why guys love to "beo beo" & not make any move?
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Well, it definitely works both ways! Relationship will end if only 1 party is putting in effort to keep in touch. It's pretty common nowadays that only one party put in effort to maintain the relationship (ordinary). I don't understand why, sigh! I say it again, i believe in being proactive. But there again if one iss the one who bothers to keep the relationship then there is no point.Originally posted by walesa:I'm not sure I can agree relationships initiated by girls last any shorter than those initiated by guys - I certainly don't see the link even if you've seen more such examples. Nevertheless, this is not the main point.
As I'd previously mentioned, I can never see myself with those who never take the trouble to initiate a conversation, meet-up, etc(talking about the very early phase before you're officially an item) - it's hard keeping that kind of relationship(it'd be hard even for ordinary friendships or friendships between two people of the same gender, nevermind one that could be classified as a potential relationship) going, isn't it? -
intent of someone approaching me or someone - it all depends really. If it's something spontaneous, casual, sincere, not sleazy, then I will respond rather well and may not question the intent, or may take it that they are just trying to make friends. but if I come across people who look, stare and kind of sleazy I will question his or her intent - I will think this person is questionable and I have to be careful, and sometimes I think it is possible that their intent is not a good one, like they may be undressing a gals on their minds when they look at the gals.Originally posted by Bontakun:Hmm... I read the updates you peeps have given and I think to myself, "What is going on?"
Then I re-read the original topic of discussion and come to give out a few comments based on what I have noted:
Why guys/gals go around noticing, ogling, looking, anything but not making a move?
1. They could be scared.
2. They have no confidence it will work out for they have done it and got the result they don't want.
3. They only wanted to compare.
4. They have no real interest actually, just something of an eye candy.
5. They may have tasted a version of such and the relationship ended badly. (similar to 2)
6. They may be waiting for the other party to move instead.
7. They are observing and planning so in the future they really go ahead?
Ever wonder what is the real intent of the person attempting to approach you or someone? Friendship? Curiousity? Dating? Desperate? Whatever? -
That's certainly true. I'm not sure you've noticed this, but I've certainly seen my fair share of relationships not working out just because guys are the ones making the moves.Originally posted by rane:Well, it definitely works both ways! Relationship will end if only 1 party is putting in effort to keep in touch. It's pretty common nowadays that only one party put in effort to maintain the relationship (ordinary). I don't understand why, sigh! I say it again, i believe in being proactive. But there again if one iss the one who bothers to keep the relationship then there is no point.
In these cases, oftentimes, the guy does all the chasing at the initial phase that eventually, after the couple gets together, the girl continues to expect to be treated like a princess and does not pull her fair share of the weight to sustain the relationship. That probably explains why I personally wouldn't consider those who are passive and make little or no effort to take initiative in the relationship. -
Haha it is weird considering how we think when approaching total strangers back then. I remember the first time I did it, I remembered my hands were shivering taking down her contact number.Originally posted by Devil1976:What I did I feel was like more for them to know that they're appreciated...? <
Calling them back is not really the issue back then I guess...? But however it seems more 'meaningful' to get contact number from them than to just go up to them and tell them they're cute or pretty right..? And that's it..? I mean... Kinda WEIRD RIGHT....??
Btw, I agree with your part in blue... 
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sorry, devil, i still don't understand.Originally posted by Devil1976:I thought you might be referring to a mild level of flirting.. But now I think you just wanna feel appreciated...? 
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hey, walesa, are u referring to both genders? ha ha, think it is better understood to just sum up - (be it gals or guys) there are three groups - one group of people interested but prefer the other parties to make the move, one group of people are just "bei dong", when they realise that the other parties are interested in them, they will just wait for the parties to make the move, and the last group of people, they just do it!!!!Originally posted by walesa:This is probably the one for most people, I guess...
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That's really unhealthy, both have to put in their utmost effort to make the relationship work. ARe these females "qian jing xiao jie"? If it is not interactive so to say - it is pretty hard on the other party. BUt I also hear that some guys stick to their buddies most of the time rather than keep the gals company. So . . . .Originally posted by walesa:That's certainly true. I'm not sure you've noticed this, but I've certainly seen my fair share of relationships not working out just because guys are the ones making the moves.
In these cases, oftentimes, the guy does all the chasing at the initial phase that eventually, after the couple gets together, the girl continues to expect to be treated like a princess and does not pull her fair share of the weight to sustain the relationship. That probably explains why I personally wouldn't consider those who are passive and make little or no effort to take initiative in the relationship. -
Possibly, its a paradox actually. They waiting for the other party to move 1st and the other party wait for them to move 1st instead. Liddat both side dun even move!Originally posted by walesa:This is probably the one for most people, I guess...
