Cancelled ROM
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Just break with her and dun contact her, move on with your life, if later she discover that you are indeed the one, she will come look for you otherwise you also no point waiting for her now.
Since she ask you to seek greener pasture, just do so, dun hold yourself back. -
tell her that you do not want the ROM cert and willing to go on with her without it.Originally posted by oakley1976:I feel that life is meaningless... heart is broken... lost of what to do.
I wished that I could turn back time. So that I could spend time that I spend with her again... wished that this did not happened.
I really do not what to do. How to carry on....
IF you cannot say it then is the main problem why she cannot accept you. -
i found an excellent article to help all us men out there in the dating game...how to behave and think the right way to be attractive to women...hope this helps!
http://www.men.com/lifestyle/imageconsultants/datingguide/46 -
Very accurate article.Originally posted by gacyfishy:i found an excellent article to help all us men out there in the dating game...how to behave and think the right way to be attractive to women...hope this helps!
http://www.men.com/lifestyle/imageconsultants/datingguide/46
Good read. -
I read already also feel for TS.
I'm sure she still feels for you, but I wonder if it's a case of indecisiveness. -
I am pretty shock about her indecisiveness. Should I call this mad? She must be quite pretty and confidence. Having bf is not a problem to her in the PAST. Living in her ideal world, I believe that she has forgotten that she has wasted her 5 yrs youth. She only make her final decision after 5 yrs together!!! That is so indecisive for her (29 leh, not teenager).
Anyway, i think she thinks you are not her ideal. She is living in her ideal world. You are not her perfect guy. Otherwise, such thing wont happen.
It takes both hand to clap. You are interested in long term relationship, but she is not. Thus she ask you not to force her.
Some gal just like to drag and being indecisive, i am sure she could be that kind.
Living in an ideal world of waiting for a perfect man is just wasting her time and youth. You too have wasted your time on her.
If you carry on with her...that's what people say sacrify for love...you might be wasting your time on her. Why not save your love for another.
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Threadstarter,
Pick yourself up.
I believe she has already made it clear to you. I believe deep inside you know she is hesitant about you being the one, meaning she is not willing to spend the rest of her days with you, even though the two of you slept together. It doesn't mean anything. As harsh as this might sound, accept it and try to live your life as happily as you can, for you are not alone in this plight.
Slowly pick yourself up, regain your confidence and get into the dating game again if you wish.
doko -
Giving her an ultimatum will not help.Originally posted by oakley1976:I actually am at a lost of what to do of our relationship...
Her only explaination was that she is afraid to get married... with no deeper reason why...
She is a person who acts on impulse.
How she can agree to the marriage and change her mind so suddenly is a prime example of that trait.
Sitting down and talking to her will not help.
Love and attraction is a feeling.
Marriage is a decision.
A good lover might not be a good decision maker.
A relationship without marriage gives her more of the tingling sensations, wild passion, excitement and romance.
A marriage gives her more stability but she will have to endure the monotonous everyday routine with you.
Contrary to popular belief, you canÂ’t really help her make that decision by talking to her.
If you still want her, you have to exercise patience. People tend to value stability and familiarity more as we grow older.
Then again there are some clowns in life who simply cannot make a decision and prefer to drag others down.
I think she is being fair to you, by telling you that you should keep your options open. At this point of time, she will not be able to tell how she will feel about marriage in a few years time.
Alternatively, drop her and find someone else who share the same objectives as you at the current stage of your life. -
2 months passed. She just sms me that she has moved on... she is seeing another guy. Asked me to move on too... All this while I have been trying to make things right. Hoping and waiting for us to get back again... But all in vain.
Keep telling myself... As long she is happy, I will be. She will always be a part of me. -
some people seem to be able to move on pretty quickly and get attached or see someone like.. in a month time after break up... i duno how they can do it.. but for me it would take like 6 months to jus get over it...
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If that is the case, then it's time for you to move on as well. Get to know people and make new friends. Maybe one of those new girls you meet turn out to be your real true fate. No use harping crying over spilt milk. What's done is done. Your ex has already put it down very clearly. So, now you know it's not your problem. It's her - she was never really in love with you wholeheartedly.Originally posted by oakley1976:2 months passed. She just sms me that she has moved on... she is seeing another guy. Asked me to move on too... All this while I have been trying to make things right. Hoping and waiting for us to get back again... But all in vain.
Keep telling myself... As long she is happy, I will be. She will always be a part of me.
At least both of you did not sign on the dotted line else really really 'jialat'. Very painful especially for you.
Good luck to you and may you really find your true soulmate soon.
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Maybe she finds you boring..like a routine kind of guy..not much excitement & always so goody-goody.Originally posted by oakley1976:2 months passed. She just sms me that she has moved on... she is seeing another guy. Asked me to move on too... All this while I have been trying to make things right. Hoping and waiting for us to get back again... But all in vain.
Keep telling myself... As long she is happy, I will be. She will always be a part of me.
