is he really taking me for granted already?
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Originally posted by veronicatan:
Allow me to present you a better perspective of what happened?
Eg
11pm fri nite, i was out with my friens and he smsed me
him: im goin to sleep
me: good nite, have a good rest ok? sweet dreams
him: wat are you doing:
me: goin to watch movie
him: with who?
me: with amy, cindy, catherine and their boyfriends. hows ur day darling?
no reply liao
of course lah...you are the one saying you going to watch movie wat....then disturb you when you watching movie meh?
Further its 11pm fri night right, so correctly speaking the movie could be 11:15pm or 11:30pm wat...so he wont disturb you is natural wat....
next day, sat morning 9:30am he called my mobile
The fact that he called you never justify a thankfulness from you ahh...and he call you quite early liao leh....if he never think about you, will he even call you so early ahh?? Duh....Also like machiam he wake up, the first thing he thinks is you liao, so he call you...
him: wat time you got home
(didnt even say hello)
me: how come u din reply my sms last nite?
him: i slept liao.
him: wat time you got home?
me: 2am
him: oh so fun ah
me: ok lah. watched movie.
him: got to go. talk to you later
then no call from him anymore the whole day
5pm, i smsed him: do you think you are beginning to take me for granted?
You could have been more tactful anyway....
saying someone taking another for granted is not soo good leh....
6pm he called but i was attending a customer, picked up a call and told him i cant talk. called him during dinner break but he said he working. but later oso never reply.
this has been happening for 1 mth liao. everytime call me, ask wat he wants to ask, then hang up. when i called/smsed him, he is always bz
Maybe you all should plan ahead like next time ask if the next weekend can come out and meet meet or drink coffee or makan or see movie...and why you see movie with your friends never jio your bf somemore...duh...?
is this normal? not taking for granted? -
you are obviously not following the thread. he went for overseas posting for 3 mths. just went for a mthOriginally posted by nightzip:of course lah...you are the one saying you going to watch movie wat....then disturb you when you watching movie meh? Further its 11pm fri night right, so correctly speaking the movie could be 11:15pm or 11:30pm wat...so he wont disturb you is natural wat.... -->dun want to disturb but ask all theqn n get all the answers liao then dun disturb me?
next day, sat morning 9:30am he called my mobile
The fact that he called you never justify a thankfulness from you ahh...and he call you quite early liao leh....if he never think about you, will he even call you so early ahh?? Duh....Also like machiam he wake up, the first thing he thinks is you liao, so he call you... --> he was on his way to work, and i dun wake up so early on weekend one, and he knows and woke me up cos he wants to know what time i got home. if you read and feel the conversation properly
him: wat time you got home
(didnt even say hello)
me: how come u din reply my sms last nite?
him: i slept liao.
him: wat time you got home?
me: 2am
him: oh so fun ah
me: ok lah. watched movie.
him: got to go. talk to you later
then no call from him anymore the whole day
5pm, i smsed him: do you think you are beginning to take me for granted?
You could have been more tactful anyway.... saying someone taking another for granted is not soo good leh....
Maybe you all should plan ahead like next time ask if the next weekend can come out and meet meet or drink coffee or makan or see movie...and why you see movie with your friends never jio your bf somemore...duh...? -
orhh...ok, paiseh...sorrie...
so he's still overseas ahh? Then maybe he felt phone bills could be expensive leh? Cuz guys are very sensitive on money issue ones...
Else, if he's in the army and went overseas, he would be super busy lor...unless he overseas as in working for a private company? -
Originally posted by veronicatan:Allow me to present you a better perspective of what happened?
Eg
11pm fri nite, i was out with my friens and he smsed me
him: im goin to sleep
me: good nite, have a good rest ok? sweet dreams
him: wat are you doing:
me: goin to watch movie
him: with who?
me: with amy, cindy, catherine and their boyfriends. hows ur day darling?
no reply liao
next day, sat morning 9:30am he called my mobile
him: wat time you got home
(didnt even say hello)
me: how come u din reply my sms last nite?
him: i slept liao.
him: wat time you got home?
me: 2am
him: oh so fun ah
me: ok lah. watched movie.
him: got to go. talk to you later
then no call from him anymore the whole day
5pm, i smsed him: do you think you are beginning to take me for granted?
