My wife always threaten divorce wen we quarrel.How 2 handle?
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Sadly, this is why I broke up with my ex.Originally posted by hiphop2009:sometimes this may work.
tell her in her face dat she divorce and slam the legal paper on her face, she probably scared until siao.
do this only if u really very very angry den thinking of divorce her and she v unreasonable. afterall, if she keeps on being so unreasonable, who can tahan her?
Never threaten if you don't mean to do it. You never know what will happen. And if you mean to do it, do it the Nike way: Just do it. -
capricorn and cancer is the opposite zodiac sign of each..hence it does needs some effort to make things rite....have friends who r into such zodiac relationship as well..its not easy and things does pop up once a while..just try to be forgiving and take it easy while she grumble...Good Luck!
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i agree... once quarrel... let's have sex...Originally posted by Fatum:try post quarrel sex ...
no, I'm serious ! .... turn the furry into passion ... grab her and hurry her to bed ...
then vent all the anger in sex... bang bang bang
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i am capricorn... capricorn's first enemy is virgo, scorpion comes to close second, cancer is third...Originally posted by Arukas:capricorn and cancer is the opposite zodiac sign of each..hence it does needs some effort to make things rite....have friends who r into such zodiac relationship as well..its not easy and things does pop up once a while..just try to be forgiving and take it easy while she grumble...Good Luck!
so capricorn and cancer sure quarrel and "suan" each other...
the best is gemini....
real life example.... -
Originally posted by Frustrated_guy:We are ard 30 yrs old. Been married over a year liao. No serious conflicts before marriage. Both of us love each other, and wanted to start a family together. Simple lifestyle, no grand luxury stuff. I capricorn, she a gemini/cancer hybrid. She had been hurt by a previous r/s b4.
In that sense, divorce will likely to happen if your marriage persists in this way of management. There's only so much a person can endure before all hell break loose eventually. What you are doing now is merely to concede to her instability, but you are not anywhere near resolving it.
Looking at your plight, I doubt she is even emotionally-mature enough for marriage in the first place, as this readiness can only be certified by having evolved/transformed personalities, influenced solely by the power of love. Period. Anything else will usually result in massive quake of various degrees, when put together under one roof because marriage is the ultimate test in love.
One reality of marriage is that albeit most people will claim that love is the reason for their union, however, upon close examination, their love is hardly pristine. This 'love' they claimed to share, is often grossly mispresentated by emotional afflictions, circumstances or simply pressure from our biological clock.
I don't know if you ever realise this: but the sort of 'hurt' that she has gone through do not necessarily means full blame on her ex-boyfriend/s. In fact, it's probably her definition of love that she has brandished, akin to swinging a two-bladed axe, injuring herself as she slash at her ex-love when her inherent possessive nature dominates her emotions like a deranged warrior.
This is a vicious cycle, as her man will escape in face of such suffocation. When that happens, she will apt to exercise greater control because she will attribute her failure in love due to external factors, not because of her unevolved self.
I find it hard to believe that marriage without trust begins with love - I can tell you from my experience, it so much closer to that of fungi living on tree than the tree itself - fuelled primarily by the fear of isolation and loneliness.
Although I wouldn't recommend, but as a start, it might be beneficial if you can speak to her best/good friend/s and get them to talk to her. A marriage counsellor will still be a better option imho because I doubt you know how help yourself to avoid this impending doom and if somebody can open her soul and attempt to repair them, it might save your marriage from certain death.
If you want to see changes, the changes must happen from within - giving in is merely a short term measure that do not solve long term implications.
Cheers -
I think the more quiet you are, the worse the relationship will become.
If you want to keep your relationship, you got to open up yourself to her.
Well, tell her more about yourself. If things too sensitive, dont tell first (Tell abit, see if she can accept - or quote some similiar cases). Tell about anything, just like sharing yourself with a good friend. Make her laugh. She will be happy.
Communication is important to her.
When both of you are happy, having a baby will be easier.
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a mistress may change her habits
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Ten Rules for a Happy Marriage
Never both be angry at the same time.
Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire.
If one of you has to win an argument, let it be your mate.
