Good Parenting Skills-Eastern/Western
-
Quoting myself, I am sorry I did not know which reliable source I got the above "fact" from. But to me, the distress on a child's face is good enough. Well maybe, that is open to interpretation.Originally posted by ordinaryguy32:Permit me to be guilty of irrelevance again, but the lockup thing you have suggested is very extreme, and sometimes a child only wants attention. Throwing him into a dark room and letting him cry till he stops is very traumatic, and should be used very sparingly. -
Agreed. Love, time, patience and extended family support all plays a part.Originally posted by ordinaryguy32:Maybe I am the guilty party of going into specifics on the correct ways on parenting, eg. starting the argument about how to discipline a child when he/she has misbehaved in public.
Andrew,
I share your opinion on the need for expert opinion, and I think every parent should pick up a book and learn about parenting.
But seeking expert opinion on something is only a means to an end, and not the end itself.
What I find very disturbing is that people trust their own beliefs and delusions rather than experts.
That was only an example but since you brought up your example and I brought up mine I guess we need closure on that.Originally posted by ordinaryguy32:Well, perhaps discussing about how to do parenting well in this thread is not relevant, and we should all talk about the importance of seeking help from reliable sources.
Permit me to be guilty of irrelevance again, but the lockup thing you have suggested is very extreme, and sometimes a child only wants attention. Throwing him into a dark room and letting him cry till he stops is very traumatic, and should be used very sparingly.
But having said that, maybe that is totally irrelevant in this thread.
I tell you that it works! I am not talking about "alone in a dark room"....
I am talking about you and the child alone, away from the eyes giving the child the attention s/he seeks. The next time, the child is making a nuisance, all you need to do is say: "You want to be locked up?" and immediately the nonsense stops.
Of course you do not do it so often until it becomes "commonplace". Pick your fights. You are the parent and if the child sees that you are reasonable and allows it to "play and fool around" and threatens "You want to be locked up?" when you are serious, the child will fall in line. -
I agree with you.... it seems the thread when OOT from post 1.Originally posted by ordinaryguy32:Well, perhaps discussing about how to do parenting well in this thread is not relevant, and we should all talk about the importance of seeking help from reliable sources.
If the intention for the TS to make this post is to council parents to seek professional help, he should just say so instead of asking those questions. Sure some links were given, but the questions really took precedence over the links.
Careful here.... apparently this is the view of some experts, who I believe, according the TS, knows better than us. Perhaps TS is speaking through his experience, let's not discount that.Originally posted by ordinaryguy32:Permit me to be guilty of irrelevance again, but the lockup thing you have suggested is very extreme, and sometimes a child only wants attention. Throwing him into a dark room and letting him cry till he stops is very traumatic, and should be used very sparingly.
.... but I believe locking a child in a dark room and letting him cry can be seen as child abuse in some places, and yes, I agree, this really very traumatising and may give rise for further psychological issues. -
Hi all,
I think we have some misunderstanding here....
The importance of seeking expert advice on parenting cannot be discounted, but in the process of learning, sometimes one has to trust one's own judgement, and in the process, if we make mistakes, we humbly learn from them..
I think each one of us has different experiences... very much like blind men touching the elephant, but of course we are not blind ignorant men at all.
What we need sometimes is to integrate our experiences into our belief system, and if possible, do so for other people's experiences. Only then, can the wisest "blind" man piece together the complete picture of an elephant. -
just my mere stare will turn the child's blood cold....Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:Of course you do not do it so often until it becomes "commonplace". Pick your fights. You are the parent and if the child sees that you are reasonable and allows it to "play and fool around" and threatens "You want to be locked up?" when you are serious, the child will fall in line.
no need theatrics like dark room lah... -
eerrr....??? love, time, patience and extended family support were advice from "experts" or you know that already?Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:Agreed. Love, time, patience and extended family support all plays a part.
What I find very disturbing is that people trust their own beliefs and delusions rather than experts.
eerrrr.... you need "expert opinions" to tell you to "love your child" hah?
quite methodical hor??? -
Why? I had shown you how lacking you are intellectually in the other thread, not enough ah?Originally posted by Chin Eng:don't know..... yardstick for what? stir coffee hah?
simple thing like:
Measure what????Originally posted by Chin Eng:they are all intertwined.....
to talk about the yardstick of bringing up children, you need to know define the purpose of bringing children, otherwise, measure what?
Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:
What is the yardstick that you use to measure what you think is the correct way to bring up children?
"to measure what you think is the correct way " you cannot understand and you think people are talking about stirring coffee? -
Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:
so what is "you think is the correct way"? the operative terms here are "you think" therefore, there must be a PURPOSE in bringing up children.... yet you question WHY we need to discuss it.... tsk tsk....
"to measure [b]what you think is the correct way " you cannot understand and you think people are talking about stirring coffee? [/b]
so, without the PURPOSE, your yardstick is to stir coffee loh.... -
Yes, I am simply, in starting this thread urging people to at the very least consider expert advice and not simply think that they in themselves "know it all" and that their own beliefs and delusions in their heads are valid.Originally posted by ordinaryguy32:Hi all,
I think we have some misunderstanding here....
The importance of seeking expert advice on parenting cannot be discounted, but in the process of learning, sometimes one has to trust one's own judgement, and in the process, if we make mistakes, we humbly learn from them..
I think each one of us has different experiences... very much like blind men touching the elephant, but of course we are not blind ignorant men at all.
What we need sometimes is to integrate our experiences into our belief system, and if possible, do so for other people's experiences. Only then, can the wisest "blind" man piece together the complete picture of an elephant.
Many people do not accept that they have delusions in their heads, obviously.
When you consider expert advice, obviously you have to apply it to your own situation for the experts can only give you guidelines instead of detailed explanations to suit every situation you will ever come across.
Nevertheless, the fact that you read and consider the expert advice would in itself help you in your parenting. The very act of thinking and considering the issues would help clarify in your own mind what you should do as a parent if you want to bring up children properly according to good advice and not according to your beliefs and delusions. -
You have to measure "what you think" against what the expert advice is. What in the world has that to do with "PURPOSE?" Only in a delusional mind would "purpose" and stirring coffee have anything to do with it.Originally posted by Chin Eng:so what is "you think is the correct way"? the operative terms here are "you think" therefore, there must be a PURPOSE in bringing up children.... yet you question WHY we need to discuss it.... tsk tsk....
so, without the PURPOSE, your yardstick is to stir coffee loh.... -
...because "what you think" becomes the purpose, like it or not.Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:You have to measure "what you think" against what the expert advice is. What in the world has that to do with "PURPOSE?" -
Reading books from experts on how to bring up your child is good but I feel that the parents should first understand their children in order for it to work as every child is different and so by understanding the child then they will know which methods are best in helping them. Some requires a soft touch while others will need the "locking the child up" method.
-
Agreed... reading what the experts say is the starting point... for you to seriously consider the best way to bring up your children. If as parents you do not even want to learn what the experts say and cling on to your own beliefs and delusions, that is very alarming...Originally posted by MiX Metal:Reading books from experts on how to bring up your child is good but I feel that the parents should first understand their children in order for it to work as every child is different and so by understanding the child then they will know which methods are best in helping them. Some requires a soft touch while others will need the "locking the child up" method. -
Andrew
You've brought up valid and useful points.
What I don't understand is your resistance to other people contributing and sharing their opinions. Most times they're not refuting your statements, merely just adding and extrapolating from there. This process is called a discussion. There's no need to go on the attack. At the end of it all nobody needs to change anybody's minds about anything, it's just a sharing of ideas. -
touche!Originally posted by choco B:Andrew
You've brought up valid and useful points.
What I don't understand is your resistance to other people contributing and sharing their opinions. Most times they're not refuting your statements, merely just adding and extrapolating from there. This process is called a discussion. There's no need to go on the attack. At the end of it all nobody needs to change anybody's minds about anything, it's just a sharing of ideas.
this is exactly what's happening all along. I have never doubted mr yap's intellectually capability. the only problem with andrew is that he is unable to accept (note the word is ACCEPT not AGREE) other people's point of view. to compound the issue, he will end up using words like delusional, merely because another person takes another viewpoint (not even necessarily going against Andrew's point of view) AND he starts stuffing words into other people's mouth. -
again quite confused leh....Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:Agreed... reading what the experts say is the starting point... for you to seriously consider the best way to bring up your children. If as parents you do not even want to learn what the experts say and cling on to your own beliefs and delusions, that is very alarming...
I don't believe anyone (even the delusional ones) here has said that they will not read what the experts said. If have, please show....
