When a guy says..
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Thanks for all your replies...Originally posted by littlestream:it's hard and painful to be in a non-commitmental relationship. sooner or later, expectations and demands of the relationship seeps in.
if you think you are beginning to want more out of this relationship, let the guy know. his answer will tell you if you should take off or stick around. anyways, don't let it drag on. it is quite a draining experience and you know what? there so much more and beauty to life than let this hang over your head.
good luck and be happy. you owe it to yourself. we all do (to ourselves).
I agree that as i unknowingly got myself emotionally attached to this relationship, the more i start to expect more from him.
But because i know that it's a non commitmental relationship, i force and convince my mind to stop thinking abt this guy.
If you ask me do i want to have a future with him, i hope i can. But i know it's gonna be difficult, coz there's a cultural difference between us. We are of a different race, so I know even if we get together, things are not going to be a bed of roses. But knowing what kind of person, i know i can brave things through, but will he?
Rationally i know i should let go, but emotionally i can't and i know deep down, I dun wan to .. at this moment.
I thought of talking things out... but is it really the best way? He can just lie his way through isn't it... -
tink u reali fell for him... but wats so gd abt him tat made u willing let him play u...?Originally posted by shirurinu:Thanks for all your replies...
I agree that as i unknowingly got myself emotionally attached to this relationship, the more i start to expect more from him.
But because i know that it's a non commitmental relationship, i force and convince my mind to stop thinking abt this guy.
If you ask me do i want to have a future with him, i hope i can. But i know it's gonna be difficult, coz there's a cultural difference between us. We are of a different race, so I know even if we get together, things are not going to be a bed of roses. But knowing what kind of person, i know i can brave things through, but will he?
Rationally i know i should let go, but emotionally i can't and i know deep down, I dun wan to .. at this moment.
I thought of talking things out... but is it really the best way? He can just lie his way through isn't it... -
His job takes up too much of his time... working 6 days a week.. He can be in his work place from 9am till 12am everyday.Originally posted by mistyblue:Why did the last girl leave him?
There was once he resigned, but his manager got him back. And when he agree to come back, the gf threatened him by breaking up cause she feels that he has no time for her. He came back to his job and his gf left....
I asked him did his gf call? He says no... and i asked him y he didn't call her, he says he dun like to be threatened.. -
he still loves his gf and he is trying to control his emotions on her...Originally posted by shirurinu:His job takes up too much of his time... working 6 days a week.. He can be in his work place from 9am till 12am everyday.
There was once he resigned, but his manager got him back. And when he agree to come back, the gf threatened him by breaking up cause she feels that he has no time for her. He came back to his job and his gf left....
I asked him did his gf call? He says no... and i asked him y he didn't call her, he says he dun like to be threatened..
u noe y??? -
This is really how i feel now.. It's so hard to walk away...Originally posted by cutangle:it is really very hard to walk away when you're really attracted to someone, even when the deal you are going to get is shitty. harder if you are not a player.
somehow i feel that it is just not possible for the TS to reject the guy just like that. meeting someone new is about the only way she is going to be able to break away. this is speaking from my own experience right now.
i can put myself in her shoes: it is probably not entirely without commitment. the guy might have said she is the only gal in his heart right now. he might really mean it when he say he needs time to recover from his previous r/s. what if she walks away and missed a great chance? -
You must understand that i'm not desperate that I don't mind being in a non-commitmental relationship.Originally posted by Ionlytalknoaction:That's where you are wrong in certain ways.
I don't think a non-commitment relationship is a great chance.
Any guy would have told a girl that she is the only girl in his heart.
I mean come on do you expect a non-commited guy to tell you that you are the only girl in his heart????
In order to protect herself, she needs to use her brain.
The choice is hers to make.
However, 95% of the guys do lie to get girls who fall in love foolishly without knowing whether the guy will be faithful.
She is just another despo girl who is eager to get any relationship even if it's not commited.
Are you desperate or what?
I never see a girl so desperate that she wants an uncommited relationship.
I apologize again for harsh words but they are meant for your own good.
Sorry, pls do not take my word to heart.
I cannot be with a guy if i dun like him at all. I have suitors, but I dun like them at all, so i kept myself at a distance with them.
