Would you go after someone whom you know is attached?
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Yea true, and I am aware this is just an one-sided story from her. Her fault is keep giving in to the guy and keep hoping that one day he will change for her. But obviously he is not going to. I think it is a good thing she has decided to move on, and from the last post she posted, it seems that she aborted the babyOriginally posted by FocusPoint:It seems your little story might soon garner a lot of support or sympathy for the girl here. As we understand humans are very emotional creatures and love to support the underdog. But did you realize the girl is just to be blame? You would think after 3 abortions in 8 years and she would have wised up? But no, she still stick with the guy and now pregnant again.
Any average intelligent woman would have come to realize what kind of man he was and would have dumped him long before he dumped her.
My advice : When one go into a relationship go in with two eyes open. If you know the relationship is not going to work out as what you want bail out fast and don't hope and pray for the best the other party would change for the better. Always learn from mistakes and move on in life.
But the third party, the guy already tells her about the situation he is in, and still continues to seduce him, I really do not know what to think of such a girl.
I agree that we should go into a rs with two eyes open, but at the same time we shouldn't give up so easily either. It all depends on what happened of course. If just conflicts, should sit down together and talk it out. Not the moment there is a conflict and the grass suddenly looks greener on the other side, then start looking for excuses to terminate the rs so that you can go over. -
Yup agree.Originally posted by ispyyy:jun(1) zi(3) bu(4) duo(2) ren(2) suo(3) ai(4)
lol... there is so many things in this world to achieve other than love. Why want to be so narrow minded ? I guess if tat girl is attached, I hope she will be happy and move on.
If you like a tree in other's house garden, you wont unroot the tree and plant it in yr garden. Coz, these will both hurt the tree owner and the tree's root. You do not need to process yr love ones or yr likings but sometimes by seeing them fitting in their place is a satisfaction.
Of coz, this is a case by case basic.
Mind telling in what case would you go after someone who is already attached? -
How true...But sometimes its really "tempting" on the mind to just nick it and go esp knowing that their rs is bound to falter..So the guiding light would be whats mine would be mine..Originally posted by rainee:Actually there are cases...where the guy already tired of the girl, so he starts to think that the rs is unhealthy, also no mood to put in effort and try to save the rs...the moment a better person comes along, just break up...
And yea I feel very strongly towards this kinda thing as well. My principle would never allow me to be a third party in a rs, and I might stand by to be a friend in need, but lets say the guy confesses that he is starting to develop feelings towards me, I might distant myself for a while and ask him to really evaluate his rs...would hate it if someone breaks up because of me...
But like what u say to distant yourself from the person...After awhile will have xin-jie one...Kinda sickening...U both know whats wrong but stay away..Ahhh pain....Need a panacea.... -
when i c the thread title...
i tot u liked a guy who is attached...
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Yea I am in love with a guy who is attached...Originally posted by yihao93:when i c the thread title...
i tot u liked a guy who is attached...
Attached to me...
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Definitely...this kinda thing tests the strength of the relationship. If the relationship is strong and stable, hopefully each party would be able to analyze the reasons why they are with each other in the first place, and not give up just because someone better shows up. Unless of course there are some serious compatibility issues....Originally posted by Twice A Day:How true...But sometimes its really "tempting" on the mind to just nick it and go esp knowing that their rs is bound to falter..So the guiding light would be whats mine would be mine..
But like what u say to distant yourself from the person...After awhile will have xin-jie one...Kinda sickening...U both know whats wrong but stay away..Ahhh pain....Need a panacea....
Temptations show up everywhere and all the time in our life, it is up to us to either fall into them or resist them... -
ya...in fact l am very against of doing such things..Originally posted by Twice A Day:Hah long time never see a sensible thread in sgf liao..anyway im sure u think the same way yeah..lol
l dun snatch ppl things..l dun expect ppl to snatch my things. That is it
and if ppl snatch my things..l will be very hostile to them...and bite them back de -
But sometimes it doesn't work that way. It is like if you are being kind to others, it doesn't mean they will be kind to you too. You can only hope they will be.Originally posted by xShevchenkox:ya...in fact l am very against of doing such things..
l dun snatch ppl things..l dun expect ppl to snatch my things. That is it
and if ppl snatch my things..l will be very hostile to them...and bite them back de
I told my dear before, if got any girl dares to seduce him or try anything funny persistently, I will show up with my claws
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hmm as for me....l am a normal guy and l do not hide the fact that l do not like sex..l guess that is guys nature.Originally posted by rainee:Haha luckily me and my dear believes in the same principle that no sex before marriage is the best thing I am lucky I am not with those who will constantly pester the girl to give in just to satisfy his lust and desire...