Yes, questioning their intentions. The thing is not all can see it so obviously. Some are slower in detecting whether the person is genuine in making friends or eying sheepishly. I for one am slow.Originally posted by rane:intent of someone approaching me or someone - it all depends really. If it's something spontaneous, casual, sincere, not sleazy, then I will respond rather well and may not question the intent, or may take it that they are just trying to make friends. but if I come across people who look, stare and kind of sleazy I will question his or her intent - I will think this person is questionable and I have to be careful, and sometimes I think it is possible that their intent is not a good one, like they may be undressing a gals on their minds when they look at the gals. Possibly because I tend to see all as friendly at first glance. 
It not only takes a keen eye in observing but also experience so as to identify which is which in the future. Last time its pretty obvious that one who dress rather sleazy or something similar has sheepish intent... most of the time. Nowadays its not that simple. Even the most outrageous of dressers have genuine intent in making friends and such when approaching you.
Need to give the approaching person a benefit of a doubt. Then once first contact is established, see what happens next. Of course there is the instant rejection if you don't like it but hey, everyone deserves a chance.
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hello,bontakun, next time u meet someone u like to know, just pass her the name card and tell her you would like to meet up for tea or whatever. If she calls you, bingo!!! That's what my ex bf did and I responded. But I did not expect we ended up in relationship, thought we will only be ordinary friends. This is what I mean proactive!!!Originally posted by Bontakun:Haha it is weird considering how we think when approaching total strangers back then. I remember the first time I did it, I remembered my hands were shivering taking down her contact number. Two parties gotta be proactive!!! -
Good idea.Originally posted by rane:hello,bontakun, next time u meet someone u like to know, just pass her the name card and tell her you would like to meet up for tea or whatever. If she calls you, bingo!!! That's what my ex bf did and I responded. But I did not expect we ended up in relationship, thought we will only be ordinary friends. This is what I mean proactive!!! Two parties gotta be proactive!!! -
That's my point - so I hope you understand where I'm coming from now about who makes the first move (it really isn't so much about who literally makes the first move, as opposed to what it says about a person who expects the other to make a first move on him/her). The irony here is, quite a number of guys, would foolishly pursue their interest in a manner that'd look ridiculous to an outsider like myself and that also explains why I need to see my interest be proactive of sorts before I'd even dream of anything possibly working out...Originally posted by rane:That's really unhealthy, both have to put in their utmost effort to make the relationship work. ARe these females "qian jing xiao jie"? If it is not interactive so to say - it is pretty hard on the other party. BUt I also hear that some guys stick to their buddies most of the time rather than keep the gals company. So . . . .
Perhaps, the biggest irony stems from the fact that guys do the chasing most of the time and most of the girls (talking about those in such relationships) are passive to the extent of being treated like some celebrity to be worshipped. Quite simply, such relationships don't work out in the long run because the women (in such cases) do not pull their weight. At the end of the day, what's there to suggest to a guy a woman who doesn't pull her weight during the good times will stick with the guy through the bad times? I mean, even guys need some sort of security to reassure them they've got the right woman for a wife. -
Ever played dominoes(or mahjong)? Imagine the scenario whereby the tile you need to win the game is in the hands of another player - and the tile he needs to win his hand is in yours.Originally posted by Bontakun:Possibly, its a paradox actually. They waiting for the other party to move 1st and the other party wait for them to move 1st instead. Liddat both side dun even move!
That, in essence, is what it's all about - only problem, it's potentially a lifetime's worth of happiness that's at stake here. -
I tink they oso never set their priorities right. Getting to know each other well enough as friends without getting head over heels into the notion "I am interested in you. I can't seem to think of other things else."Originally posted by walesa:That's my point - so I hope you understand where I'm coming from now about who makes the first move (it really isn't so much about who literally makes the first move, as opposed to what it says about a person who expects the other to make a first move on him/her). The irony here is, quite a number of guys, would foolishly pursue their interest in a manner that'd look ridiculous to an outsider like myself and that also explains why I need to see my interest be proactive of sorts before I'd even dream of anything possibly working out...
Perhaps, the biggest irony stems from the fact that guys do the chasing most of the time and most of the girls (talking about those in such relationships) are passive to the extent of being treated like some celebrity to be worshipped. Quite simply, such relationships don't work out in the long run because the women (in such cases) do not pull their weight.
Bordering into the thinking that "I know him/her well enough, lets get it on!" always have the person assume he/she is ready to go further into the relationship when most of then time he/she is not.
Then again, when does the person knows it is the "right" time to go ahead? No one knows for sure, its up to you to confirm and decide are you ready to commit. -
Fair point, mate.Originally posted by Bontakun:I tink they oso never set their priorities right. Getting to know each other well enough as friends without getting head over heels into the notion "I am interested in you. I can't seem to think of other things else."
Bordering into the thinking that "I know him/her well enough, lets get it on!" always have the person assume he/she is ready to go further into the relationship when most of then time he/she is not.
Then again, when does the person knows it is the "right" time to go ahead? No one knows for sure, its up to you to confirm and decide are you ready to commit.
