Attached but in love with another guy
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I mentioned that I did not have feelings for Y and should not have feelings for him. These few weeks, I feel so bad, I don't know why. I seem to start to have feelings for Y now. when we are together, we are always happily laughing and chatting like as though we are 1 couple..
if Y still continue to treat me so nice I don't know if I will accept him but as what ?Mistress? and I already have a bf!Sometimes I really think as long as 2 person happy can already, why must we still think for the surroundings ? ...but cannot..I know its wrong. I am confused. Never faced such a problem before. Anyone here have same problem like me? Anyway I must try to resist my temptation & treat him as a friend and thats All ! no more than that..The most I am sad and keep all my feelings beneath me and act strong.... ..and of course can pour out my feelings here only. Sorry to hear my pourings here. Maybe someone feel like slapping me right now after hearing what I had said.But still, I will continue to write here as I can only be my real self here. Maybe I should not have ask for so much, I am not fit to ask for more since I may not be around anymore one day but will not be gone so fast.as long as it does not arise again..nobody knows about it in real life.... Anyway everyone has to go one day I already look at the bright side...if it arise again, I will give up everything I have & spend the last few moments alone myself..
thanks for being my audience everyone! 
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All the advices given..
Damned if you dont , damned if you do.
You know the answer yourself. -
Hey you ! Are you very pissed off?cool down its sunday!
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who me ? I not pissed off la.. hell i also got that feeling before..mmmm... but lots of points given by the people here makes sense. In the end it depends solely on yourself. With various probabilities and only u can make the choice.Originally posted by Vampire X:Hey you ! Are you very pissed off?cool down its sunday!
sigh.. so many ppl dont understand that philosophy used in certain circumstances.
Damned if you do , damned it you dont.
For example faced with life or death situation. Jumping off the cliff and die , or die trying. -
ok, go ahead thanksOriginally posted by BadzMaro:who me ?
sigh.. so many ppl dont understand that philosophy used in certain circumstances.
Damned if you do , damned it you dont.
For example faced with life or death situation. Jumping off the cliff and die , or try ur luck to get out of it n die trying.
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Vampire X,
Getting involved with a married man.
Is a thrill you seek.
The price you will have to pay is much bigger than what fleeting happiness you gain.
This thing between your conscience and your emotional needs is not the worst yet.
If you think this is ripping your sanity to pieces, the worst has yet to come.
Being in a affair and being in the shoes of a 3rd party/ or simply put. The mistress, is the most heart wrenching position you can ever get.
Should you become his mistress. How long do you think you can be a mistress?
Will you be able to take it that he still belongs to someone else ?
Will you be alone during valentines day and other major holidays ?
Will you be the secret mistress and forever remains so ?
Will you be able to understand that he will still have to go back to the bed he shares with his wife?
Are you willing to share this man you love with the other woman?
If you think you will attain happiness with this man, think again......
Do you really think he will give up his lovely wife to be with you ?
If you really think you are feeling so alone now.
The loneliness and emptiness in a mistress shoe is like a black hole that will engulf your life. -
follow your heart..Originally posted by Vampire X:I know its wrong, but I can't help it. I must be crazy. My boyfriend X is a nice chap, however he often cares alot on his face. Sometimes, due to some occasions which will make him lose face, he will scold me & ignore me for a while, and always point that I am wrong. I did told him about my view but he still think I am wrong. He always find my behaviour wrong & impolite & trying to correct me. An example is when a stranger accidentally knock onto me from behind (which I am unable to notice at all) , my boyfriend X will say I am wrong not to let people walk first. Sometimes I cannot stand the way he treat strangers nicer than me.
Recently, I have a bit of liking on my colleague Y who is a very nice guy. He often sms me to encourage me. I will smile when I see Y sms but I always tell myself I cannot "hiew" Y as I already got a boyfriend. I cannot have a chance to be in the kind of temptation at all. I should be loyal to my bf but frankly speaking my bf often ignores me when he is busy at work. He seems to be able to live without me. But still he is with me for 5 years and I should not be in love with someone else. I am confused. Can anyone help me? -
VampireX,
it seems that your situation has evolved from being dissatisfied with ur bf to resisting temptations from Y.
Temptations are everywhere. Don't blame yourself.
It is obvious Y is "following his heart" and doing the wrong thing (No married men should lust after another woman's bosom). But do you want to resist him? Your head says "Yes!", but your heart says "No!".