If you have it criticize, do it lovingly.
Never bring up mistakes of the past.
Neglect the whole world rather than each other.
Never go to sleep with an argument unsettled.
At least one everyday try to say one kind or complimentary thing to your lifeÂ’s partner.
When you have done something wrong, be ready to admit it and ask for forgiveness.
It takes two to make a quarrel, and the one in the wrong is the one who does the must talking.
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We barely have any friends. This is something common in both of us. I do not know if it's the result of marriage, or otherwise. Yup, being with each other usually do bring out the flaws of each other, but it also brings out the good.Originally posted by the_fallen:Divorce is something serious no doubt, and it will cast an very unhappy perception and belief in each other's party thus their work and personality sometimes changes..
There are lots of ways to stop or prevent an arugement from happening..
don't see each other that often, coz in the long run, seeing each other daily, finding faults with each other, we than will be told in our brain that what we each in each other DAILY are only the FLAWS of each other and not the Good-Points of each other..
Try to talk your wife into giving some free-space..
Free Space to go out with her own friends, so she can still like have the feeling of being single when she's out with her own frens...(the same applies to you)
Than if she's concern over u hiding secrets from her..just organise a BBQ somewhere, invite all your buddies and old friends out..ask your wife to do the same..thus from this BBQ, you and your wife get to know each other's frens thus she can set her mind at ease if you go out with your frens without her (tagging along; of course let her know in-advance where you're going with your frens in case her frens spots u and bad-mouth u etc)
I do agree that having some free-space frees up some of the tension, but it only happens when she "run away" or in today's case I "run away". I do not know how she feels, but for me, the amount of noiseless time for me is much treasured. -
Originally posted by Arukas:capricorn and cancer is the opposite zodiac sign of each..hence it does needs some effort to make things rite....have friends who r into such zodiac relationship as well..its not easy and things does pop up once a while..just try to be forgiving and take it easy while she grumble...Good Luck!
I tot Capricorn, Virgo and Taurus are Earth signs and they are able to survive together? Anyway for me, as long as it is not Leo, it doesn't matter for me. Almost all the Leos I came across are ambitious and materialistic.Originally posted by Seven_Dragon:i am capricorn... capricorn's first enemy is virgo, scorpion comes to close second, cancer is third...
so capricorn and cancer sure quarrel and "suan" each other...
the best is gemini....
real life example.... -
Originally posted by Yunhaier:
I believe in mythical terms, she can be associated with the characteristics of a berserker. She will explode and over time she will calm down and not remember anything, which is good for me. My flaw is I fight calmly, with reason, and difficult not to bear grudges, which is totally wrong. In that sense, divorce will likely to happen if your marriage persists in this way of management. There's only so much a person can endure before all hell break loose eventually. What you are doing now is merely to concede to her instability, but you are not anywhere near resolving it.
Looking at your plight, I doubt she is even emotionally-mature enough for marriage in the first place, as this readiness can only be certified by having evolved/transformed personalities, influenced solely by the power of love. Period. Anything else will usually result in massive quake of various degrees, when put together under one roof because marriage is the ultimate test in love.
One reality of marriage is that albeit most people will claim that love is the reason for their union, however, upon close examination, their love is hardly pristine. This 'love' they claimed to share, is often grossly mispresentated by emotional afflictions, circumstances or simply pressure from our biological clock.
I don't know if you ever realise this: but the sort of 'hurt' that she has gone through do not necessarily means full blame on her ex-boyfriend/s. In fact, it's probably her definition of love that she has brandished, akin to swinging a two-bladed axe, injuring herself as she slash at her ex-love when her inherent possessive nature dominates her emotions like a deranged warrior.
This is a vicious cycle, as her man will escape in face of such suffocation. When that happens, she will apt to exercise greater control because she will attribute her failure in love due to external factors, not because of her unevolved self.
I find it hard to believe that marriage without trust begins with love - I can tell you from my experience, it so much closer to that of fungi living on tree than the tree itself - fuelled primarily by the fear of isolation and loneliness.
