sian...
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@.@llOriginally posted by browniebaobao:ask ur fren to tell his children not to touch the things that dun belong to them in the house.
use ear plugs to sleep at night.
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u are a good frene indeed! however, like wat u said, its ur hse. so u do not deserved to have such stress. yup, like everyone has said, go talk to ur frene. tink this is quite necessary. ur frene will understand.
all the best!
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Racingmafia,
Your friend is very lucky to have such a friend like you.
First,
You renting out to your friend is not to make money.
So $450 is very reasonable already.
I'm pretty sure they also don't abuse your utilities, example, like leaving the aircon on all the time, right ?
2,000 for 15 hours is very xiong.
Not easy for your friend, I'm very sure his money is sweat and blood income.
To support a family of 5, $2000 is barely sufficient.
Afterall, 3 children is not cheap.
Somemore 8 month old baby, one visit to pediatrician already set them back at least $100 per visit. Not including medication.
So, I'm sure your friend must be very grateful to you for giving them a roof over their heads.
The wife, although not working, stay at home to look after 3 kids on her own also quite xiong already. No maids or family helping her right ?
Not easy.
I think you should tell your mother the actual situation about your friend. And let her know you are doing out of goodwill to your friend.
I'm sure your mother will also understand. Unless she is very cold hearted person.
Since she has so many properties, couldn't she just let you stay in one of them ? You can offer to pay her what your friend paid you, so that your mother won't have to make a 100% loss.
Children will always be noisy.
It is not your responsibility to discipline them.
Children are often defiant, they won't listen to you.
The only solution is to keep the items out of reach.
Meaning, locked inside your room or in places they cannot access to.
The wife is not that she cannot hear. I think she also very stressed out.
Imagine, you have 3 young children, no financial stability. husband always not at home, alone have to handle so many things. To maintain her sanity, she also must switch off, because there is nothing she can do to improve the situation, unless she tie the children up and gag them with socks???
My main concern to the wife is, how is she holding up ?
I have a friend who is very depressed after her husband lost his job and went into alcohol abuse. She jumped down the flat, and ended her life, just like that.
So, I know you are in a very difficult position. But if you are in a position to help them out temporary, please do.
I'm not too sure about those rental HDB rules and regulations.
But I think your friend cannot qualify because his income is over the limit of $1500 per household.
To confirm please check with HDB.
https://services.hdb.gov.sg/webapp/AA11EAPP/AA11PPS/AA11PPSRentApp.jsp
Either that, or he can seek some help from MPs. But I don't know how much they can help.
I think you should talk to your friend and ask him about what his future plans is. Because I am also very sure he don't want to have to depend on your good will too long, he also got pride one.
For 2 families to live under one roof is a bit cramp.
How big is your house ? -
thks...i talked to him this afternoon on our way back frm JB.jus me and him. i told him that i bump into our neighbour this morning...and she asked me y is it so noisy this few weeks...then i told he and his wife sld do something abt the kids like no more toys after 11pm..and some restrictions. he replyed me in a very sorrying manner saying that his elder daughter i going back to school tmr and the 4yrs one will go to K1 nxt week then they will need to slp earlier...i hope that things will change...Originally posted by bb_mm:u are a good frene indeed! however, like wat u said, its ur hse. so u do not deserved to have such stress. yup, like everyone has said, go talk to ur frene. tink this is quite necessary. ur frene will understand.
all the best! -
well said!Originally posted by jojobeach:Racingmafia,
Your friend is very lucky to have such a friend like you.
First,
You renting out to your friend is not to make money.
So $450 is very reasonable already.
I'm pretty sure they also don't abuse your utilities, example, like leaving the aircon on all the time, right ?
2,000 for 15 hours is very xiong.
Not easy for your friend, I'm very sure his money is sweat and blood income.
To support a family of 5, $2000 is barely sufficient.
Afterall, 3 children is not cheap.
Somemore 8 month old baby, one visit to pediatrician already set them back at least $100 per visit. Not including medication.
