Good Parenting Skills-Eastern/Western
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Summary:Originally posted by ShrodingersCat:parents should ... constantly learn and improve. [quote]Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:
parents might have no idea what works and what does not. They might run out of ideas as to what they should do. That is why it is so important to learn from the experts and get some tips from them.
What "bad" behavior can parents expect from their children? How to prevent them?
That is where learning from the experts come in handy. Some people had spent time and effort to think through all the issues, and might as well learn from them instead of acting based on your own "beliefs and delusions" or running out of ideas altogether.Originally posted by ShrodingersCat:I wish to emphasize that EXECUTION of techniques is far more complex than simply understanding the theory....Originally posted by MiX Metal:I think you misunderstood me. What I meant to say is that Learning from experts is a good thing, but as there are alot of different techniques given and every technique works differently on each child as what I've said in my previous post that some requires a soft touch and others the "locking up method" that you've mention.
Therefore I feel that after reading books from experts, parents should also make the effort to understand their child so that they'll not use the wrong technique on their child.
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ok I don't understand....Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:If you don't understand and don't get it, just say "I don't understand and I don't get it"
No one has no problems understanding that this thread is about "parenting skills and techniques" except you... or are you trying to sound smart (immature), taking revenge for your disgrace in the other threads (immature), or trying to put me down to make yourself look smart (immature) by focus on the Topic Title instead of the topic itself.
Learn to read the title and the opening post instead of picking up a line out of context and start attacking others. That is really immature behavior.
I don't understand why the topic and the content are different.
disgrace....? where.... i didn't get myself removed (sack?) from another forum.... but ok lah, disgrace, disgrace.... no problem with me.
topic title should be a summary of the content, every kid knows that.... but yeah I know lah, you are of a much higher level, so topic title and content different never mind lah.
I read the title leh.... it says GOOD PARENTING SKILLS - EASTERN/WESTERN.
I also read first thread leh.... 10+ questions with some links, but nothing in there talks about "CONTROVERSY" or the need to refer to experts leh....
if there is, please share. -
so..... which experts did you parents learn from hah?Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:Just to clarify... if parents do not learn from the experts and depend on their own beliefs... that would more likely do more damage.
and which experts did you grandparents learn from hah?
if they had help from experts, please share with us who.....
if you are not able to share, then can we conclude that your parents did not learn from experts, thereby meaning they used their own methods and beliefs, thus they are also delusional?
I apologise for the conclusions, but they are drawn from your theories.
....hmm... i'd just noticed that in all your demands for people to prove their claims, you have done none... proving your claims, I mean.
...ps... if you are not happy with my post, you can edit lah....
oops, i forgot, you can't edit anymore. -
so.... andrew.... how many children do you have? and which experts are you following now....
sincere questions. -
and that makes you so happy?Originally posted by Chin Eng:disgrace....? where.... [b]i didn't get myself removed (sack?) from another forum.... but ok lah, disgrace, disgrace.... no problem with me. hahahaha I think that it is an honor to be removed (sack?) from another crapbox utopia...[/b][/quote]oooh crapbox utopia .... ooh such a disgrace... [quote]Originally posted by Chin Eng:
isn't it.... one day you're mod one day you're not. Immature. -
isn't it....Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:oooh crapbox utopia .... ooh such a disgrace... one day you're mod one day you're not. -
so what are you saying here? "Don't learn from experts"?Originally posted by Chin Eng:so..... which experts did you parents learn from hah?
and which experts did you grandparents learn from hah?
if they had help from experts, please share with us who.....
if you are not able to share, then can we conclude that your parents did not learn from experts, thereby meaning they used their own methods and beliefs, thus they are also delusional?
I apologise for the conclusions, but they are drawn from your theories.
....hmm... i'd just noticed that in all your demands for people to prove their claims, you have done none... proving your claims, I mean.
...ps... if you are not happy with my post, you can edit lah....
oops, i forgot, you can't edit anymore.
"Your grandparents did not go to school, so don't go to school"
"Your grandparents died in hospital, so don't go to hospital when you are sick" Illogical/irrational to the extreme.