I'm sure you have seen gals whom they know that some guys likes or have interest in them, they will give them false hope and use the guys in every way. I'm not like that. I can't exploit anyone and I dun like to give false hope to those guys who I know have an interest in me.
If you really like this person, and the only option for you to be with him/her is a non-commitmental relationship, will you go for it?
I know some forumites are going to flame me for not using my brains. Everyone can be so full of themselves while lashing out the rationale, but how many of us can really do it when it happen to us.
Especially when i'm the kind of person whose criteria is FEELINGS.
If given u a choice
1) Someone you like very much but ambiguous
2) Someone who likes you very much, but you dun feel a thing for him/her and you know feelings are not going to come.
What would you choose?
Actually I can anticipate all the responses " stupid gal... What are feelings... being loved is better than loving"
I've said that to others too... but feelings can't be controlled. The more i wanna run away, the more my feet got stuck to where i am.. -
I dun deny i'm taking a gamble.Originally posted by ordinaryguy32:That's a fresh perspective.
So does it mean that TS is living in hope even though the chances are no good? In the hope that love will blossom, and commitment will follow, even if the current situation seems unbearable?
It's really a tough call...
Every relationship is a gamble.
One day you are not married, you will still lose...
Even if you are married, you might still lose
The gamble never ends till the day you die. If till the day you die, you are still happily married with the one you love.. you win...
Otherwise, we are all losers.. -
this can be considered a flinG?
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Hey bufpuf.. ya lo... me no longer westsider liao ma...Originally posted by BufPuf:set your expectation right first.
If you both agree it is a non-commitment thing, than dun harbour any hope.
Cannot afford to 'play' than must stop....
*long time no see u liao!!!~
Thanks for ur advice...
U know the kind of feeling it gets more intense...? It's not like u can pull a plug and ask it to stop de. -
I'm sorry to hear all about your predicament.Originally posted by shirurinu:I dun deny i'm taking a gamble.
Every relationship is a gamble.
One day you are not married, you will still lose...
Even if you are married, you might still lose
The gamble never ends till the day you die. If till the day you die, you are still happily married with the one you love.. you win...
Otherwise, we are all losers..
Gamble is too strong a word, when we gamble, we have no control over the outcome. But in relationships, we do have control over the outcome.
A lot of people here think your guy is a player. Is he one, or is he not?
From the latest info, it seems that work is so important to him.
Ultimately, will you settle for such a workaholic guy?
Inter-racial relationships can be a tough call, yeah..
it's possible, but it's tough. -
As what i've mentioned in my earlier posts, I agree that my feelings got more intense.Originally posted by playersINC:Wah cant stand it! ..... After reading through the post. I cant believe that sg is still such conservative country and they are so many conservative peeps ard. I mean the girls know at they in for and so does the guys.
However, I dun believe in cheating. I believe you should be open about your relationship status and views, if the girls accepts it then its fine. I'm currently not attached and have numerous friends of the opposite sex. They know perfectly well that I'm single and do not want to commit to anything at this point. I'm sure alot of guys share this sentiment, be it career or past relationship phobia and stuff like that.
You may see it as an excuse, but its so true. There are girls who dont mind and are willing to share a close relationship with these guys as they themselves do not want to commit. So if its a relationship based on these understanding, I feel its perfectly alright.
As someone has mentioned, it could be that the girl went into such an understanding and later on discovered that her feelings had went on further as she has lost the control over it. Some like to call it a game, know how to play it or leave it. If you are not comfortable then dont play, dont get hurt and cry foul cause nobody can force you in. Its and open door, never closed.
In the beginning everything was fine, but he'll always ask me where am i, asking to go back and home and rest, dun go party, dun always go home late etc.
He can even tell me straight in the face " go back straight and rest."
Is that what a guy in a non-commitmental relationship tell the gal? I thought there's not supposed to be in this way? -
For girls, I would say number 1 is more natural and hence a better potential deal. But then, that is extremely controversial and reflects only my personal opinion. And after all, I'm a guy. And I have had to learn to give up on girls that don't like me as much as I like them, because it "doesn't feel right".Originally posted by shirurinu:You must understand that i'm not desperate that I don't mind being in a non-commitmental relationship.
I cannot be with a guy if i dun like him at all. I have suitors, but I dun like them at all, so i kept myself at a distance with them.
