Can anyone Advise? Thanks alot
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She is not a Singaporean and so you cannot expect her to think like a Singaporean and don't for a moment think that the Singaporean "way" is the best in the world....Originally posted by elindra:To all you guys waxing lyricals about foreign brides, TS should be a shining example on what not to pick
Although you should treasure your friends the person whom you should really treasure is your husband. Do you know the majority of guys will not even put up with the shit you are putting him through? Plus he is your only FAMILY here in Singapore! -
The issue is about marriage.
If you have a good life, but you cannot share with your love one, what is real happiness then? -
i wonder how would the husband family feel about this? He is being treated like doormat by her.Originally posted by elindra:To all you guys waxing lyricals about foreign brides, TS should be a shining example on what not to pick
Although you should treasure your friends the person whom you should really treasure is your husband. Do you know the majority of guys will not even put up with the shit you are putting him through? Plus he is your only FAMILY here in Singapore!
worse than doormat... -
I dun think it's a Singaporean way that Family > FriendsOriginally posted by AndrewPKYap:She is not a Singaporean and so you cannot expect her to think like a Singaporean and don't for a moment think that the Singaporean "way" is the best in the world....
It is the Asian way
You think her friends will still be there for her if she is in trouble? -
You are slightly older than me and you are married. I am not. Yet somehow I feel sorrow for your husband and you (to a lesser extent) because I know the responsibilities and commitments involved in marriage.
I will not spend this post shooting you because many here did. What I can offer is some comments on how you can try to salvage this strained relationship:
Go for marriage counselling, marriage courses, marriage advices, anything that is related to MAINTAINING A HEALTHY MARRIAGE.
Yes, you have your own space and time. Your husband has his own space and time too. Why didn't you two sort it out before you two agreed to exchange your vows in marriage? Perhaps you two have something in common or share a common thing that binds you two together? Find it back and re-evaluate.
Now is not the time to assign blame to who or who. It is time to get back on track in your married life. You can carry on being right and justified in your stand BUT it will NOT help solve the problem at hand. Being married is, as many said here, about 'WE' and sharing of lives and compromising and such. You are no longer single and you have to be accountable not only to yourself, but also your husband.
Sure, your lifestyle is different from his when you two were single, but did that stop you two from getting married? Did that stop you from loving him? Did that stop him from loving you? Did that stop anybody else you or he knows from giving their blessings to you two?
Let me ask you one last question: In 5 - 10 years time, where do you see yourself in? -
You share the marriage... but that does not mean that you share every moment and everything...Originally posted by Eiizumi:The issue is about marriage.
If you have a good life, but you cannot share with your love one, what is real happiness then?
If you love the other party, would you not want him/her to enjoy life to the max? -
It is not between Family vs Friends in her case.Originally posted by elindra:I dun think it's a Singaporean way that Family > Friends
It is the Asian way
You think her friends will still be there for her if she is in trouble?
She is not trying to make her friends happy at the expense of her hubby.
She is trying to make herself happy! She finds happiness in her friends and is not willing to give them up and her lifestyle up just because her hubby disapproves. -
Then what is your Singapore Way comment about then?Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:It is not between Family vs Friends in her case.
She is not trying to make her friends happy at the expense of her hubby.
She is trying to make herself happy! She finds happiness in her friends and is not willing to give them up and her lifestyle up just because her hubby disapproves.
Her hubby is not disapproving her lifestyle but just wants more respect from her. That she informs him before hand out of respect so that he don't have to worry about her.
Btw you can ask the other forumites here who know me personally
I'm married but I am damn free
Like TS, I can do what I want, go out with who I like, travel etc
Likewise, I allow my hubby to do the same
The difference is, we have MUTUAL RESPECT for each other. We inform each other before hand and we offer to introduce our friends to each other and whether either of us offer to take up the offer is another question
Likewise, when he is at home, I make the effort to spend time with him instead of gallaventing with my friends
Of course, sometimes I still go out when he is home but I keep that to a minimal.
