Can anyone Advise? Thanks alot
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It's not a matter of doing anything behind his back.Originally posted by mikki1980:When my husband get "mad".... he also said most of things u guys stated.
I feel that he wanted to "prove" that I m wrong.... he wanted me to say sorry... he wanted me to feel guilty.
I m what I m, I know...but I dont know how to change myself....
He should accept what I m and not keep wanting to make me feel guilty. I didnt DO any behide his back at all. I can swear......
It's about respecting him as your husband. Being accountable with each other.
If you cannot do that, it's better for both of you to be single. -
y dont u tell this to urself?Originally posted by mikki1980:When my husband get "mad".... he also said most of things u guys stated.
I feel that he wanted to "prove" that I m wrong.... he wanted me to say sorry... he wanted me to feel guilty.
I m what I m, I know...but I dont know how to change myself....
He should accept what I m and not keep wanting to make me feel guilty. I didnt DO any behide his back at all. I can swear......
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So many forumers as outsiders can see what your problem le.
(Pang2 Guan1 Zer3 Qing1)
Think you should know what to do. -
It is not helpful for you think think along the lines ofOriginally posted by mikki1980:Can all of u "help" me......
He is correct to be "mad" about me? I m doing my OWN things in my OWN time.
Those are my friends, I dont want him to know any of my friends, cos it's my own life, dont want him to join us. Is it wrong?
What's wrong with traveling with a guy alone to another country? I already married.
Can any care to share some views? I wish to see this in a 3rd party view.
Thanks alot.
"He is correct to be "mad" about me?"
"it's my own life, dont want him to join us. Is it wrong?"
"What's wrong with traveling with a guy alone to another country? I already married."
If you think along these lines it will not help solve the problem.
The problem is that he is mad at you.
Concentrate on solving this problem.
How can you make him not "mad at you"?
Can you come to some sort of a compromise? Can you do anything to "compensate"? Can you explain to him that the Batam trip followed by KL trip was a rare occurance?
Can you let him know that his getting mad will not change your mind and he must change his mind? Sometimes when people feel that they have no choice, they will just accept the situation. There is a risk of course and so you must communicate with him and try to "figure" out what is going on in his mind.
BTW your lifestyle is so cool.... wow going on holidays every other week... If I have your opportunities, I will not give up this kind of lifestyle for anything.... -
I believe you're the most selfish person I've ever came across ....... Your husband dosen't need to prove that you're wrong ...... you are wrong in the first place ......... you're married, YES !! even in marriage there is this so call "personal time" but there's also respect and trust.Originally posted by mikki1980:When my husband get "mad".... he also said most of things u guys stated.
I feel that he wanted to "prove" that I m wrong.... he wanted me to say sorry... he wanted me to feel guilty.
I m what I m, I know...but I dont know how to change myself....
He should accept what I m and not keep wanting to make me feel guilty. I didnt DO any behide his back at all. I can swear......
I believe your husband has given you both of that ....... but have you ?? If you respect him enough, you should have at least let him know your decisions .......... If you believe so strongly that you've done nothing wrong, then why are you feeling guilty ????
And you've also said that the things you like doing he dosen't but will sometimes do it with you. That shows that he is trying to change himself for you and yet you can still you things like you are what you are and don't know how to change and that he should accept you for who you are without even putting in any effort ?????
The very basics of any relationship, there should always be respect, trust and the willingness to compromised. It seems to me that you not even given your husband any of those ...........
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and to add... if my wife have opportunities like you... able to holiday every other week... I will be most happy for her...Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:BTW your lifestyle is so cool.... wow going on holidays every other week... If I have your opportunities, I will not give up this kind of lifestyle for anything.... -
look, we don't give a shit to your marriage, because obviously you don't either.
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This is the first time I'm agreeing with stella girlOriginally posted by stellazio:look, we don't give a shit to your marriage, because obviously you don't either. -
This line is not helping her.Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:If I have your opportunities, I will not give up this kind of lifestyle for anything.... -
This marriage must fall.
I want to see despair. -
X2Originally posted by stellazio:look, we don't give a shit to your marriage, because obviously you don't either. -
But is true what... where got life so good one?Originally posted by Eiizumi:This line is not helping her. -
no one can help her if she dun wanna help herself...Originally posted by Eiizumi:This line is not helping her. -
for this marriage, I do put in my part. I'm not a local.
I married to SIN 3 years ago, I have to leave my family n friends.....
I have to start new in SIN. I dont have any friends at 1st.... n that I found some good friends, I really treasure them. -
Originally posted by mikki1980:for this marriage, I do put in my part. I'm not a local.
I married to SIN 3 years ago, I have to leave my family n friends.....
I have to start new in SIN. I dont have any friends at 1st.... n that I found some good friends, I really treasure them.
treasuring good frenz doesn mean neglecting ur husband. -
do u treasure ur husband???Originally posted by mikki1980:for this marriage, I do put in my part. I'm not a local.
