This is too much!
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what u said may be true..Originally posted by necrolyt3:It is very pointless to point fingers at the guy since by psychological effect, we will always side with the one giving the story. It is sinful to give nasty comments on that guy when we are not inside the story. We dun have the power to judge people.
sggirls07, after so many posts by you, isn't it obvious that u still like him? Even if now hundreds of ppl say u should leave the guy, You will still not be able to convince urself.
If you think a bad guy is gd, he is gd. if u think a gd guy is bad, he is bad. All i can say is live with no regrets. The purpose of you writing this thread is simple. You like him, but you are resisting it forcefully. Why? If you are depending on sgforums ppl to give u a push, then sad to say you will only get biased results.
but what the plus point when she make the choice by going to this guy..
and get dumped later??
why make the mistake just by telling her self dun regret later????
loving a person.
is not a mistake if u are loving a RIGHT person..
Loving a person
is a mistake if it the WRONG person. -
since u have moved on with life then y r u still considering n giving datelines? its just ironic~
good luck -
unfortunately, most times, people don't know whether Right or Wrong until already lovedOriginally posted by spycampers:what u said may be true..
but what the plus point when she make the choice by going to this guy..
and get dumped later??
why make the mistake just by telling her self dun regret later????
loving a person.
is not a mistake if u are loving a RIGHT person..
Loving a person
is a mistake if it the WRONG person.
this goes for even married couples who been together for many many years and eventually get a divorce -
yeah, how would we know we have loved the right person or wrong person? there is no acid test.
And people change. -
Originally posted by sggirl07:
seriously, you just dump this guy.
Thank you girl for assuring me that.
Yes, you are right. he confused me with all those rubbish. That he is innocent, he didnt mean to lie to me that he is married, he didnt mean to lie to me that he has no kids (cos i asked very straightforwarly "are you married" he said no, and i went on asking "do you have kids" he said no again). And he said those things (he insisted they are not lies) cos he was a victim of circumstances, cos he spoke too fast! But hey, has he considered i am his victim? that he really [b]HAD LIED to me?
He is perpetually evasive. And when cornered, he lied. i remember how i cornered him when we were in a relationship. when i begin to suspect some thing was wrong, i asked him again "are you married, he tried to evade, but no, i wont take that for an answer, he said, no, he is not married.
He perpetually treating me in such ways i deem unreasonable, forever evasive, and yes, i went through the paradigm shift. i began to think that i was wrong, maybe. i begin to question myself. This morning, i woke up, and after reading your reply, i begin to understand, perhaps that is why so many gfs or wives help their bfs or husbands do ridiculous things, even like killing or raping.
Yes, he is forever depending on others for his own emotional stability and ego. he told me that pretty girl is so innoncent that she innoncently stroke his face and thigh, doesnt know that such acts are not platonic. she is always trying to hold his hands, doesnt know that such acts are not platonic. OH com'on, she works in entertainment line. she, only 21 years ol, had a 48 years old japanese bf before. does he think that she is so innocent? has no knowledge of seduction? or is he so innocent? he is not borned yesterday. he is in his 30s! or is he quietly stroking his own ego? yes, he depends on her, me and other girls for his own emotional stability and ego. And if that makes someone a loser, he then will be one.
Is he selffish? this is a qn i keep asking myself.
you made several very valid points. Thank you for your assurance, for telling me this is too much, for assuring me that he is disrespecting me and treating me as more inferior than him, for i am no longer able to tell black from white anymore.[/b] -
It is because you still have some feelings left for him. Maybe both of you have had some good times together? So you refuse to let the hope in you die, and you continue to hope (you might do this subconsciously) that he will change in the future...Originally posted by sggirl07:true...
honestly, i find myself delusional. after so much had happened, why do i still refuse to believe that he had never been sincere to even begin with?
But leopard never changes its spots... -
You will know if you stop being delusional and try to view the whole relationship as if you are an audience rather than an active participant. So many outsiders have told you that this guy ain't worth it, but because you can't detach yourself from your emotions and your attachment to this guy, you decided to continue to cling to whatever hope that is left like a single riftraft that would help to save you from drowning...Originally posted by sggirl07:yeah, how would we know we have loved the right person or wrong person? there is no acid test.