Note: I am attacking your POV because I disagree strongly that people should not seek help/advice and learn from the experts. -
aiyah.... who said that people SHOULD NOT SEEK help?.... go round and round on the same thing. Very simple: if somebody said it, please quote the person lah. wah lau!Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:so what are you saying here? "Don't learn from experts"?
"Your grandparents did not go to school, so don't go to school"
"Your grandparents died in hospital, so don't go to hospital when you are sick" Illogical/irrational to the extreme.
Note: I am attacking your POV because I disagree strongly that people should not seek help/advice and learn from the experts.
again, I ask (yet you did not answer):
is school the only place you can learn?
is hospital the only place you can die?
.... so you parents and grandparents did not learn from experts... of course it doesn't mean YOU or I SHOULD NOT LEARN FROM EXPERTS. However if your parents and grandparents DID NOT learn from experts, does it mean that they learned from their experiences and beliefs, that being the case, they are delusional???? -
How would they or we know whether or not they are delusional? ... according to your beliefs and delusions in your own head?Originally posted by Chin Eng:.... so you parents and grandparents did not learn from experts... of course it doesn't mean YOU or I SHOULD NOT LEARN FROM EXPERTS. However if your parents and grandparents DID NOT learn from experts, does it mean that they learned from their experiences and beliefs, that being the case, they are delusional???? -
simple assumption based on your thoeries:Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:How would they or we know whether or not they are delusional? ... according to your beliefs and delusions in your own head?
1. Parents must seek expert opinions.
2. Parents must not assume that their own beliefs are correct.
3. Parents not seeking expert opinions and rely on their own beliefs are delusional.
4. Therefore your parents and grandparents, assuming that they do not have expert opinions ARE delusional.
5. If they seeked expert opinions, what are they?
Just trying to establish a baseline as to what "experts" are? -
Originally posted by Chin Eng:3. Parents not seeking expert opinions and rely on their own beliefs are delusional. Go back to primary school and learn comprehension bah...
1st,Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:
and now this...
"yardstick ... to measure ... the correct way to [b]bring up children?
is taking about the PURPOSE of bringing up children? [/b] -
er, ok....
so what kind of damage did you parents do to you, seeing that you cannot substantiate any evidence that your were brought up with advice from experts.....Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:Just to clarify... if parents do not learn from the experts and depend on their own beliefs... that would more likely do more damage. -
1st,Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:"yardstick ... to measure ... the correct way to [b]bring up children? is taking about the PURPOSE of bringing up children? [/b][/quote]
and now this... [quote]Originally posted by Chin Eng:
3. Parents not seeking expert opinions and rely on their own beliefs are delusional. and then this:
Do you even understand the phrase "likely do more damage"? Go back to primary school and learn comprehension bah...Originally posted by Chin Eng:er, ok....
Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:
"Just to clarify... if parents do not learn from the experts and depend on their own beliefs... that would more likely do more damage."
so what kind of damage did you parents do to you, seeing that you cannot substantiate any evidence that your were brought up with advice from experts.....
Sure, there is no problem with your comprehension skills... they are perfect... and the problem lies with my composition skills, please carry on with the delusions in your head.Originally posted by Chin Eng: 10 July 2007 · 08:27 AMcan we be in the same class?
I learn comprehension and you learn composition
You?Originally posted by Chin Eng: 10 July 2007 · 10:58 AM (page 5)I think everyone is saying the same thing.... except for, perhaps one individual... -
can we be in the same class?
I learn comprehension and you learn composition -
Lazy to read through, but I love my parents... Sure there are flaws... People make mistakes here and there often, especially when it comes to their eldest child (me). It will then be my responsibility to remind my parents of certain mistakes sometimes when they plan paths for my younger siblings.Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:Do you think that there are differences between Eastern and Western Parenting techniques?
Do you think that there are Good/Better and Bad/Worse Parenting techniques?
Is Parenting a Skill (that you can develop and get better at) or Instinct (everyong is naturally good at it)?
Do you think that just because the Parent/s wants the best for the child, they naturally knows what to do, how to bring up the child?
Do you think that people sub-consciously learn their Parenting techniques from their Parents and that most people do not make the effort to learn what is considered good Parenting skills / techniques?
