Would you go after someone whom you know is attached?
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Stress and pain often needs support from a loved one... So yuo're left with 2 choices....Originally posted by rainee:yea, so I will let that person make his own decision...will not try to influence him in any way just bcos I wan to be with him...
1. Turn him away and watch him suffer?
2. Give him the support he needs... Note that by doing so, like it or not... You're already giving him a 1st level of influence... -
I will provide support as a friend and friend only at that time...if he gets influenced, then there is nothing I can do...Originally posted by Devil1976:Stress and pain often needs support from a loved one... So yuo're left with 2 choices....
1. Turn him away and watch him suffer?
2. Give him the support he needs... Note that by doing so, like it or not... You're already giving him a 1st level of influence...
I will ask him to have a good talk with the one he is in the rs with, make sure he tries everything, but if the girl still dun wan to change for the better, I guess the rs is doomed...
But I will still not get into a rs immediately after he breaks up with her (if that happens), do not wan to be a rebound gf or whatever you call that... -
That's the problem... Even if you see it as a friend's support only, he might not think the same... Others might not think the same.... And more extreme people would just simply start to hate you...Originally posted by rainee:I will provide support as a friend and friend only at that time...if he gets influenced, then there is nothing I can do...
I will ask him to have a good talk with the one he is in the rs with, make sure he tries everything, but if the girl still dun wan to change for the better, I guess the rs is doomed...
But I will still not get into a rs immediately after he breaks up with her (if that happens), do not wan to be a rebound gf or whatever you call that...
There's really no telling sometimes who is suppose to be changing for the 'better' in a relationship...?
Rebound.. Another rather subjective term...? How long is long enough...? How far away would you stand from him during this period....? Would you be standing near enough to show your affection and support for him...? Or far enough simply to make him feel that you're really someone who won't care too much (perhaps not as much as how others might judge you?) or is fearful of him....
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Depends on what type of relationship they are having.
Healthy or un healthy. -
Yah. Some people just get real stress out ebven though you're not doing anything as in woo her..Originally posted by Devil1976:And more extreme people would just simply start to hate you... -
hmm as for me.. l hav my set of principles as well and l do follow. altot l like to play and fool around, sum things are juz a no no.Originally posted by Devil1976:Not many people would agree because there're some politically correct answers... But when things really happen to them, I bet there'll be many who might not even follow what they say....
l dont like ppl to snatch my things, and l dun snatch others! that is it. got once my frenz and her gal broke up. den after a few months, her gf come find me chat and etc, ask me pei her shopping, l went for it. But l didnt do anything la, and that day when l go out with her, l dun noe y la..l feel very uneasy and extremely gulity. Then after this outing, l never went out with her le
l told my frenz abt it, he don blame me, and juz giv me a pat on the shoulder
well, actually l dun see y ppl want to do that? Even if other ppl r/s is not strong enuf or suffering, u shldnt do such things. There are so many gals around, surely u dun need to resort to doing things like this bah. -
for me i personally feel it's a nono to go after someone who's att bah.... bt cant stop the ger who's att to like u rite tsk.!
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This is obviously an unbalanced relationship.
ALL parties at fault.
The boyfriend for not wanting to face the problems.
The girlfriend for seeking an easy way out.
The "friend" for seeking an easy way in.
Doing the right thing is not always easy.
But doing it right is what really matters. -
You must understand.Originally posted by xShevchenkox:hmm as for me.. l hav my set of principles as well and l do follow. altot l like to play and fool around, sum things are juz a no no.
l dont like ppl to snatch my things, and l dun snatch others! that is it. got once my frenz and her gal broke up. den after a few months, her gf come find me chat and etc, ask me pei her shopping, l went for it. But l didnt do anything la, and that day when l go out with her, l dun noe y la..l feel very uneasy and extremely gulity. Then after this outing, l never went out with her le
l told my frenz abt it, he don blame me, and juz giv me a pat on the shoulder
well, actually l dun see y ppl want to do that? Even if other ppl r/s is not strong enuf or suffering, u shldnt do such things. There are so many gals around, surely u dun need to resort to doing things like this bah.
There are many guys who cannot win over a girls heart under "normal" circumstances.
Those kinda guys can only "snatch" a girl when they are vulnerable.
Meaning, only when the girl is confused, heartbroken and lost.
I pity them because they are never one with a strong backbone. -
depends.
