comment in this "if you know the relationship will not last", why go into it the first place with such risk? It is no different than going to a casino with $100 K and betting it all in one game of poker. Its a win or lose, 50/50 situation.
Eh... I am starting to see some form of a "war" going on here. Might I propose peace? vv -
Hi smudgeyOriginally posted by smudgey:we are hurted not because we have to LOOK like the bad guy. it's because we have to BE the bad guy. When we decide to end the relationship, do u think it is easy for us? We too have put in our all during the course of the relationship, but when it dies, do u think we don't mourn?!
the hurt we cause is inevitable. The relationship is going nowhere, if it goes on, the hurt will be worse.
The reason why when guys does the dumping, most of the time they are seen as the B@stard is that they are stronger, they can hide their emotions and be cruel or they just do not care anymore. Most gals are not so good at masking our emotions.
and to your last qn, I can't speak for the rest, but since u directed the qn at me, the ans is NO. As most of my advices indicate, I believe it unhealthy to jump right into another relationship.
I know it hurts being the bad guy so why you still do it? I haven't got a solid answer. I did not say it's easy, especially also for the hurt party. So you have put in so much effort during the course of the relationship, again why do you still end it? I am getting more confused the more you try to explain. Is it because you need a reason(excuse?) to breakup?
Relationship going nowhere? why? Care to give me specifics? I am getting very vague answers. Who determines what is the progress of the relationship? It seems the answers I get from girls are very confusing. No offence, they don't make sense, really.
Guys can hide their emotions, are you kidding? You saying guys really that emotionless? Why so many cry and react so strongly in this forum ? My reason is that when a guy dumps, he doesn't like the girl anymore or because the girl's character really strangles him in the relationship or he likes another girl more than his current girlfriend.
Girls not so good at masking their emotions? Is that the biggest joke of the year before it ends? From my interactions with them, they are so natural and good at playing this game. Let's take a look at an average girl. They have a few guys or more chasing them. They have so much more experience than the average guy(who by the way has to do the job of the chasing) that they can lead a guy and the relationship can lead to nowhere. And what I feel, most of the time when they end the relationship, they are very very firm. Look at all the whining in AA and ChitChat.
Kudos to you for not jumping into another relationship straightaway after you decide to end the relationship.
doko -
"how could she"
but to think about it.. "how could she not?"
life is unfair. just a word from partner will end the whole relationship regardless of the duration.
all the things i wish to say will be repeated forecast but i would still hope u will be able to smile and move on with ur life since she is doing it so well.
Jia u! -
Originally posted by dokono:Hi smudgey
I know it hurts being the bad guy so why you still do it? I haven't got a solid answer. I did not say it's easy, especially also for the hurt party. So you have put in so much effort during the course of the relationship, again why do you still end it? I am getting more confused the more you try to explain. Is it because you need a reason(excuse?) to breakup?
doko
By the way Bontaku, in my point of view, when anyone enters a relationship, it's always a form of gamble.... you'll never know the other person well enough, and even if you think you do, ppl change.Originally posted by smudgey:Look at it this way.... if u know that the relationship is not going to last... u basically can not ever see yourself marrying this guy. Do you go on in this relationship... thinking "hey he have not ask me to marry him, so no need to think about it."
then the one fine day he decides to pop the qn. you say "errrr.... i don't think i can marry you....ever"
should we all wait for that day to come and then say no thanks?
hence there are times, at certain point of the relationship, you stop and ask yourself, would you be able to live the rest of your life with this person? if the answer is no.... you can't just hold on hoping things will change, cos if they dont aren't you wasting both of your time....
Keywords.... MOST GUYS, not all.Originally posted by dokono:Guys can hide their emotions, are you kidding? You saying guys really that emotionless? Why so many cry and react so strongly in this forum ? My reason is that when a guy dumps, he doesn't like the girl anymore or because the girl's character really strangles him in the relationship or he likes another girl more than his current girlfriend.