I have seen so many cases when the girl has already slept with the guy, he got tired very fast, then moved on to other girls who flirt with him. It is horrible, but somehow some people can still justify their actions and feel not guilty. I know I wouldn't.
if my gf want to do with me and request..l okie wif it..but if she dun wan..l wont force de.
such guys ought to be tied up and kana shot
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ya...but if l am kind to ppl, and ppl dont reprioriate my kindness..l will juz stop. That is it. while those that are nice to me, respect me, l will treat them with the same lvl of respect and be nice to them as well.Originally posted by rainee:But sometimes it doesn't work that way. It is like if you are being kind to others, it doesn't mean they will be kind to you too. You can only hope they will be.
I told my dear before, if got any girl dares to seduce him or try anything funny persistently, I will show up with my claws
wah, scary sia
, yuan lai rainee is got claws de. iszit sharp? -
Then that is not love; it's call sexual gratification in the flesh. And if the girl think that by giving herself to the guy will hold him down then she sure got all her facts wrong.Originally posted by rainee:Haha luckily me and my dear believes in the same principle that no sex before marriage is the best thing I am lucky I am not with those who will constantly pester the girl to give in just to satisfy his lust and desire...
I have seen so many cases when the girl has already slept with the guy, he got tired very fast, then moved on to other girls who flirt with him. It is horrible, but somehow some people can still justify their actions and feel not guilty. I know I wouldn't.
I know too there are some girls or women in order to secure that guy they want they would not hesitate to go all the way out to get him to commit by forcing herself on the guy and get pregnant so she could use that as a tool of emotional blackmail. And some men being the gentlemen they are decide to honour 'the deal' (pardon this expression. It does sound very business-like) by marrying her despite he wasn't really that 'in' on the relationship. Mind you some guys or men do have their weak moments when comes to affairs of the heart despite them being forceful and decisive in other aspect of lives. -
If there are girls who seduce a attached or married man persistently, what you reckon would be the best way to fend them off?Originally posted by rainee:But sometimes it doesn't work that way. It is like if you are being kind to others, it doesn't mean they will be kind to you too. You can only hope they will be.
I told my dear before, if got any girl dares to seduce him or try anything funny persistently, I will show up with my claws -
Though such girls got their way, it may not be the best thing for them. Think about it, they are marrying a man who does not really love them, and not ready to spend the rest of his life with them.Originally posted by FocusPoint:Then that is not love; it's call sexual gratification in the flesh. And if the girl think that by giving herself to the guy will hold him down then she sure got all her facts wrong.
I know too there are some girls or women in order to secure that guy they want they would not hesitate to go all the way out to get him to commit by forcing herself on the guy and get pregnant so she could use that as a tool of emotional blackmail. And some men being the gentlemen they are decide to honour 'the deal' (pardon this expression. It does sound very business-like) by marrying her despite he wasn't really that 'in' on the relationship. Mind you some guys or men do have their weak moments when comes to affairs of the heart despite them being forceful and decisive in other aspect of lives. -
Well, his story tells us of how temptations can lead one to do something out of the norm. However his 'logical' assessment of the situation out weights what he is tempted to do. Therefore he did not do those despite being tempted to do so.Originally posted by rainee:Found something written by someone in another forum regarding the issue of giving in to temptation...
"I encounter a lot of stupid people each day. I'm tempted - very strongly - to rid the world of them. But... I just don't have enough motivation to risk prison over them.
Likewise, I encounter a lot of women each day. I find a lot of them very attractive. But... I just don't have enough motivation to risk divorce over them.
Getting back to stupid people, even if I wanted to act on those temptations, I never seem to have the opportunity to get a clear shot at them and make a clean getaway.
Likewise, despite being willing to risk everything to have sex with Demi Moore, in the real world, that's an opportunity that will NEVER come up.
Temptations alone isn't usually enough to act. You need both the motivation and the opportunity to follow through. And he might be motivated to do it under some circumstances, but the opportunity would have to be there too.
The other issue is trust. A lot of people believe in god without ever having tangible proof. Yet they still don't believe that their loved ones aren't cheating on them..."
I have nothing more concrete to add because his post can tell you many things about temptations.
The issue on trust. I dunno you wanna read about my comments on it or not. I juz post it so I can reference it the next time I forget.
Why many people trust God and yet unable to trust their loved ones, to me its very simple: Because they are HUMANS. Humans are not perfect. Humans are capable of, and WILL do, lies, deceits, betrayals, mistrust, etc, etc. How can one simply, just like that, trust another human?
Unless of course one has faith in his trust and in many other factors, then trusting another person is not as difficult as it looks.
OK... I cannot tink any further... Juz came back from Sentosa... so abit GG in da head. -
hmmm.. if I would go after some1 who is already attached, it will not be for love but will be motives and intention.Originally posted by rainee:Yup agree.