6pm he called but i was attending a customer, picked up a call and told him i cant talk. called him during dinner break but he said he working. but later oso never reply.
this has been happening for 1 mth liao. everytime call me, ask wat he wants to ask, then hang up. when i called/smsed him, he is always bz
is this normal? not taking for granted?
It's far from normal. Sorry to say, but from my perspective n experiences, this is a very high chance of a goner.
Yes u were right when u say he is taking u for granted. It's too obvious, everything u mentioned jus clicks nicely with it. I've been thru EXACTLY E SAME ordeal u went thru, it jus seems like a replica.
Now it's abt u, whether u wld still wan to continue this relationship. ( there r pros n cons, n wat u nid to do if u decide to continue n not ) or jus dun sms him anymore, jus let nature take it's own course, if he still loves u, he'll contact u even if u dun.
Let me know if u wan to continue, i'll help u win his heart over again. -
Originally posted by veronicatan:you are obviously not following the thread. he went for overseas posting for 3 mths. just went for a mth
Fri nite: he cld b sleeping alre but also cld b not sleeping (depends on ur sms wif him, took long or nt to reply) when he didn't reply cos he is angry tat u r going out enjoying wif ur friens.
Sat 930am: he called cos he wanna chk on u e nite b4,
(him: wat time you got home? )
(me: 2am)
(him: oh so fun ah ) - he's very very unhappy tt u went ot w ur friens n only got home @ 2am
(me: ok lah. watched movie. )
(him: got to go. talk to you later) - showing off his unhappiness by ending e call.
he left alot of hints alre, but u r jus nt picking them up n applying
all these tells alot abt his character
There r 2 sides to a coin, whether u wan to b happy or nt depends which side u choose to be. -
yupz. agree with kurtz. he is most probaby showing that he is unhappy about u going out with other boys, although with their girlfrens who is yr fren too. problems often cause by this, as yr frens dono about u and yr boyfren they will "jio" u out everytime .
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but he is not here now, if my friends dont jio me out and he doesnt chat with me, so im goin to stay home watch tv and surf sgforum everyday?Originally posted by icyboiz:yupz. agree with kurtz. he is most probaby showing that he is unhappy about u going out with other boys, although with their girlfrens who is yr fren too. problems often cause by this, as yr frens dono about u and yr boyfren they will "jio" u out everytime . -
*sunny elbows veronicatan*Originally posted by veronicatan:but he is here now, if my friends dont jio me out and he doesnt chat with me, so im goin to stay home watch tv and surf sgforum everyday?
*wink wink*
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character? 2 sides to a coin? happy or not? would you mind expanding on that please?Originally posted by kerts:Fri nite: he cld b sleeping alre but also cld b not sleeping (depends on ur sms wif him, took long or nt to reply) when he didn't reply cos he is angry tat u r going out enjoying wif ur friens.
Sat 930am: he called cos he wanna chk on u e nite b4,
(him: wat time you got home? )
(me: 2am)
(him: oh so fun ah ) - he's very very unhappy tt u went ot w ur friens n only got home @ 2am
(me: ok lah. watched movie. )
(him: got to go. talk to you later) - showing off his unhappiness by ending e call.
he left alot of hints alre, but u r jus nt picking them up n applying
all these tells alot abt his character
There r 2 sides to a coin, whether u wan to b happy or nt depends which side u choose to be. -
If you think this relationship's not really for you, why go into it? Have you spoken regarding the need for more time to communicate with each other...? This could be a serious issue in time to come, so why not just gently touch on things now...?Originally posted by veronicatan:but in our first 3 mths, he will call me everyday for hours (yes, i oso the type who dun like to talk on the phone) even when he was overseas. (he has to go overseas 1 or 2 weeks every mth.
but what is a relationship if there is no communication or effort to communicate? -
His reaction need not prove much. It could be very surface only.Originally posted by Icemoon:It was to test his reaction.
