Problem with my DAD.
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haha... this is like super common in my family man.... i face this almost every day
firstly, if this is a one off case, perhaps u wan to talk to ur dad to find out if he is problems at work...he maybe getting fustrated or some huge stuff at work and totally blew it?
i think communication is the problem..maybe if possible get everyone to sit down and talk? this is the most difficult part -
I don't know the context of your arguments and I still don't know who is right or wrong based on your account. I don't know how old you are either. I don't even know if it is a regular habit of him to be abusive towards his family.Originally posted by BoomBa!:During the chinese reunion dinner.. my family had a very big quarrel. We had our dinner in tears. My dad was being unreasonable so, my sis and I told him off . It didn't get any better over the past week, cold war between my dad and me.
Yesterday, my mom was scolded by my father over some matter. So, I stood up for my mom for i know she wasn't in the wrong...my dad quickly blew up again.. this time he was even worst..he told me to be careful for he is very hot tempered and could injure or even kill someone in the family. I told him that i will call the police for those threatens.. he told me to go ahead.
my family now is in the mid of crisis.. i don't know what i should do. My dad is a very hot headed person. i'm afraid that if another quarrel is started, things might get out of hand.
Should I call the police?
All I can do is give you advice . Sometimes very nasty things can be said in the heat of the moment.
Next time , old man starts being unreasonable , just walk away from him or get your mom to walk away. No point in aggravating him. Just remove the stimulus and walk away . Both sides will calm down sooner or later . Avoid him and don't tempt fate.
Alternatively ,just let him vent away what he wants . At the end of the day, he might feel remorse for taking it out.
If he carries out his threats and attack someone, call the police. Domestic violence should never be condoned. -
And what will happen after both sides have calmed down? Sit down together and discuss the matter?
Next time , old man starts being unreasonable , just walk away from him or get your mom to walk away. No point in aggravating him. Just remove the stimulus and walk away . Both sides will calm down sooner or later . Avoid him and don't tempt fate.
I believe that his dad would just flare up again, being unreasonable and hot-headed. -
The threadstarter has not conveyed the details or examples of how unreasonable his father might be. From what I can see , it happened over reunion dinner and some other vague scenario. Things can be said in the heat of the moment.Originally posted by mamamamama:And what will happen after both sides have calmed down? Sit down together and discuss the matter?
I believe that his dad would just flare up again, being unreasonable and hot-headed.
Parents are known to be unreasonable. Mine has been unreasonable at times but if they see reason , they won't apologise as with our culture but try to make up in some way . Parents don't like to be seen as wrong .
I won't be jumping to conclusions on this one. However if his father chooses to strike someone , like his mother, physically down over a matter, then it will constitute an assault, and domestic violence. -
Wonderful quotes... the wuestion remains... knowing all the, what good does it do?Originally posted by (human):When you are offended at any man's fault, turn to yourself and study your own failings. Then you will forget your anger. -Epictetus.
Men are disturbed not by things, but by the views which they take of them. -Epictetus
Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.-buddha
Anger will never disappear so long as thoughts of resentment are cherished in the mind. Anger will disappear just as soon as thoughts of resentment are forgotten.-buddha -
sometimes cold war aint that bad.. at least both parties get to cool down for some time. If it really gets out of hand (eg he starts showing signs of violence) then i suggest go police bah.. maybe you can talk to your close relatives? uncles or something?
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Firstly why did you and your sis tell your dad off?No matter what,I don't think it's ever right to tell your parent off.After all,you still got to respect him as your father whether he's right or wrong.I believe no parents is able to accept the fact that his or her children actually told them off.
If he's being unreasonable,I believe there are some ways of talking to him.Try to have a nice chat with him after a while to talk things out.After all you are a family.No matter what,blood is thicker than water.
Like the others said,don't ever get the police to intervene in domestic matters.All ties maybe severed once that happen.Lastly,I wish you all the best in resolving this issue. -
Eh, but seriously some of the things that my dad does is really unreasonable, stupid and even childish.Originally posted by SMLJ.sg:Firstly why did you and your sis tell your dad off?No matter what,I don't think it's ever right to tell your parent off.After all,you still got to respect him as your father whether he's right or wrong.I believe no parents is able to accept the fact that his or her children actually told them off.
If he's being unreasonable,I believe there are some ways of talking to him.Try to have a nice chat with him after a while to talk things out.After all you are a family.No matter what,blood is thicker than water.
Like the others said,don't ever get the police to intervene in domestic matters.All ties maybe severed once that happen.Lastly,I wish you all the best in resolving this issue.
Even my mum tells him off sometimes.
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wa kao....just because the father produce sperms and mother produce eggs to give us life they are big fark is it....i dun like the way our culture working in this manner.....it's like children are meant to be abused , treated like shit and to be qian yi bai shun then what more.....mental abuse as well dun forget....i only respect senior that worth my respect....i dun blindly follow the culture...Originally posted by SMLJ.sg:Firstly why did you and your sis tell your dad off?No matter what,I don't think it's ever right to tell your parent off.After all,you still got to respect him as your father whether he's right or wrong.I believe no parents is able to accept the fact that his or her children actually told them off.
