help me win her back.
-
i agree with the criticism i have received so far. some of my guy friends have already hurled such abuse at me, "siao ah? leave then leave la - ocean full of fish welcome back to bachelorhood". likewise, her girl friends have also been harsh, "you can't do that to a girl, that's the worst thing you can do" - this much i expected.
doko - like you said, i had no idea what/what not to do; guys/girls think and behave differently; now that i have done the worst thing that is to beg her, what should i do? i know you said let go, but i'm saying, what can i do besides let go - let her cool off then woo her back? how can i get her to see that i really have changed, and that i deserve just one more chance? like i said in my earlier posts, i really didn't know she had given me all these chances - how can you solve a problem you don't know exists? - do you really think i want to, and will hurt her deliberately? i don't! have always been her rock, and want to continue to be her rock.
boka/doko - it's true; i was an mcp, alot of pride when it came to her, and that i may be a wussy and as i already said, some of my guy friends have already started to say/think so. rather, i believe me being an mcp was a mistake to begin with. now that i see that's wrong, that that is not the way i should be treating my better half who has contributed as much into this relationship as i have, i have changed - i don't think it makes me a wussy. maybe, you should forsake your pride too (when it comes to your partner at least).
i'm also beginning to get damn paranoid that she will see this thread, since some of the female posters have said "don't beg, don't beg" and i have just completely laid myself out there inside here. is there anyway i can delete this thread or .. ? -
Guys,
Pride, pride and more pride.
You think guys are the only one with pride ?
Women don't have pride issit ?
C'mon, pride or no pride. How much is your pride worth ?
Is it worth it to insist on protecting your pride when you know what you are doing is hurting the one you love ?
Wrong or right, it's ok to let the other person back down with dignity.
You think you are right, she think she is right.
So, who is at the wrong ?
You think you are right, but are you fit to be your own judge ? -
Hard to wrritten in context... But I give example. TS mention sometimes,he did something wrong but he still refuse to admit it just becos the person the person he is going to admit his mistakes is his gf.. That's where yr pride is overdone and negative. Too much Pride overshadow what is right and what is wrong!Originally posted by boka:How do u define negative?
If i'm in the wrong in any occasion,i'll apologise but if the other party is in the wrong,then my pride says i'm in control and i let the wrong no room to manuever. -
i agree. i was wrong. so many times she gave in, too many times of which she was right. but now that i see, and have changed - what should i do?Originally posted by jojobeach:Guys,
Pride, pride and more pride.
You think guys are the only one with pride ?
Women don't have pride issit ?
C'mon, pride or no pride. How much is your pride worth ?
Is it worth it to insist on protecting your pride when you know what you are doing is hurting the one you love ?
Wrong or right, it's ok to let the other person back down with dignity.
You think you are right, she think she is right.
So, who is at the wrong ?
You think you are right, but are you fit to be your own judge ?
-
Just so everyone knows: i am currently giving her her space, the space she asked me to give after i hounded her for days at first (like i said, guys/girls think differently, react differently - just look at the posts, some people say keep pressuring her, but alot of the girls say give her space - which i now understand and agree).
But how long more should I not contact her? 1 week? 3 weeks? 6 weeks? I haven't yet received a unanimous respond by girls in this regard - some say 3 days, some say 1 week, some say 2 weeks ... -
o then he's different from me in the way he and i use our pride.Originally posted by CannyOng:Hard to wrritten in context... But I give example. TS mention sometimes,he did something wrong but he still refuse to admit it just becos the person the person he is going to admit his mistakes is his gf.. That's where yr pride is overdone and negative. Too much Pride overshadow what is right and what is wrong! -
So u got it?Originally posted by boka:o then he's different from me in the way he and i use our pride.
A guy with pride and MCP is 2 different thing... -
3mnths.Originally posted by sgx088:i agree. i was wrong. so many times she gave in, too many times of which she was right. but now that i see, and have changed - what should i do?
-
Just so everyone knows: i am currently giving her her space, the space she asked me to give after i hounded her for days at first (like i said, guys/girls think differently, react differently - just look at the posts, some people say keep pressuring her, but alot of the girls say give her space - which i now understand and agree).
