my boyfriend and me
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What happens when she don't stop ?Originally posted by allentyb:i will not change the subject, i will just listen to what she has to say, till she keep quiet, then proceed with my own stuff, the last thing, i want to do is, tell her my problems, usually, she will be pre occiped with her own thoughts
Like whine and complain about different people for the whole night ?
And every night.. wouldn't you get sick of it eventually ? -
which is why, i said earlier on, shut off the mind, just listen to her whining, otherwise, emotion will get in the way, and you will start to quarrel with her, she doesn't need advice, she just needs a listening ear, thats all, give her a hug, and tell her, i will be here for you, and i will be on your side no matters what, just be agreeable with a smile, it is that simpleOriginally posted by jojobeach:What happens when she don't stop ?
Like whine and complain about different people for the whole night ?
And every night.. wouldn't you get sick of it eventually ?
will i get sick and tired of it, nope, because i already shut off my mind, if she reach my limit, i will tell her straight away in her face, i am tired today, just go to sleep, and everything will be fine... the last thing i ever want to do, is give advice, and prolong the conversation
i rather she sulks and whine, instead of telling her to stop whining about it, and it will leads to a quarrel. it all depends on how you handle the situation,
for goodness, i read alot of books about, men are from mars, women are from venus. Like i said before, finding a man to take care of you, looking for a guy to fall in love with
man =/= guy -
now i choose to be a uncaring jerk, than to be a considerate guy, because it is better for me, this way, at least i don't need to hear another person, whining and complaining, i don't mind another girl to whine to me, but i mind a girlfriend whine to me all the time,
to be honest, her problem can be easily solved, and i don't understand how could this small problem could cause her so much agony, i have a female online friend, who is suffering from depression and on medication all the time, and she attempt suicidem till now she is struggling with day to day life, compare this problem with hers, this is really nothing
after all, most of thing, woman whine or complain, they just need a listening ear, they already knew what they need to do, after all, woman are smarter than man, i don't understand, why people can't shut their mind, while listening to whining or complaining, it will makes thing alot easier,
how about i put it in a simple way for you to understand, it is easy to show sympathy to others, but it is hard to show empathy to the person, half of the time, can you really understand what the person is feeling, or feel what is the person is feeling, right now, i really had to waste my time, on such a simple problem, which is why, i ask about, how old is TS and her boyfriend, if they can't communicate with one another, then what is the point of being together, is it because the woman is already got used to one another, and she is in the comfort zone?
to be honest, i don't give a damn to her, and i don't need to show any sympathy to her also, as this is just a common problem in any relationship, how long, has she and boyfriend been together, 1 year? for goodness sake, this is just another whining thread, she probably knows what she needs to do, just that, maybe she need a push in the back to do the right thing.
And what is the right thing? have a conversation with her boyfriend, tell him that she has her own needs as well, and if he is not there for her, then what is the point of being in a relationship, its ok, that you spare a thought for your friend, but there must be a limit to everything, you must sort your priority,
don't babysit a boy, look for someone who can takes care of your needs, if this is not simple enough for you to understand, then FFS what do you want?
IF YOU DON'T KNOW, HOW TO LOVE YOURSELF, THEN HOW DO YOU LOVE OTHERS????? -
since when did i whine to my bf? you are too presumptious.Originally posted by forumer84:Interesting thread. hmm..for galfriend to whine to boyfriend is ok but the other way round? Wats the world coming to?! -
If life is just about sympathy, feeling bad, worries and whining (note: even when you are finally relaxed and enjoying the moment), what is life?Originally posted by allentyb:now i choose to be a uncaring jerk, than to be a considerate guy, because it is better for me, this way, at least i don't need to hear another person, whining and complaining, i don't mind another girl to whine to me, but i mind a girlfriend whine to me all the time,
to be honest, her problem can be easily solved, and i don't understand how could this small problem could cause her so much agony, i have a female online friend, who is suffering from depression and on medication all the time, and she attempt suicidem till now she is struggling with day to day life, compare this problem with hers, this is really nothing
after all, most of thing, woman whine or complain, they just need a listening ear, they already knew what they need to do, after all, woman are smarter than man, i don't understand, why people can't shut their mind, while listening to whining or complaining, it will makes thing alot easier,
how about i put it in a simple way for you to understand, it is easy to show sympathy to others, but it is hard to show empathy to the person, half of the time, can you really understand what the person is feeling, or feel what is the person is feeling, right now, i really had to waste my time, on such a simple problem, which is why, i ask about, how old is TS and her boyfriend, if they can't communicate with one another, then what is the point of being together, is it because the woman is already got used to one another, and she is in the comfort zone?
to be honest, i don't give a damn to her, and i don't need to show any sympathy to her also, as this is just a common problem in any relationship, how long, has she and boyfriend been together, 1 year? for goodness sake, this is just another whining thread, she probably knows what she needs to do, just that, maybe she need a push in the back to do the right thing.