So, I'm sure your friend must be very grateful to you for giving them a roof over their heads.
The wife, although not working, stay at home to look after 3 kids on her own also quite xiong already. No maids or family helping her right ?
Not easy.
I think you should tell your mother the actual situation about your friend. And let her know you are doing out of goodwill to your friend.
I'm sure your mother will also understand. Unless she is very cold hearted person.
Since she has so many properties, couldn't she just let you stay in one of them ? You can offer to pay her what your friend paid you, so that your mother won't have to make a 100% loss.
Children will always be noisy.
It is not your responsibility to discipline them.
Children are often defiant, they won't listen to you.
The only solution is to keep the items out of reach.
Meaning, locked inside your room or in places they cannot access to.
The wife is not that she cannot hear. I think she also very stressed out.
Imagine, you have 3 young children, no financial stability. husband always not at home, alone have to handle so many things. To maintain her sanity, she also must switch off, because there is nothing she can do to improve the situation, unless she tie the children up and gag them with socks???
My main concern to the wife is, how is she holding up ?
I have a friend who is very depressed after her husband lost his job and went into alcohol abuse. She jumped down the flat, and ended her life, just like that.
So, I know you are in a very difficult position. But if you are in a position to help them out temporary, please do.
I'm not too sure about those rental HDB rules and regulations.
But I think your friend cannot qualify because his income is over the limit of $1500 per household.
To confirm please check with HDB.
https://services.hdb.gov.sg/webapp/AA11EAPP/AA11PPS/AA11PPSRentApp.jsp
Either that, or he can seek some help from MPs. But I don't know how much they can help.
I think you should talk to your friend and ask him about what his future plans is. Because I am also very sure he don't want to have to depend on your good will too long, he also got pride one.
For 2 families to live under one roof is a bit cramp.
How big is your house ? -
Originally posted by jojobeach:
Racingmafia,
Your friend is very lucky to have such a friend like you.
First,
You renting out to your friend is not to make money.
So $450 is very reasonable already.
I'm pretty sure they also don't abuse your utilities, example, like leaving the aircon on all the time, right ?
well they dont...good thing
2,000 for 15 hours is very xiong.
Not easy for your friend, I'm very sure his money is sweat and blood income.
To support a family of 5, $2000 is barely sufficient.
Afterall, 3 children is not cheap.
Somemore 8 month old baby, one visit to pediatrician already set them back at least $100 per visit. Not including medication.
ya lor...i advised my frd to go for some upgrades so that he cld provide hes family with more comfort. but reali...hes has no free time to do what he want to choose.
So, I'm sure your friend must be very grateful to you for giving them a roof over their heads.
The wife, although not working, stay at home to look after 3 kids on her own also quite xiong already. No maids or family helping her right ?
Not easy.
looking after 3 kids is reali not easy indeed...+ she still got 1 baby that needs all the attention...but i dun tik she is doing well due to i tik a bit of after birth depression.
I think you should tell your mother the actual situation about your friend. And let her know you are doing out of goodwill to your friend.
I'm sure your mother will also understand. Unless she is very cold hearted person.
Since she has so many properties, couldn't she just let you stay in one of them ? You can offer to pay her what your friend paid you, so that your mother won't have to make a 100% loss.
this is the part i most "du-lan" 1 !@#$%^& i totally tell her the whole situation on the phone that day...after hearing everything calmly...guess wad she say?...she say CANNOT at least must 600...!!!i was in shock when i heard that...tat monent i was think WTF!! got money dun need die ar?! FYI she is pretty much of a clod blood against "Non Blood Related Personnel" She is always nice to ppl in the family.
Children will always be noisy.
It is not your responsibility to discipline them.
Children are often defiant, they won't listen to you.
The only solution is to keep the items out of reach.
Meaning, locked inside your room or in places they cannot access to.
lock...O.0...meaning i hv to move my things in n out???!!wa cannt la...
The wife is not that she cannot hear. I think she also very stressed out.