I'm sure you have seen gals whom they know that some guys likes or have interest in them, they will give them false hope and use the guys in every way. I'm not like that. I can't exploit anyone and I dun like to give false hope to those guys who I know have an interest in me.
If you really like this person, and the only option for you to be with him/her is a non-commitmental relationship, will you go for it?
I know some forumites are going to flame me for not using my brains. Everyone can be so full of themselves while lashing out the rationale, but how many of us can really do it when it happen to us.
Especially when i'm the kind of person whose criteria is FEELINGS.
If given u a choice
1) Someone you like very much but ambiguous
2) Someone who likes you very much, but you dun feel a thing for him/her and you know feelings are not going to come.
What would you choose?
Actually I can anticipate all the responses " stupid gal... What are feelings... being loved is better than loving"
I've said that to others too... but feelings can't be controlled. The more i wanna run away, the more my feet got stuck to where i am..
It's very hard to give up feelings for another person just like that.
From what you have just said, you cannot expect to go to sleep everyday and just forget about your feelings for him like that.
Your cautious approach is being threatened by your desire for his love, which may force you to give more than it is advisable.
It's all up to you. Maybe it helps to confide in some friend who is trustworthy and she may give you a good objective perspective. We forumers here can only comment in the absence of details. -
All I can say TS is treading on thin ice base on her post. She already knew the answer to the guy's reply if she bring it out in the open. And if TS 'threatened' the guy will just retreat leaving her standing cold like what he did in his previous relationship. This guy is no wimpy. He knows what he wants and once he set his mind on a decision he will not waver. So, TS, don't try to change him into accepting you as a gf. He will not! And you will hurt deeper. Either continue as you are now, which is to be in this no string attached relationship (which I don't agreelah since I'm from the old school but your choice lah since you try to emulate the western ways of living lifestyle) or leave the relationship completely.
Actually I don't agree to what you are going to do that is to tell the guy your true feeling cos you are not playing by the rules which you both set up. You violated the rules and now want more out of this relationship. Not really fair to him. Sorry I hate to say that but here you are the bad guy or woman.
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I am an optimist, and hence I take it that he is concerned about you, but he knows that his work and lifestyle and fear of another r/s collapse prevents him from entering another relationship so fast.Originally posted by shirurinu:As what i've mentioned in my earlier posts, I agree that my feelings got more intense.
In the beginning everything was fine, but he'll always ask me where am i, asking to go back and home and rest, dun go party, dun always go home late etc.
He can even tell me straight in the face " go back straight and rest."
Is that what a guy in a non-commitmental relationship tell the gal? I thought there's not supposed to be in this way?
He wants to show concern, but is fearful of being in a proper r/s where the girl demands a lot of him.
Does that make sense?
I like to think that things are going to work out really fine between you and him, given more time. -
What makes u think he still loves his gf...Originally posted by ispyyy:he still loves his gf and he is trying to control his emotions on her...
u noe y???
I ever mentioned that I think they look very loving together becoz i have seen their pictures together... at that moment of time i tot they were still together, but he said "If what you say is true.. y was i left 2 months ago? I never bother to look back n talk abt it coz i'm not the type that gets brought down by such things and i always look whats infront. But u wanna brought it up?" -
Which man dun feel that career is important?Originally posted by ordinaryguy32:I'm sorry to hear all about your predicament.
Gamble is too strong a word, when we gamble, we have no control over the outcome. But in relationships, we do have control over the outcome.
A lot of people here think your guy is a player. Is he one, or is he not?
From the latest info, it seems that work is so important to him.
Ultimately, will you settle for such a workaholic guy?
Inter-racial relationships can be a tough call, yeah..
it's possible, but it's tough.
I dun mind my bf(not just him) is a workaholic... because that shows that he's not a good for nothing.. Thats 1 of the reason that i like about him is his attitute in work... so i never grumble when he fly me aeroplanes due to work.