And what is the right thing? have a conversation with her boyfriend, tell him that she has her own needs as well, and if he is not there for her, then what is the point of being in a relationship, its ok, that you spare a thought for your friend, but there must be a limit to everything, you must sort your priority,
don't babysit a boy, look for someone who can takes care of your needs, if this is not simple enough for you to understand, then FFS what do you want? -
Actually you are wrong. i do not know what to do. i can learn to be like you, so hypocritical/insincere and just humor him all the time. but i do not want that. i really hope he can ease himself off those worries about others' problems which he cant help.Originally posted by allentyb:now i choose to be a uncaring jerk, than to be a considerate guy, because it is better for me, this way, at least i don't need to hear another person, whining and complaining, i don't mind another girl to whine to me, but i mind a girlfriend whine to me all the time,
to be honest, her problem can be easily solved, and i don't understand how could this small problem could cause her so much agony, i have a female online friend, who is suffering from depression and on medication all the time, and she attempt suicidem till now she is struggling with day to day life, compare this problem with hers, this is really nothing
after all, most of thing, woman whine or complain, they just need a listening ear, they already knew what they need to do, after all, woman are smarter than man, i don't understand, why people can't shut their mind, while listening to whining or complaining, it will makes thing alot easier,
how about i put it in a simple way for you to understand, it is easy to show sympathy to others, but it is hard to show empathy to the person, half of the time, can you really understand what the person is feeling, or feel what is the person is feeling, right now, i really had to waste my time, on such a simple problem, which is why, i ask about, how old is TS and her boyfriend, if they can't communicate with one another, then what is the point of being together, is it because the woman is already got used to one another, and she is in the comfort zone?
to be honest, i don't give a damn to her, and i don't need to show any sympathy to her also, as this is just a common problem in any relationship, how long, has she and boyfriend been together, 1 year? for goodness sake, this is just another whining thread, she probably knows what she needs to do, just that, maybe she need a push in the back to do the right thing.
And what is the right thing? have a conversation with her boyfriend, tell him that she has her own needs as well, and if he is not there for her, then what is the point of being in a relationship, its ok, that you spare a thought for your friend, but there must be a limit to everything, you must sort your priority,
don't babysit a boy, look for someone who can takes care of your needs, if this is not simple enough for you to understand, then FFS what do you want?
IF YOU DON'T KNOW, HOW TO LOVE YOURSELF, THEN HOW DO YOU LOVE OTHERS?????
2 of his females friends, now my friends, even ever said, actually they have no clue why my bf is so 'concerned' over their relationship/marital problems. after all, thy have been with their partners for years and now married. he should be pay more attention to his own problems (which is really within his control) and relationships rather than others. -
great, how you lead your own life, depends on yourself, not others, i lead a life without the need to be accountable to others which is a lover, at least it save me the trouble of being responsible to that person, at least, i know, every single word could either hurt that person, or make that person feel better, i know the dos and don'ts, but applying it is another thing, after to err is human.Originally posted by galfriend:If life is just about sympathy, feeling bad, worries and whining (note: even when you are finally relaxed and enjoying the moment), what is life?
i am not prefect, but at least, i know i am not ready for another relationship, i will not risk of the fact, that i might hurt another person, i know myself very well, to make a firm decision to say NO to another relationship, it make so many mistakes in the past relationship to truly understand, what i should and shouldn't do in a relationship, it was my fault, and i LIVE with it, am i happy being a jerk, hell yeah!
at least, it save me the trouble of listening to a girlfriend woes and worries, and i don't have to be accountable to another person, simple as that, i feel more relief, it is simple for me to be a gentleman, but my action will be accountable, and my manners must be in check
i lead a life, as the way i wanted, i just want a simple and 'peaceful' though i miss the colourful life of being in a relationship but it comes WITH a package, and that is, i have to be a responsible person to her, and myself, every single action will lead to a consequences, it is easy to fall in love, but it is another thing when it comes to relationship! -
god, u can't please everyone, and since he can't wake up his idea, then fine, i am trying make your life more easier. and since you want to solve the problem. when he doesn't even consider it as a problem at all = communicate problemOriginally posted by galfriend:Actually you are wrong. i do not know what to do. i can learn to be like you, so hypocritical/insincere and just humor him all the time. but i do not want that. i really hope he can ease himself off those worries about others' problems which he cant help.
