Can anyone Advise? Thanks alot
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Originally posted by jojobeach:Opss sorry, that was meant for Mikki.
no worries -
Sounds like my Indonesian friend alright.
She's from rich business family.
Had her own personal maids.
Studied in USA.
Married a American , still behaves like a spoilt princess.
Husband kicked her arrss back to her country.
Her own parents so ashamed of her.
Sent her off to marry another old man..... -
Originally posted by honeymouse:I don't think the race or country of origin of TS is very relevant in this discussion so please stick with the original discussion of this thread.
Also, please refrain yourself from insulting others or making racist remark.
Thank you for your cooperation!
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I think I'm beginning to understand why you treat your husband the way you do ....... For your sake and if you really treasure this marriage ........ I hope you'll be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel soon ......Originally posted by mikki1980:Sorry to inform u......
I completed my U then I get married, I dont need his support.
I'm from a more wealthy family than my husband.
I dont need to "get away" from my own country.
I'm neither from China or Vietnam. -
I doubt my comments were of racist nature.Originally posted by honeymouse:I don't think the race or country of origin of TS is very relevant in this discussion so please stick with the original discussion of this thread.
Also, please refrain yourself from insulting others or making racist remark.
Thank you for your cooperation! -
seriously, if you tink having "own time" is more impt, then maybe you wld like to consider your marriage...Originally posted by mikki1980:cos i small build, my age coming 27. but look at me only 22.
I feel I married too early, after I complete my U, I married to him at 24.
He is 34, we r 7 yrs apart.
I feel that I "miss" alot of things in life. Now I can "support" myself, so I wanted to catch up someting that I miss.
I still have this feeling of my "own time", "my world".
So my friends are "my world"....
My husband love me, he will let me do what I wanted.
But I just cannot stand that he get "mad"..... -
Hey mikki again.
Do you think you ought to respect each other? Open communication is a form of respect. You said you didn't have a chance to tell him about the trip because you came home late and didn't have a chance. Do you think it is a good excuse? Do you think it is better that he knows what's going on beforehand, instead of finding it out through internet messenging? Afterall, you stay together in the same house. -
The question now is.
Do you want your marriage to work out ? Or not ?
You can run away with any guy.
But I can assure you, no man, caucasian or asian or whatever...
None of them will tolerate what you doing to your current husband for very long.
If you want this marriage to work, you cannot be so selfish.
Seek counseling or other methods to repair the damage now.
If you don't want this marriage to work, it is not so difficult to divorce him.
Since you have no kids yet, it is better to call it quits early. -
hmm ...... married, living together ..... dun really sees each other, prefer to spend most of her time with her friends clubbing or travelling. Don't communicate with her husband Face to Face instead chooses to use sms or msn .......
I think a cyber husband suites u better than a real one. -
I am ever learning.Originally posted by jojobeach:When will SG guys ever learn ? -
Hey. Take it easy. There is no racist remarks or whatsoever here. And do mind your use of language here, thank you.Originally posted by boka:Typical asian gals who fuel the media sterotype of White men superioty.
White sell out.
Happy filling *** -
Everyone knows that once you get into a committed relationship esp a marriage, you will lose part of your freedom It is the price you pay in return for the companionship, to have someone who will stand by you during rainy days, etc.
You can't have your cake and eat it too. -
Haiz some girls and guys never learn
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Is your marrriage in name only?
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You Are Married, Stop Being Selfish.Originally posted by mikki1980:this is embarrassing to say because i have never actually made public in forums about my married life...i hope some of you can advise me quite reasonably and sensibly to the following situation.
I'm married 27, bcos of my work. I usually have 4 to 5 days off continous for each 2 week. I'm someone that like to travel, so usually I will take short trip around, eg. Phuket, Malaysia...etc. Bocs of busy work, my husband will not join me and he allow me to travel alone. I will travel alone or with friends.
I always wanted my "own time", so my husband will take it that travelling is my own time. Something happened this week. One of my guy friend from Finland come to SIN, last tuesday. Cos of my off day, I accompany him around SIN everyday, everynite, we will party till 3 or 4am. Then a group of my friends sugguested that we go to Batam over the weekends. Due to every nite also party till so late. When I back home, my husband already sleep. So I only told him that I will be leaving to Batam on sat. morning, when I will be leaving on sat. nite. I wil be back on sunday nite. When I told him, I can feel that he is not happy.
I have 4 days off again this thursday, that is 2morow. I already get bus ticket to travel up to KL with this Finland friend. Cos of me working night shift, I have not "seen" my husband after I return from Batam. We only sms each other. When we are on MSN last nite, he asked me am I travelling again this thursday cos of my off day. I told him, I will go to KL with Finland friend and already get bus ticket, returning on sunday morning. I told him, I planned to meet him after his work before I go to bus station. And only when I meet him then inform him. After hear this, he gone "mad"....... he said that I dont respect him.... etc......
