Over generous bf?
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Good idea. Men love flattery too.Originally posted by Space1999:tell him you look cooler when you are stingier
may me so high!! and reward him when he listens!
wink wink! -
you are very good...respectOriginally posted by jojobeach:Yep. I totally understand what you mean.
All you have to do now is to shove the truth in his face.
Sit back and see what he's gonna do about getting that kind of money. -
and s@x tooOriginally posted by galfriend:Good idea. Men love flattery too. -
Originally posted by MiX Metal:I wonder if her b/f stop treating his friends, will these so call "Friends" still be his friends.
I use to have friends like that, when u got money to treat them, they are ur friend, when you broke ....... they won't even answer ur call ......
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hi there.
i usually do not participate in forums but this post got me involved emotionally so i will just add my 2 cts worth.
these are my ideas to stimulate him to wake up and smell the roses. it may or may not work (depending on his personality) but it may be worth a try.
find a chance to talk to him about serious things. about both of ur future.
ask him whether he want to retire early or work as long as possible. (best answer from him is to retire early) ask him if he has made any retirement plans for both of you so that you can enjoy life together and do the things both of you.
once this stage is set, the numbers will do the convincing. if you are not gd with numbers, ask a friend or a trusted financial planner to crunch the numbers for u.
an example will be :
he wants to retire at 50. expected to live to 80. wants to have ard S$1,000 per month of todays dollar every month when he retires.
to make calculations simple, lets say his savings returns match inflation rate.
S$1,000 x 30 yrs x 12 months/yr = S$360,000.
assuming he is 30 now, he has 20 more years to save this amt. This translates to S$1,500 per month for savings.
This point, you can gently ask him if he can do this one favor for you?
He will ask what is it
Ask him can he save for both of your future and your retirement.
Hopefully the numbers portrayed will speak to him. (Guys usu have more affinity towards numbers)
my 2 cts worth. hope it works. -
actually ahh , you get too technical it might backfire.. it might been seen as an attempt to control himOriginally posted by voidage:hi there.
i usually do not participate in forums but this post got me involved emotionally so i will just add my 2 cts worth.
these are my ideas to stimulate him to wake up and smell the roses. it may or may not work (depending on his personality) but it may be worth a try.
find a chance to talk to him about serious things. about both of ur future.
ask him whether he want to retire early or work as long as possible. (best answer from him is to retire early) ask him if he has made any retirement plans for both of you so that you can enjoy life together and do the things both of you.
once this stage is set, the numbers will do the convincing. if you are not gd with numbers, ask a friend or a trusted financial planner to crunch the numbers for u.
an example will be :
he wants to retire at 50. expected to live to 80. wants to have ard S$1,000 per month of todays dollar every month when he retires.
to make calculations simple, lets say his savings returns match inflation rate.
S$1,000 x 30 yrs x 12 months/yr = S$360,000.
assuming he is 30 now, he has 20 more years to save this amt. This translates to S$1,500 per month for savings.
This point, you can gently ask him if he can do this one favor for you?
He will ask what is it
Ask him can he save for both of your future and your retirement.
Hopefully the numbers portrayed will speak to him. (Guys usu have more affinity towards numbers)
my 2 cts worth. hope it works.
sure wan
btw you are veri free ahhh
can work out all the calculation!!
salute -
Make him commit to buying a house/ flat- then he will be more careful when spending.
At least with a prop. he has an asset when he is old.
Also if he can't save, then u have to do it.
Let him pay for everything.
If he buys you expensive presents, make sure he buys gold Rolex, Patik Philippe watches which will appreciate in value, don't buy diamonds. -
want to check something with you.Originally posted by galfriend:Good idea. Men love flattery too.
You said his parents died
Is he living with his sister in his house?
Where does he lives now? -
in the flat his parents left behind. no, he is not staying with his sister. why?Originally posted by zeny:want to check something with you.
You said his parents died
Is he living with his sister in his house?
Where does he lives now? -
it need not be very technical. just simple multiplication and division thats all. i have deliberately left out inflation, rate of returns, etc that will needlessly complicate calculations. if u wan more detailed calculations u can consult ur friendly neighbourhood financial advisor.Originally posted by Space1999:actually ahh , you get too technical it might backfire.. it might been seen as an attempt to control him
sure wan
btw you are veri free ahhh
can work out all the calculation!!
salute
i dun think its an attempt to control. rather its an attempt to plan for the future. just like how our beloved govt plans for the future and decides to rise GST 2% points higher to save for our future.
well it may or may not work. maybe worth a try? sharing a common future goal may redirect his energies to more fruitful pursuits perhaps? -
so is he staying in his flat alone?Originally posted by galfriend:in the flat his parents left behind. no, he is not staying with his sister. why?
If yes why is he still looking for another flat...
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no, he is staying with his brother who is also single. hmmm... whats the relevance of these questions?Originally posted by zeny:so is he staying in his flat alone?
If yes why is he still looking for another flat... -
1) If his brother marries and moves out, who will be left staying in the house?Originally posted by galfriend:no, he is staying with his brother who is also single. hmmm... whats the relevance of these questions?
