Terribly upset..
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How about both parties at fault? She being faulted for leading you unintentionally. You for being lead on without checking further.Originally posted by UsedKill:Note, I did not try to go for her when she had a bf. She told me her bf had already broken up with her. I did not know why she lied to me about that.
In fact, while I confessed my feelings for her, we went out merely as friends, I did not pressure her or anything. We really liked each other at that point(which now I know was actually a one sided thing). Yeah, some mushy sms were exchanged as you have seen in one of my previous post. So how could I be at fault for thinking I was being lead on and that she was developing feelings for me? -
I don't think there was any two timing involved, I wasn't even her bf. She had no obligation to stead with me. Once again, it was not about why she went with another guy, it was about how she handled it.
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Feeling.
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how about just forget about it and move on?
you don't wanna stuck here for lifetime.
make it as your lesson.
if the next time the same situation happen, at least you know not to invest your feeling too deep.
if you're being lied, don't mind too much. not worth.
focus on more worth thing in your life.
she lead your or lied to you, whatever, but
you don't know her enough to have feelings with her.
do you know her relationships with her siblings (if she has), her parents?
how she treat her friends?
other details about her? -
She did talk to me about her family and friends but I have never met them personally.
She shared with me many details about her life and stuff. Said she trusted me -
i know what you mean. she was quite indirect in the way she dealt with you. looking back at it, it's rather obvious that asking not to rush into a relationship, needing to get over her ex and her mother's approval were excuses all along. just as gigabyte14 and T.Ryousuke said, it may be that she doesn't want to hurt your feelings, coz afterall you were being nice to her and all, and she doesn't want to confront you directly. but on the other hand, she doesn't seem to be someone who takes responsibility for her relationships either, preferring to push them to her ex and her mother. or maybe it's a bit of both.Originally posted by UsedKill:I admit I am a little bitter that she went with another guy. But that's not the point, its how she handled it. If she had told me straight it would be ALOT better for me. I wouldn't have to waste one month thinking what was going on and pinning for her. And I did not pester her to be my gf when she apparently "broke up" which I now I'm not sure that even happened.
The thing is she lied to me/ gave me half truths, one minute so nice to me, the next min decided to throw me away like a used towel..
I told her to take her time. I wasn't in a rush.
And yes, I admit I was gullible and naive, thinking that she really liked me. It was partially my own fault for falling too deeply in love with her.
you can't really blame her for replying "abit" when you asked her if she had feelings for you, saying "no" would've been pretty nasty. i wouldn't know what to say if i were suddenly caught offguard with that question either. but either way, being really cold to you for a long period of time was probably her way of not letting you on. and so that was her reply to you afterall, just that it didn't quite get through. when she told you that she felt she could trust you, she meant just that, and she just needed someone to talk to. and when she said she felt lucky to be loved by you, it was probably her way of thanking you for being there for her. she probably realized that it was leading you on, and chose to just avoid you and the problem, hoping it would go away.
i agree with you that her way of handling things was not perfect, but i don't think she was intent on fooling you from the very start. afterall everyone needs someone to confide in, just that things didn't turn out the way they should. it wasn't any one person's fault. the important thing is to cherish what you've had, and move on. there will always be better things to come.
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Hi, I see you've kind of missed certain things.Originally posted by jojobeach:Guys,
Please get this straight and clear.Just because a girl pour her heart out to you doesn't mean she is interested in you ok ??[/quote]
He did not assume automatically that the girl liked him, he did ask her.Originally posted by UsedKill:
I asked whether she had feelings for me, she replied she saying "abit" but she needed to get over her ex bf stuff first.
He has said he would have been ok with the girl wanting to choose to be with someone else. Point here is how she lied about things and wasn't honest with TS. I know it's not going to be easy to tell someone else they are not the one, but one thing is for sure is she could have handled it better. Don't blindly defend a girl you don't know just because you're a lady yourself.So please, spare yourself some heartache. The chances of you getting that girl is just as good as the other guys she knows.This is really gross generilisation, can't say very much beyond that. And also, you are making the wrong assumption that TS is this kind of guy in the first place.I know most guys in such situation thinks they are the Knight in Shining armor.
