Girlfriend and friends...
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Sometimes it is simply having incompatible values & habits when it comes to spending money.
It's not that he (or she) doesn't want to spend on you, it's just not in him - he doesn't even spend on himself or his loved ones/family ( << lagi worse)
Personally I would not date a tight-fisted man. -
effort and payign is just 2 different ways of saying the same thing. for both you will expect or get something back even if its not directly fromt he recipientOriginally posted by Bontakun:Dats giving mah. You dun give you expect others to give meh? Effort is needed to make a relationship going. ANY kind of relationship. If you dun put in the time, effort, sweat, etc, etc... then the relationship can get rust liao. By dat time, no amount of WD-40 can remove the rust liao... -
maybeOriginally posted by rainee:yea lor, sekali when it is your own, we will hear hisoka saying he treats the girl to fine dining every nite
but i doubt
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That is only when you EXPECT something in return. And that is what makes many relationships go sour overtime. Coz we expected something back.Originally posted by hisoka:effort and payign is just 2 different ways of saying the same thing. for both you will expect or get something back even if its not directly fromt he recipient -
yea me will not alsoOriginally posted by choco B:Sometimes it is simply having incompatible values & habits when it comes to spending money.
It's not that he (or she) doesn't want to spend on you, it's just not in him - he doesn't even spend on himself
Personally I would not date a tight-fisted man.
i wud like to spend on him occasionally, and i wud like him to spend a little bit on me just in return...
and dun wan to be so calculative everytime...cos i will automatically become calculative with someone who is calculative with me
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Oh. Are you the "unconditional love" guy?
Originally posted by Bontakun:That is only when you EXPECT something in return. And that is what makes many relationships go sour overtime. Coz we expected something back. -
tink it is normal for everyone in a r/s to expect something de la...no matter how small it is...Originally posted by Bontakun:That is only when you EXPECT something in return. And that is what makes many relationships go sour overtime. Coz we expected something back.
like expect the other party to put in efforts also...if dun have expectation u wun let the other party know what you are not happy with, you will jsut keep repressing the feeling to yourself by telling yourself,"I shud not expect anything from him..." -
I wish I was, but I not there yet.Originally posted by choco B:Oh. Are you the "unconditional love" guy?
Suppressing the feelings and such depends on how much those take priority with relations to the relationship. Maybe I those kind who dun really give much thought on expecting returns and it doesn't bother me. I tink dats how Leos behave bah...Originally posted by rainee:tink it is normal for everyone in a r/s to expect something de la...no matter how small it is...
like expect the other party to put in efforts also...if dun have expectation u wun let the other party know what you are not happy with, you will jsut keep repressing the feeling to yourself by telling yourself,"I shud not expect anything from him..." -
I got digital calculator. Can calculate Sine, cosine, tangeant and SIX storage space. SIX!!!Originally posted by rainee:yea me will not also
i wud like to spend on him occasionally, and i wud like him to spend a little bit on me just in return...
and dun wan to be so calculative everytime...cos i will automatically become calculative with someone who is calculative with me -
i got matlab can integrate, fourier transfomr etcOriginally posted by Bontakun:I got digital calculator. Can calculate Sine, cosine, tangeant and SIX storage space. SIX!!! -
See RI ous!? wah...Originally posted by hisoka:i got matlab can integrate, fourier transfomr etc
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Originally posted by Bontakun:I got digital calculator. Can calculate Sine, cosine, tangeant and SIX storage space. SIX!!!
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Why would someone wish to be the "unconditional love" guy ?
No lah, Leos are insecure and get jealous easily I'm one. Originally posted by Bontakun:I wish I was, but I not there yet.
Suppressing the feelings and such depends on how much those take priority with relations to the relationship. Maybe I those kind who dun really give much thought on expecting returns and it doesn't bother me. I tink dats how Leos behave bah... -
Originally posted by choco B:Why would someone wish to be the "unconditional love" guy ?
No lah, Leos are insecure and get jealous easily I'm one.
Coz I dun like the idea of wanting something in return. Its like some transaction to me. Besides humanity in general is selfish by nature. I hope to do whatever I can (how little it may seems) to be as unselfish as I can be loh. -
maybe he just finds joy in giving and giving?Originally posted by choco B:Why would someone wish to be the "unconditional love" guy ?
No lah, Leos are insecure and get jealous easily I'm one.
actually there was a time when I was like that
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Heheh interesting, that's a Leo trait - likes to stand for noble causeOriginally posted by Bontakun:
Coz I dun like the idea of wanting something in return. Its like some transaction to me. Besides humanity in general is selfish by nature. I hope to do whatever I can (how little it may seems) to be as unselfish as I can be loh. -
I like to laze around. Another lion trait. Good or bad though... its debatable.Originally posted by choco B:Heheh interesting, that's a Leo trait - likes to stand for noble cause -
i would be unhappy too..if i were in Rainee's position...but den again...i have been in her position b4 in my current relationship.