I think he is holding the house cos his brother may not be able to maintain it by himself.
whose name is the house under now? -
hmmm... his bro is not getting married, cos he doesnt even have a gf. he is moving out next year. actually i see no relevance with these questions ler...Originally posted by zeny:1) If his brother marries and moves out, who will be left staying in the house?
I think he is holding the house cos his brother may not be able to maintain it by himself.
whose name is the house under now? -
After both are you are married, will you be staying in his house?Originally posted by galfriend:hmmm... his bro is not getting married, cos he doesnt even have a gf. he is moving out next year. actually i see no relevance with these questions ler...
If the house is his and is fully paid up you have less one thing to worry about.
So that means he only got to pay for the wedding rite.
Just want to find out the main reason why is he so carefree with his money. -
I still think asking him for money for something and then secretly saving for him is a rather good idea. Instead of other people taking advantage of his generosity, why not you, in a good way? Perhaps u can also get him to embark on a savings plan which he is forced to put aside some money per month. This way he will have less available money to be that "generous", and yet have enough money in the future.
Open another joint acct only much later.
As for "rewarding" him... might work at the spur of the moment, but will most likely be forgotten later.
Just my 2 cents, for I'm the stingier type of guy who only splurges on my gf. -
he sound rich to me doh even though u mention that he is not that rich
but anyway he should not misuse his money like this
but anyway he sound rich enough to do that -
Oic. No, we will not be staying there. But housing should not be a problem too.Originally posted by zeny:After both are you are married, will you be staying in his house?
If the house is his and is fully paid up you have less one thing to worry about.
So that means he only got to pay for the wedding rite.
Just want to find out the main reason why is he so carefree with his money. -
if his name is in the house means that he no longer can apply for 1st timer flatOriginally posted by galfriend:Oic. No, we will not be staying there. But housing should not be a problem too.
and you got to buy 2nd hand ones. -
Actually dont assume he has less money he will be less generous
Attitude towards money comes from a value system
it is how he sees money in relation to other things in his life
he feels he does not need to calculate 'small amount' because in return from these people, he may feel he gets what more money can offer
Also perhaps when u not around, his friends too are not that calculative about money?
However, I do feel that if value system and attitude towards money is too different between a couple, this will become a very big issue because money has a lot to do with our daily lives. It is not HOW much you've got, and how it is used that will make the difference.
If both cannot compromise how money should be used, I think you should consider deeply about a long term relationship. Because in times of need, if both cannot understand each other priorities, they cannot stand by each other. -
Originally posted by eagle:
Isn't this equivalent to "taking advantage" and also lying to him at the same time?
[b]I still think asking him for money for something and then secretly saving for him is a rather good idea. Instead of other people taking advantage of his generosity, why not you, in a good way?
b]
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Actually it depends on whether TS views this relationship as long term. If it is seen as lying, perhaps they can start a bank acct, in which TS can demand a certain sum of money to be put in it every month. There should be an agreement that this money should not be touched. It wouldn't be lying then.Originally posted by rainee:Isn't this equivalent to "taking advantage" and also lying to him at the same time? -
Yea, it depends on whether the bf is okie with creating the bank account or not. Some guys wouldn't like it at all.Originally posted by eagle:Actually it depends on whether TS views this relationship as long term. If it is seen as lying, perhaps they can start a bank acct, in which TS can demand a certain sum of money to be put in it every month. There should be an agreement that this money should not be touched. It wouldn't be lying then.
But it would be better if the guy can save on his own rather than being forced by the gf. It should be him saving with the thought that "I want to save because I want a good future for me and this woman whom I love. Not because she wants me to, it is because I want to."
There is a difference
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Its a good idea but then again TS will have to think of different reasons each time she wants to ask for money from her b/f and that is not going to be something easy. She has also mention that she prefers not to spend her b/f's money so her sudden change of attitude might back fired on their relationship.Originally posted by eagle:I still think asking him for money for something and then secretly saving for him is a rather good idea. Instead of other people taking advantage of his generosity, why not you, in a good way? Perhaps u can also get him to embark on a savings plan which he is forced to put aside some money per month. This way he will have less available money to be that "generous", and yet have enough money in the future.
Open another joint acct only much later.
As for "rewarding" him... might work at the spur of the moment, but will most likely be forgotten later.
Just my 2 cents, for I'm the stingier type of guy who only splurges on my gf.
It may even be worst if her b/f finds out the truth. It'll be better if she is able to convience him to start saving on his own rather than lying to him. -
lol... actually, at the age of early 30s, this type of conversation is not technical at all or rather it is called a mature approach...Originally posted by Space1999:actually ahh , you get too technical it might backfire.. it might been seen as an attempt to control him
Every1 have their strenght and weakness. It is always good for their life companion to help them in their weakness - that is to control him or her weakness... Of coz, u have to do it with BALANCE or diplomatically... U cant over do it or dont do anything at all...
There is a saying " There is always a good wife behind any successful guy"
Well, the above is not true if u tell me that u have a PERFECT BF or PERFECT HUSBAND... Then, I have nothing to say... ><
As what other forum mates say, get him to buy investment... to have a liability... It is true that his attitude wont change even his pay reduce but however, he wont be extreme generous if he has many liability.
U cant change a person's character but u can always help to make his character into a strenght...
Whether it will cause a strain in relationship or have a more healthy relationship, it depends on how much understand him, how diplomatic u r and blah blah...