For me, I only said that the problem lies with people who read experts and use the techiques WHOLESALE. I think it is quite conclusive that, in the last few posts, the general consensus is that while expert opinions are good, there is a large degree of adaptation and consideration. -
.... still quite confused hor....
the topic is: Good Parenting Skills - Eastern/Western.... so are we still talking about good parenting skills between the east and the west hah?
or...
is the working title wrong hah?
andrew, you cannot delete this thread hor... not like "crap utopia" the last time hor....
or are we talking about the need to refer to experts as a starting point hah?
because your opening post not very clear hor....
-
I am here to remind all of you to stop writing any post with offence...
Now, let carry on with the Topic.
You may agree or disagree...
if you DISAGREE, make sure you post DOES NOT contain any offencing item. -
This is a good example of extrapolating:Originally posted by choco B:Andrew
You've brought up valid and useful points.
What I don't understand is your resistance to other people contributing and sharing their opinions. Most times they're not refuting your statements, merely just adding and extrapolating from there. This process is called a discussion. There's no need to go on the attack. At the end of it all nobody needs to change anybody's minds about anything, it's just a sharing of ideas.
and my replay to him was:Originally posted by MiX Metal:Reading books from experts on how to bring up your child is good but I feel that the parents should first understand their children in order for it to work as every child is different and so by understanding the child then they will know which methods are best in helping them. Some requires a soft touch while others will need the "locking the child up" method.
When people start putting the experts down... I don't think that is acceptable... and yes I have to attack their POV. What are they suggesting? That people should not refer to expert advice? Then what? People should based their parenting on people's own beliefs and delusions in their own heads?Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:Agreed... reading what the experts say is the starting point... for you to seriously consider the best way to bring up your children. If as parents you do not even want to learn what the experts say and cling on to your own beliefs and delusions, that is very alarming... -
can you give an example of an instance where expert opinions were put down?Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:When people start putting the experts down... I don't think that is acceptable... and yes I have to attack their POV. What are they suggesting? That people should not refer to expert advice? Then what? People should based their parenting on people's own beliefs and delusions in their own heads?
can you give an example where someone said that expert advice should not be referred to?
it is not that difficult to quote, assuming there is one,
if you cannot point that out, then we can safely declare who is really delusional. -
Originally posted by popikachu:I am here to remind all of you to stop writing any post with offence...
Now, let carry on with the Topic.
You may agree or disagree...
if you DISAGREE, make sure you post DOES NOT contain any offencing item.
And Blame others for their own immaturityOriginally posted by Chin Eng:if you must know, that is his standard operational procedure.... use to it already.
hopefully the response can fit into his own mindset, otherwise..... kapooov! but, as I'd said, use to it already.
and calling other people's children "s-hole children"Originally posted by Chin Eng:everything to you is flame bait hor.....
you should have posted your reason from post 1. would have save lots of "flame baits"
Why do people that behave in an immature manner, unable to control their own emotions even when they are no longer teenagers... think that they can give other people good advice? It should be physician heal thyself.Originally posted by Chin Eng: I said "s-hole children" I didn't claim to be god, you did. short memory span hor....[/quote][quote]Originally posted by Chin Eng:don't know..... yardstick for what? stir coffee hah? -
hey mod... wouldn't you say that calling someone delusional is offensive?Originally posted by popikachu:I am here to remind all of you to stop writing any post with offence...
Now, let carry on with the Topic.
You may agree or disagree...
if you DISAGREE, make sure you post DOES NOT contain any offencing item. -
If you did not do it. why are you suffering from a guilty conscience? Did I put in your name? To quote you: "we can safely declare who is really delusional"?Originally posted by Chin Eng:can you give an example of an instance where expert opinions were put down?
can you give an example where someone said that expert advice should not be referred to?
it is not that difficult to quote, assuming there is one,
if you cannot point that out, then we can safely declare who is really delusional. -
hey I did not say you put my name. you engrish so bad hah?Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:If you did not do it. why are you suffering from a guilty conscience? Did I put in your name? To quote you: "we can safely declare who is really delusional"?
I asked you to show the examples that you'd claimed: that expert opinions were put down - SIMPLE ENGLISH - SUBSTANTIATE YOU CLAIMS
can't even do that right? -
Andrew, Chin Eng.
I guess you guys should stop replying to each other...
This is the last warning or the thread will be close.
And again, if someone were to post something again, DUN REPLY ANYTHING THAT MAY SEEM OFFENCING.
I don't wish to close thread.
Thread are for discussing, not qurreling...