But how long more should I not contact her? 1 week? 3 weeks? 6 weeks? I haven't yet received a unanimous respond by girls in this regard - some say 3 days, some say 1 week, some say 2 weeks ... -
I think he's MCp and not a prideful person.Originally posted by CannyOng:So u got it?
A guy with pride and MCP is 2 different thing... -
You have been bad for quite a while to this person and she didnt just snap.You said that it was over something trivial not worth mentioning but I am afraid it does.Two people stay together for one of these two reasons a)Love b) habit.If it is habit you will get her back soon but if it is about love then she is out of your life for good.So deal with it!
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sgx088,Originally posted by sgx088:i agree. i was wrong. so many times she gave in, too many times of which she was right. but now that i see, and have changed - what should i do?
-
Just so everyone knows: i am currently giving her her space, the space she asked me to give after i hounded her for days at first (like i said, guys/girls think differently, react differently - just look at the posts, some people say keep pressuring her, but alot of the girls say give her space - which i now understand and agree).
But how long more should I not contact her? 1 week? 3 weeks? 6 weeks? I haven't yet received a unanimous respond by girls in this regard - some say 3 days, some say 1 week, some say 2 weeks ...
You have been with her for 4 years.
Are you saying you still don't understand her ?
How long does it take for her to cool down ?
She sounds like a rational person, I'd give her 2 days.
Don't let her be alone for too long, it is unwise.
I want you to do this.
Write down your promises and have it framed.
example :
I promise,
I will control my temper.
I will not be unreasonable.
I will listen to what you have to say.
I will not insist to win in arguments...
etc etc.
Send it to her personally with a rose, and let her know that you would like her to com back and put this on the walls of your home.
If in the future you argue again, tell her to point to it , remind you of your promises.
After you have done this, wait patiently and cross your fingers. -
When you don't know what to do, do nothing. This is what happens when a girl saps away your energy.Originally posted by sgx088:i agree with the criticism i have received so far. some of my guy friends have already hurled such abuse at me, "siao ah? leave then leave la - ocean full of fish welcome back to bachelorhood". likewise, her girl friends have also been harsh, "you can't do that to a girl, that's the worst thing you can do" - this much i expected.
doko - like you said, i had no idea what/what not to do; guys/girls think and behave differently; now that i have done the worst thing that is to beg her, what should i do? i know you said let go, but i'm saying, what can i do besides let go - let her cool off then woo her back? how can i get her to see that i really have changed, and that i deserve just one more chance? like i said in my earlier posts, i really didn't know she had given me all these chances - how can you solve a problem you don't know exists? - do you really think i want to, and will hurt her deliberately? i don't! have always been her rock, and want to continue to be her rock.
boka/doko - it's true; i was an mcp, alot of pride when it came to her, and that i may be a wussy and as i already said, some of my guy friends have already started to say/think so. rather, i believe me being an mcp was a mistake to begin with. now that i see that's wrong, that that is not the way i should be treating my better half who has contributed as much into this relationship as i have, i have changed - i don't think it makes me a wussy. maybe, you should forsake your pride too (when it comes to your partner at least).
i'm also beginning to get damn paranoid that she will see this thread, since some of the female posters have said "don't beg, don't beg" and i have just completely laid myself out there inside here. is there anyway i can delete this thread or .. ?
This is what you do:
Right now, your mind is in a state of mess. Whatever you do will actually backfire because you are not in an optimum state of mental condition.
What you should do is give yourself time to calm down and collect your thoughts properly. Try to be as rational as you can be.
Right now, she has already told you not to call her. This means she does not want to see you, at least for some time--don't ask me how long because it's up to her.
1)eat well, sleep well, exercise and have a good social life.
2)don't chase girls and talk to your friends about your problems.
3)get away from those insult you or criticise you especially those negative people. They are the last kind of people you need.
4)if possible, delete her hp number, home telephone number, friendster, msn address, email. Cut off all contacts/links with her.
