Over generous bf?
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he is different. he got many friends. some truly care for him, can tell. but if you ask me if there is a crisis, how many will be there for him? of cos i wouldnt know.Originally posted by Space1999:its easy
they will never change
even after they have kids
they have no sense of what is important and what is not until something really bad happen
but by then its too late..
friends are not forever
they are not bonded to you , you should tell him that
there must be a distinction in life
aquaintance and friend
many ppl say im their friend, but truly i dont have a single person i consider as my friend..that way i dont have to lend them money or listen to their sob story
It is good to treat your friends well, but there ought to be a limit. Dont act like a fool and later complain that others treat you like one. -
ya lorOriginally posted by galfriend:he is different. he got many friends. some truly care for him, can tell. but if you ask me if there is a crisis, how many will be there for him? of cos i wouldnt know.
It is good to treat your friends well, but there ought to be a limit. Dont act like a fool and later complain that others treat you like one.
maybe you guys should have time alone more rather than with friends
go traveling alone, why you need friends all the time? -
Originally posted by Space1999:not really , he will still treat his friends...not her...whats the difference,
Well.. like that what to do lo.. u cant stop a person from spending. -
galfriend,
Right now, money is not his priority.
He just wants to enjoy life. That is why he feels no need to be calculative.
Did he scrimp on you ?
You should focus on his spending habits only after both of you have laid down plans to get married.
Once both of you have plans to get married. Then it is the right time for you to let him know the importance of savings.
If by then, he still refuse to save up for the future, then you should start to worry.
Any premature attempts to tell him how he should spend his money is only going to adversely affect the relationship. -
correctOriginally posted by BadzMaro: Well.. like that what to do lo.. u cant stop a person from spending.
so his friend will say , he want to pay , we just take lor...
why he is such a fool -
true also but she said they going to get married next year...thats pretty soon and they want to get a place...so its red alert now..what do u think?Originally posted by jojobeach:galfriend,
Right now, money is not his priority.
He just wants to enjoy life. That is why he feels no need to be calculative.
Did he scrimp on you ?
You should focus on his spending habits only after both of you have laid down plans to get married.
Once both of you have plans to get married. Then it is the right time for you to let him know the importance of savings.
Any premature attempts to tell him how he should spend his money is only going to adversely affect the relationship. -
We have quite a balance of time alone and time with friends. maybe we spend quite a fair bit of time with friends cos we have many mutual friends. we started out with hanging out in one big group, then couple now. so we actually can be quite busy rejecting friends' invites to go out just spend time alone.Originally posted by Space1999:ya lor
maybe you guys should have time alone more rather than with friends
go traveling alone, why you need friends all the time?
Guess a huge part of his life, he has been single and not close to his family, thus this behaviour now. think i should talk to him, 'educate' him in this aspect. hopefully he is still teachable. -
Does she knows how much he has in his bank account ?Originally posted by Space1999:true also but she said they going to get married next year...thats pretty soon and they want to get a place...so its red alert now..what do u think?
Maybe he already has enough ? That's why he is not worried about saving up ?
I mean, frankly, we don't know much about his financial situation. -
Hmm, reminds me of my bf. He is very generous as well, both to his friends and also to me He used to like to pay for his friends first, although I have told him this is not a good idea, because it will make you feel like a loanshark later, because you have to chase the friends for payment. But I guess this is already part of his nature and yea I do notice some people tend to take advantage of it...
My bf tends to spend a lot of his interests and hobbies, I don't really tell him that he has to stop doing that because I know everyone spends on their own interests (like how I can spend a lot buying my books) but I have always told him that he needs to know how to control and limit himself. I told him to think about the plans that we are going to have for our future, and I am glad he understands that it is not cheap when it comes to settling down. I have also told him to spend less on me so that he can save more for our future.
I have thought about the joint account thing but I have not broached it to him yet as I am afraid he will think that I am trying to control his money too much and do not have enough trust in him. For now I just focus on reminding him of the importance of saving for the future, because without savings, we will really go nowhere...Just tell this to him and see how he react I guess. As for my bf, he admits that he needs to curb his spending more now because he has had more commitments ever since we started to date
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true also , we are here to kaypoh only ..Originally posted by jojobeach:Does she knows how much he has in his bank account ?
Maybe he already has enough ? That's why he is not worried about saving up ?
I mean, frankly, we don't know much about his financial situation. -
YOu need to give him a number. A tangible goal.Originally posted by galfriend:We have quite a balance of time alone and time with friends. maybe we spend quite a fair bit of time with friends cos we have many mutual friends. we started out with hanging out in one big group, then couple now. so we actually can be quite busy rejecting friends' invites to go out just spend time alone.
Guess a huge part of his life, he has been single and not close to his family, thus this behaviour now. think i should talk to him, 'educate' him in this aspect. hopefully he is still teachable.
Find out how much it cost to hold a "simple" wedding.
What about honeymoon ?
Find out how much it cost to pay for the downpayment/initial cost of the home.
You will need to know the kind of housing both of you want.
Find out how much it will cost to give birth to a baby.
Give him a wake up call with the numbers.
Ask him, with all these information on hand. What is the acceptable time frame to make all these a reality ??? -
Ever wonder why he has so many friends?Originally posted by galfriend:We have quite a balance of time alone and time with friends. maybe we spend quite a fair bit of time with friends cos we have many mutual friends. we started out with hanging out in one big group, then couple now. so we actually can be quite busy rejecting friends' invites to go out just spend time alone.
Guess a huge part of his life, he has been single and not close to his family, thus this behaviour now. think i should talk to him, 'educate' him in this aspect. hopefully he is still teachable.