The protector of the weak, and therefore have access to priviledges other guys do not get. 10% true.
[quote]But unfortunately, girls typically won't show their true knight in shining armor how psychotic she really is with her rantings of her ex or watnot.This part is typically quite true, girls/ladies/women never feel comfortable talking about an ex with someone they truly like. There's friends you talk about your bf with, and there's bf potential. Kinda seperate there.
But going back to the overall picture, you getting it wrong about the TS wanting to have 'special access' and 'special privilege'. I think he mentioned enough in his starting post to show that it's not losing the girl that really bugs him, it's how she handled it. I don't think I need to point out how exactly this is shown but I think you should read that first post carefully again before making wrong conclusions and assumptions again. -
Wow, that's one nice explanation, thanks
But I still can't understand why she lied to me about breaking up with her ex in the first place.
Note, In no way was I a third party, she had plan on leaving her ex already before she even knew me just that she did not have the will to. Perhaps I accelerated the whole process when she confided in me. -
Hmm..... I don't think it can be his fault for trusting the other person for what they say, since it is a friend afterall at the very least? Him being trusting or even overly naive and trusting doesn't mean she should lie to him still.Originally posted by Bontakun:How about both parties at fault? She being faulted for leading you unintentionally. You for being lead on without checking further. -
Well said, truly good advice and insight. Was going to post something similar but I think you've said it much better than I could have.Originally posted by untitledwav:i know what you mean. she was quite indirect in the way she dealt with you. looking back at it, it's rather obvious that asking not to rush into a relationship, needing to get over her ex and her mother's approval were excuses all along. just as gigabyte14 and T.Ryousuke said, it may be that she doesn't want to hurt your feelings, coz afterall you were being nice to her and all, and she doesn't want to confront you directly. but on the other hand, she doesn't seem to be someone who takes responsibility for her relationships either, preferring to push them to her ex and her mother. or maybe it's a bit of both.
you can't really blame her for replying "abit" when you asked her if she had feelings for you, saying "no" would've been pretty nasty. i wouldn't know what to say if i were suddenly caught offguard with that question either. but either way, being really cold to you for a long period of time was probably her way of not letting you on. and so that was her reply to you afterall, just that it didn't quite get through. when she told you that she felt she could trust you, she meant just that, and she just needed someone to talk to. and when she said she felt lucky to be loved by you, it was probably her way of thanking you for being there for her. she probably realized that it was leading you on, and chose to just avoid you and the problem, hoping it would go away.
i agree with you that her way of handling things was not perfect, but i don't think she was intent on fooling you from the very start. afterall everyone needs someone to confide in, just that things didn't turn out the way they should. it wasn't any one person's fault. the important thing is to cherish what you've had, and move on. there will always be better things to come. -
Thanks SumOne for clearing things up
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No probs..... all the best from now on.Originally posted by UsedKill:Thanks SumOne for clearing things up
p.s; she does have a track record of making wrong assumptions. -
Thanks.Originally posted by SumOne:Well said, truly good advice and insight. Was going to post something similar but I think you've said it much better than I could have.
don't we all assume things based on what we're told.Originally posted by SumOne:p.s; she does have a track record of making wrong assumptions. -
Guys, just remember gals have a softer heart, you must learn to handle it with care. They r indirect in showing their love, not like guys like cow liddat only go striaght without thinking.