2 of his females friends, now my friends, even ever said, actually they have no clue why my bf is so 'concerned' over their relationship/marital problems. after all, thy have been with their partners for years and now married. he should be pay more attention to his own problems (which is really within his control) and relationships rather than others. -
Good for you!Originally posted by allentyb:great, how you lead your own life, depends on yourself, not others, i lead a life without the need to be accountable to others which is a lover, at least it save me the trouble of being responsible to that person, at least, i know, every single word could either hurt that person, or make that person feel better, i know the dos and don'ts, but applying it is another thing, after to err is human.
i am not prefect, but at least, i know i am not ready for another relationship, i will not risk of the fact, that i might hurt another person, i know myself very well, to make a firm decision to say NO to another relationship, it make so many mistakes in the past relationship to truly understand, what i should and shouldn't do in a relationship, it was my fault, and i LIVE with it, am i happy being a jerk, hell yeah!
at least, it save me the trouble of listening to a girlfriend woes and worries, and i don't have to be accountable to another person, simple as that, i feel more relief, it is simple for me to be a gentleman, but my action will be accountable, and my manners must be in check
i lead a life, as the way i wanted, i just want a simple and 'peaceful' though i miss the colourful life of being in a relationship but it comes WITH a package, and that is, i have to be a responsible person to her, and myself, every single action will lead to a consequences, it is easy to fall in love, but it is another thing when it comes to relationship! -
who the HELL in this world, is not wearing a mask!
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i dont wear a mask to the man i love.Originally posted by allentyb:who the HELL in this world, is not wearing a mask! -
don't tell me, you never ever tell a white lie in front of him before, and you don't have to reply to this post at all, sometimes, wearing a mask, makes thing alot easierOriginally posted by galfriend:i dont wear a mask to the man i love.
i would rather, wear a mask in handle this sort of situation and give political correct answer, and to shut off my mind, because, there are more important things in life, than to handle own people problem -
should you, love yourself first, then love others, it is none of my business, and he brought those problems upon himself, it is his own downfall, and since he doesn't know how to list his priority, it is not your responsible, after all, i think he is an adult already, and you don't have to listen to all this at all, because you have your own priority, FFS both of you are in a relationship, duh! both of you are not married yet
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i dont lie to him, and i genuinely want to share his woes with him. Thus i dont think patronising him is a good idea.Originally posted by allentyb:don't tell me, you never ever tell a white lie in front of him before, and you don't have to reply to this post at all, sometimes, wearing a mask, makes thing alot easier
i would rather, wear a mask in handle this sort of situation and give political correct answer, and to shut off my mind, because, there are more important things in life, than to handle own people problem -
what sort of woes, are you referring to? his work trouble or other people complain?Originally posted by galfriend:i dont lie to him, and i genuinely want to share his woes with him. Thus i dont think patronising him is a good idea.
if you are referring to his work problem, yea u are doing the right thing
if you are referring to other people complain which he bought upon himself, then why should you give a damn?
do you know how to list your priority? do you know how to love yourself? -
yes i do. i believe in loving myself, and love him too. hence the dilemma nowOriginally posted by allentyb:what sort of woes, are you referring to? his work trouble or other people complain?
if you are referring to his work problem, yea u are doing the right thing
if you are referring to other people complain which he bought upon himself, then how should you give a damn?
do you know how to list your priority? -
don't we all face this dilemma all the time, haiz, sometimes, you just wish you are the receiver and the other party is the giver, if you know what i mean, you really need to have a heart to heart talk with him, and tell him to show more concern to youOriginally posted by galfriend:yes i do. i believe in loving myself, and love him too. hence the dilemma now
being in a relationship is sharing a experience
being in married is sharing a life together -
Totally agreeOriginally posted by allentyb:don't we all face this dilemma all the time, haiz, sometimes, you just wish you are the receiver and the other party is the giver, if you know what i mean, you really need to have a heart to heart talk with him, and tell him to show more concern to you
being in a relationship is sharing a experience
being in married is sharing a life together -
so now, you are leading your own life, so you don't have to be bother with his nonsense at all, you don't have to add his worries into your worries at allOriginally posted by galfriend:Totally agree
this is not love, it is burden
his worries for his friend, is for himself to handle, and all you can do is, listen to what he has to say, either you can listen to him attentively or you could shut your mind and listen, totally up to you -
So this kinda guy, cannot marry lor?Originally posted by allentyb:so now, you are leading your own life, so you don't have to be bother with his nonsense at all, you don't have to add his worries into your worries at all
this is not love, it is burden
his worries for his friend, is for himself to handle, and all you can do is, listen to what he has to say, either you can listen to him attentively or you could shut your mind and listen, totally up to you
After marry will have both personal combined problems, plus added burden he brought in related to his friends and family......
Can kick him aside lah. -
how i wish my gf is like u..
i was blamed for not telling her my family problems..