If he's being unreasonable,I believe there are some ways of talking to him.Try to have a nice chat with him after a while to talk things out.After all you are a family.No matter what,blood is thicker than water.
Like the others said,don't ever get the police to intervene in domestic matters.All ties maybe severed once that happen.Lastly,I wish you all the best in resolving this issue. -
Tell him F$$ off...
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hi guys.. sorry for the late reply.
Things between my dad and me have been rather cool. I greeted him as usual for the sake of my mom, i don't want her to get upset over this. Other then greeting him i haven't talked to him yet.
To clear some of your doubts.. here is one of the situations that happened few days back. Last friday, my family went to my cousin bday party. At the end of the party, our entire family wanted to take a photo. We stood two rows, girls in the front and guys at the back. But because the guyÂ’s sides were more the photographer asked one to move down. My uncle stepped front, standing beside my mom. He then put his arms around my mom's shoulder. Right in front of my dadÂ’s and me eyes. My dad and i both was WTF. And the photo was taken, it happened too quickly.
Now back at home... when i was watching kingdoms of heaven on DVD the most exciting part when orlando defended his castle against the persians. i heard my dad shouting... he said my mom had brought shame to this family. I was fumming when i heard that ! i confronted him and told him that it wasn't my mothers fault. blah blah blah
he said i was being rude and shouldn't interfere in adult conversations. for fuck sake i just turned 21 not long ago. He said i shouldn't question him for his my dad. I said i only wanted to protect my mom from insults like that. He said whatever it is the photo will bring shame to our family.
k thatÂ’s the story.. -
Extreme actions would only get extreme reactions... Don't do that again if that is not what you desire.Originally posted by BoomBa!:hi guys.. sorry for the late reply.
Things between my dad and me have been rather cool. I greeted him as usual for the sake of my mom, i don't want her to get upset over this. Other then greeting him i haven't talked to him yet.
To clear some of your doubts.. here is one of the situations that happened few days back. Last friday, my family went to my cousin bday party. At the end of the party, our entire family wanted to take a photo. We stood two rows, girls in the front and guys at the back. But because the guyÂ’s sides were more the photographer asked one to move down. My uncle stepped front, standing beside my mom. He then put his arms around my mom's shoulder. Right in front of my dadÂ’s and me eyes. My dad and i both was WTF. And the photo was taken, it happened too quickly.
Now back at home... when i was watching kingdoms of heaven on DVD the most exciting part when orlando defended his castle against the persians. i heard my dad shouting... he said my mom had brought shame to this family. I was fumming when i heard that ! i confronted him and told him that it wasn't my mothers fault. blah blah blah
he said i was being rude and shouldn't interfere in adult conversations. for fuck sake i just turned 21 not long ago. He said i shouldn't question him for his my dad. I said i only wanted to protect my mom from insults like that. He said whatever it is the photo will bring shame to our family.
k thatÂ’s the story..
Root of the problem. It's understandable that your father could still be upset over things, try not to add fuel to situation but instead put off fire with calm and appropriate actions.
Yes, it's the 21st century. But note that your dad did not 'grow up' along this century especially when things could be so very much different from his time now. Try to understand things at least a bit from his shoes...? -
Is your father the main source of income in the house?
If yes. Dont call the police.
If no. Call the police who cares. -
sama sama..my parents like to tok unreasonable stuff...so i just keep quiet and let them talk and I just behave like i m invisible..inside i m laughing at them..
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The above is absoultely right. But sometimes, when someone loses his/her temper, they lose their logical thinking momentarily.Originally posted by mhcampboy:Hmmm, actually the police cannot do anything. If you quarrel, and call them, at most they can do is to stand outside and advise you not to make so much noise and not disturb the neighbours.
Cause your problem is a domestic argument. Police do not interfere in that. They only interfere when someone gets hurt.
He threatened, but do you have any proof? Police cannot do anything. At most you can do is to sue him.
But of cos, that will surely strain your family ties.
So NO POLICE!
There's something called a personal protection order obtainable from the family court. You need to go before a magistrate/judge. And a summons will be served.
More info here:
http://app.subcourts.gov.sg/family/page.aspx?pageid=3768
It's never a good thing to drag out family stuff to the courts. But sometimes when it's a loved one who is doing the threatening/physical abusing, it can be quite unsettling. One needs to experience that for him/herself to know it.
Good luck. -
Is there really such a need for now...?Originally posted by Xephone_xenon:Is your father the main source of income in the house?
If yes. Dont call the police.
If no. Call the police who cares.
Note that only once legal actions are taken.. Things are often VERY irreversible... Yes... Often only likely to be set FULL GEAR 'FORWARD'? -
You think you 21 very big arh. So means you 21 years old you can kpkb at your father mother; woah, can scold them can shout at them. Is it?Originally posted by BoomBa!:hi guys.. sorry for the late reply.