Put into a scenario, how would a person react? What would he do? Will he take it easy and bochup? -
<Originally posted by sunny6110:*sunny elbows veronicatan*
*wink wink* > -
Why not you jio your friends out for a change?Originally posted by veronicatan:but he is not here now, if my friends dont jio me out and he doesnt chat with me, so im goin to stay home watch tv and surf sgforum everyday? -
Originally posted by veronicatan:character? 2 sides to a coin? happy or not? would you mind expanding on that please?
he's taking u for granted, due to e lack of interests in u, which leads to lesser conversations wif u n sometimes doesn't even bother to call)
2 things i can say of his character -
possessive - obviously doesn't like u mixing wif ur own grp of friens n their bf.
selfishness - doesn't intend to let go of u even though his feelings hv faded, tt's y he's avoiding e qns "taking me for granted"
Making time for each other, tt's love.
(As it is, we only talk when we have the time. for the past 8 days, we only talked 3 times in msn cos we 'run' into each other coincidentally)
this sounds like e time when my ex n i hv broken up
It's sad i jus felt this isn't e way to treat a girlfriend -
I agree....Originally posted by Devil1976:If you think this relationship's not really for you, why go into it? Have you spoken regarding the need for more time to communicate with each other...? This could be a serious issue in time to come, so why not just gently touch on things now...?
From what i read, There's definitely some bad feelings harboring in him...
He might be jealous, but dunno how to express it,
He probably knows that he cannot expect you to stay home everyday and do nothing while he's away, but yet can't help feeling jealous when he hears you are out with other guys...
Try to get him to have a real conversation with you, either via msn, webcam, skype or any other means....
like what devil says, communication is key, ESP at this point.
try to help him understand that he can trust you, and let him know what he's attitude makes you feel...
but Be GENTLE on these subjects... -
i do jio my friends out, the above is just a figure of speech. Anyway, does it matter who jio who out?Originally posted by Devil1976:Why not you jio your friends out for a change? -
Endless waiting. Waiting can really wear a person out. If a man loves you enough, i am sure he will not make you wait endlessly.Originally posted by veronicatan:Endless waiting has taken a toll on me...
*pats -
Hey regarding the not replying to sms, sometimes I get pretty irritated if too much sms because expensive. Each is about 50cents... times 200 and you get $100 just for smses.
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to TS, hey maybe tis can help...dun juz read 1st post...read everything...
http://sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=221569 -
I say max 3 sms, 1 call a day is best. Ignore a guy's advice at your own peril.
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ok... actually i rarely sms him unless i got something to tell him one, and i rarely call him too.Originally posted by bigmouthjoe:I say max 3 sms, 1 call a day is best. Ignore a guy's advice at your own peril.
Thanks for you advice
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I guess, you are not used to your bf being so "cool" to you after 3mths of relationship. My guess is that during the 3mths, you must be seeing/meeting him almost everyday, and now, suddenly, he is away for business trip, you feel insecure that he doesn't keep up with the normal routine of contacting you. (Phone bills are expensive, regardless chatting/smsing! I believe he is using auto-roaming which makes it worse! Per sms in BKK (just an example) costs $0.50 and if you add that up for 3mths, you can faint thinking of that!) Don't worry, this is normal, especially now that he is overseas. He may have lotsa things/matters to handle as this is a business trip. I think the last thing he needs, is insecurity on your part. A person can handle only so much, work may have already occupied most of his mind/energy. Thus, being his gf, i think you should be more tolerant towards his behaviour right now.
Your behaviour tells me that you feel insecure. Have more confidence in yourself. You must have your own qualities which attracted him to you and thus go into a relationship with you. Don't be swayed by all those negative thoughts.
Even the most loving couple needs to spend time on their own, in order to grow (mentally) and for the relationship to grow. After a relationship has become stable, you will realise that you dun really spend as much time as before. I guess, this may cause an insecurity in you.
Besides going out with frens for movie or watsoever, why dun you spend time on exercises? Its going to make you feel better after sweating it out. And pls, dun ever try to test him.
Cheers!