Although I wouldn't recommend, but as a start, it might be beneficial if you can speak to her best/good friend/s and get them to talk to her. A marriage counsellor will still be a better option imho because I doubt you know how help yourself to avoid this impending doom and if somebody can open her soul and attempt to repair them, it might save your marriage from certain death.
If you want to see changes, the changes must happen from within - giving in is merely a short term measure that do not solve long term implications.
Cheers[/b]
It's not the trust part that worries me or her, it's me grumbling about the loss of freedom and her demanding to be Oracle. I'm a freedom activist, if I want my life to be freedom-less, I would have signed on with the army or something. But this is being with my wife, I would have tot a little support and freedom won't kill... -
Originally posted by DeadPoet:
[checked]Never both be angry at the same time.
[b]Ten Rules for a Happy Marriage
Never both be angry at the same time.
Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire.
If one of you has to win an argument, let it be your mate.
If you have it criticize, do it lovingly.
Never bring up mistakes of the past.
Neglect the whole world rather than each other.
Never go to sleep with an argument unsettled.
At least one everyday try to say one kind or complimentary thing to your lifeÂ’s partner.
When you have done something wrong, be ready to admit it and ask for forgiveness.
It takes two to make a quarrel, and the one in the wrong is the one who does the must talking. [/b]
[Fail]Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire.
[checked]If one of you has to win an argument, let it be your mate.
[checked]If you have it criticize, do it lovingly.
[double-checked]Never bring up mistakes of the past.
[checked]Neglect the whole world rather than each other.
[fail]Never go to sleep with an argument unsettled.
[fail]At least one everyday try to say one kind or complimentary thing to your lifeÂ’s partner.
[checked]When you have done something wrong, be ready to admit it and ask for forgiveness.
[ok, will take note]It takes two to make a quarrel, and the one in the wrong is the one who does the must talking.
HAHA! I also have
Words they will use...
Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means "something" and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "nothing" usually end in "fine" (see above) .
Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission, DON'T DO IT!
Loud Sigh: Although not actually a word, the loud sigh is often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".
That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements that woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
Thanks: This is the least used of all words in the female vocabulary. If a woman is thanking you. Do not question it, just say you're welcome and back out of the room slowly. -
Anyway, she has calmed down liao. I also apologised liao, don't know for what. So, hopefully everything will be OK.
Thanks for your replies
Will update if I can... -
whats the reason for your marriage?
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Listen buddy,whining about your wife here would only make you feel better for a while but the real problem is here to stay unless you get working on it pronto and have a serious talk with her.You say you love your wife and I am sure she loves you too so dont waste your time here and save yourself from the pain of a failed marriage.Adios Amigo! and come back with the good news!!Originally posted by Frustrated_guy:I believe in mythical terms, she can be associated with the characteristics of a berserker. She will explode and over time she will calm down and not remember anything, which is good for me. My flaw is I fight calmly, with reason, and difficult not to bear grudges, which is totally wrong.
It's not the trust part that worries me or her, it's me grumbling about the loss of freedom and her demanding to be Oracle. I'm a freedom activist, if I want my life to be freedom-less, I would have signed on with the army or something. But this is being with my wife, I would have tot a little support and freedom won't kill... -
Useless wife.
Throw away -
wa this is the best reply by far... yes im curious to know the reason...Originally posted by Pion:whats the reason for your marriage? -
Dont you feel frustrated that you have to apologise all the time despite you dont know what it is for?Originally posted by Frustrated_guy:Anyway, she has calmed down liao. I also apologised liao, don't know for what. So, hopefully everything will be OK.
Thanks for your replies
Will update if I can... -
wu yuen bu chen fu qi
wu cuo bu chen fu zi
that's why he call himself frustrated_guy mah
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Friend, I seriously would not advise u to choose the option unless it's the last option.
1st: Marriage is not like boyfren and galfren relationship. Once both have decided to get married..then in comes the word 'responsibility'. Marriage in itself is a committment to make the relationship last till the end of each other's life. If you or her are not prepared to make this commitment, then better remain as boyfren and galfren in the first place.