Things between my dad and me have been rather cool. I greeted him as usual for the sake of my mom, i don't want her to get upset over this. Other then greeting him i haven't talked to him yet.
To clear some of your doubts.. here is one of the situations that happened few days back. Last friday, my family went to my cousin bday party. At the end of the party, our entire family wanted to take a photo. We stood two rows, girls in the front and guys at the back. But because the guyÂ’s sides were more the photographer asked one to move down. My uncle stepped front, standing beside my mom. He then put his arms around my mom's shoulder. Right in front of my dadÂ’s and me eyes. My dad and i both was WTF. And the photo was taken, it happened too quickly.
Now back at home... when i was watching kingdoms of heaven on DVD the most exciting part when orlando defended his castle against the persians. i heard my dad shouting... he said my mom had brought shame to this family. I was fumming when i heard that ! i confronted him and told him that it wasn't my mothers fault. blah blah blah
he said i was being rude and shouldn't interfere in adult conversations. for fuck sake i just turned 21 not long ago. He said i shouldn't question him for his my dad. I said i only wanted to protect my mom from insults like that. He said whatever it is the photo will bring shame to our family.
k thatÂ’s the story..
It is every right of your father's to get angry. Another man put his hand on his wife's shoulder. What you expect him to do?
You should have kept your bloody mouth shut instead of trying to act all big and mighty and thinking you have authority to challenge your father. All you did was to fan the flames, dammit.
I believe you should go apologise to your Dad. No matter what, he will not be angry at you forever; but as his son you have to make the first move. Don't keep your feelings bottled up and end up hating your own family member for life...
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Why the hell are you flaring up like this, did i offend u ? if you gonna speak like a childish idiot don't expect me to take your advise.Originally posted by gr2012:You think you 21 very big arh. So means you 21 years old you can kpkb at your father mother; woah, can scold them can shout at them. Is it?
It is every right of your father's to get angry. Another man put his hand on his wife's shoulder. What you expect him to do?
You should have kept your bloody mouth shut instead of trying to act all big and mighty and thinking you have authority to challenge your father. All you did was to fan the flames, dammit.
I believe you should go apologise to your Dad. No matter what, he will not be angry at you forever; but as his son you have to make the first move. Don't keep your feelings bottled up and end up hating your own family member for life...
21 isn't big but its time for me to stand up for my own thinking since my family and i have been tolerating all this for years.
you really make me sounded like a spoilt brat.. which i am definitely not. Firstly, i didn't shout at my dad, i told him off. Secondly, i told him off because i didn't want my mom to get insulted.
I expect my dad to be a gentlemen and not insult my mom in this manner. Put yourself in my mom shoe. Its not your fault and you got insulted like this. -
Thanks to everyone who showed your concern especially those who pmed me advises.
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Words and understanding are cure medicines for the mind.Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:Wonderful quotes... the wuestion remains... knowing all the, what good does it do? -
and who's quote is that?Originally posted by (human):Words and understanding are cure medicines for the mind. -
COOL people....Originally posted by BoomBa!:Why the hell are you flaring up like this, did i offend u ? if you gonna speak like a childish idiot don't expect me to take your advise.
21 isn't big but its time for me to stand up for my own thinking since my family and i have been tolerating all this for years.
you really make me sounded like a spoilt brat.. which i am definitely not. Firstly, i didn't shout at my dad, i told him off. Secondly, i told him off because i didn't want my mom to get insulted.
I expect my dad to be a gentlemen and not insult my mom in this manner. Put yourself in my mom shoe. Its not your fault and you got insulted like this. -
It is from me.Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:and who's quote is that?
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No.1 is to find out why your dad is so hot tempered. Isit money problem? women problem? alcohol problem? health problem?
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I wasnt flaring up lar...chill...just putting my point across in a slightly exaggerated manner.Originally posted by BoomBa!:Why the hell are you flaring up like this, did i offend u ? if you gonna speak like a childish idiot don't expect me to take your advise.
21 isn't big but its time for me to stand up for my own thinking since my family and i have been tolerating all this for years.
you really make me sounded like a spoilt brat.. which i am definitely not. Firstly, i didn't shout at my dad, i told him off. Secondly, i told him off because i didn't want my mom to get insulted.
I expect my dad to be a gentlemen and not insult my mom in this manner. Put yourself in my mom shoe. Its not your fault and you got insulted like this.
My advice for you is to not be so "extra" next time. Your mom has been with your dad far longer than you have; if she cannot handle it, how'd you think she'd stuck through with him for over 21 years?
Also, it doesnt really matter if you shouted, screamed, flew into a rage, or grabbed a knife. What matters is that you became hostile towards your own father. That was enough to make him blow.
Just stay out of it next time lar...you are only 21, don't act as if you are the same age as your father. You didn't, still don't, and never will have the right to challenge him...