Fear
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No I am not telling her she deserves it. I am just asking her to learn a lesson from this and be more careful in the future.Originally posted by jojobeach:Rainee,
"Hardly knows" is very subjective.
How do you know if you are beyond "hardly knows"?
Are there specific perameters one can count on to determine who you can truly trust and who one should avoid going out with?
Isn't it ironical that even the ones you trust can also betray you ?
Mistakes can only be learned if she sees the truth in it.
You cannot make her learn by telling her she deserves it.
You obviously do not trust someone whom you have never met before and have just had a few exchanges with you on the forum. This is the truth! It is plain for everyone to see...
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I can understand where you are coming from.Originally posted by rainee:No I am not telling her she deserves it. I am just asking her to learn a lesson from this and be more careful in the future.
You obviously do not trust someone whom you have never met before and have just had a few exchanges with you on the forum. This is the truth! It is plain for everyone to see...
But don't you think you could do this discreetly ?
By posting in a public forum....Have you ever considered what kind of signal you are sending out to the predators in this virtual world ?
I have several friends who found their spouse through forums/internet chats/internet matchmaking services.
They met up with each other with good intentions, after a few electronic exchanges. Some follow up phone calls.
They knew nothing about each other, except from what they know of their online persona. From there, they get to know each other more.
Some stayed good friends, some became couples, few have kids already.
It is too bad Q met a man who is not decently honest. -
I met my dear here in the forum as well. So I know what you are talking about.Originally posted by jojobeach:I can understand where you are coming from.
But don't you think you could do this discreetly ?
By posting in a public forum....Have you ever considered what kind of signal you are sending out to the predators in this virtual world ?
I have several friends who found their spouse through forums/internet chats/internet matchmaking services.
They met up with each other with good intentions, after a few electronic exchanges. Some follow up phone calls.
They knew nothing about each other, except from what they know of their online persona. From there, they get to know each other more.
Some stayed good friends, some became couples, few have kids already.
It is too bad Q met a man who is not decently honest.
Nevertheless, it is a risk one takes when you go out and meet someone you do not really know. For me, I only went to meet my bf after we have communicated countless times over the Net and after we have been talking via phone and webcam.
That is the precaution every girl should take. Never go out with someone you have only exchanged views one or two time, much worse someone you don't really know about. So understand that when something happened, you shoulder part of the blame as well.
If what happened between quinsy and devil really happened, what she can do is let go of this episode, learn something from it and grow up. One cannot learn until she has admitted her mistake... -
I'm very sure this line was meant for the threadstarter.Originally posted by jojobeach:By posting in a public forum....Have you ever considered what kind of signal you are sending out to the predators in this virtual world ?
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Originally posted by rainee:
again shows the double standard, why she has to admit her mistake when she was taken advantage of?
[b]
I met my dear here in the forum as well. So I know what you are talking about.
Nevertheless, it is a risk one takes when you go out and meet someone you do not really know. For me, I only went to meet my bf after we have communicated countless times over the Net and after we have been talking via phone and webcam.
That is the precaution every girl should take. Never go out with someone you have only exchanged views one or two time, much worse someone you don't really know about. So understand that when something happened, you shoulder part of the blame as well.
If what happened between quinsy and devil really happened, what she can do is let go of this episode, learn something from it and grow up. One cannot learn until she has admitted her mistake...[/b]
why not devil?why the burden of admitting is on her? she is the victim.
even though you say you are not siding with anyone, this statement itself says that she is wrong and not devil -
I am not saying devil is not wrongOriginally posted by Space1999:again shows the double standard, why she has to admit her mistake when she was taken advantage of?
why not devil?why the burden of admitting is on her? she is the victim.
even though you say you are not siding with anyone, this statement itself says that she is wrong and not devil
Need more concrete evidences to show that. There is a possibility he is wrong, but in order to confirm, need more concrete proof.
quinsy admitted she is the victim. So in order to prevent her from becoming a victim the second time, she should admit she shouldnt meet someone she doesnt really know online and learn from that mistake.
EOS. Nvm if you dun get it and still think I am siding with devil. -
i get the perception you are siding with him because you said she made a mistake but you have yet to say a single negative thing about devilOriginally posted by rainee:I am not saying devil is not wrong Need more concrete evidences to show that. There is a possibility he is wrong, but in order to confirm, need more concrete proof.
quinsy admitted she is the victim. So in order to prevent her from becoming a victim the second time, she should admit she shouldnt meet someone she doesnt really know online and learn from that mistake.