We usually have no control over outcome in relationship either.. dun u think so... U can put in all the effort that u have, but when ur other wans to leave, can u control? -
I dun have any intention in pressuring him to go into a serious relationship at all... If u read my first post, I was asking how to deal with a non-commitmental relationship... I didn't know how it got side-tracked that i wanted to make him commit.Originally posted by FocusPoint:All I can say TS is treading on thin ice base on her post. She already knew the answer to the guy's reply if she bring it out in the open. And if TS 'threatened' the guy will just retreat leaving her standing cold like what he did in his previous relationship. This guy is no wimpy. He knows what he wants and once he set his mind on a decision he will not waver. So, TS, don't try to change him into accepting you as a gf. He will not! And you will hurt deeper. Either continue as you are now, which is to be in this no string attached relationship (which I don't agreelah since I'm from the old school but your choice lah since you try to emulate the western ways of living lifestyle) or leave the relationship completely.
Actually I don't agree to what you are going to do that is to tell the guy your true feeling cos you are not playing by the rules which you both set up. You violated the rules and now want more out of this relationship. Not really fair to him. Sorry I hate to say that but here you are the bad guy or woman.
Although I do hope that it can evolve into something else, I dun like to force. It's just that the feelings start to get intense tand plus the things that he do, got myself confused. It's just a thin line between non-commitmental relationship and a normal relationship. And i'm trying to figure which is which... -
In that aspect, you are right. You can't control the outcome, although you can influence it to a certain extent.Originally posted by shirurinu:
Which man dun feel that career is important?
I dun mind my bf(not just him) is a workaholic... because that shows that he's not a good for nothing.. Thats 1 of the reason that i like about him is his attitute in work... so i never grumble when he fly me aeroplanes due to work.We usually have no control over outcome in relationship either.. dun u think so... U can put in all the effort that u have, but when ur other wans to leave, can u control?
What I meant previously was you can choose to walk away or you can choose to wait. -
It is a thin line indeed. Every relationship goes through that patch before becoming "dead certain".Originally posted by shirurinu:
I dun have any intention in pressuring him to go into a serious relationship at all... If u read my first post, I was asking how to deal with a non-commitmental relationship... I didn't know how it got side-tracked that i wanted to make him commit.Although I do hope that it can evolve into something else, I dun like to force. It's just that the feelings start to get intense tand plus the things that he do, got myself confused. It's just a thin line between non-commitmental relationship and a normal relationship. And i'm trying to figure which is which...
I think that if he is serious (a non-player), he may just be as confused as you.
Maybe it is good to have a heart-to-heart talk. Find out about his fears and expectations as much as possible (Guys usually don't like to admit they're scared, it's a macho mentality, but try your best).
Questions to ask are:
is he going to be ready in the next 2-3 months for a rock-solid relationship
what is his expectations of you as a gf.
Then communicate about what you really want.
And see if you 2 can work out a common ground...
Good luck! -
I am really sorry that your feelings cannot be controlled.Originally posted by shirurinu:You must understand that i'm not desperate that I don't mind being in a non-commitmental relationship.
I cannot be with a guy if i dun like him at all. I have suitors, but I dun like them at all, so i kept myself at a distance with them.
I'm sure you have seen gals whom they know that some guys likes or have interest in them, they will give them false hope and use the guys in every way. I'm not like that. I can't exploit anyone and I dun like to give false hope to those guys who I know have an interest in me.
If you really like this person, and the only option for you to be with him/her is a non-commitmental relationship, will you go for it?
I know some forumites are going to flame me for not using my brains. Everyone can be so full of themselves while lashing out the rationale, but how many of us can really do it when it happen to us.
Especially when i'm the kind of person whose criteria is FEELINGS.
If given u a choice
1) Someone you like very much but ambiguous
2) Someone who likes you very much, but you dun feel a thing for him/her and you know feelings are not going to come.
What would you choose?
Actually I can anticipate all the responses " stupid gal... What are feelings... being loved is better than loving"
I've said that to others too... but feelings can't be controlled. The more i wanna run away, the more my feet got stuck to where i am..
It seems your love for him caused some deficiency in your logical thinking.
I have nothing more to say.
By all means, go and follow your feelings.
I think you should continue the relationship for all I care.
You are just a stranger in the forum asking for silly logical answers/advice.
If you ever got hurt, I really don't care.
I do not know you
I have not met you.
Go with your non-commitment relationships.
If you got hurt in the end, that's the last thing on my mind.
I mean you can die for all I care.
However, when you do die because of this silly relationship that can be prevented with logical thinking.
as a human being, I can only feel sad for a stranger and move on with my life.
In a way, feeling sad for 10 seconds.
peace out.