Imagine, you have 3 young children, no financial stability. husband always not at home, alone have to handle so many things. To maintain her sanity, she also must switch off, because there is nothing she can do to improve the situation, unless she tie the children up and gag them with socks???
well she cant do that of cors but..
My main concern to the wife is, how is she holding up ?
I have a friend who is very depressed after her husband lost his job and went into alcohol abuse. She jumped down the flat, and ended her life, just like that.
btw last nite my frd came home and went out to meet a old frd for a drink...when he left home at 1am..i hv a gut feel tat something is wrong but dunno wad...first the wife got the elder girl to bath the younger one the she lock herslf in the room with the baby. she was like sniffing...like crying...im not too sure la..but when the kids fought i went to the room to call her i knocking at least 3 times then she open the door slightly...(while i was knocking the door i was thinking like siao liao did she do anything to the baby...?!) when she came out i asked her "is everything alrite?" she jus say alrite...then i go back to my work.
So, I know you are in a very difficult position. But if you are in a position to help them out temporary, please do.
i will...but hope that things will change...
I'm not too sure about those rental HDB rules and regulations.
But I think your friend cannot qualify because his income is over the limit of $1500 per household.
To confirm please check with HDB.
https://services.hdb.gov.sg/webapp/AA11EAPP/AA11PPS/AA11PPSRentApp.jsp
he has been trying to apply for flats but seems like he has no luck...i dun knw wads wrong but i tik will try to go wif him nxt time.
Either that, or he can seek some help from MPs. But I don't know how much they can help.
I think you should talk to your friend and ask him about what his future plans is. Because I am also very sure he don't want to have to depend on your good will too long, he also got pride one.
For 2 families to live under one roof is a bit cramp.
How big is your house ?
4 room 1 room is for me to work. -
money problem....
pay and forget that friend...
all my "best friends" have betrayed me, now i don't trust things called friendship. -
if i were you, i rent out my frens place to them....not mine
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pay wad?Originally posted by rathcycle:money problem....
pay and forget that friend...
all my "best friends" have betrayed me, now i don't trust things called friendship. -
well it wil be hard for them..if i recomend them to my frds the problem will stil come back to me...Originally posted by DC+:if i were you, i rent out my frens place to them....not mine -
they're probably not your gd friendsOriginally posted by rathcycle:money problem....
pay and forget that friend...
all my "best friends" have betrayed me, now i don't trust things called friendship. -
sometimes there is a limit to how much you can help a friend.Originally posted by racingmafia:well it wil be hard for them..if i recomend them to my frds the problem will stil come back to me... -
ya lol...how do u define betrayal?no 1 like to betray unless the are in situation that forced them to do so.Originally posted by gigabyte14:they're probably not your gd friends -
i knw. thats y im hoping that my limits are not reached yet.i reali want to help.. cos i knw its not easy to turn back...Originally posted by DC+:sometimes there is a limit to how much you can help a friend. -
Racingmafia,
I'm surprised your mother ask for more.
2000 minus 600 is 1400, after CPF deduction , left only how much ?
How to survive with so little money?
She really want to see them die issit ?
Your mom is too money minded.....
I believe the situation can change for the better.
What you have right now is only temporary.
Once the children are more independent, the wife will be freed up to find work.
By then the situation will improve.
Your friend can leave the family behind and go have a drink with his friend.
Can his wife do the same ? She is stuck at home with 3 noisy kids.
She has no free time, I bet she has hardly time to go toilet or get a nice quiet shower.
She needs someone to help her out. So that she can spend some "alone" time.
I really pity her.
When it comes to your valuables, yes, please move them into your work room and make it unaccessible for the kids.
I lived with my brother's family, niece and nephews before. This is how it works to prevent the children from getting hurt or damaging valuable stuff.
In the future, when you have your own children, you will need to do the same too. It is call Child Proofing your home.
Just remember, this is only temporary. It can and it will improve. Please bear with it for a short time. You may also be saving a life or two along the way.
Charity is work, when you give and not expect a return.
My friends used to house a few who is in need of a temporary place.