EOS. Nvm if you dun get it and still think I am siding with devil.
thats how i get it -
i think its bcoz theres v lil ppl stating the other point of view, tt is on the side of devil, so rainee is tryin to show others the other point of view nia...not that she is siding him bah...Originally posted by Space1999:i get the perception you are siding with him because you said she made a mistake but you have yet to say a single negative thing about devil
thats how i get it
anyways...i tot this issue over long ago?y still bring up over n over again one... -
Rainee,Originally posted by rainee:I met my dear here in the forum as well. So I know what you are talking about.
Nevertheless, it is a risk one takes when you go out and meet someone you do not really know. For me, I only went to meet my bf after we have communicated countless times over the Net and after we have been talking via phone and webcam.
That is the precaution every girl should take. Never go out with someone you have only exchanged views one or two time, much worse someone you don't really know about. So understand that when something happened, you shoulder part of the blame as well.
If what happened between quinsy and devil really happened, what she can do is let go of this episode, learn something from it and grow up. One cannot learn until she has admitted her mistake...
You are telling the girl to back down and forget about it ?
You are telling the girl not to fight back ?
You are telling the girl to admit it was her mistake and so must should the responsibilites and shame that she has brought onto herself ???
She will grow up, no doubt about that. She will learn not to trust men so easily.
Will the guy who did this to her learn anything ?
Will he and other predators be totally convinced that women in singapore are easily taken advantage of ???
Consider what you are doing Rainee. Is it for the better or the worst ??? -
because the guy in question still has the cheek to post his problems seeking advice in AA forum?Originally posted by darkhour:i think its bcoz theres v lil ppl stating the other point of view, tt is on the side of devil, so rainee is tryin to show others the other point of view nia...not that she is siding him bah...
anyways...i tot this issue over long ago?y still bring up over n over again one... -
That is your perception, no? And your perception might be wrong.Originally posted by Space1999:i get the perception you are siding with him because you said she made a mistake but you have yet to say a single negative thing about devil
thats how i get it
Must I say a thousand bad things about devil now? That will satisfy you that I am not siding with him? Why don't you show me concrete evidence that he is really in the wrong? Then we will all bash him together without guilt.
I don't believe in bashing up people when there are no concrete evidence. Be reasonable. I only asked quinsy to learn from her mistake, because she admits making one as well. -
i get your view point ,Originally posted by darkhour:i think its bcoz theres v lil ppl stating the other point of view, tt is on the side of devil, so rainee is tryin to show others the other point of view nia...not that she is siding him bah...
anyways...i tot this issue over long ago?y still bring up over n over again one...
i personally know ppl who have been thru this , sometimes they are too shellshocked to acknowledged what happened and the trauma sets in later, so lots of ppl condemm quinsy earlier on because her behaviour is not consistent of a victim
but if you ask sex crimes police this is very consistent as she is in a stage of shock and denial and when it sets in what the bad guy did, its really terrible
and it does affect them later on.
i stop posting but when he started to come in and say he is angry and frustrated i cannot believe his audacity
i just hope all of us are on the sight of justice and protection of woman. -
i guess you are right..that sums up my feeling..Originally posted by ditzy:because the guy in question still has the cheek to post his problems seeking advice in AA forum?
thanks -
OK , So quinsy admitted her mistake. Does it make Devil innocent ??Originally posted by rainee:That is your perception, no? And your perception might be wrong.
Must I say a thousand bad things about devil now? That will satisfy you that I am not siding with him? Why don't you show me concrete evidence that he is really in the wrong? Then we will all bash him together without guilt.
I don't believe in bashing up people when there are no concrete evidence. Be reasonable. I only asked quinsy to learn from her mistake, because she admits making one as well. -
good oneOriginally posted by jojobeach:OK , So quinsy admitted her mistake. Does it make Devil innocent ?? -
She can fight back, and the others should as well. But I don't see any of them here, only others who are fighting for them and might not even know the real situation.Originally posted by jojobeach:Rainee,
You are telling the girl to back down and forget about it ?
You are telling the girl not to fight back ?
You are telling the girl to admit it was her mistake and so must should the responsibilites and shame that she has brought onto herself ???
She will grow up, no doubt about that. She will learn not to trust men so easily.
Will the guy who did this to her learn anything ?
Will he and other predators be totally convinced that women in singapore are easily taken advantage of ???
Consider what you are doing Rainee. Is it for the better or the worst ???
Were you there when it happened? Are you willing to swear on your life, that what you claimed happened, really happened?
When you are trying to convict a man, show hard, cold evidence, not just swayed by your own emotion. No evidence, I can doubt what you are saying is true.
And if it never happened, we would be ruining an innocent man's reputation. I am not saying he is not innocent, I am saying he might be. Are you willing to bet your life that he is really wrong? -
i noticed you are very passionate in defending him...just curious why...reallyOriginally posted by rainee:She can fight back, and the others should as well. But I don't see any of them here, only others who are fighting for them and might not even know the real situation.