I DO NOT travel alone with a guy friend too
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I don't know. I just hope you're not married or going to get married yet, Andrew.Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:You share the marriage... but that does not mean that you share every moment and everything...
If you love the other party, would you not want him/her to enjoy life to the max?
Marriage is definitely not about happiness alone for yourself but also for your life partner isn't it?
So what if you can have a good life holidaying around. You will realise that kind of happiness is short-lived when your loved one is not beside you.
If you really what to enjoy live to the max ALONE, might as well become single.
The problem here is that they're not sharing any PROPER moment that a normal married couple should have. Having life togther. Not all the time, yes.
But looking at TS posts, its obvious self-centredness.
Nobody say she go holiday is wrong. But her hubby is neglected.
Elindra, a female forumer also says so.
Anyway, AA we should provide advices for TS not arguing over this. We should stop. That is what she wanted, advices. -
I think this argument will help her because she will then see the various view points and come to a better understanding of what is going on in her husband's head.Originally posted by Eiizumi:I don't know. I just hope you're not married or going to get married yet, Andrew.
Marriage is definitely not about happiness alone for yourself but also for your life partner isn't it?
So what if you can have a good life holidaying around. You will realise that kind of happiness is short-lived when your loved one is not beside you.
If you really what to enjoy live to the max, might as well become single.
The problem here is that they're not sharing any moment that a normal married couple should have. Having life togther. Not all the time, yes.
But looking at TS posts, its obvious self-centredness.
Nobody say she go holiday is wrong. But her hubby is neglected.
Elindra, a female forumer also says so.
Anyway, AA we should provide advices for TS not arguing over this. We should stop. That is what she wanted, advices.
Her husband probably shares the same viewpoints as you... that TS is "self-centered".
I told her to talk to her husband and come to a compromise, did I not?
If she is willing to come to a compromise but her husband is not, then blame who? If her husband is willing to come to a compromise and she is not, then blame who? -
Thanks.. it good to hear different point of view, not really argument la. Thanks
soory har,,,,, cos a "fire".
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i was abt to call out my firefighters
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I wonder why is the husband putting up the nonense of an inferior gender.
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yes, but she mention things like her husband's willingness to compromise for her and then say things like she is who she is and he should accept her for what she is ?? its got nothing to do with the skills at a relationship. She married at the age of 24 and is now 27.Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:no lah, everyone needs to come to some sort of a compromise when it comes to any relationship...
The issue is how good is your "skill" at relationships.
How to make everyone including yourself happy.
Have been married for 3 years and she is still thinking this way ?? no doubt its not easy for her as she is from another country ....... but if she really treasure this marriage ..... she should have given her husband the heads up before making any decisions. And I mean going overseas with another guy. She should have tell her husband about it first and see if he is ok with it. I mean he is after all his husband ........ -
Husband not present in this "Court of Forum". Lol. So cannot say anything.Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:I think this argument will help her because she will then see the various view points and come to a better understanding of what is going on in her husband's head.
Her husband probably shares the same viewpoints as you... that TS is "self-centered".
I told her to talk to her husband and come to a compromise, did I not?
If she is willing to come to a compromise but her husband is not, then blame who? If her husband is willing to come to a compromise and she is not, then blame who?
But obviously, if he play "hard to please" too much. Then he's the one going to suffer loh. hhaha -
Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:
There !! no point being married if that how we feel.
It is not between Family vs Friends in her case.
She is not trying to make her friends happy at the expense of her hubby.
She is trying to make herself happy! [b]She finds happiness in her friends and is not willing to give them up and her lifestyle up just because her hubby disapproves.[/b] -
I cant comment on one's marriage... Coz, it is between him and her... But, I can feel that TS's husband love his wife very very much.. It is nothing wrong for TS to think her way. However, TS must process the skill to maintain such marriage, or else it is as good as...