And people change. -
Oh, you are back agonising about the same guy again.Originally posted by sggirl07:My bf and i have broke up for half a year. This was my story.
http://www.sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=236155&page=0
For those who are lazy to read, to summarise, he was married and seperated, and asked me to wait for him for completion of his separation, which would be due by end march.
During this period of time, we barely met. manytimes, he agreed to meet, but last min had to cancel. and manytimes i asked to meet, he turned down saying he was busy
i waited for him, but when the deadline was approaching, he continued to be evasive. still so reluctant to answer my qns on things, and when i asked when can we meet, he said maybe april. i was so mad and i felt that he was stringing me along. Confronted him , but he was still evasive.
so we broke up in end march.
Recently he called me, claimed that he has divorced, asked me to patch up. So i asked for time to think. we communicate via email, msn and phone. he asked to meet. i turned him down. as i think it is not a gd idea to let emotion overtake gd judgement, and you really wont know how things will turn out after meeting up. he agreed. i think it is fair to only set a deadline, so i told him i will let him know the answer by october. he agreed too.
all this while, i have been considering. And all this while, he has asked to meet occasionally, i turned him down.
this morning, he insist that he wants to meet me this weekend, and want things to 'move', cos he is lonely and he is refraining himself from getting involved in other relationship while waiting for me.
i feel that this is absurd. this is too much. so if he wants, he can ignore me totally and dont meet me at all even though we were together (ie a couple). and now he is lonely, i must meet him despite i need the time to have a clear mind to think?
Is he disregarding my feelings? Does he really think i am a inferior being to him? Does he even respect me at all?
Heard this somewhere, and I thought it is pretty applicable to your situation.
"If you have misgivings about a relationship, probably it's not for you."
If a man cannot even be bothered to be honest with you and communicate openly with you, no matter what other essential ingredients of a good relationship exist, the relationship is heading towards its doom.
To answer your questions directly. Yes, he does not care about your feelings and he does not respect you. -
wow economics. i think he is using the 'pretty girl' as leverage to boost his image. that he could have other girls but want YOU. just think through what you want and dont rush things.Originally posted by sggirl07:He is probably thinking that by waiting for me this time, he has to abstain from involving from other girls, which include a very pretty girl (in accordance with him) who is chasing him.
But isnt this supposed to be the way? You give up our relaltionship when you were that irresponsible. now, if you want it back, show some sincerity instead of thinking about opportunity costs! -
dump the damn loser.
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It is folly to date a married man. Improper relationships always lead to trouble for everybody.
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I think TS sorta move on from this relationship but she still feels indignant about the whole thing, thats all.
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The mountain is high, andOriginally posted by ILPSY:I think TS sorta move on from this relationship but she still feels indignant about the whole thing, thats all.
the ocean is wide.
Come drink with me! -
Then in that case, this thread has a better home in Whinehouse than in AA.Originally posted by ILPSY:I think TS sorta move on from this relationship but she still feels indignant about the whole thing, thats all.
Dear TS: Click the link in my siggy for all your ranting needs. -
Isn't that the source of your own predicament in the first place?Originally posted by sggirl07:Good morning!
no, there you go, you are wrong again. he should be showing his sincerity because he wants a relationship.
Sincerity is a essential ingredient in any relationship! I should show my too. no?
You have a set of values you expect others to abide by and anything that falls short is rendered a failure on the part of others. Would you step back for a moment and try looking at things from his perspective?
That said, if you're so keen to ensure you get a fair deal and that he should be showing his sincerity because you're showing yours, instead of being prepared to give selflessly, why bother being in a relationship in the first place? That way, you won't need to worry about giving more than you receive!
Of course, if you think he's taking you for granted, that's quite another matter and you ought to know when to call time on your relationship, but how anyone in a relationship can have a mindset like yours is beyond me.
Over the course of a lifetime (assuming your marriage would even last that long with your mindset), it's quite obvious both parties aren't going to receive more than what they give - if you can't live with that, why not enjoy your singlehood? -
Originally posted by walesa:
continue to give selflessly (which i did!) and continued to be deceived?
Isn't that the source of your own predicament in the first place?
You have a set of values you expect others to abide by and anything that falls short is rendered a failure on the part of others. Would you step back for a moment and try looking at things from [b]his perspective?