Were you there when it happened? Are you willing to swear on your life, that what you claimed happened, really happened?
The law is reason without passion - aristotle. When you are trying to convict a man, show hard, cold evidence, not just swayed by your own emotion. No evidence, I can doubt what you are saying is true.
And if it never happened, we would be ruining an innocent man's reputation. I am not saying he is not innocent, I am saying he might be. Are you willing to bet your life that he is really wrong?
it shows, maybe you dont realise it..do you know him personally? i mean do you knwo him well to know his personality ? -
I am giving her the benefit of the doubt. If the mistake really occured, then what more can she do? Isn't it better to encourage her to learn from the mistake, let go and move forward?Originally posted by jojobeach:OK , So quinsy admitted her mistake. Does it make Devil innocent ?? -
you are correct in this sense but having the offender harrassing her on her thread does not help her at allOriginally posted by rainee:I am giving her the benefit of the doubt. If the mistake really occured, then what more can she do? Isn't it better to encourage her to learn from the mistake, let go and move forward?
the fact that devil posted on her thread shows his audacity, isnt that bad? -
shes not defending him la...juz showing the other side of view coz no one else is doing so...Originally posted by Space1999:i noticed you are very passionate in defending him...just curious why...really
it shows, maybe you dont realise it..do you know him personally? i mean do you knwo him well to know his personality ? -
This is called defending?Originally posted by Space1999:i noticed you are very passionate in defending him...just curious why...really
it shows, maybe you dont realise it..do you know him personally? i mean do you knwo him well to know his personality ?
I guess it only shows to you and some others who think that devil is indeed the wrongdoer. I am just trying to show the other side of the coin, because has it been proven 100% that he is the wrongdoer? Like what I have asked before, are you willing to stake your life to say that he did indeed molest/harass the girls?
Show me the proofs that he is indeed 100% wrong, then you have my words, i will bash him together with you. I am not someone who can stand a guy who molest girls as well.
I do not know him well, like I have said before. -
Rainee,Originally posted by rainee:She can fight back, and the others should as well. But I don't see any of them here, only others who are fighting for them and might not even know the real situation.
Were you there when it happened? Are you willing to swear on your life, that what you claimed happened, really happened?
When you are trying to convict a man, show hard, cold evidence, not just swayed by your own emotion. No evidence, I can doubt what you are saying is true.
And if it never happened, we would be ruining an innocent man's reputation. I am not saying he is not innocent, I am saying he might be. Are you willing to bet your life that he is really wrong?
You are a woman.
Based on your gut feel.
Would you rather trust a man who is not shameless.
Who put his own reputation at risk to stand up for a girl.
Or would you rather trust a man who goes around telling people he did touched her .. but she asked for it.
That he help the girls he preyed on and yet was betrayed ?
What do you think ? -
if can 100% proof wouldnt he be in jail now?Originally posted by rainee:This is called defending?
I guess it only shows to you and some others who think that devil is indeed the wrongdoer. I am just trying to show the other side of the coin, because has it been proven 100% that he is the wrongdoer? Like what I have asked before, are you willing to stake your life to say that he did indeed molest/harass the girls?
Show me the proofs that he is indeed 100% wrong, then you have my words, i will bash him together with you. I am not someone who can stand a guy who molest girls as well.
I do not know him well, like I have said before.
weasels like him are very good in covering their tracks because its not his first time..anyway i hate guys who molest girls, its a traumatic thing for them , i witnessed it first hand and it stays with them for years to come. -
Did he harass her?Originally posted by Space1999:you are correct in this sense but having the offender harrassing her on her thread does not help her at all
the fact that devil posted on her thread shows his audacity, isnt that bad? He is still a forumite, he can post jolly well wherever he please. We cant restrict him, just as much as I can't restrict you from posting here.
And remember, we are giving both of them benefits of the doubt. We are not 100% sure who is really wrong here, unless you are there and witness the whole scene yourself.
Maybe your intuition tells you that Devil is indeed the person in wrong here and you are acting on that, but I can't bash someone without a good reason and proof to just show that I am not defending him. -
i respect your principle in not bashing , okay , but if that your principle and you are not sure 100% quinsy is wrong either , why you say she made a mistake?Originally posted by rainee:Did he harass her? He is still a forumite, he can post jolly well wherever he please. We cant restrict him, just as much as I can't restrict you from posting here.
And remember, we are giving both of them benefits of the doubt. We are not 100% sure who is really wrong here, unless you are there and witness the whole scene yourself.
Maybe your intuition tells you that Devil is indeed the person in wrong here and you are acting on that, but I can't bash someone without a good reason and proof to just show that I am not defending him.
isnt that contradictory and proof what i said ?
you are unconsiously very on his side..wihtout you realising it...