HIDE emotions. that does not mean they do not feel.
and MOST guys here in the forum, are more in touched with they're feelings... and besides, they are voicing their emotions behind a screen via a keyboard... it's more "safe"
I've known guy friends who agonised over their decisions to end the relationships too.... just that they only choose to reveal it to their close friends, and hide from the rest.
well that is sterotyping isn't it? If we are going to sterotype, the same can be said about guys right?Originally posted by dokono:Girls not so good at masking their emotions? Is that the biggest joke of the year before it ends? From my interactions with them, they are so natural and good at playing this game. Let's take a look at an average girl. They have a few guys or more chasing them. They have so much more experience than the average guy(who by the way has to do the job of the chasing) that they can lead a guy and the relationship can lead to nowhere.
That is because by the time we (or I for example) have come to that decision, we have spent a lot of time to think it through, and we are certain. If we waiver, now and again, doesn't it cause more hurt?Originally posted by dokono:And what I feel, most of the time when they end the relationship, they are very very firm. Look at all the whining in AA and ChitChat.
no offence to your views.... it just seems to be very lopsided (for the lack of a better word)... -
BontaOriginally posted by Bontakun:Cannot "tahan" is but only one of the many things that caused breakups. There is also the "taken the wrong road" and "jumping in too fast" and many others.
The air-con analogy. There is a link, but I not sure mine the same as Yun's or not: The tissue (compromising without further understanding) is only a stop gap measure. It can clean the wet area but it will not stop the water drip (main problem already present). You need major overhaul. Stop the air con system and check the machine and apply the necessary repairs.
You also have to understand, gals function differently than guys. They go through emotional struggle too when breaking up but differently. Maybe they cannot give you an immediate answer like many guys do, but they have an answer which will be revealed if you are patient enough. "Her needs had been neglected", its one of the reasons, not the "real" reason.
There is unconditional love, but its very hard for most of us to do it. We are selfish. We are jealous. We are proud. We put ourselves first rather than the person we thought we so loved. This selfish love is bigger than unconditional love because many of us are unable to love others as much or even more than we love ourselves.
If you ever contemplate break up in the first place, it only meant you never truely loved the person afterall. Which brings back to what I have posted: You must understand the person well enough to decide you, along with your loved one, can persevere through all obstacles and commit to each other even should the feelings ever falter. Same thing for the other party.
From Smudgey's comment in this "if you know the relationship will not last", why go into it the first place with such risk? It is no different than going to a casino with $100 K and betting it all in one game of poker. Its a win or lose, 50/50 situation.
Eh... I am starting to see some form of a "war" going on here. Might I propose peace? vv
What do you mean "taken the wrong road"? Can you be more specific?
Why the tissue is a stop-gap measure? So if their love for each other is unconditional, I believe the air-con can be repaired. Unless there is not much love to begin with?
My point for mentioning this "needs not neglected" for girls is because the guy is always portrayed the bad guy which is not necessarily the case nor is it the girl. Not saying it's her fault or his fault, but to look at the whole picture fairer for both sexes. Yes, it's one of the reasons but not the main reason, I believe.
Your point on unconditional love. I believe it's all in the mindset on both sides. Love is supposed to be kind, understanding, patient, bla bla. The problem is in real life, everyone is acting on self-interests. So I expect you to care for me and you expect me to care for you haha. In the end, there's resentment for both sides.
You must understand the party well enough to get into a relationship. Question is, how long do you need to understand? Sometimes you go into a relationship with a girl for 10 years, you want to marry her, suddenly she says "hey let's split." You are so shocked! Nothing is ever guaranteed.
The point is, how do you know the relationship will not last when you don't try? But that is not to say you don't rush into it. Just take things slowly.
Peace bontakun
doko -
So you are saying you don't see yourself marrying him that's why you choose to end it? why? Don't love him? Maybe you loved him but he's not rich/stable enough for marriage? Treat you badly? What determines what feels right? I still have not been getting solid and specific answers from you from a female perspective. Or could it be you don't know what you want?Originally posted by smudgey:Look at it this way.... if u know that the relationship is not going to last... u basically can not ever see yourself marrying this guy. Do you go on in this relationship... thinking "hey he have not ask me to marry him, so no need to think about it."
then the one fine day he decides to pop the qn. you say "errrr.... i don't think i can marry you....ever"
should we all wait for that day to come and then say no thanks?