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Originally posted by rainee:Personally I feel very strongly towards this...I usually dont go after someone once I know they are attached. Doesnt matter whether they are married or are in a relationship, I just don't have the heart to be the third party. So it doesn't matter how attractive the guy is, once I know he is taken, I am steering my way clear of him and will just see him as a close friend at most.
What about you? What is the limit you set?
Just curious to know hehe 
Three key points that decide the outcome of a person's relationship:
i) Emotional development (which includes early childhood to relationship experience)
ii) Natal chart showing influence and tendency of innate growth and vulnerability.
iii) Karmic/cosmic lessons
It was said that if all the accounting records in the world is accurate (which is impossible), all records will tally... both debit and credit.
Spiritually, we all have our own cosmic account of debit and credit. How the payment is done is through circumstantial triggering, resulting in action and reaction, choice and option, then consequence and effect.
And if every human plays on the role of the 'I would not go after someone who is attached' - in spiritual accounting, it makes no utter sense because who is going to 'provide the circumstance for payment'?
It doesn't matter who believes in what - what critically matters is 'what role are you playing?' - Are you a provider of lesson/s or are you a receiver of lessons?
Let me illustrate an example:
A third party guy (let's called him A) 'invades' a relationship and succeed. The victim, which is the guy who got dumped (let's called him C), realised that the failure of his relationship is due to neglect. C learns the lesson and move on.
Effectively, A provides a lesson to C and C receives a lesson from A - account balanced.
In reality, a whole lot more things are happening simultaneously. The above example contains only but a rudimentary gist of what I want to say, but does not represent a full picture/explaination as a whole. CloUdiSm has a defined complex model to this, but I won't bore everyone with all my shit because it is so theoretical.
Bottom line is that all is fair in love and war. A successful invasion does not mean that the attack was superior, it could jolly well means that the defence is already feeble.
Cheers -
if i love the person, i will wait for her...
if nothing could change the fact that she is attached, i will forget her... -
Very good explanation. I get what you are trying to say, as I was a victim once. I think that experience has taught me how to be more attentive to my dear now, and never will I neglect the rs no matter how busy I am.Originally posted by Yunhaier: Three key points that decide the outcome of a person's relationship:
i) Emotional development (which includes early childhood to relationship experience)
ii) Natal chart showing influence and tendency of innate growth and vulnerability.
iii) Karmic/cosmic lessons
It was said that if all the accounting records in the world is accurate (which is impossible), all records will tally... both debit and credit.
Spiritually, we all have our own cosmic account of debit and credit. How the payment is done is through circumstantial triggering, resulting in action and reaction, choice and option, then consequence and effect.
And if every human plays on the role of the 'I would not go after someone who is attached' - in spiritual accounting, it makes no utter sense because who is going to 'provide the circumstance for payment'?
It doesn't matter who believes in what - what critically matters is 'what role are you playing?' - Are you a provider of lesson/s or are you a receiver of lessons?
Let me illustrate an example:
A third party guy (let's called him A) 'invades' a relationship and succeed. The victim, which is the guy who got dumped (let's called him C), realised that the failure of his relationship is due to neglect. C learns the lesson and move on.
Effectively, A provides a lesson to C and C receives a lesson from A - account balanced.
In reality, a whole lot more things are happening simultaneously. The above example contains only but a rudimentary gist of what I want to say, but does not represent a full picture/explaination as a whole. CloUdiSm has a defined complex model to this, but I won't bore everyone with all my shit because it is so theoretical.
Bottom line is that all is fair in love and war. A successful invasion does not mean that the attack was superior, it could jolly well means that the defence is already feeble.
Cheers
I guess instead of worrying about third parties, someone who is in a rs should work on making the rs stronger and more stable... -
Any Financial Reporting Standards in regulating spitirual accounting?Originally posted by Yunhaier: Three key points that decide the outcome of a person's relationship:
i) Emotional development (which includes early childhood to relationship experience)
ii) Natal chart showing influence and tendency of innate growth and vulnerability.
iii) Karmic/cosmic lessons
It was said that if all the accounting records in the world is accurate (which is impossible), all records will tally... both debit and credit.
Spiritually, we all have our own cosmic account of debit and credit. How the payment is done is through circumstantial triggering, resulting in action and reaction, choice and option, then consequence and effect.
And if every human plays on the role of the 'I would not go after someone who is attached' - in spiritual accounting, it makes no utter sense because who is going to 'provide the circumstance for payment'?
It doesn't matter who believes in what - what critically matters is 'what role are you playing?' - Are you a provider of lesson/s or are you a receiver of lessons?