In this real world if you do not look good the fastest way to have more friends is to be nice or treat your friends that is great if you do not have a gf.
Now is different but I asked you why did you love him in the first place?
counter method is if he do not know how to save then suggest to put some loan money from him every month. Instead of spending it, put the money together for your house and your marriage.
Since he does not mind lending the money to his friends and not asking the money back why not lending the money to you to build a good future for both of you. Yeah it may sound abit bad but come to think of it, if it works why not? -
Well, technically this method will work.Originally posted by zeny:Ever wonder why he has so many friends?
In this real world if you do not look good the fastest way to have more friends is to be nice or treat your friends that is great if you do not have a gf.
Now is different but I asked you why did you love him in the first place?
counter method is if he do not know how to save then suggest to put some loan money from him every month. Instead of spending it, put the money together for your house and your marriage.
Since he does not mind lending the money to his friends and not asking the money back why not lending the money to you to build a good future for both of you. Yeah it may sound abit bad but come to think of it, if it works why not?
But, on a human level... don't you think it makes the TS seem like she is so desperate to get married to him ?
Savings is his personal choice before marriage.
The bottom line here is for TS to understand if this man knows how to prioritise his life properly or not. -
Agree. thats also why i am reluctant to 'force' him to save. i rather he sees the needs to take the initiative to save.Originally posted by jojobeach:Well, technically this method will work.
But, on a human level... don't you think it makes the TS seem like she is so desperate to get married to him ?
Savings is his personal choice before marriage.
The bottom line here is for TS to understand if this man knows how to prioritise his life properly or not. -
hummzOriginally posted by jojobeach:Well, technically this method will work.
But, on a human level... don't you think it makes the TS seem like she is so desperate to get married to him ?
Savings is his personal choice before marriage.
The bottom line here is for TS to understand if this man knows how to prioritise his life properly or not.
agree with jojo
just offering one method to help solve her problems, there are always to solve the problem..
Oh well!
TEa Break time -
Yep. I totally understand what you mean.Originally posted by galfriend:Agree. thats also why i am reluctant to 'force' him to save. i rather he sees the needs to take the initiative to save.
All you have to do now is to shove the truth in his face.
Sit back and see what he's gonna do about getting that kind of money. -
Does he know the value of money?
True generosity is knowing when to spend and spending without being stingy.
Generosity isnt splurging u know, thats not wise.
A BAI JIA ZI isnt generous, he's stupid and unfilial.
Maybe u shud speak to him abt it. -
unfilial? where did that come from? every cent he spends, he earns it. nothing to do with filial piety. and his parents already passed away, this got nothing to do with filial piety.Originally posted by Rephidim:Does he know the value of money?
True generosity is knowing when to spend and spending without being stingy.
Generosity isnt splurging u know, thats not wise.
A BAI JIA ZI isnt generous, he's stupid and unfilial.
Maybe u shud speak to him abt it. -
ohhhOriginally posted by jojobeach:Yep. I totally understand what you mean.
All you have to do now is to shove the truth in his face.
Sit back and see what he's gonna do about getting that kind of money.
that is so evil -
Thats what i intend to do. also, i wanted to tell him that, by squadering on friends or worse, 'give' friends money is a unhealthy practise to promote among friendship. it promotes greed. you think it is advisable to say it?Originally posted by Space1999:ohhh
that is so evil -
Yea, you should have a talk with him regarding this. Though you have to bring it up very carefully, be tactful but get the point across...Originally posted by galfriend:Thats what i intend to do. also, i wanted to tell him that, by squadering on friends or worse, 'give' friends money is a unhealthy practise to promote among friendship. it promotes greed. you think it is advisable to say it? -
generous also a problem??? is good mah if you see many people so petty... you can help him save then. some people habit very hard to change... let say every month u ask him for $100 for some reason. like i see something i like ... can buy for me. then u say i will buy myself. then next month improve $150-200 haha... seem he so generous.Originally posted by galfriend:My boyfriend is pretty generous with everyone. He always buys friends drinks. it can be like one or 2 bottles of hard liquor a week, and when his sister has problems, he will pass her few hundred dollars to buy things to make her happy. and at times, he will sponsor her to go for trips. i think rendering support to sister is good, but think he tends to go overboard when he is being so generous with money all the time especially when we are not rich people.
recently we went genting with friends. he even go to the extend of giving chips (ie money to a friend). to note, at the end of the trip, this friend won money and he lost and the friend sought of said "hey, you still got money with me" he said "it is ok, forget it."
and when we came back from the trip, he overpaid the organiser of the trip >$100, organiser said wanna transfer the money back to him. he said never mind lah, next trip then say. but ther is no trip in the foreseeable future, so it is as good as giving money again.
i really think his generosity is excessive. how should i communicate with him? or am i the petty one? -
tell him you look cooler when you are stingierOriginally posted by galfriend:Thats what i intend to do. also, i wanted to tell him that, by squadering on friends or worse, 'give' friends money is a unhealthy practise to promote among friendship. it promotes greed. you think it is advisable to say it?
may me so high!! and reward him when he listens!
wink wink! -
I wonder if her b/f stop treating his friends, will these so call "Friends" still be his friends.
I use to have friends like that, when u got money to treat them, they are ur friend, when you broke ....... they won't even answer ur call ......
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hmmm... no lah, i never ask my bf to buy anything for me. he wanted to give me chips when i lost, i turned him down too.Originally posted by relax_crown:generous also a problem??? is good mah if you see many people so petty... you can help him save then. some people habit very hard to change... let say every month u ask him for $100 for some reason. like i see something i like ... can buy for me. then u say i will buy myself. then next month improve $150-200 haha... seem he so generous.