How do you rate your parents' parenting skills and will you be better at it yourself?
Do you wish you have better parents? Do you wish you will be a better parent?
I believe Parenting techniques are mostly learnt from parents, but it's not really right to say that most people do not make the effort to learn what is better for their child. To me, what is good for a child may not be good for another child. There's no right or wrong sometimes.
Regarding differences in Eastern and Western parenting techniques:
There are bound to be differences and similarities. However, what do you mean by techniques? The input of beliefs? The education? The focus on childhood fun? etc?
Lastly.... Why in AA ah? -
Lastly, because we have so many "my parents are unbearable" topics... and hopefully this thread will encourage parents to improve themselves.Originally posted by eagle:Lazy to read through, but I love my parents... Sure there are flaws... People make mistakes here and there often, especially when it comes to their eldest child (me). It will then be my responsibility to remind my parents of certain mistakes sometimes when they plan paths for my younger siblings.
I believe Parenting techniques are mostly learnt from parents, but it's not really right to say that most people do not make the effort to learn what is better for their child. To me, what is good for a child may not be good for another child. There's no right or wrong sometimes.
Regarding differences in Eastern and Western parenting techniques:
There are bound to be differences and similarities. However, what do you mean by techniques? The input of beliefs? The education? The focus on childhood fun? etc?
Lastly.... Why in AA ah?
The issue is this, "Many parents have their own "beliefs and delusions" about how they should bring up their children. Just like many students have many "beliefs and delusions" about how to study or score in exams.
So if people take the attitude: "There's no right or wrong sometimes." does that mean that people do not bother to learn parenting skills?
If you agree that people should learn parenting skills, where should you acquire that knowledge? From the recognized experts of course.
Many times, what the experts recommend are in accordance with your own beliefs and sometimes not. Sometimes, the experts bring in suggestions and ideas that the parent did not even think to consider.
So all in all, it is better that parents read and learn as much as possible instead of simply going with their own "beliefs and delusions".
To keep you up to date with the discussion, some people warn that learning theory is not the same as being skillful in parenting. This does not remove the need to learn from the experts and to learn as much as you can or as the cat stated:Originally posted by ShrodingersCat:I really don't know which lines of my post are even suggestive of advising parents not pick up good parenting techniques.
To clarify my post - I wish to emphasize that EXECUTION of techniques is far more complex than simply understanding the theory.
Regardless of difficulty, parents should not 'copy' techniques from experts WHOLESALE without first understanding themselves, their children and their environment.
Inconsistent execution of parenting techniques can result in confusion for the child and may cause more damage than parents who know NO expert theory and only possess a big dose of common sense and love.
It is not to undermine expert opinions on childhood education, or to suggest that parents should not constantly learn and improve. -
This part though, I am rather skeptical...Originally posted by ShrodingersCat:Inconsistent execution of parenting techniques can result in confusion for the child and may cause more damage than parents who know NO expert theory and only possess a big dose of common sense and love.
Can a parent that sincerely read and learn as much as they can from the experts do more harm than good as compared to one that "knows NO expert theory"?
Strangely he then contradicts himself when he says:
So is he advocating that people learn from the experts or not? That people learn from the experts or go with "a big dose of common sense and love"?Originally posted by ShrodingersCat:It is not to undermine expert opinions on childhood education, or to suggest that parents should not constantly learn and improve.
Or is he suggesting to "learn from the experts but make sure you learn the lessons well or else don't learn"? What? Learn or don't learn? -
I think that experts are over-rated at times. Sure, experts do bring in suggestions and ideas that the parent did not even think to consider. However, it's still important to consider whether these suggestions or ideas are necessary at times.
So if people take the attitude: "There's no right or wrong sometimes." does that mean that people do not bother to learn parenting skills?
There's no right or wrong, does not mean that people do not bother to learn. It will simply mean that people should proceed with this mentality as they go about finding more information. Each person has their own judgement on what's right or wrong.
So all in all, it is better that parents read and learn as much as possible instead of simply going with their own "beliefs and delusions".