Let me illustrate an example:
A third party guy (let's called him A) 'invades' a relationship and succeed. The victim, which is the guy who got dumped (let's called him C), realised that the failure of his relationship is due to neglect. C learns the lesson and move on.
Effectively, A provides a lesson to C and C receives a lesson from A - account balanced.
In reality, a whole lot more things are happening simultaneously. The above example contains only but a rudimentary gist of what I want to say, but does not represent a full picture/explaination as a whole. CloUdiSm has a defined complex model to this, but I won't bore everyone with all my shit because it is so theoretical.
Bottom line is that all is fair in love and war. A successful invasion does not mean that the attack was superior, it could jolly well means that the defence is already feeble.
Cheers
Basically what you have mentioned is half right. Feelings and Emotions is very difficult to fathom and as such, an analogy to Dr and Cr is not that appropriate. A better analogy would be that of quantum physics (quantum energy bands) once you have that feeling and emotion, that band level will be achieved due to different energy levels.
Seriously, if you are not the third party, you will not understand the feeling. It is not a matter of right or wrong. No matter how strong (character/ mental wise) a person is, he/she might succumb to temptations.
For my case, it has been 2 months since I attended her wedding. I always thought she is the right gal for me and after the whole of 12 years, I thought I have waited long enough to have finally found and met her again. However it is not the case. She did emailed me once asking me out for lunch for I kindly declined. However, my response does not make me think or feel less of her. It (Avoidance) is just that it is better for every party involved.
(I have posted my situation in my past postings. Kindly refer to the below thread to those who were wondering what I am talking about.
http://www.sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=236300&page=2 )
A relationship will have its imperfect moments. Most important is to stick to one's decision and build one's future on the other chosen one. No point relaying to other parties but talk through it. -
Originally posted by EngAudListCo_Director:A relationship will have its imperfect moments. Most important is to stick to one's decision and build one's future on the other chosen one. No point relaying to other parties but talk through it.
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haha l dun like this way of winning a gal heart. Anyway l juz feel weird that y sum ppl like to go chase attached gals..l mean there are so many gals around, y must purposelly choose attached girls to woo? l juz dun understand this.Originally posted by jojobeach:You must understand.
There are many guys who cannot win over a girls heart under "normal" circumstances.
Those kinda guys can only "snatch" a girl when they are vulnerable.
Meaning, only when the girl is confused, heartbroken and lost.
I pity them because they are never one with a strong backbone.
u forget to add in this oso.. when the gal is still attached.
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Sigh I have been reading some threads in another forum, and there are obviously a lot of people who like to do thisOriginally posted by xShevchenkox:haha l dun like this way of winning a gal heart. Anyway l juz feel weird that y sum ppl like to go chase attached gals..l mean there are so many gals around, y must purposelly choose attached girls to woo? l juz dun understand this.
u forget to add in this oso.. when the gal is still attached.
I have read about a case where the girl is already attached to a guy for 8 years, and she recently found out she is pregnant wif the guy's child (they are not married, and the girl has already had abortion 3 times prior to this pregnancy), and the guy got seduced by another girl in his workplace. The guy dumped her and didnt even care that she is having his baby.
Talk about heartless. May the guy and third party rot in hell.
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strange right? Looks like this is the current trend rite now! That is really terrible -_-"Originally posted by rainee:Sigh I have been reading some threads in another forum, and there are obviously a lot of people who like to do this I have read about a case where the girl is already attached to a guy for 8 years, and she recently found out she is pregnant wif the guy's child (they are not married, and the girl has already had abortion 3 times prior to this pregnancy), and the guy got seduced by another girl in his workplace. The guy dumped her and didnt even care that she is having his baby.
Talk about heartless. May the guy and third party rot in hell.
l hope the guy and the gal will hav bad retribution..but come to tink of it, nowadays alot of couples(haven married de) really dun noe how to tink., if really want to hav sex, is better to practise and enage in safe sex. if not pregnant le, many complicating problems mite arise. Some unresponsible men will juz walk off, or trying to avoid the gal once she is pregnant cuz he dun wan to bear any form of responsibility. -
My take is a BIG NO due to moral grounds. But although i wont go for attached girls based solely on principle, I must ask; who is to judge whether its a healthy rs anot. Does judging that someone is having haveing an unhealthy rs entitle another person to step into the picture. I would say no and I guess it would be wise not to be too subjective.Originally posted by Xephone_xenon:Depends on what type of relationship they are having.
Healthy or un healthy.
Putting oneself into different perspective would also yield different results as the mindset of the person involved and the third party surely would be a wholly different one.