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The pt is not about conditional or unconditional love....Originally posted by choco B:Oh. Are you the "unconditional love" guy?
the point is that if you give/put in effort and expect something in return....
often we will have an "idea" or expectation of what this 'something' is, and if your partner do not act as per, we get upset....
for example.... for his birthday, she buys him a really really expensive psp (something she knows he wanted for a long time), and when her birthday comes, he takes her to a nice high class fine dining restaurant and then a quiet place for drinks, with small present.....
but all this time she might have been dropping hints that she really really wants this new handphone..... and somehow expects that he'll get it, since she got him something he really wanted....
is he in the wrong? he took time to plan and save up for the dinner and drinks plus a small gift.... but because she had certain expectations, she was disappointed..... -
Yar... but sekali got surprise? Da guy could have KNOWN she wan da HP. But he chose to take her to dinner and such. Then when the gal is disappointed and going home. The guy whipped out the HP she wanted.Originally posted by smudgey:The pt is not about conditional or unconditional love....
the point is that if you give/put in effort and expect something in return....
often we will have an "idea" or expectation of what this 'something' is, and if your partner do not act as per, we get upset....
for example.... for his birthday, she buys him a really really expensive psp (something she knows he wanted for a long time), and when her birthday comes, he takes her to a nice high class fine dining restaurant and then a quiet place for drinks, with small present.....
but all this time she might have been dropping hints that she really really wants this new handphone..... and somehow expects that he'll get it, since she got him something he really wanted....
is he in the wrong? he took time to plan and save up for the dinner and drinks plus a small gift.... but because she had certain expectations, she was disappointed.....
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tink almost every couple who is in a ldr will face this problemOriginally posted by Pommes frites:i would be unhappy too..if i were in Rainee's position...but den again...i have been in her position b4 in my current relationship.
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true....Originally posted by Bontakun:Yar... but sekali got surprise? Da guy could have KNOWN she wan da HP. But he chose to take her to dinner and such. Then when the gal is disappointed and going home. The guy whipped out the HP she wanted.
GG
but my point is,
the guy has another way of expressing his love for his gal.... HIS WAY...
but because the gal was expecting something else.... she failed to see that what he did came from the bottom of his heart, what he did was really sweet too... -
So~~~ theres expectation for ya!Originally posted by smudgey:true....
but my point is,
the guy has another way of expressing his love for his gal.... HIS WAY...
but because the gal was expecting something else.... she failed to see that what he did came from the bottom of his heart, what he did was really sweet too...v -
I think so long as it's not happening so very often, it should be ok to an extent?Originally posted by NekoRin:Okay, before I get shot down/flamed/bitten by those whom know me, I have asked for the consent of my Rainee dear to post this for views and suggestions. (Since both of us are forumities it will be good for her to agree first :3 )
Yesterday dear she highlighted to me a growing problem which both of us think that it must be addressed fast before it worsens into an argument. The problem stems from me still outside with my friends past the time we are supposed to communicate over the phone. (10:30pm)
A little bit of our background. Me and Rainee are having a LDR (I'm in Singapore and she is from JB) and we can only meet up one day a week (Sunday). Thus in order to maintain this relationship it will be good to communicate frequently and so we set a time to call each other everyday. Up till recently there's some change in the routine.
I have many circles of friends... online-gaming friends (who will meet up every now and then for get-togethers), designer friends (ex-classmates/colleagues), RT/army khakis, ex-arcade khakis (whom become my good friends now even though we stopped going to gaming arcades), university coursemates, church group friends, fellow SGforumities etc etc. Quite often I will go out with my friends for a get-together as we don't have much time for catching up (they have their own commitments too) and most of the time we will be staying out till midnight. (Most of the time have to meet up after 9-10pm as some friends are in sales-line, have late knock-off hours and designer friends OT most of the time) Dear she is pretty ok if it's only once every now and then but I can sense that she is unhappy when I have to meet up with different groups of friends over a 2-3day period consec. From what she told me is that she kept up her end of the compromise of trying hard not to call/sms/msn me in the day and in the end seeing the conversation last only 5-10mins at night because I need to go back to my friends.
Anyone has suggestions and views about this matter?
Don't call just for the sake of calling... If a 5-10mins phone call can feel very artificial or uncomfortable, make it a point to call again (eg. 3 days later ) when you're supposing free... Sometimes absence can make the heart fond? Though it's good effort for both parties to keep up with the practice, but have to understand that sometimes the unexpect can make each other miss phone calls for days too..? It's always better if you can learn to cope with such simple 'void' and learn to compromise with each other....? -
I think if you're really have a hard time with life and need to talk to him, it's ok for you to sms him and ask?Originally posted by rainee:haiz partly true...I am having a lot of stress at my workplace recently. Last time it is okie, but the ppl in my office has been rather demanding lately ie kept asking me to conduct extra lessons outside my schedule, then i have to also layan the parents of the problematic students, haiz...
So when i am stressed out I want to talk about it, so when i reach home I look forward to calling my dear...at least his voice can cheer me up and he is very good at saying things that will make me less stressed out But imagine my disappointment when I called, then I heard noisy background, wanted to talk also cannot talk because I know his frens are all prolly in front of him and teasing him about having a gf who must call everynite...so most of the time convo only lasted 5 minutes. And I will feel like it is left hanging...cos 5 to 10 mins is not enuff for me to say what I want to say.
I dunno if it is unreasonable for me to ask for this...cos already in the daytime we agree to not call/sms/msn each other...i agree to this becos I know dear got a lot of things to do also at home...so I let him have his private time during the afternoon and early evening until I reach home...
If he can afford to, he can always tell his friends that he has got a 'serious business' on the phone i.e. to console you. I think his friends should respect that?
Alternatively, you have also try to call another friend who don't mind listening to pour your woes to...?