In actual fact, it is common sense that it is better for parents to read and learn as much as possible. This is true, irregardless of what topic you are learning at the moment (parenting is a topic, I guess). The question is, as you have mentioned, where should parents acquire their knowledge. From the recognized experts? Probably... But how about from the old too? From those who had past experience on raising children? Is it in our society to place such great emphasis on experts opinions, to forgo the lessons and experiences passed down through the generations?
Just a passing thought:
Suppose expert advice do help. If parents were to wholeheartedly listen and follow experts' advice, what would this society become? A society that is so focussed on perfection that parents have to be taught the correct way to raise their baby? A society that has become a factory outlet because each baby are being raised by Standard Measures?
A question to ponder:
Why would parents want to parent their child in the first place? For love? For responsibility? For their (the parents) own future? Or?
Sidetrack:
I'm sleepy -
I think you misunderstood me. What I meant to say is that Learning from experts is a good thing, but as there are alot of different techniques given and every technique works differently on each child as what I've said in my previous post that some requires a soft touch and others the "locking up method" that you've mention.Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:This sentence again give the impression that "learning from the experts and their techniques" can lead to "confused the child or worst caused emotional damage"...[/b]
J
ust to clarify... if parents do not learn from the experts and depend on their own beliefs... that would more likely do more damage.
The very act, like I said earlier on, from learning and reading what experts say would make the parent a better parent. It shows that they care, at the very least, to try to learn from the best.
Therefore I feel that after reading books from experts, parents should also make the effort to understand their child so that they'll not use the wrong technique on their child. -
I think this is an excellent point, one which can never be overstated.Originally posted by MiX Metal:
I think you misunderstood me. What I meant to say is that Learning from experts is a good thing, but as there are alot of different techniques given and every technique works differently on each child as what I've said in my previous post that some requires a soft touch and others the "locking up method" that you've mention.Therefore I feel that after reading books from experts, parents should also make the effort to understand their child so that they'll not use the wrong technique on their child. -
I think everyone is saying the same thing.... except for, perhaps one individual...Originally posted by ordinaryguy32:I think this is an excellent point, one which can never be overstated. -
Learning from the experts does not mean that you give up "common sense". What it means is that, you might rather not trust your common sense or modify your common sense if your common sense conflicts with the recommendation of the experts.
ditto "parenting advice from the old"
ditto "Love"
What is love? If what you think is the "loving thing to do" and that harms the child according to the experts, will you still go with "love"? Will you not modify your "loving"?
Like the "lock up the child together with you" "to deprive the child of the attention it seeks" recommendation by the experts... sure, it is distressing for the child... but is letting the child suffer some distress, "loving" or not letting the child suffer any distress "loving"?
If the child is suffering from pain or sickness and making a nuisance of itself, should you similarly lock up the child? Should the parent "slap" the child for making a nuisance of itself because of pain or sickness?
The technique "lock up the child to deprive it of the attention it seeks" is a technique that parents can now consider because they "have knowledge of it".
The parent can then use it when the child starts making a nuisance of itself screaming and shouting in the department store because the parent refused to buy it the toy it wants. The parent can scream back at the child or try to talk to the child "nicely" and if the child refuse to stop making a nuisance of himself, the parent now has another "method" up his sleeve.
If the parent never heard of this "technique" how can the parent know that he can "to lock the child up in the toilet cubicle together with the child"?
The knowledge empowers the parent. Parents, get the knowledge. -
I don't know about kids or parenting. But I know what is good and bad behaviour from kids and parents. I've not seen good behaviour from Local Parents and Kids. So a sweeping statement is that, local parenting skills really suck. I have my fair share of BIL kids in my house. When they run amok and throw all sorts of tantrums, destroy property, etc. The 2 parents seeing them acting out negative behaviour did not correct them, did not speak up and instead expect us, the host to correct and teach their kids. Their kids are in my place 7 days a week. You think I want to correct someone's kids? I cannot care less besides, I do not know if there are any thing that the parents do not like me to teach and then cause more conflict because of them. They are not my kids - so they should not be my problem.
I see so many ill behaved teens and kids all over the place. Seriously, I can only blame the parents for their bad parenting to bring up such a ill mannered generation. -
what are experts?
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