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Well.... in this case, TS gave enough info to not make such assumptions. In any case, I don't wish to elaborate on that point. But if needs be, I stand by what was said.Originally posted by untitledwav:don't we all assume things based on what we're told. -
I think usedkill will grow up from this experience. Ppl can tell u everything and anything, paint the picture beautifully for you, but u can never be certain they meant what they said. Sometimes ppl can say things because at that point of time they felt really good about it, but in another time, they may not think so. These days ppl have many choices for their partners, u shouldn't take relationships too seriously, not especially at ur age. we are not living in our parents times. get married at 21 or younger and that's it for life.Originally posted by untitledwav:i know what you mean. she was quite indirect in the way she dealt with you. looking back at it, it's rather obvious that asking not to rush into a relationship, needing to get over her ex and her mother's approval were excuses all along. just as gigabyte14 and T.Ryousuke said, it may be that she doesn't want to hurt your feelings, coz afterall you were being nice to her and all, and she doesn't want to confront you directly. but on the other hand, she doesn't seem to be someone who takes responsibility for her relationships either, preferring to push them to her ex and her mother. or maybe it's a bit of both.
you can't really blame her for replying "abit" when you asked her if she had feelings for you, saying "no" would've been pretty nasty. i wouldn't know what to say if i were suddenly caught offguard with that question either. but either way, being really cold to you for a long period of time was probably her way of not letting you on. and so that was her reply to you afterall, just that it didn't quite get through. when she told you that she felt she could trust you, she meant just that, and she just needed someone to talk to. and when she said she felt lucky to be loved by you, it was probably her way of thanking you for being there for her. she probably realized that it was leading you on, and chose to just avoid you and the problem, hoping it would go away.
i agree with you that her way of handling things was not perfect, but i don't think she was intent on fooling you from the very start. afterall everyone needs someone to confide in, just that things didn't turn out the way they should. it wasn't any one person's fault. the important thing is to cherish what you've had, and move on. there will always be better things to come. -
aiyah...girls like the feeling of being chased.
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I hope you learnt your lesson well. You know what type of girls to avoid now. What I can deduce from this is she is making you wait as a spare tyre so actually you should not wait and don't rush into the confession so fast as well. I won't be surprised if she calls you again when her abusive bf dumps her or whatever.Originally posted by UsedKill:Thanks SumOne for clearing things up
The lesson here to learn is that while waiting go date other girls as well. This way, you don't waste time and/or energy thinking about her.
doko -
jia you!
Go and find another girl
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I feel that she did indeed take you for a ride. But you know what, she is not worth it. Better to see her true colours now then when you go further down the road. All i can say is learn from it, be stronger and better.
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I tink she shared with you too fast and you absorbed too fast. Sharing with you so many things at one go may somehow mislead you into thinking the r/s btwn you 2 are going great and assume you 2 really hit it off well and can relate well when actually things are going abit too fast for you 2.Originally posted by UsedKill:She did talk to me about her family and friends but I have never met them personally.
She shared with me many details about her life and stuff. Said she trusted me
However dat may not be da case, but its a pattern which may lead into dat. -
Make her regret by becoming a better bf and great husband of yr future wife. You never did anything wrong and this kind of gal is not worth getting yr nerve!Originally posted by UsedKill:Thanks. I want to make it clear that I would respect her decision fully(though of course I would be sad for a while) if she told me she loves the other guy and wants to be with him. She had no obligation to be with me since I wasn't even her bf. But it was all the lies that she fabricated that made me so shattered. My image of her is totally ruined. I want nothing to do with her anymore -
go geylang....
sorry, i really have nothing to contribute except asking u not to take it too hard knowing that over time it will be alrite, as u would had moved on. cheers. -
Forget about the thrice headed snake. bf, you and the guy. Forget about her, go get a better one who will be truth to you. If she come back and need you to help her in her problem, tell her you got better things to do, dun want get involve with her problems, tell her to tell her problem to her bf instead... Move on, dont need to be sad at all! It is gd that you are able to learn your lesson fast! There should be someone (lucky) awaiting you! Take your time & Gd luck!
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qns: u got makan her ledi?
if yes good lor, at least u not lugi so bad
i tik u too gulible..but hey at least u got something to keep in your heart when it was going well
i had a similar exp...but i got over it thinkign at least to me is worth it