What can you do? I have 2 proposed solutions for you:
1) Break off with Y. Quit your job if you think your job is worth the sacrifice.
2) Do nothing and continue ur status quo.
Number 1 is the only way you want to avoid doing something wrong. Everyone here can see that more and more romance would build up between you and Y, eventually leading to passionate acts. And I'm sorry to say that this is going to be very very difficult but the correct thing to do when you look back 3 years later.
Number 2 is to wait and see. This puts your own fate out of your hands. If Y desires you enough to seduce you, you would end up naked in his bed. If Y stops short of seducing you for the love of his wife, you may end up with a bitter sweet taste of what could have been, but would be glad things turn out that way in the long run. -
after so long, so may advices, so many replies...
yet u still talk abt MR Y...
u knw the answer, u knw wat u want..
just break with the current 1 and go stead with the Mr Y.
and u, another betrayer, should i use the word betray? yes for me it's betray.
u just failed the test, a test to see how firm how strong how u appreciate ur current relationship.
and yes u can dislike me, u can hate me for wat i reply u now.
and, no matter wat is's ur pronouncement,pls make it asap.
the longer u take the more pain he will suffer.
sorry if i ruin ur day. -
kiss_my (_i_),
Well Said !!!
Tat y i say her bf would be happy without her. This kind of gal. aihh... i don't want to say any harsh words...
It takes to 2 hands to clap. Hey forumers, let stop giving advice to her. She just need justification for her act only.... -
thk u thk u..Originally posted by vivasg:kiss_my (_i_),
Well Said !!!
Tat y i say her bf would be happy without her. This kind of gal. aihh... i don't want to say any harsh words...
It takes to 2 hands to clap. Hey forumers, let stop giving advice to her. She just need justification for her act only....
coz someone just did this to me.. thts y i knw hows the feeling...
it's god damn terrible!
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VampireX,
I think i am on the opposite side of your situation.
I am courting a girl that is attached. So far her responses towards me are very positive.
The thing is, she hardly mentions her BF in all our conversations.
How are you reacting to the "other" guy?
Because on my scenario, I happened to be the "other" guy... -
pls dont ruin other ppl r/s laOriginally posted by pinkish purple papayas:VampireX,
I think i am on the opposite side of your situation.
I am courting a girl that is attached. So far her responses towards me are very positive.
The thing is, she hardly mentions her BF in all our conversations.
How are you reacting to the "other" guy?
Because on my scenario, I happened to be the "other" guy...
even though u really love her..or she really love you..
but remember, if u never appear, will she love u?
wat if other ppl did this to u?
i really dont understand
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Your not alone. I happen to be old enough to know quite a few who simply take it as their destiny to have X, Y, and later Z! One of them has eventually got married with her Mr Y. Some have broken up with regret/remorse but most of them do seem to be quite happy about the multiple relationships they are maintaining.Originally posted by Vampire X:Anyone here have same problem like me?
If you are also capable of multiple relationships, I can see no reason why you shouldnt keep all "options" open, again, if you *really* enjoy it! Come on, X is not worth the guilty feeling you have because you let Y enter your life. -
Yes. I am ruining a relationship.Originally posted by kiss_my (_i_):pls dont ruin other ppl r/s la
even though u really love her..or she really love you..
but remember, if u never appear, will she love u?
wat if other ppl did this to u?
i really dont understand
But perhaps i am merely catalyst to a relationship thats going to be broken anyway.
Attraction isn't straight, rigid and programmable. It sways around. I have been in situations that my exs also swayed to some other guys. Yet i learnt to bear no grudges.
If other people do this to me, it only shows that i can't handle relationships well enough.
U don't really understand?
What is love to u? Boy meets girl, boy chase girl, girl accepts boy?
Then what about relationships like, jie-di lian (oldgal-youngboy), tongxing lian(gays-lesbian), autumn love, distance relationships, etc etc...
Perhaps u are still too young, thats why u think love too simple as "Boy meets girl, boy chase girl, girl accepts boy"
Affairs of the heart are the hardest to understand and control. -
Only a weak relationship will be tempted.
Don't stay in a relationship just because it has been so long. Should be in a relationship with someone u truly love and wants to be with.
Whatever the case, being involved with a married man is nothing but trouble. -
u cannot say,Originally posted by pinkish purple papayas:Yes. I am ruining a relationship.