They did not charge a cent, they only expect the friend to help keep the place nice and tidy.
It is true, once you have started it is not easy to reverse what you have done.
If you kick them out now, where will they go ? They will have to pack and move house again ? It is very stressful and time consuming to have to move from places to places, especially with children.
So they are pretty much stuck between a rock and a hard place.
Perhaps your friend don't have the necessary qualification to get a loan for the HDB, hence the delay ? Will it be possible to speak to your friend and get more details with regards to this ? But also you don't want them to think you are chasing them out now. So you might have to approach this sensitive issue carefully. -
pay back the rent they paid and ask them get lost.Originally posted by racingmafia:pay wad? -
I remembered once when I lost my backpack when I went travelling.
I lost my money and all my travelling documents.
I went to the police station to report the lost.
One lady who was inside the station helped me with some money and brought me around the city to get my replacement tickets and documents back.
She did all these with her own personal time.
After I got my credit card replacment.
I offer to give her some cash for helping me out.
She refused, I asked her, how I can repay her.
She said " I just hope that you will help others when they are in similar needs."
It's call paying forward. -
pity u..
i knw how u feel nw...
left right difficulty
anyway, the only thing u can do is talk to ur buddy -
either they suffer or u suffer..its hard to live 2gether with different living habits...maybe u can help finding other accomodation for them instead???
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
Racingmafia,
I'm surprised your mother ask for more.
2000 minus 600 is 1400, after CPF deduction , left only how much ?
How to survive with so little money?
She really want to see them die issit ?
Your mom is too money minded.....
well she is like tat 1...dun tik i can do anything else..
I believe the situation can change for the better.
What you have right now is only temporary.
Once the children are more independent, the wife will be freed up to find work.
By then the situation will improve.
i knw...will be like at least 2-3yrs...zzz
Your friend can leave the family behind and go have a drink with his friend.
Can his wife do the same ? She is stuck at home with 3 noisy kids.
She has no free time, I bet she has hardly time to go toilet or get a nice quiet shower.
She needs someone to help her out. So that she can spend some "alone" time.
I really pity her.
i do pity her too..but its hard for me to see the kids mibehaving and yet she let them off with a few words or even act as if nothing happened...sian....
When it comes to your valuables, yes, please move them into your work room and make it unaccessible for the kids.
I lived with my brother's family, niece and nephews before. This is how it works to prevent the children from getting hurt or damaging valuable stuff.
In the future, when you have your own children, you will need to do the same too. It is call Child Proofing your home.
child proofing...hmmm..gonna learn frm u...share some?
Just remember, this is only temporary. It can and it will improve. Please bear with it for a short time. You may also be saving a life or two along the way.
i reali hope so..
Charity is work, when you give and not expect a return.
My friends used to house a few who is in need of a temporary place.
They did not charge a cent, they only expect the friend to help keep the place nice and tidy.
btw jus now like an hour ago i bought the kids some pancakes and its happy to see them over joyed...but when i saw the younger gal trys to feed the bb i was reali annoyed...the bb has got food in his mouth and when the gal find tat the bb doesnt want the pancke she stuffed its real hrd into the bb's mouth...when i saw tat immediatly shouted xxxx pls dont do that!!! u might choke ur bro!!then her mom then told her "xxx pls dont do that ar!" few mins later she went in to the romm leaving the 3 kids with me...guess wad?!...she did it again...stuffing panckes into the bb's mouth till the baby reali choke,i was so shock i quickly look for water for the bb.after i make sure the bb is ok i speak to the girl again..this time i spoken quite loudly...my intention is to alert her mom..but i failed...she nv come out...
It is true, once you have started it is not easy to reverse what you have done.
If you kick them out now, where will they go ? They will have to pack and move house again ? It is very stressful and time consuming to have to move from places to places, especially with children.
tat will not be a option for me...i want to help
So they are pretty much stuck between a rock and a hard place.