Mind telling in what case would you go after someone who is already attached?
And the drive of these motives and intention have to be stronger than my conscience. -
......Originally posted by blu_sky:Though such girls got their way, it may not be the best thing for them. Think about it, they are marrying a man who does not really love them, and not ready to spend the rest of his life with them. -
hmm ..... personally I do not agree with falling for someone elses b/f or gf worst if its someone elses husband or wife. But then again its a very subjective topic. We can say that it the wrong thing to do now but are we able to stand by what we say when it happens to ourselves ?? I wonder .......
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Yes it is difficult when this happens to ourselves. I feel it is not right to be in love with someone's else Husband/Wife. However, emotions do rule over the logical mind.Originally posted by MiX Metal:hmm ..... personally I do not agree with falling for someone elses b/f or gf worst if its someone elses husband or wife. But then again its a very subjective topic. We can say that it the wrong thing to do now but are we able to stand by what we say when it happens to ourselves ?? I wonder .......
Furthermore I have known her long ago, more than 13 years as compared to her husband. Just that we lost contact. In terms of personality and character, we are very similar, almost like mirror reflections of each other, just that her husband proposed to her last year and I only touchbase with her this year.
Sometimes I wondered if I should popped the question (before her wedding) if she is still unattached/her husband did not proposed to her, will she consider me. I guess it is no point asking this question now.
12 years is a very long time to reunite again. I should be mentally prepared that she is married. Just that I did not do anything before her wedding. I guess it is the supposely right thing to do as mentioned in this topic. The price/sacrifice will be the tinge of sadness and regret that will be with me for the rest of my life. Time will heal all things but fate has played a cruel trick on me. Of all the 144 months, I have to meet up with her 1 month before her ROM.
Did attend her wedding and wish her a fulfilling marriage. I know it is hypocritical but isnt the world/society made of masquerades (wearing a mask to the party)? She emailed me for lunch a couple of weeks back but I politely declined. I guess when it is only I am ready to let go and have moved on will then be the time to meet her again.
Sometimes it is also very difficult to move on, to find someone who exhibit the same ambition, drive and character. Also, work is so stressful and studies is also something I have to attend to.....moving on for me will only be career.
May all married couples treasure what they have and lead a fulfilling and happy life together. -
I know of a lot of married friends who have confidantes of the opposite sex other than their spouse.
Guess there are some secrets that you can't share with your spouse. -
hmm put in more efforts into the relationship? try not to neglect your bf or hubby, hopefully he wun have the intention to go after someone else if the other person in the rs is already looking after them so well...Originally posted by blu_sky:If there are girls who seduce a attached or married man persistently, what you reckon would be the best way to fend them off? -
awwwOriginally posted by rainee:Yea I am in love with a guy who is attached...
Attached to me... -
Originally posted by de_middle:awww
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If you dont do this. Someone else will eventually do it to you.
But for me personally i dont. no. -
I know my dear has female confidantes laOriginally posted by charlize:I know of a lot of married friends who have confidantes of the opposite sex other than their spouse.
Guess there are some secrets that you can't share with your spouse. He will usually talk to them when he is facing problems with me
I am okie with that, as long as I am sure they are only friends and nothing more
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I always believe...everything happens for a reason. I know it is hard for you to accept this now, but maybe when you look back a few years later, you will begin to understand the reason behind everything.Originally posted by EngAudListCo_Director:Yes it is difficult when this happens to ourselves. I feel it is not right to be in love with someone's else Husband/Wife. However, emotions do rule over the logical mind.
Furthermore I have known her long ago, more than 13 years as compared to her husband. Just that we lost contact. In terms of personality and character, we are very similar, almost like mirror reflections of each other, just that her husband proposed to her last year and I only touchbase with her this year.
Sometimes I wondered if I should popped the question (before her wedding) if she is still unattached/her husband did not proposed to her, will she consider me. I guess it is no point asking this question now.
12 years is a very long time to reunite again. I should be mentally prepared that she is married. Just that I did not do anything before her wedding. I guess it is the supposely right thing to do as mentioned in this topic. The price/sacrifice will be the tinge of sadness and regret that will be with me for the rest of my life. Time will heal all things but fate has played a cruel trick on me. Of all the 144 months, I have to meet up with her 1 month before her ROM.
Did attend her wedding and wish her a fulfilling marriage. I know it is hypocritical but isnt the world/society made of masquerades (wearing a mask to the party)? She emailed me for lunch a couple of weeks back but I politely declined. I guess when it is only I am ready to let go and have moved on will then be the time to meet her again.
Sometimes it is also very difficult to move on, to find someone who exhibit the same ambition, drive and character. Also, work is so stressful and studies is also something I have to attend to.....moving on for me will only be career.
May all married couples treasure what they have and lead a fulfilling and happy life together.