But perhaps i am merely catalyst to a relationship thats going to be broken anyway.
Attraction isn't straight, rigid and programmable. It sways around. I have been in situations that my exs also swayed to some other guys. Yet i learnt to bear no grudges.
tht's y u doing this right now.
in some blar blar blar logic, it's call revenge.
If other people do this to me, it only shows that i can't handle relationships well enough.
u cannot assume this occur to everyone. ok, simple. lets say the girl click with u and break with hers bf, so her bf also bad in handling his r/s with his gf?
u must remember, if u never step into it, this wont happen. u're the sin.
U don't really understand?
What is love to u? Boy meets girl, boy chase girl, girl accepts boy?
Perhaps u are still too young, thats why u think love too simple as "Boy meets girl, boy chase girl, girl accepts boy"
u dont knw me.
frm how u relpy, u assume everyone think like u.
Affairs of the heart are the hardest to understand and control.
god i think i found the girl which will be my another part of life, shes the one...
and thn go chase the girl, u cannot think , oh dam she is attach, but i dont give a damn, as she still havent married. so i can chase her, perhap she will love me too.. -
i agree with 90%Originally posted by X-men:Only a weak relationship will be tempted.
Don't stay in a relationship just because it has been so long. Should be in a relationship with someone u truly love and wants to be with.
Whatever the case, being involved with a married man is nothing but trouble.
this 1 i not really agree.
coz no matter who, thy will get bored with a long r/s.. coz not as fresh as last time.. thn when someone approuch, he/she will get addicted with tht feeling..
and bad thing happen..
coz he/she dont knw wat a true love is.. thy just want the feeling, not the person.. dont u agree? -
Love is not so straight forward .. all I know is dun need to ask any1.. u have the ans.. no matter wad others think doesn't matter. Wad's wrong of breaking other ppl's r/s ? If u r better, why not give it a try ? of cos, u will face the music, so wad? If the r/s is not going to work out in the end, u r juz saving his/her time. Of cos, u have to think whether it it worth it ?
Many ppl say girls gotten this way is not a good girl. but sometimes i beg to differ, not always, depends on the situation. Many ppl are juz not brave enough in r/s. However, dun jump from r/s to r/s .. if your current 1 is not bad, hang on.. if really no feeling, then no point carry on..
Anyway, it is your freedom to do wadever you want. following the moral code is very tedious and may not be necessary.. in the case i may not support u, becos the other party is not attached but married.. but anyway u also wun listen to me as u already have a decision. Attraction is not a choice but you still can choose your actions.
When u want to do or dun want to do something, you have thousand excuses.. but think of that consequence. Yes, follow your heart most of the time to be happy but if you always follow your heart, you may end up in hell. Occassionally , you use head. -
AGREEDOriginally posted by Xlashes:Love is not so straight forward .. all I know is dun need to ask any1.. u have the ans.. no matter wad others think doesn't matter. Wad's wrong of breaking other ppl's r/s ? If u r better, why not give it a try ? of cos, u will face the music, so wad? If the r/s is not going to work out in the end, u r juz saving his/her time. Of cos, u have to think whether it it worth it ?
Many ppl say girls gotten this way is not a good girl. but sometimes i beg to differ, not always, depends on the situation. Many ppl are juz not brave enough in r/s. However, dun jump from r/s to r/s .. if your current 1 is not bad, hang on.. if really no feeling, then no point carry on..
Anyway, it is your freedom to do wadever you want. following the moral code is very tedious and may not be necessary.. in the case i may not support u, becos the other party is not attached but married.. but anyway u also wun listen to me as u already have a decision. Attraction is not a choice but you still can choose your actions.
When u want to do or dun want to do something, you have thousand excuses.. but think of that consequence. Yes, follow your heart most of the time to be happy but if you always follow your heart, you may end up in hell. Occassionally , you use head. -
I don't even know the BF to call it revenge.Originally posted by kiss_my (_i_):tht's y u doing this right now.
in some blar blar blar logic, it's call revenge.
If other people do this to me, it only shows that i can't handle relationships well enough.
u cannot assume this occur to everyone. ok, simple. lets say the girl click with u and break with hers bf, so her bf also bad in handling his r/s with his gf?
u must remember, if u never step into it, this wont happen. u're the sin.
U don't really understand?