PS: If I really like someone and the beautiful, sexy, hot girl with big boobs offer me non-commitment relationship.
I rather love an ugly,pimpled-face woman who treat each and every relationships of hers seriously.
Yes I do like the girl for non-commitment relationship.
I do desire her in any way possible.
However, ask yourself.
Do you want a true love?
or
Do you want to keep hoping for a true love?
I agree with you.
Love is blind and irrationale.
However, You need to have mature and logical minds to handle love.
You are immature in every way.
Feelings cannot be controlled but they can be lessened.
I will repeat myself again. If you do get hurt, nobody would really care unless there is still some good people around or that you can offer people something good in return.
I sorry to say this. You are childish in everyway. I do love girls who are child-like. However, childish girl are a pain in the butttt.
Imagine a childish kid screamming in the middle of the road and you know what I mean. That kid also cannot controlled his feelings. I think that is plain childish.
LOL
Anyway take care and don't get hurt unnecessary.
Peace. -
You seem mildly infuriated at the senselessness of TS, but she's a girl.Originally posted by Ionlytalknoaction:I am really sorry that your feelings cannot be controlled.
It seems your love for him caused some deficiency in your logical thinking.
I have nothing more to say.
By all means, go and follow your feelings.
I think you should continue the relationship for all I care.
You are just a stranger in the forum asking for silly logical answers/advice.
If you ever got hurt, I really don't care.
I do not know you
I have not met you.
Go with your non-commitment relationships.
If you got hurt in the end, that's the last thing on my mind.
I mean you can die for all I care.
However, when you do die because of this silly relationship that can be prevented with logical thinking.
as a human being, I can only feel sad for a stranger and move on with my life.
In a way, feeling sad for 10 seconds.
peace out.
PS: If I really like someone and the beautiful, sexy, hot girl with big boobs offer me non-commitment relationship.
I rather love an ugly,pimpled-face woman who treat each and every relationships of hers seriously.
Yes I do like the girl for non-commitment relationship.
I do desire her in any way possible.
However, ask yourself.
Do you want a true love?
or
Do you want to keep hoping for a true love?
I agree with you.
Love is blind and irrationale.
However, You need to have mature and logical minds to handle love.
You are immature in every way.
Feelings cannot be controlled but they can be lessened.
I will repeat myself again. If you do get hurt, nobody would really care unless there is still some good people around or that you can offer people something good in return.
I sorry to say this. You are childish in everyway. I do love girls who are child-like. However, childish girl are a pain in the butttt.
Imagine a childish kid screamming in the middle of the road and you know what I mean.
LOL
Anyway take care and don't get hurt unnecessary.
Peace.
All I have to say is that, your post will work wonders if TS is a guy. If a guy ponders on like this, kicking him in the boot sometimes work wonders with comments like "wake up your idea", "go screw yourself and die and nobody will care". Army-stuff motivation.
We guys can go non-committal easily to ease the hurt in the context of your big-boob bimbo and ugly girl example. It's a piece of cake.
Girls are different. Period. -
I'm not asking anyone to be sympathetic to me.. or care or concern. I was just simply asking about general opinions and boundaries about non-commitmental relationships. You dun even have to feel sad if i die.. Coz i won't die..Originally posted by Ionlytalknoaction:I am really sorry that your feelings cannot be controlled.
It seems your love for him caused some deficiency in your logical thinking.
I have nothing more to say.
By all means, go and follow your feelings.
I think you should continue the relationship for all I care.
You are just a stranger in the forum asking for silly logical answers/advice.
If you ever got hurt, I really don't care.
I do not know you
I have not met you.
Go with your non-commitment relationships.
If you got hurt in the end, that's the last thing on my mind.
I mean you can die for all I care.
However, when you do die because of this silly relationship that can be prevented with logical thinking.
as a human being, I can only feel sad for a stranger and move on with my life.
In a way, feeling sad for 10 seconds.
peace out.
PS: If I really like someone and the beautiful, sexy, hot girl with big boobs offer me non-commitment relationship.
I rather love an ugly,pimpled-face woman who treat each and every relationships of hers seriously.
Yes I do like the girl for non-commitment relationship.
I do desire her in any way possible.
However, ask yourself.
Do you want a true love?
or
Do you want to keep hoping for a true love?
I agree with you.
Love is blind and irrationale.