So on just moral grounds...I wont step into another person's affair or take adv of a weak rs...As to waiting for the other party to break...I have no answer for this..Waiting i guess beats speeding things up... -
haha good! really good to see that there are ppl who actually will not do such things based on moral grounds.Originally posted by Twice A Day:My take is a BIG NO due to moral grounds. But although i wont go for attached girls based solely on principle, I must ask; who is to judge whether its a healthy rs anot. Does judging that someone is having haveing an unhealthy rs entitle another person to step into the picture. I would say no and I guess it would be wise not to be too subjective.
Putting oneself into different perspective would also yield different results as the mindset of the person involved and the third party surely would be a wholly different one.
So on just moral grounds...I wont step into another person's affair or take adv of a weak rs...As to waiting for the other party to break...I have no answer for this..Waiting i guess beats speeding things up... -
Haha luckily me and my dear believes in the same principle that no sex before marriage is the best thingOriginally posted by xShevchenkox:strange right? Looks like this is the current trend rite now! That is really terrible -_-"
l hope the guy and the gal will hav bad retribution..but come to tink of it, nowadays alot of couples(haven married de) really dun noe how to tink., if really want to hav sex, is better to practise and enage in safe sex. if not pregnant le, many complicating problems mite arise. Some unresponsible men will juz walk off, or trying to avoid the gal once she is pregnant cuz he dun wan to bear any form of responsibility. I am lucky I am not with those who will constantly pester the girl to give in just to satisfy his lust and desire...
I have seen so many cases when the girl has already slept with the guy, he got tired very fast, then moved on to other girls who flirt with him. It is horrible, but somehow some people can still justify their actions and feel not guilty. I know I wouldn't. -
jun(1) zi(3) bu(4) duo(2) ren(2) suo(3) ai(4)
lol... there is so many things in this world to achieve other than love. Why want to be so narrow minded ? I guess if tat girl is attached, I hope she will be happy and move on.
If you like a tree in other's house garden, you wont unroot the tree and plant it in yr garden. Coz, these will both hurt the tree owner and the tree's root. You do not need to process yr love ones or yr likings but sometimes by seeing them fitting in their place is a satisfaction.
Of coz, this is a case by case basic. -
Hah long time never see a sensible thread in sgf liao..anyway im sure u think the same way yeah..lolOriginally posted by xShevchenkox:haha good! really good to see that there are ppl who actually will not do such things based on moral grounds. -
It seems your little story might soon garner a lot of support or sympathy for the girl here. As we understand humans are very emotional creatures and love to support the underdog. But did you realize the girl is just to be blame? You would think after 3 abortions in 8 years and she would have wised up? But no, she still stick with the guy and now pregnant again.Originally posted by rainee:Sigh I have been reading some threads in another forum, and there are obviously a lot of people who like to do this I have read about a case where the girl is already attached to a guy for 8 years, and she recently found out she is pregnant wif the guy's child (they are not married, and the girl has already had abortion 3 times prior to this pregnancy), and the guy got seduced by another girl in his workplace. The guy dumped her and didnt even care that she is having his baby.
Talk about heartless. May the guy and third party rot in hell. Any average intelligent woman would have come to realize what kind of man he was and would have dumped him long before he dumped her.
My advice : When one go into a relationship go in with two eyes open. If you know the relationship is not going to work out as what you want bail out fast and don't hope and pray for the best the other party would change for the better. Always learn from mistakes and move on in life. -
Actually there are cases...where the guy already tired of the girl, so he starts to think that the rs is unhealthy, also no mood to put in effort and try to save the rs...the moment a better person comes along, just break up...Originally posted by Twice A Day:My take is a BIG NO due to moral grounds. But although i wont go for attached girls based solely on principle, I must ask; who is to judge whether its a healthy rs anot. Does judging that someone is having haveing an unhealthy rs entitle another person to step into the picture. I would say no and I guess it would be wise not to be too subjective.
Putting oneself into different perspective would also yield different results as the mindset of the person involved and the third party surely would be a wholly different one.
So on just moral grounds...I wont step into another person's affair or take adv of a weak rs...As to waiting for the other party to break...I have no answer for this..Waiting i guess beats speeding things up...
And yea I feel very strongly towards this kinda thing as well. My principle would never allow me to be a third party in a rs, and I might stand by to be a friend in need, but lets say the guy confesses that he is starting to develop feelings towards me, I might distant myself for a while and ask him to really evaluate his rs...would hate it if someone breaks up because of me...