Seriously, I will feel stress if my guy is like that..dunno why, perhaps me myself is not the perfect person myself. So if I ever met someone with 'flaws' perhaps my heart like hers would sway too. I dunno how to explain...it's like the saying, "Flower stuck on cow dung" so maybe it's like..I have a tainted past but you are so clean, so wonderful...how can I, a dirty crap taint your ever oh so saint image?
Another way of looking is like this also..it's like my past, so many ppl has been ill treating me..but now, come this wonderful guy..it's almost unbelievable..it's like..do i really deserve this? I mean, I am so lousy, I can only be with people who ill treat me..sigh, this guy is not suitable for me, I am afraid I might 'drag' him down. It's like a very painful mind struggle..suffered so much yet something good comes..it's like..I am soo immune to the bad things, I don't think I REALLY deserve to be loved again. Why would a wonderful guy pick up a trash like me?? you know...
So ya, it's like a mindset already instilled in you when ppl hurt you..it's like..it already shape you into that person.
So sorry to hear this..but I am sure there will others who will surely see you as a perfect partner to complete them not stress them. -
Like they say, the past is a novel someone else wrote.Originally posted by oakley1976:2 months passed. She just sms me that she has moved on... she is seeing another guy. Asked me to move on too... All this while I have been trying to make things right. Hoping and waiting for us to get back again... But all in vain.
Keep telling myself... As long she is happy, I will be. She will always be a part of me. -
you should rape her.
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and i suppose ur 31 this yearOriginally posted by oakley1976:2 months passed. She just sms me that she has moved on... she is seeing another guy. Asked me to move on too... All this while I have been trying to make things right. Hoping and waiting for us to get back again... But all in vain.
Keep telling myself... As long she is happy, I will be. She will always be a part of me.
my fren, its pretty unfortunate for you to have spents a good 5 year & ended up with nothing.
but ur still young, yes she's right that you shld move on since all along you had wanted to settle down & she finally realised that she wasn't ready. Better now than later, all the best in ur search & i strongly believe that someone out there shares ur dreams too
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that must have been so heart breaking for you .
breaking the news in such a nonchalant way .
*pat pat*
other than urging you to move on , ive got no better ideas .
hahas . seriously , moving on is the best thing to do .
yea yea talking is easier than doing it , but you've got to move on somehow .
time heals all wounds , which is so true .
she doesnt know how to treasure you .
one day she will look back and think ; and she will regret having let go of you .
maybe she is happy with this new guy , but 5 years of memories can never be easily forgotten . she'll remember you forever .
move on dude . you will meet another one , and you will have a happy and blissful marriage . whatever god takes from you , he returns in a better way .
all the best alrgiht (: -
You are few years my senior therefore have more life expierances.Which i believe you control your own fate.Originally posted by oakley1976:2 months passed. She just sms me that she has moved on... she is seeing another guy. Asked me to move on too... All this while I have been trying to make things right. Hoping and waiting for us to get back again... But all in vain.
Keep telling myself... As long she is happy, I will be. She will always be a part of me.
I have read all post & i agreed with some forumers replies bout your problem.
What you experiance is bout the same as me.Together bout 4+ years then mariage,which also made me made my 1st post in AA few years back(That time i was younger & cannot think as logically as now.)
Therefore i understand your feeling of LOSS.
Jus that mine was the person walk out on me at ROM(wid relatives & friends)
LL forfit deposit at hotel dinner.
From my understanding/views in my limited vocab/experiance.
>You are feeling lose as you are too used of having her around.
>Time spent together,places appear vividly in your mind.
>Hearing she had a new guy is the worst shit in your mind.
>Setbacks of what you always charish most has been taken by others.
From last time till now,the golden word still helps.
Time Heals any wound>>Not Proven But Only Lessen & Less Reminded.
Yes, she will always be a part of you,forever within your heart & soul.
What i propose(might be cheeky/own experiance), since the most devestating outcome has already been told.(Of cos in a guy perspective/i'm pratical)
>Live life to the fullest.
>Faster get another victim to ease your pain.(It works for me & some friends.unless you really see other pretty girl on bed dun turn you on)
>Get on from here.
>Tell yourself she does not deserve the love from you.
>There are many females that are readily willing to settle down if you are the one.
Good Luck Bro,things are not as bad as it seems..
You are just too used of having her by your side.
Soon, things will change as the feeling/passion "dan hua" & of cos with a new person standing beside you, giving you the support in everything you do.
>Sometime ppl say early break is better then late divorce is true...
You are already lucky, not lik my friend, got house/2 kids,his wife left him for another guy.Now his stuck wid house/1 baby girl,1 pri 3 boy...His stress is of more then you & have to handle between kids/finicial etc.
Cheer up man, you are not the worst.Enjoy Life ok? Need friend go chiong/drink can PM me, i fetch you & sent you right to your doorstep.
EDITED:Mayb we can discuss some venture as well & earn lots of $$ then got many females auto come,there are still some that are willing, if u dun mind temp/ons changing/use some "less used/fresher stuff due to age",lol(Hope no offence to anyone, i'm quite blunt in talking,lousy in expressing)..mayb i think too much, trying to lighten things up. -
forget abt the impossible or incorrigible...
move on to the many more possibilities!
remember, u're a man & a man ages well! -
Feel sad for TS. But life must still moves on. Find out what's wrong?