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No, actually we only saw each other on weekends throught the 5 mths of knowing each other. we rarely meet on weekdays.Originally posted by ILPSY:I guess, you are not used to your bf being so "cool" to you after 3mths of relationship. My guess is that during the 3mths, you must be seeing/meeting him almost everyday, and now, suddenly, he is away for business trip, you feel insecure that he doesn't keep up with the normal routine of contacting you. (Phone bills are expensive, regardless chatting/smsing! I believe he is using auto-roaming which makes it worse! Per sms in BKK (just an example) costs $0.50 and if you add that up for 3mths, you can faint thinking of that!) Don't worry, this is normal, especially now that he is overseas. He may have lotsa things/matters to handle as this is a business trip. I think the last thing he needs, is insecurity on your part. A person can handle only so much, work may have already occupied most of his mind/energy. Thus, being his gf, i think you should be more tolerant towards his behaviour right now.
Your behaviour tells me that you feel insecure. Have more confidence in yourself. You must have your own qualities which attracted him to you and thus go into a relationship with you. Don't be swayed by all those negative thoughts.
Even the most loving couple needs to spend time on their own, in order to grow (mentally) and for the relationship to grow. After a relationship has become stable, you will realise that you dun really spend as much time as before. I guess, this may cause an insecurity in you.
Besides going out with frens for movie or watsoever, why dun you spend time on exercises? Its going to make you feel better after sweating it out. And pls, dun ever try to test him.
Cheers!
You know what it feels like when someone is blowing hot and cold? trust me, it is not my imagination. -
I would think that he doesn't mean it.
Guys nomally have a different perspective. Some of them feel that once in a relationship, they do not need to spend so much time on it, and instead, they can go all out to establish a career.
There are some couples who see/meet each other everyday and others once a week or sometimes once a month when they are busy with work.
I know you miss him and feel insecure that he is now overseas and can't be contacted as easily as when he is in SG. I guess he must have his qualities that attract you to him. Focus on his good points, and try to ignore what is disturbing you at the moment, until when he is back from his business trips.
Instead of using "harsh" approaches like "are you taking me for granted?", you can try using "soft" approaches like "I miss you so much! Can't wait for you to be back in SG!". Most people hate to be forced to do something or be questioned. Its a normal instinct. So, when guys sense that the atmosphere behind this qn, the first thought that come to their mind, is to run away from the qn and try to ignore the fact that it actually existed. That is what most guys' reactions are. By using a soft approach, its easier to get the message across and they won't be much annoyed. And of coz, they will feel sweet hearing that.
However, of coz, you may meet some guys who are so sensitive and caring that once they feel something amiss, they will go ga-ga and try to make their gfs feel "right" again. Maybe, you just meet that typical guy (the former). Not to worry, coz thats wat the majority males behave anyway.
Have more confidence in your relationship. Give it a positive attitude. Go for some exercises, it will definitely make you feel good again.
Cheers. -
Tellin things that are sweet and nice, that i have been doin that for almost a month already. imgaine doing that for a month, and you just get nothing but unreplied sms and phone calls, how would you feel? Honestly, it is good to stay positive. But i had been doing that for a month. There is a fine line between positive and delusion.Originally posted by ILPSY:I would think that he doesn't mean it.
Guys nomally have a different perspective. Some of them feel that once in a relationship, they do not need to spend so much time on it, and instead, they can go all out to establish a career.
There are some couples who see/meet each other everyday and others once a week or sometimes once a month when they are busy with work.
I know you miss him and feel insecure that he is now overseas and can't be contacted as easily as when he is in SG. I guess he must have his qualities that attract you to him. Focus on his good points, and try to ignore what is disturbing you at the moment, until when he is back from his business trips.
Instead of using "harsh" approaches like "are you taking me for granted?", you can try using "soft" approaches like "I miss you so much! Can't wait for you to be back in SG!". Most people hate to be forced to do something or be questioned. Its a normal instinct. So, when guys sense that the atmosphere behind this qn, the first thought that come to their mind, is to run away from the qn and try to ignore the fact that it actually existed. That is what most guys' reactions are. By using a soft approach, its easier to get the message across and they won't be much annoyed. And of coz, they will feel sweet hearing that.
However, of coz, you may meet some guys who are so sensitive and caring that once they feel something amiss, they will go ga-ga and try to make their gfs feel "right" again. Maybe, you just meet that typical guy (the former). Not to worry, coz thats wat the majority males behave anyway.
Have more confidence in your relationship. Give it a positive attitude. Go for some exercises, it will definitely make you feel good again.
Cheers.
Thanks for the suggestion. i went to the beach to jog yesterday already.