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Of cos you are in the wrong, unless you dont feel close to herOriginally posted by mr_sotong:how i wish my gf is like u..
i was blamed for not telling her my family problems.. -
Originally posted by galfriend:my boyfriend always tell me about other people's problems, especially after a good night out.
manyatimes, we are out to chill out after a hard and stressful days from work. and towards the end of the night, and we are both happy, finally forgotten about all the worries and stress about work and many others, he tells me his worries about others, like his friends who quarrelled and etc.
tonight he tells me again. been having very stressful and political working environment for months. after a hard day of work, we went to chill out. had fun and was happy. on the way home, he tells me about his sister's problems. i was so sian. after hearing, i told him, how much can you worry? before anyone breakdown, you'll be the first to breakdown, or maybe me. cos he has his own problems to worries and others' problems. cos i have to worry about my own problems, his problems, now i m burdened by his worries of others problems. i wasnt happy. and he said, maybe i shouldnt tell you so much.
i m so vexed, cos i really wake up to all reality, all the stress of life and work, after much effort (ie one whole nite's effort to relax). what should i do?
Some people just highly subjected to 'environment feelings' - they are easily disturbed by the aura people exude from their feelings and it clings and lingers onto them easily (especially so if he's a Pisces - next comes Cancer and Scorpio).
This is a clash of emotional management, rudely brought forth into the private space of your relationship.
The theory of equilibrium will tell you that if you are subjected to negativity and if your influence do not seek to overcome the source of negativity, you 'lower' yourself to be on 'par' to this very source, in which I reckon that your man neither has the life force nor positive condition to take on such choking influences from people around him.
It's only natural for wanting a quiet space when you spend some quality time with your boyfriend. Your work is probably drudgery and toilsome - with all that deadlines, distraction, noise, unhappiness, anger, frustrations and all sort of unpleasant moods and situation shrouding you like some malicious spirit, attempting to break your spirit.
Does he knows about your frustrations at work? Or do you choose to avoid sharing as you prefer to keep your time together as musically sweet as possible?
From his POV he's likely to think along this line:
'I want to share with my girlfriend some issues in life, but she seemed to be irritated with the notion of me sharing with her. Yes, it's true, these are people's problem, but I am somewhat implicated because these are my love ones too. Sigh. Perhaps, next time, I should just keep everything to myself.'
And of course, you are only but a human - you can only take so much stress before you collapse emotionally.
These realities are realities of a love relationship in an urban city; stress comes in several form of dimensions and they will seek for the 'line of least resistance' - hoping to crash at the spot where your vulnerability lies and crumble your love through external means.
But does that mean that this is a sure fail? Not necessary.
Since you two are unable to control individual constrains in life, communicate and decide the best way you could compromise and work out something that you could keep the life of your relationship flowing. (If you two share the same religion together, both of you could seek for solace in your faith through prayers. Or speak with your religious leaders if possible).
You see, what happens is that both of you are facing challenges in life; it's just that each of you were hoping that your other half could provide you the avenue to alleviate this frustration from your state of life and the condition it brings. Therefore, how would it be possible for anyone of you to afford the emotional luxury to tender those sensitive needs when in your perception, both your visions have been blotted out by all these immerse problems, acting as a barrier to enjoy your relationship?
Sometimes when we are so overwhelmed by all these distractions in life - we tend to lose focus and forget that the basis laws to happiness in love is not about the tangibles - it's about being in our real self and communicating likewise in this form. The next time when he starts this again, cuts him off with a momentary kiss. Or put a finger to his lips and embrace him.
There are always no definite answers to problems and frustrations in life; but surely, there's strength in support.
Cheers -
I think allentyb and jojobeach provides very good advice here.Originally posted by galfriend:i dont wear a mask to the man i love.
You don't think you wear a mask to the man you love ? You mean all the time? Are you confident it will be like this forever? Remember, nowadays love don't last forever. Look, Im not trying to put you down. But look at the quote below.Originally posted by galfriend:
I can tell you are losing interest in this guy, am I right? And because he is your boyfriend instead of providing a strong support for you, you became his pillar of support; you are tired of listening to his whining.
sigh
today i woke up, not feeling like seeing him or talking to him. i felt good after the rest, but thinking of interacting with him makes me think of all the problems again.
You came here for advice because you thought you still loved him and you are confused. But actually you are slowly losing patience with him. You thought as a girlfriend you should be a pillar of support because of your beliefs as a girlfriend in a relationship.
After all, a man should be strong enough to take care of you.
He's not the man you used to know. He has become your mommy's boy.
You are tired. Try to change subject everytime he tries to whine. Talk something fun. Do something fun like sing a song together. Just forget all the problems accumulated in the day. Spend a day and relax, hugging together without talking much will be just as good.
doko -
He needs to change his attitude and break his bad habits. It's about his mindset.Originally posted by jojobeach:So this kinda guy, cannot marry lor?
After marry will have both personal combined problems, plus added burden he brought in related to his friends and family......
Can kick him aside lah.
doko