It's not abt finger pointing but more of improving on yr next r/s.
I might be guessing but it is eqaully important not to make yr courtship and r/s routine and monotonous. Injecting life into yr r/s is equally important as the nedd to treat yr gf well. -
Nobody at fault here, learn to let go, learn to respect others decision.
Bottom line is she never cheat on u.
At the point when the word marriage strike her mind, she start to consider whether u r suitable for her or not.
She know wat she want, and it's her feeling that say so.
It is just not the right time yet, just dun lose yr faith in love.
In the other posts, I mention Bazhi influence on love , there is always someone who love you, it's just waiting for the rite time to come. -
When i first read the post...
This was my conclusion...
she cancelled the ROM because she was confused over oakley and the other guy.
she definitely is/ was seeing another guy.
there is no such thing as not ready to be married. seriuosly... 5 years is a very long time... If not ready to married an excused, it is an excused to avoid a marriage. I hav gone thru it and seen many thru it. Unfortunately... women are like that.
''hate them but cant live without them''
how true indeed.
move on.. we guys will always find another girl to hump. =) jus google and find the proportion between men and women. we'll definitely have extras women to u knw.. -
i would very much like to agree to this statement, but hate is a little too strong a word.Originally posted by Cullen[10]:When i first read the post...
This was my conclusion...
she cancelled the ROM because she was confused over oakley and the other guy.
she definitely is/ was seeing another guy.
there is no such thing as not ready to be married. seriuosly... 5 years is a very long time... If not ready to married an excused, it is an excused to avoid a marriage. I hav gone thru it and seen many thru it. Unfortunately... women are like that.
''hate them but cant live without them''
how true indeed.
move on.. we guys will always find another girl to hump. =) jus google and find the proportion between men and women. we'll definitely have extras women to u knw.. -
Wha Uncle! big problem hor, ok as a gal I can give you a few scenarios as to why she decided to call it off.Originally posted by oakley1976:I (currently 32 yrs of age) have known this particular girl for almost 5 years. She (currently 29 yrs of age) is a very nice, thoughtful, pretty and caring. Through this 5 years we enjoyed each others company. Spend alot of our time together. Sometimes I sleep over at her place, whenever time is in favour. Come 3 and a half years of our relationship, I popped the question, asking for her hand in marriage. She mentioned that she is not prepared and not ready to commit, not because she comes from a broken family or had bad experience before. Relative and friends of ours are in favour. Finally abt a year ago, she decided to go ahead with the wedding plans.
We talked alot and decided to live together with my family and have the ROM in the first week of June 07. She and I were looking forward to the big day.
All arrangements has been made; JP, venue of ROM, invited guest, catering, ROM gown, flowers... everything... even collected the cert from ROM.
Then 3 days just before the ROM, she decided to call it off... She says she is not ready. She mentioned that she feels obliged to get married rather than wanting to get married.
She says that it is not my fault. She mentioned have been good to her and it is more than she asked for. She knows that I have been wanting to start a family with her but she is not ready and she also mentioned that she might not even want to get married...
The wedding day is over.
I met her 2 times to talk about the current state of our relationship. She mentioned that she needed time to think... needed 6 months or even longer... or even never to come to a solution. She added that during this period she wants me to seek for better pasture... and does not promise that we could be an item again.
I do not know how to discribe our current state of our relationship. She does still address me as baby, shows concern for me, sents me SMS/ MMS like we used to...
I may sound childish in this... I was allowed to hold her hand and stroke it not allowed to interlock our hands together...
I actually am at a lost of what to do of our relationship...
Her only explaination was that she is afraid to get married... with no deeper reason why...
Her 2 ex-bf had treated her badly. Not spending enough time with her, asking her for money.
During this past 5 years... I have always been assuring her and been faithful to her. As time went by my world revolves around her. Spending much of our time together when we are free.
Now that we are taking this time off. I feel like a part of myself missing.
She told me that she knows that I have been good to her and she could not find anyone else that treats her so well. If she is to go through this ROM it will be more of a obligation rather than love. And there is no other guys in her life currently. She asked me to look for other pastures during this cooling off period... I was dishearten. If I meant so much to her why would she asked me to look for other pastures...
I also have another interpretion of her asking me to look for other pastures... I worried that it might be as she does not want to hurt me so badly now... hopefully it does not hurt that much in 6 months.
1. She still love her first love, because first impression last
2. She found that your sex performance is not up to her marks
3. She found a guy that she think is much better and more handsome than you, so it time to jump ship.
4. Her parents may think that your dowry is not enough.
5. She found out your bad habits and unheathy lifestyle, so she rejected you.
6. She maybe a lesbian
7. Her long lover may have return from overseas and for you, game over liao.
8. She may be diagnosed as unable to conceive baby, so it may hurt you if later you found out.
9. Tho you seem caring, she may think you r not sexy, macho and jovious enough.
10. Your body or mouth suck. -
Turth is always ulgy.
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Turtle or truth is ugly???Originally posted by T.Ryousuke:Turth is always ulgy.
Wha lau, Uncle, yr spelling very punk men.