I married to SIN 3 years ago, I have to leave my family n friends.....
I have to start new in SIN. I dont have any friends at 1st.... n that I found some good friends, I really treasure them.
no.... -
wse knw this is wat u expect us to reply u.
ya lo! how come he get mad at you.. u also did nothing wrong ma..
who say after married caanot go out with friends... who say cannot go holiday with only 1 male 1 female.. this is ur own time wat.. own life wat..
wtf he got mad on me.. -
so I see, you are not local... no wonder. Local Singaporeans that have not the opportunity to live in other countries are mostly uptight and unable to enjoy life.Originally posted by mikki1980:for this marriage, I do put in my part. I'm not a local.
I married to SIN 3 years ago, I have to leave my family n friends.....
I have to start new in SIN. I dont have any friends at 1st.... n that I found some good friends, I really treasure them.
They would be thinking of saving up to buy the second property and not spend the money holidaying and enjoying life.
I can't judge which is better... it is not up to me to judge... but hey, I am with you... life is too short. -
do you err. sleep with your "friends"?Originally posted by mikki1980:this is embarrassing to say because i have never actually made public in forums about my married life...i hope some of you can advise me quite reasonably and sensibly to the following situation.
I'm married 27, bcos of my work. I usually have 4 to 5 days off continous for each 2 week. I'm someone that like to travel, so usually I will take short trip around, eg. Phuket, Malaysia...etc. Bocs of busy work, my husband will not join me and he allow me to travel alone. I will travel alone or with friends.
I always wanted my "own time", so my husband will take it that travelling is my own time. Something happened this week. One of my guy friend from Finland come to SIN, last tuesday. Cos of my off day, I accompany him around SIN everyday, everynite, we will party till 3 or 4am. Then a group of my friends sugguested that we go to Batam over the weekends. Due to every nite also party till so late. When I back home, my husband already sleep. So I only told him that I will be leaving to Batam on sat. morning, when I will be leaving on sat. nite. I wil be back on sunday nite. When I told him, I can feel that he is not happy.
I have 4 days off again this thursday, that is 2morow. I already get bus ticket to travel up to KL with this Finland friend. Cos of me working night shift, I have not "seen" my husband after I return from Batam. We only sms each other. When we are on MSN last nite, he asked me am I travelling again this thursday cos of my off day. I told him, I will go to KL with Finland friend and already get bus ticket, returning on sunday morning. I told him, I planned to meet him after his work before I go to bus station. And only when I meet him then inform him. After hear this, he gone "mad"....... he said that I dont respect him.... etc......
I told him it's my own time, I get to decide what I want to do... then he said I should at least inform him or "discuss" with him.....etc
I told him, my friends r my friends. So I never introduce any of my friends to him. He know non of my friends. And I will never let him go out with me to any of my "own" function.
He is quite upset over this. And cos of this whole week, he never get to see me, he suddenly gone crazy.
I feel that he keep saying all this things to make me feel guilty, I m only doing my OWN things, so why should I let him know?
Can all of u "help" me......
He is correct to be "mad" about me? I m doing my OWN things in my OWN time.
Those are my friends, I dont want him to know any of my friends, cos it's my own life, dont want him to join us. Is it wrong?
What's wrong with traveling with a guy alone to another country? I already married.
Can any care to share some views? I wish to see this in a 3rd party view.
Thanks alot. -
Forget it !! TS still revolves everything around herself ......... this marriage is doomed !!Originally posted by mikki1980:for this marriage, I do put in my part. I'm not a local.
I married to SIN 3 years ago, I have to leave my family n friends.....
I have to start new in SIN. I dont have any friends at 1st.... n that I found some good friends, I really treasure them. -
nonsense... all she needs to do is come to a compromise so that her husband does not get "mad" with her lifestyle. She does not have to "give up" her lifestyle.Originally posted by MiX Metal:Forget it !! TS still revolves everything around herself ......... this marriage is doomed !! -
wow this thread really popular...
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I agree wif u, but the problem is I think she feels that she dosen't need to compromise ............Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:nonsense... all she needs to do is come to a compromise so that her husband does not get "mad" with her lifestyle. She does not have to "give up" her lifestyle. -
To all you guys waxing lyricals about foreign brides, TS should be a shining example on what not to pickOriginally posted by mikki1980:for this marriage, I do put in my part. I'm not a local.
I married to SIN 3 years ago, I have to leave my family n friends.....
I have to start new in SIN. I dont have any friends at 1st.... n that I found some good friends, I really treasure them.
Although you should treasure your friends the person whom you should really treasure is your husband. Do you know the majority of guys will not even put up with the shit you are putting him through? Plus he is your only FAMILY here in Singapore! -
no lah, everyone needs to come to some sort of a compromise when it comes to any relationship...Originally posted by MiX Metal:I agree wif u, but the problem is I think she feels that she dosen't need to compromise ............
The issue is how good is your "skill" at relationships.
How to make everyone including yourself happy.