I told him it's my own time, I get to decide what I want to do... then he said I should at least inform him or "discuss" with him.....etc
I told him, my friends r my friends. So I never introduce any of my friends to him. He know non of my friends. And I will never let him go out with me to any of my "own" function.
He is quite upset over this. And cos of this whole week, he never get to see me, he suddenly gone crazy.
I feel that he keep saying all this things to make me feel guilty, I m only doing my OWN things, so why should I let him know?
Can all of u "help" me......
He is correct to be "mad" about me? I m doing my OWN things in my OWN time.
Those are my friends, I dont want him to know any of my friends, cos it's my own life, dont want him to join us. Is it wrong?
What's wrong with traveling with a guy alone to another country? I already married.
Can any care to share some views? I wish to see this in a 3rd party view.
Thanks alot. -
mikki, are u even happy in this marriage? or do u love ur husband?
if u do, the respect and consideration for ur husband will come naturally. unless for work, i will want my guy to be wif me for my trip. Besides, u and ur husband seemed so busy with each other's work. Won't u be yearning to see him instead? i mean who doesn't want to see his/her loved one after a hard day's at work -
reading only your first post, I think u are selfish leh..
As a husband, he has given u all the freedom u want to travel. U have been travelling so frequently, worse still, with another man, and din even see ur husband once in a few days or so.. seems that something is wrong with the r/s lor.
He has his pride also leh. Wife always not at home, and go around travelling and partying with some frens that he duno.. this will definitely upset him. -
u try lo.Originally posted by mikki1980:He will not let go..... he will say he loves me so much.... I can do what I want but in the end, he still get mad.
keep pushing the limits and see what happens.
really selfish leh you. -
No point asking TS anything anyway.Originally posted by lakopi:mikki, are u even happy in this marriage? or do u love ur husband?
if u do, the respect and consideration for ur husband will come naturally. unless for work, i will want my guy to be wif me for my trip. Besides, u and ur husband seemed so busy with each other's work. Won't u be yearning to see him instead? i mean who doesn't want to see his/her loved one after a hard day's at work
Your words will fall on deaf ears. -
x2.Originally posted by honeymouse:When you are married, you need to learn to get rid of the "I, me and myself" but learn the new words "we, our and ourselves".
married for a few years le yet still emphasizing on YOURSELF, YOUR life, YOUR frens aka World.. i think it's time u spare a thought for ur hubby.
U made it sound like u were being forced to marry him, which i duno why. Do you actually love him, i wonder? -
You sounded like a party girl and like her own freedom and freinds more than you love your husband. Why marry in the first place if you want to have fun so much outside of married life?Originally posted by mikki1980:this is embarrassing to say because i have never actually made public in forums about my married life...i hope some of you can advise me quite reasonably and sensibly to the following situation.
I'm married 27, bcos of my work. I usually have 4 to 5 days off continous for each 2 week. I'm someone that like to travel, so usually I will take short trip around, eg. Phuket, Malaysia...etc. Bocs of busy work, my husband will not join me and he allow me to travel alone. I will travel alone or with friends.
I always wanted my "own time", so my husband will take it that travelling is my own time. Something happened this week. One of my guy friend from Finland come to SIN, last tuesday. Cos of my off day, I accompany him around SIN everyday, everynite, we will party till 3 or 4am. Then a group of my friends sugguested that we go to Batam over the weekends. Due to every nite also party till so late. When I back home, my husband already sleep. So I only told him that I will be leaving to Batam on sat. morning, when I will be leaving on sat. nite. I wil be back on sunday nite. When I told him, I can feel that he is not happy.
I have 4 days off again this thursday, that is 2morow. I already get bus ticket to travel up to KL with this Finland friend. Cos of me working night shift, I have not "seen" my husband after I return from Batam. We only sms each other. When we are on MSN last nite, he asked me am I travelling again this thursday cos of my off day. I told him, I will go to KL with Finland friend and already get bus ticket, returning on sunday morning. I told him, I planned to meet him after his work before I go to bus station. And only when I meet him then inform him. After hear this, he gone "mad"....... he said that I dont respect him.... etc......
I told him it's my own time, I get to decide what I want to do... then he said I should at least inform him or "discuss" with him.....etc
I told him, my friends r my friends. So I never introduce any of my friends to him. He know non of my friends. And I will never let him go out with me to any of my "own" function.
He is quite upset over this. And cos of this whole week, he never get to see me, he suddenly gone crazy.
I feel that he keep saying all this things to make me feel guilty, I m only doing my OWN things, so why should I let him know?
Can all of u "help" me......
He is correct to be "mad" about me? I m doing my OWN things in my OWN time.
Those are my friends, I dont want him to know any of my friends, cos it's my own life, dont want him to join us. Is it wrong?
What's wrong with traveling with a guy alone to another country? I already married.
Can any care to share some views? I wish to see this in a 3rd party view.
Thanks alot.
Do you know what is 'MARRIED LIFE' really means? It meant whatever you do, you MUST consider your other half feelings and action too.