By the way Bontaku, in my point of view, when anyone enters a relationship, it's always a form of gamble.... you'll never know the other person well enough, and even if you think you do, ppl change.
hence there are times, at certain point of the relationship, you stop and ask yourself, would you be able to live the rest of your life with this person? if the answer is no.... you can't just hold on hoping things will change, cos if they dont aren't you wasting both of your time....
Most guys here in this forum more in touched with their feelings? Sgforums is frequented by so many people in Singapore as well as other countries. I believe there are so many internet users now. So you are saying people who don't visit this forum are not in touch with their feelings. Thanks for letting me know.Originally posted by smudgey:Keywords.... MOST GUYS, not all.
HIDE emotions. that does not mean they do not feel.
and MOST guys here in the forum, are more in touched with they're feelings... and besides, they are voicing their emotions behind a screen via a keyboard... it's more "safe"
I've known guy friends who agonised over their decisions to end the relationships too.... just that they only choose to reveal it to their close friends, and hide from the rest.
I too have close friends who agonise over their decisions to end the relationship. So does it mean guys hide their emotions well? Girls also do hide well you know. In fact they act more on emotions.
If describing a certain fashion the way some girls behave in a certain manner is stereotyping, then what is not? When people say "oh girls are more emotional or girls are more gentle or guys here are more in touch with their feelings", aren't they stereotyping as well?Originally posted by smudgey:well that is sterotyping isn't it? If we are going to sterotype, the same can be said about guys right?
No worries, I don't take comments personally, not like some people haha. If my views are lop-sided, yours not ? haha...nvm
peace
doko -
What solid and specific reason are you looking for?Originally posted by dokono:So you are saying you don't see yourself marrying him that's why you choose to end it? why? Don't love him? Maybe you loved him but he's not rich/stable enough for marriage? Treat you badly? What determines what feels right? I still have not been getting solid and specific answers from you from a female perspective. Or could it be you don't know what you want?
It's different for every relationship isn't it? for some it might be financial stability, for some it might be mental maturity, for others it might be other reasons.
Well i did not say all. there's a lot of guys out there who do not like to talk about their feelings.Originally posted by dokono:Most guys here in this forum more in touched with their feelings? Sgforums is frequented by so many people in Singapore as well as other countries. I believe there are so many internet users now. So you are saying people who don't visit this forum are not in touch with their feelings. Thanks for letting me know.
I too have close friends who agonise over their decisions to end the relationship. So does it mean guys hide their emotions well? Girls also do hide well you know. In fact they act more on emotions.
and as i say, ppl are more inclined to open up when they are somewhat Anonymous
and i never said that ppl who do not frequent here are not in touch with their feelings. pls do not put words into my mouth (so to speak).
I'm sure there are gals out there that are as you described. but definitely not most/all.
all i'm saying is that, we cannot just look at one flower and assume that majority of the the flowers look the same... we have to look at both sides of the coin...
Hmmmm... it seems pointless to continue this debate as we both have our own views....
hence i shall end this debate here. if u can see my point of view, great. if not, too bad. -
Good discussion going on, keep it up.
Hope to see more forumers participating and provide their viewpoints as well.
Cheers -
It's alright. Im not saying it's your fault or my fault. I just want to understand how girls think and I think Im learning a great deal.Originally posted by smudgey:Well i did not say all. there's a lot of guys out there who do not like to talk about their feelings.
and as i say, ppl are more inclined to open up when they are somewhat Anonymous
and i never said that ppl who do not frequent here are not in touch with their feelings. pls do not put words into my mouth (so to speak).
I'm sure there are gals out there that are as you described. but definitely not most/all.
all i'm saying is that, we cannot just look at one flower and assume that majority of the the flowers look the same... we have to look at both sides of the coin...
Hmmmm... it seems pointless to continue this debate as we both have our own views....
hence i shall end this debate here. if u can see my point of view, great. if not, too bad.
If you want more debate, Im always game on.
Note: Im not anti-girls or anti-smudgey. Im definitely not saying all are like that. I don't take girls personally.
doko