That said, if you're so keen to ensure you get a fair deal and that he should be showing his sincerity because you're showing yours, instead of being prepared to give selflessly, why bother being in a relationship in the first place? That way, you won't need to worry about giving more than you receive!
Of course, if you think he's taking you for granted, that's quite another matter and you ought to know when to call time on your relationship, but how anyone in a relationship can have a mindset like yours is beyond me.
Over the course of a lifetime (assuming your marriage would even last that long with your mindset), it's quite obvious both parties aren't going to receive more than what they give - if you can't live with that, why not enjoy your singlehood?[/b]
you think you can accept a married woman (who lied to you that she is single outrightly) as gf, and kept lying to you and kept stringing you along? But when you call it quits, she asked to come back, but when you said you need time to think, she threatens you with another man how he seducing her and chasing her? tell you she want to see you tomorrow cos she is so lonely, but if you dont see her, she may give in to her loneliness and be with that man.
If you think you can accept such a woman, good luck to you.
If you can walk your talk, then talk your talk. -
Avoid and ignore this man. Otherwise you will end up as another victim of this man. What has happened to his wife, will happen to you too. This man is a two timer.
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You better get out fast before it is too late.Originally posted by norm:Avoid and ignore this man. Otherwise you will end up as another victim of this man. What has happened to his wife, will happen to you too. This man is a two timer.
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Which goes back to what everyone has been asking you: Why are you bothered so much about this?Originally posted by sggirl07:If you think you can accept such a woman, good luck to you.
If you can walk your talk, then talk your talk.
Like I said, if your purpose of creating this thread is to rant about his behaviour, then this thread doesn't belong in AA but in Whinehouse. -
Originally posted by sggirl07:My bf and i have broke up for half a year. This was my story.
http://www.sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=236155&page=0
For those who are lazy to read, to summarise, he was married and seperated, and asked me to wait for him for completion of his separation, which would be due by end march.
During this period of time, we barely met. manytimes, he agreed to meet, but last min had to cancel. and manytimes i asked to meet, he turned down saying he was busy
i waited for him, but when the deadline was approaching, he continued to be evasive. still so reluctant to answer my qns on things, and when i asked when can we meet, he said maybe april. i was so mad and i felt that he was stringing me along. Confronted him , but he was still evasive.
so we broke up in end march.
Recently he called me, claimed that he has divorced, asked me to patch up. So i asked for time to think. we communicate via email, msn and phone. he asked to meet. i turned him down. as i think it is not a gd idea to let emotion overtake gd judgement, and you really wont know how things will turn out after meeting up. he agreed. i think it is fair to only set a deadline, so i told him i will let him know the answer by october. he agreed too.
all this while, i have been considering. And all this while, he has asked to meet occasionally, i turned him down.
this morning, he insist that he wants to meet me this weekend, and want things to 'move', cos he is lonely and he is refraining himself from getting involved in other relationship while waiting for me.
i feel that this is absurd. this is too much. so if he wants, he can ignore me totally and dont meet me at all even though we were together (ie a couple). and now he is lonely, i must meet him despite i need the time to have a clear mind to think?
Is he disregarding my feelings? Does he really think i am a inferior being to him? Does he even respect me at all?
It seemed that your karmic bonds with him have yet to be severed because if it truly does, whatever he does, say or want wouldn't even compromise your original stand of wanting out initially.
If happiness is paramount to any relationship we are in; it seemed that you have wasted your emotions for more than half a year and yet decided to any significant decision to get him out of your life and move on.
You have chosen to end the relationship, but not your spiritual bonds with him. Your suffering derives largely from your karmic bonds with this man - not merely just the relationship.
Perhaps you are right about you being delusional; at this current stage, you are still questioning if he's disregarding your feelings? If you are the sort of person who needs absolute definite answer to any particular question, you will probably get none from him. He has been using this strategy to bind you emotionally (probably his ex-wife as well) and it's still rather effective till date because you are still affected and failed to be nonchalant.
If being evasive on his part can grant him the opportunity to stop you from walking out of him altogether - however remote - he would probably reckon that what are his chances if he's all open and honest, you wouldn't? It's akin to a salesman telling you everything bad about the product - would you buy something that gives you no incentive to purchase it?