Yes, everyone now and then need sometime of their own but not to the extend of going to party until 3 4 am in the morning and moreover going out with another guy!!!
So what if your friends suggest going to Batam? Is it really that necessary for you to go leaving your husband all alone at home? And base from what you posted you do that alot - the travelling alone or with friends part.
Well, good luck to your marriage which seem to be non existence. I wouldn't be surprise if your husband found another who truly want to spend time with him instead of alone or rather be with 'friends'. And don't say it wasn't fair on you and starts to blame him saying it's all his fault
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Most of the posters talked about how you should compromise and change your lifestyle.Originally posted by mikki1980:He is correct to be "mad" about me? I m doing my OWN things in my OWN time. Those are my friends, I dont want him to know any of my friends, cos it's my own life, dont want him to join us. Is it wrong?
What's wrong with traveling with a guy alone to another country? I already married.
Can any care to share some views? I wish to see this in a 3rd party view.
Thanks alot.
IÂ’m offering you a different kind of advice.
What your marriage lacks is true friendship.
Think about some of the best friends you have, take that male friend from Finland as an example.
You can spend the whole day with your best friends drinking beer and playing cards with them and still feel like youÂ’ve had a great time.
This is what companionship is all about.
You accept your best friends for who they are.
You find them interesting and enjoy talking to them.
You derive pleasure from simply chilling with them, even when you are doing the routine stuffs when you are with them.
This is what your marriage lacks right now. The element of true friendship.
After all, marriage is not always about romantic dinners, steamy dates and passionate sex.
The majority of which is made up of ordinary day to day routine stuffs; paying the bills, sitting around the dinner table, lying on the bed watching tv.
My point is, you have to enjoy the routine daily life with your partner (just like the way you enjoy doing the mundane stuffs with your friends).
If you canÂ’t, this relationship is doomed to failure.
I will leave you to think about whether it is possible to build this friendship with your husband.
He grumbles a bit now and then but he probably doesnÂ’t require a drastic change in your lifestyle.
Through your actions, let him know he is loved and accepted despite the differences (the same way you accept your best friends).
If you start treating him like a true friend, there will be no reason for you to “hide” him from your social circle anymore.
Make true friendship the central part of your marriage. -
typical selfish behaviour
u get married and u going out with a guy 1 to 1 to overseas? and best part is your husband doesnt even know him? if i were your husband, i will go more crazy than he probably is.
at least if i know your friend, he is attached or what. then i know he is of admirable status like will not do stupid things and i can trust him and my wife then i will let her go with him 1 to 1.
like this own time own target, your husband go find prostitutes you also can only suck thumb right? really stupid and childish mentality. your marriage cert for display only. married in name, not in real. -
Originally posted by curiousOrange:
real good advice from another perceptive. but selfish people will not see your point.
Most of the posters talked about how you should compromise and change your lifestyle.
IÂ’m offering you a different kind of advice.
[b]What your marriage lacks is true friendship.
Think about some of the best friends you have, take that male friend from Finland as an example.
You can spend the whole day with your best friends drinking beer and playing cards with them and still feel like youÂ’ve had a great time.
This is what companionship is all about.
You accept your best friends for who they are.
You find them interesting and enjoy talking to them.
You derive pleasure from simply chilling with them, even when you are doing the routine stuffs when you are with them.
This is what your marriage lacks right now. The element of true friendship.
After all, marriage is not always about romantic dinners, steamy dates and passionate sex.
The majority of which is made up of ordinary day to day routine stuffs; paying the bills, sitting around the dinner table, lying on the bed watching tv.
My point is, you have to enjoy the routine daily life with your partner (just like the way you enjoy doing the mundane stuffs with your friends).
If you canÂ’t, this relationship is doomed to failure.
I will leave you to think about whether it is possible to build this friendship with your husband.
He grumbles a bit now and then but he probably doesnÂ’t require a drastic change in your lifestyle.
Through your actions, let him know he is loved and accepted despite the differences (the same way you accept your best friends).
If you start treating him like a true friend, there will be no reason for you to “hide” him from your social circle anymore.
Make true friendship the central part of your marriage.
[/b] -
Obviously you are not married... *sigh* you are really childish... I wonder how long your own marriage can last if you continue to behave like this after you are married....Originally posted by bladez87:typical selfish b|tch.
u get married and u going out with a guy 1 to 1 to overseas? and best part is your husband doesnt enough know him? if i were your husband, i will go more crazy than he probably is.
at least if i know your friend, he is attached or what. then i know he is of admirable status like will not do stupid things and i can trust him and my wife then i will let her go with him 1 to 1.
like this own time own target, your husband go find prostitutes you also can only suck thumb right? really stupid and childish mentality. your marriage cert for display only. married in name, not in real.
If marriage is not about compromise that what is it? A whole bunch of rules and regulations?
If you can find a partner that wants a dictator for a husband, good for you. Otherwise, she will be the most unhappy person on earth if she does not divorce you.
Have you heard of the phrase "self righteous prick?"