Perhaps your friend don't have the necessary qualification to get a loan for the HDB, hence the delay ? Will it be possible to speak to your friend and get more details with regards to this ? But also you don't want them to think you are chasing them out now. So you might have to approach this sensitive issue carefully.
well i hv to do it in a very tactful way... -
i didnt even collect any deposit frm them...Originally posted by rathcycle:pay back the rent they paid and ask them get lost. -
well i tried to...Originally posted by kiss_my (_i_):pity u..
i knw how u feel nw...
left right difficulty
anyway, the only thing u can do is talk to ur buddy -
i did tried but failed due to the high rents outside...Originally posted by Ah-BarD:either they suffer or u suffer..its hard to live 2gether with different living habits...maybe u can help finding other accomodation for them instead??? -
Be decisive ... lol
Noe yr priorities... >< -
Actually, at 4 years old, the boy should be able to self feed.
Foods like pancakes are "finger food". He shouldn't need the older sister to feed him.
Depending on the dexterity of the child, a 4 year old should also be able to use spoons or forks to feed himself, although they may be messy when they do. Note that he should be using safety forks , available in the infant departments. Do not let them run around with drinking straws or forks, incase they trip and fall, they will get hurt.
A 8 year old shouldn't have to look after any younger child, usually children who are at least 12 years old are given the responsibilities to take care of younger siblings.
8 year old may be considered independent, but they lack the rational to care for young kids.
I think your friend's wife is trying to sneak in a break since she thinks the children are doing ok with you. Means she actually trust you enough to help her handle the children.
I bet you make a good father later.
About the discipline part, there is always a good cop and a bad cop in the family.
Meaning, is your friend the more strict disciplinarian ? If he is, then the mother must play a more lenient role. You cannot have 2 parents being the strict punisher. This is to make sure the children won't feel trap and develop a complex.
When I was living with my brother's family. My brother was very strict, sometimes his punishments are very extreme. I used to have to use my body to shield my nephews because my brother is very heavy handed when he spank the children. So, my nephews are very close to me, because they know I protect them. Children are smarter than we like to give them credit for.
Child proofing the home.
Meaning you anticipate any possible dangers in the home and prevent it from happening.
Children are very curious creatures. They like to get into EVERYTHING.
Things you need to be careful are...
Electrical outlets. Get some plastic plugs.
Control knobs/movable parts, these are finger traps or if they come off, choking hazards.
Electrical wirings/cords, babies will chew on it, electrocution and strangulations.
Kitchens, knifes, access to fire stove.
Sharp corners , example, coffee tables,
Unstable furniture, babies learning to walk will grab onto furnitures to pull themself up. Sometimes heavy furniture can topple and crush them.
Bath, toilet..pails of water, 2 inch of water is all you need to drown a baby.
Chemicals or medications. Toxic to children, always keep them out of reach.
Super glues, alcohols... dangerous to young children.
Install gates to contain young child.
Some items you can find in the stores are like electrical plugs, wiring covers, corner protectors, door knobs covers, drawers locks. et cetera.
I found a website that has a lot of the stuff I mentioned, But I think this one is not in Singapore. But you should take a look so you know what I am talking about.
http://www.onestepahead.com/catalog/section.jsp?siteId=117&parentCategoryId=85183
Yes is a lot of work, but you only have to do it once. At least untill the youngest is about 3 years old.
Also, it is better than having to rush to Emergency Room and wait hours.
My brother says it is a small investment to prevent disasters.
Before that, it is best to keep furnitures to the minimum. Since children likes to climb, it's in their nature to explore.
I used to have to pluck my nephews and niece off tables and grill gates. And they can really climb high.... because they have no sense of fear at such a young age.
Sometimes I help out my SIL, so she can get some time to do her own stuff like cutting nails, get a shower, run downstairs to tah bao her favourite hawker food. All these little things are great help to her.
I found the website that offers part-time nanny/babysitter.
They seem to charge reasonable rates at $10 per hour.
Not sure if the minimum hours apply to part-time service.
It is worth it for your friend's wife to have someone come in once a while to give her some "time- off"
http://www.a-team.com.sg/