It's just a year of marriage. Both of u shd really sit down and voice out your grievances. I know inside your mind now...you have many grievances..like why she dun understand u..why she unreasonable etc etc. However, maybe your wife has another picture in her mind? Maybe there are certain things that she is keeping inside her which u did not realise? Communication is vital here. Let me remind u. It's just a year of marriage. Give it more chance. Maybe on her part...she is 'overwhelmed' by the sudden marriage commitment...maybe she is feeling insecure etc. We can carry on speculate....but let me tell u....a woman will not suddenly 'change' from a loving galfriend to a horrid wife in just a matter of a year. I believe there are more to it than meets the eye. Thus, a sincere communication between both of u is vital. No use speculating. There are many family experts who may act as mediator....dont' feel ashamed to seek their assistance....sometimes....through them.....you or your wife can communicate better...
2nd: If both of u reached the irreversible situation, then it's time to realise the aftermath of a divorce. Please note that Singapore law give more 'protection' to women..in the form of Women's Charter. Guys will most of the time lose out and they will have to continue providing for their ex-wives until she re-marries. If you have children and they are given custody to her, be prepared to pay more. Of cos not all cases will result in guys having to support their ex-wives. But most of the time, it's the guys who will have to fork out.
3rd: Have u ever thought of the consequences of divorce? Yes. you may be tempted at times. But consequences? What if u regret after the divorce?
Do yourself and your wife a favour. Seek a mediator. Communicate. Do not paint a picture that your wife is at fault. Or you are at fault. Thrash it out amiably and decide later. -
Hi Chrysalis_Guy,
Thanks for your advice. I think she also don't want divorce, but she said it mainly to spite me 'cause I don't like to hear it. Spouses really know how to hurt each other when they quarrel.
Anyway, I back with her liao. Atmosphere is better. I said she's such a berserker. She said yeah, she's the master berserker. HAHA! I hope this peace can last a week or more. -
why did you marry her in the first place???
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Bcos she is pretty and did not show her true colour before marriage.Originally posted by freedom4ever:why did you marry her in the first place???
when her true colour shown after marriage, he got a rude shock.
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To begin with, you have to first understand the motivation for your wife's anger and retort. I think it is clear that she is extremely insecure - her defense is always her worst fear because she thinks by bringing it out to the open as a 'weapon' it's her best protection because she 'said it first'. In many ways, it is how any animal would attack if it had been wounded - recklessly without considering how it would hurt itself.
And that's really what insecurity is about - an open wound that is always smarting and hurting with the smallest amount of agitation. The question is - why is she insecure? I think when both of you are calm, you should ask her - what do you need to do so that she feels secure?
The deeper issue though is that if a person has gone off tangent in her pursuit for security - which is what I think your wife has , obsessive about privacy so much that she resents any other competition for your attention - then I think what she demands from you will never be enough, its already an obsession.
Someone needs to put matters back into perspective for her. How to have a healthy relationship where trust and security exist as support for love, not chains. Perhaps you can try to share how much you care about the marriage, though I think you might consider marriage counselling eventually.
But for the time being, I think you need to realise she is not doing what she is doing to hurt you - that everytime she says things ilke this, she carves a deeper hurt and wound into herself that makes it harder for her to be recover. -
Most gals prefer to have baby after marriage. It is sort of a motherly instinct. Some couples think that having baby can solve matrimonial rift. Some couples felt that it is time to have baby as they are more financially stable or they began to feel that baby can bring them more joys.Originally posted by Frustrated_guy:Thanks for the advice. We do not have kids, but is trying to have 1. Divorce was never on my mind, but her endless suggestion during our arguments seem to affect me subconsciously.
She has put up this utlimatum. If this cycle she still no baby, then we go our separate ways. I hear liao want to cry. Do all girls do that when they angry?
However, a relationship got to be strong, cooperative before a couple is to have baby, as baby requires lots of work, monies, attention and most importantly love. Loving and cooperative couple should be able to endure such hardship and vice visa.
Since you love your wife and she loves you too, i do not understand why you two can have frequent quarrels. Do you know that some couples never quarrels
Relationship needs two hand to clap, your wife needed lots of time to learn about life.