This man reeks of a deceptive aura; albeit having a broken marriage isn't criminal, but surely, his failure in marriage suggested much about his inner condition that contributed at least 50% of the crumbling relationship with his ex-wife.
The theory is simple; if he's open, honest and all that positive qualities to assist his relationship to a better flow and outcome, a divorce isn't likely to take place because it would have saved his marriage instead. It is precisely because of his twisted emotional condition that manifested itself negatively that causes such upheaval and chaotic state in aspects of his love relationship.
Also people, before you start condemning man/woman coming out of failed marriage, I prayed that you have an open mind to understand that marriage isn't always the final judgement of love in our relationship - that component is always determined by our individual cosmic lessons. Some people do not have that good fortune to love happily-ever-after after marriage because for some, it's where their lessons in love truly begin.
Our failure in love provides us the opportunity to understand love as unique individuals because essentially, how our emotions developed is based on our life experiences: how I grow and developed emotionally is vastly different from how each and every one of you does. But the bottom-line is that if we fail in seeking whatever enlightenment needed to achieve a break through from our doleful state in love, our cosmic lessons will reiterate itself until we perish trying.
It's no crime in loving a man/woman having out from a failed marriage - your choice only matters if you are loving an evolved individual or the same figure that 'manslaughtered' his/her relationship previously.
Which do you reckoned that your man belongs to?
Cheers -
No we dont think that he divorced his wife is an asshole.Originally posted by GermKiller:Wah u all say until this guy like raped the girl like that!
All i can say to u guys is get off your moral high horse.
Do u guys know this fella?
Dunno right!
You guys are only hearing 1 side of the story then condem people until like he damn jialat . Best part u guys dun even know this fella.
Does it mean that he divorce his wife for another girl he is an asshole?
But we all do think that hes a damn cowards shtt asshole cuz playing with other gals while hes still with his wife? Thats unforgiven and betrayal to his wife man.. Or you think its noble ? We dont know this fella but we know whats happening, dude !!
What r you ? Are you HIM ? i think you dont see wats happenning here or mayb you are really HIM defending your stupid ass.. -
TS,
I think u have clearer mind now of what he is.. first and foremost, sorry for my earlier post. Didnt know he lied bout hes single.
He's not worth for you to love.. and you knew it since beginning. Just the delusion make u wonder bout it..
I think you know clearly of what you really want now.. I hope you move on and be more careful with stupid shyt ass guy.
Me too need to go on.. Im delusinal bout my ex anyway.. but i knw shes not worth it.. just couldnt help it but i guess thats the only way.. -
dun, ur reply doesn't seem to correspond with what i mentioned, u ok anotOriginally posted by angel7030:U dun have to visit pro just because you got no GF rite? Go out of the cave, stop playing games, wasted so much time playing games and porn till gf also forget. You should have classmate, college, relatives, frens to chill out, learn to socialise, dun be a thrifty, spend a bit, be jovious, and dun be afraid of failure in losing a gf you want very much, just let go and find again, very soon, you will have one that love you so much. And of course, you have to look at yourself and dun expect the high end beauti and sexy like movie star type ok. Be simple, jovious, fun to be with and civilise, and dun use the middle finger.
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from what u wrote again, there is really nothing much to say.....u already fomulated ur perception so stick to ur decision & dun even entertain him, forget about the October deadline.Originally posted by sggirl07:continue to give selflessly (which i did!) and continued to be deceived?
you think you can accept a married woman (who lied to you that she is single outrightly) as gf, and kept lying to you and kept stringing you along? But when you call it quits, she asked to come back, but when you said you need time to think, she threatens you with another man how he seducing her and chasing her? tell you she want to see you tomorrow cos she is so lonely, but if you dont see her, she may give in to her loneliness and be with that man.
If you think you can accept such a woman, good luck to you.
If you can walk your talk, then talk your talk.
U will never forgive him, if u decide to continue, be prepared to get hurt again but dun start digging up the past on how he deceived you coz it was ur decision to carry on
best of luck
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yap say like this problem solvedOriginally posted by de_middle:just tell him that it is not possible anymore......problem solved
i agree with de_middle
you must fark these kind of guys
no respect to the other's feeling