But then, this just throws up a pandora's box on the validity of other issues like "love at first sight" and "how well do you need to know a person before you commit". Either way, for me at least, I certainly wouldn't make a move for someone whom I barely know or whom I'm certain is not the sort to pull her weight simply because I don't see such traits as viable to sustaining a long-term relationship. -
Haha yar I know dat. Kinda in a fix.Originally posted by walesa:Ever played dominoes(or mahjong)? Imagine the scenario whereby the tile you need to win the game is in the hands of another player - and the tile he needs to win his hand is in yours.
That, in essence, is what it's all about - only problem, it's potentially a lifetime's worth of happiness that's at stake here.
Lifetime worth of happiness. All da more muz be able to plan well in how you go about it. Can approach the person and get contact or what. After dat can get other ppl's contact too. Get more options, more chances to know the ppl better. Then oso calculate other things and factors. -
Well, da topic is on approaching strangers and other possibilities regarding these, so we see how far it can go and how it can be worked out. For me, its alot more than that but we go one step at a time before I blow up.Originally posted by walesa:Fair point, mate.
But then, this just throws up a pandora's box on the validity of other issues like "love at first sight" and "how well do you need to know a person before you commit". Either way, for me at least, I certainly wouldn't make a move for someone whom I barely know or whom I'm certain is not the sort to pull her weight simply because I don't see such traits as viable to sustaining a long-term relationship. -
good summary!Originally posted by Bontakun:Hmm... I read the updates you peeps have given and I think to myself, "What is going on?"
Then I re-read the original topic of discussion and come to give out a few comments based on what I have noted:
Why guys/gals go around noticing, ogling, looking, anything but not making a move?
1. They could be scared.
2. They have no confidence it will work out for they have done it and got the result they don't want.
3. They only wanted to compare.
4. They have no real interest actually, just something of an eye candy.
5. They may have tasted a version of such and the relationship ended badly. (similar to 2)
6. They may be waiting for the other party to move instead.
7. They are observing and planning so in the future they really go ahead?
Ever wonder what is the real intent of the person attempting to approach you or someone? Friendship? Curiousity? Dating? Desperate? Whatever? -
for guys who "beo beo" but didn't approach....
They could be married! -
i wonder what the hell will happen if guys make a move on all the girls they beo...hehehehhee...~~
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Then there will be CHAOS!!!Originally posted by udontknowme:i wonder what the hell will happen if guys make a move on all the girls they beo...hehehehhee...~~ -
Originally posted by walesa:
Hi, walesa
That's my point - so I hope you understand where I'm coming from now about who makes the first move (it really isn't so much about who literally makes the first move, as opposed to what it says about a person who expects the other to make a first move on him/her). The irony here is, quite a number of guys, would foolishly pursue their interest in a manner that'd look ridiculous to an outsider like myself and that also explains why I need to see my interest be proactive of sorts before I'd even dream of anything possibly working out...
Perhaps, the biggest irony stems from the fact that guys do the chasing most of the time and most of the girls (talking about those in such relationships) are passive to the extent of being treated like some celebrity to be worshipped. Quite simply, such relationships don't work out in the [b]long run because the women (in such cases) do not pull their weight. At the end of the day, what's there to suggest to a guy a woman who doesn't pull her weight during the good times will stick with the guy through the bad times? I mean, even guys need some sort of security to reassure them they've got the right woman for a wife.[/b]
think all the while you are not referring to the topic but rather the problems guys face when they meet the gals. Now I finally understand what you really mean. Just did a quiz or whatever you call it - according to the expert, the result I got is I pamper the guys too much so much so that he becomes unreasonably demanding, "ba dao"! OMG, think I better do something to change! No wonder I am taken for granted and receive unreasonable demand and expectation, oh dear!!!!
Hey, gals have to do their part, too. Sometimes when we do our part we also face problems from the guys. Some or rather majority of men are rather possessive, they are either aggressive possessive or passive possessive!! I do come across not possessive type, but quite rare!!
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haiz....
u all will never understand one lah...
being fat n ugly
Only thing i can do is 'beo' mah.. approach for wat... asking to be humiliated. -
hello, best is to "test water" b4 u approach if you know the gal. but if u see someone you like and don'tknow her at all, it is very tough to approach!!!Originally posted by fatslob:haiz....
u all will never understand one lah...
being fat n ugly
Only thing i can do is 'beo' mah.. approach for wat... asking to be humiliated.
If you know her, get to know her as a friend first, whether to approach her or not you can think about it later. Hey, don't be discouraged as I have ever seen fat guys with girlfriends. About ugliness, not sure how u look, but whatever - u could do something to look good for your own good not so much on wanting to look good to woo gals. ONce you do something to look good you will feel good about yrself, and your self image will improve, and i believe gradually you will gain confidence. Then you will have no doubt in getting to know gals! do give up! -
I KNEW YOU ARE EVIL....Originally posted by Bontakun:Haha it is weird considering how we think when approaching total strangers back then. I remember the first time I did it, I remembered my hands were shivering taking down her contact number. 
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Never mind!Originally posted by rane:sorry, devil, i still don't understand.