For example:
Have u ever thought y yr husband blew his top now and not before??? -
I dun think it has anything to do with the Singaporean way, no matter which country your from I dun think anyone will be happy if his or her life partner (husband/wife) dosen't think about their feelings before making any decisions ...... especially going on a holiday with another guy.Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:She is not a Singaporean and so you cannot expect her to think like a Singaporean and don't for a moment think that the Singaporean "way" is the best in the world.... -
he will blow his top once in awhile.... we will have a argument, i will ask him.... so what u want me to do???? he will said nothing, u can do what u want, i just want to let u know how i feel about.....then things cool down,,, he will let me do my things again....Originally posted by ispyyy:I cant comment on one's marriage... Coz, it is between him and her... But, I can feel that TS's husband love his wife very very much.. It is nothing wrong for TS to think her way. However, TS must process the skill to maintain such marriage, or else it is as good as...
For example:
Have u ever thought y yr husband blew his top now and not before??? -
Its increasingly more like I am listening to the song "Dont cry for me Argentina" but you arent quite where the song ends, Mikki. Apparently speaking, your husband hasnt earned the respect/right to be "in the circle". If you like thinking about your friends more, or you simply wont miss your husband, Id say its perfectly ok to ignore him all together and live the life you enjoy living!Originally posted by mikki1980:When my husband get "mad".... he also said most of things u guys stated.
I feel that he wanted to "prove" that I m wrong.... he wanted me to say sorry... he wanted me to feel guilty.
I m what I m, I know...but I dont know how to change myself....
He should accept what I m and not keep wanting to make me feel guilty. I didnt DO any behide his back at all. I can swear...... -
That is why I am not married. I like my freedom and independence.
I answer to no one but myself. I don't see the need to inflict that on another human being.
I think that saying sorry to your husband won't hurt. Suck your pride in.
You need to tell him where you are going and who you are with. You are both involved together for life now. Sometimes people worry for a good reason and that worry makes them angry because they love you.
For example : my parents came down to Melbourne recently, I have their handphone number at all times because I am in Canberra. Recently there was a gunman on a rampage who killed one person in the CBD - I had to call my parents to check if they are ok. Couldn't reach parents on the phone - so I just worry and worry until I got angry about their handphones being switched off. When I called the land line - I was an angry person but to hear them on the other side - that was relief. I did blast them anyways for not bringing their handphones out and it was because I was so worried for about 5 hours.
In this world, loved ones can be taken away quickly. So treasure what you have. Your friends if they are encouraging you to behave like you do , they are not your friends.
I have friends whose husbands I know and whose wives I know. I make a special effort to know their partner because the person is important to them and that makes them my friend too. -
Then I can say that he loves you alot and believes that he is the luckies man and I believe you feel the same too. Hope after reading all the posts here will help you understand that he is not being unreasonable be simply needs you to give him some attention and maybe in future talk to him before making any decisions ........ let him into your life, after all you two a married right ??Originally posted by mikki1980:he will blow his top once in awhile.... we will have a argument then things cool down,,, he will let me do my things again.... -
good husband wat... but try to discover what makes him blow his top and see if you can do anything to prevent him from blowing his top...Originally posted by mikki1980:he will blow his top once in awhile.... we will have a argument then things cool down,,, he will let me do my things again....
if he blows his top for no apparent reason then just don't add fuel to the fire...
You are also OK since you have a job... shows that you are a responsible person... -
great minds think alikeOriginally posted by AndrewPKYap:and to add... if my wife have opportunities like you... able to holiday every other week... I will be most happy for her... -
I don't agree... this part... she should just inform him rather than asking for his permission... of course if he is not happy, then he should say it but he should not expect her to require his permission...Originally posted by MiX Metal:she should have given her husband the heads up before making any decisions. And I mean going overseas with another guy. She should have tell her husband about it first and see if he is ok with it. I mean he is after all his husband ........