However, You need to have mature and logical minds to handle love.
You are immature in every way.
Feelings cannot be controlled but they can be lessened.
I will repeat myself again. If you do get hurt, nobody would really care unless there is still some good people around or that you can offer people something good in return.
I sorry to say this. You are childish in everyway. I do love girls who are child-like. However, childish girl are a pain in the butttt.
Imagine a childish kid screamming in the middle of the road and you know what I mean.
LOL
Anyway take care and don't get hurt unnecessary.
Peace.
If i am childish, I would like clung to him like a koala bear or make a scene in front of everybody.
If you really ask me do i believe in true love?
Then do u know what is the definition of TRUE love?
I believe in love... and when i'm in love, I'm true to that person. But when the love is lost, we'll go seperate ways... But can u deny that my love wasn't true?
Even if i got hurt in the end, I dun blame anyone. Cause i know that it's my consequenses to bear . I do not need u to come and tell me the pathetic plight i am in. Thank you v much -
At this point, many possibilities are quite open...Originally posted by shirurinu:I dun have any intention in pressuring him to go into a serious relationship at all... If u read my first post, I was asking how to deal with a non-commitmental relationship... I didn't know how it got side-tracked that i wanted to make him commit.
Although I do hope that it can evolve into something else, I dun like to force. It's just that the feelings start to get intense tand plus the things that he do, got myself confused. It's just a thin line between non-commitmental relationship and a normal relationship. And i'm trying to figure which is which...
I have a question? Since you've already gotten yourself into this relationship, is it important for you to know if it's a 'normal' or non-commitmental relationship...?
Everybody lives some dreams at one point of their life or another.... You've got to understand that the reason that you've got together with him in the 1st place is not because you want a commitment from this relationship.... No though all this might change with time as your feelings for him grow, but there's no telling if he might be more willing to commit in the future too...? Relationships can build up or tear down with time, it's just too early and quite pointless to speculate at the moment...
I have this last question to you for now.... Even knowing that this relationship is a non-commitmental one currently, would you just give it up if nothing really wrong happens within this relationship...?
If my guess is correct and your answer is 'no'.... And you're not in a hurry elsewhere... Why not just make the best out of this relationship instead of waiting for it to just die off....?
"A flower lover grows a flower to enjoy and admires its beauty.... Not so as to dwell each day off... Wondering when the flower would just die off......."
Do you love your flower at this point
PS. Notheless, just be aware of what the other forumites are trying to tell you and their possibilities... Life is often not a bed of roses no matter how a start might appear to be... If you decide to set foot, just hold the correct mentality for now.... -
What did he do that gets you confused? You can't tahan him showing extra care and concern? Or can't tahan him being over-possessive and restrictive on where you go / what you do?
Next time he asks for / does something that you feel is inappropriate, just 1) ignore 2) tell him off and ignore 3) laugh in his face and ignore. You could also do exactly the opposite of what was requested, just to spite him.
Bottomline is, do not give in to his requests if you feel it is not what he deserves.Originally posted by shirurinu:It's just that the feelings start to get intense tand plus the things that he do, got myself confused. It's just a thin line between non-commitmental relationship and a normal relationship. And i'm trying to figure which is which... -
"wake up your idea", "go screw yourself and die and nobody will care". Army-stuff motivationOriginally posted by ordinaryguy32:You seem mildly infuriated at the senselessness of TS, but she's a girl.
All I have to say is that, your post will work wonders if TS is a guy. If a guy ponders on like this, kicking him in the boot sometimes work wonders with comments like "wake up your idea", "go screw yourself and die and nobody will care". Army-stuff motivation.
We guys can go non-committal easily to ease the hurt in the context of your big-boob bimbo and ugly girl example. It's a piece of cake.
Girls are different. Period.
Hmmmm....... I don't really count that as a motivation to anymore. I mean seriously, does it really motivates anymore with your above statement?
It feels more like reality.
This is a reality. Not a kick in the boots to wake her up.
However, if it really wake her up. I have accomplished something.
I don't think it will wake her up.
I mean you are discriminating people against gender.
Girls are different from boys yet girls want equality in everything(from workplace to social status).
Why should girls be any different if girls want equal status with men?
I just told her about the reality of life.
By the way, that is not a motivation talk. That is the reality of life.