What is love to u? Boy meets girl, boy chase girl, girl accepts boy?
Perhaps u are still too young, thats why u think love too simple as "Boy meets girl, boy chase girl, girl accepts boy"
u dont knw me.
frm how u relpy, u assume everyone think like u.
Affairs of the heart are the hardest to understand and control.
u cannot say,
god i think i found the girl which will be my another part of life, shes the one...
and thn go chase the girl, u cannot think , oh dam she is attach, but i dont give a damn, as she still havent married. so i can chase her, perhap she will love me too..
There is no moral code or rules in love affairs. Sin or not sin, unless u can write a law book of love then u can start sentencing people.
Affairs of the heart is very very situational. Like thumbprint, each relationship tells a different story.
U dun know me too.
From how u reply back, u assume everyone think like u too -
I agree too.Originally posted by Xlashes:Love is not so straight forward .. all I know is dun need to ask any1.. u have the ans.. no matter wad others think doesn't matter. Wad's wrong of breaking other ppl's r/s ? If u r better, why not give it a try ? of cos, u will face the music, so wad? If the r/s is not going to work out in the end, u r juz saving his/her time. Of cos, u have to think whether it it worth it ?
Many ppl say girls gotten this way is not a good girl. but sometimes i beg to differ, not always, depends on the situation. Many ppl are juz not brave enough in r/s. However, dun jump from r/s to r/s .. if your current 1 is not bad, hang on.. if really no feeling, then no point carry on..
Anyway, it is your freedom to do wadever you want. following the moral code is very tedious and may not be necessary.. in the case i may not support u, becos the other party is not attached but married.. but anyway u also wun listen to me as u already have a decision. Attraction is not a choice but you still can choose your actions.
When u want to do or dun want to do something, you have thousand excuses.. but think of that consequence. Yes, follow your heart most of the time to be happy but if you always follow your heart, you may end up in hell. Occassionally , you use head. -
no, i only assume to those who always want to ruin ppl's r/s..Originally posted by pinkish purple papayas:I don't even know the BF to call it revenge.
There is no moral code or rules in love affairs. Sin or not sin, unless u can write a law book of love then u can start sentencing people.
Affairs of the heart is very very situational. Like thumbprint, each relationship tells a different story.
U dun know me too.
From how u reply back, u assume everyone think like u too
so, if u think it's right, do it thn....
and ruining ppl r/s is a sin. this is wat think..
just like how u think;
There is no moral code or rules in love affairs..
different ppl different thinking.. -
Deliberately ruining a relationship would be like threatening, making a nusance of themselves, extreme measures, back-stabbing and all that drama u can see on drama shows.Originally posted by kiss_my (_i_):no, i only assume to those who always want to ruin ppl's r/s..
so, if u think it's right, do it thn....
and ruining ppl r/s is a sin. this is wat think..
just like how u think;
There is no moral code or rules in love affairs..
different ppl different thinking..
I am neither of that. In fact, i am just a man, holding a handphone, waiting...and waiting.. -
i used to have an ex who is also like ur 5 years bf- always think strangers is right.
i remember there was once i got into a car accident- i was stopping at the traffic light when someone guy bang onto my bumper of my car.
the 1st person i called was my ex. he didnt even ask me how i was.. whether i was hurt etc etc.... and start accusing me of not driving properly... and insisted that i stop suddenli..... tats y the car bang onto my bumper. SO according to him- all accident is my fault.. and no words of concern.
another accident happen 2 months after this... my hsemates have all graduated and moved out and i was alone at home then. i was scared tat day because there were two houses near my place being robbed in the afternoon, yes in the afternoon!!!! and the police haven caught the robber yet but they suspect the robber is still in the area. i called the same ex again... and all he can sae is- is ok ok one.. never mind- dunno y u make a big fuss out of it..... i insisted this time for him to come over to pei me... but all he can sae is that i am making a big fuss out of everything and no calls after to check to see if i am ok...
i broke up with him after wat happen the third time.. when i was at his place asking him to direct me to a pharmacy... and he called me stupid and useless because i cannot understand what his instruction was, and i went home crying.
my advice here is, if he treats stranger better than u.... and not being understanding... situation will get worse as time goes by. even though 5 years relationship is not something that is easy to let go off, but think in the long term- wat if his attitude towards u get worse?? wat happens?? y drag on??
just my opinion for u.