5)live the life you normally live before this breakup.
doko -
Jojo - thank you, that's a good idea. 2 days .. I think it's too short, don't forget I hounded her for a couple of days before that and pissed her off way more ... I want to give her a few weeks, but I can't find that right balance - you're right .. too long, and she might move on ... but too short, i'd piss her off again (just like i did when i hounded her)
Doko - thanks, will try ot follow through (and i definitely will not be chasing girls) ... but when u said how long is up to her ... it's a circular argument ... because -> how long? -> up to her -> but she's not speaking to me -> how long? What do you think? -
Doko,
Sometimes, men talks too much. They don't know when to keep their mouth shut.
Many relationships could have been salvaged, if only the men would just stop digging deeper into their own graves with their mouths.
Many times, all a woman need is assurance that things will improve.
But too many times, the men has to say the wrong thing at the wrong time.
For a woman to tolerate a MCP for 4 years, she is a rarity.
Wouldn't you agree ? -
Then TS shall not deserve his gf? haha.. Good his gf dump him!Originally posted by jojobeach:Doko,
Sometimes, men talks too much. They don't know when to keep their mouth shut.
Many relationships could have been salvaged, if only the men would just stop digging deeper into their own graves with their mouths.
Many times, all a woman need is assurance that things will improve.
But too many times, the men has to say the wrong thing at the wrong time.
For a woman to tolerate a MCP for 4 years, she is a rarity.
Wouldn't you agree ?
TS,yr gf deserve someone better wo. -
There are many ways to hound a person.Originally posted by sgx088:Jojo - thank you, that's a good idea. 2 days .. I think it's too short, don't forget I hounded her for a couple of days before that and pissed her off way more ... I want to give her a few weeks, but I can't find that right balance - you're right .. too long, and she might move on ... but too short, i'd piss her off again (just like i did when i hounded her)
Doko - thanks, will try ot follow through (and i definitely will not be chasing girls) ... but when u said how long is up to her ... it's a circular argument ... because -> how long? -> up to her -> but she's not speaking to me -> how long? What do you think?
How was your approach ? MCP-ish again ?
What you need to do is not to hound her, what you need is COAX her.
Remember, all women only " eat soft, don't eat harsh" approach. -
Coax. Definitely coax. Though like I said, when coaxing after an hour didn't work, I begged - which as you said, wrong wrong wrong. Kept sending her smses asking how was her day, that i missed her badly. When night came, even worse, called her ... I mean i really just watned to hear her voice ... so hard being alone at night, in our house, surrounded by our things, memories etc.Originally posted by jojobeach:There are many ways to hound a person.
How was your approach ? MCP-ish again ?
What you need to do is not to hound her, what you need is COAX her. -
Originally posted by jojobeach:sgx088,
You have been with her for 4 years.
Are you saying you still don't understand her ?
How long does it take for her to cool down ?
She sounds like a rational person, I'd give her 2 days.
Don't let her be alone for too long, it is unwise.
I want you to do this.
Write down your promises and have it framed.
example :
I promise,
I will control my temper.
I will not be unreasonable.
I will listen to what you have to say.
I will not insist to win in arguments...
etc etc.
Send it to her personally with a rose, and let her know that you would like her to com back and put this on the walls of your home.
If in the future you argue again, tell her to point to it , remind you of your promises.
After you have done this, wait patiently and cross your fingers.
Thats really cute & romantic but dont forget that Mr Ego still around and here to stay.This is something she has realised even without much help from her friends -
Right now, I really think you should be focusing on your state of mind than focus on chasing her back. When a girl realises how strong you are when you can live without her, she might consider you again.Originally posted by sgx088:Jojo - thank you, that's a good idea. 2 days .. I think it's too short, don't forget I hounded her for a couple of days before that and pissed her off way more ... I want to give her a few weeks, but I can't find that right balance - you're right .. too long, and she might move on ... but too short, i'd piss her off again (just like i did when i hounded her)
Doko - thanks, will try ot follow through (and i definitely will not be chasing girls) ... but when u said how long is up to her ... it's a circular argument ... because -> how long? -> up to her -> but she's not speaking to me -> how long? What do you think?
But...
hounding her again especially now is a waste of time, energy and effort. That's why it's best to not contact her at all. Recollect your thoughts and recompose yourself again. You need to get back to being yourself and be in the best moods possible.
For me, when it's over, it over for her too. I don't know how to give you an estimation. It can be 6 months or 3 months or one year. And the reason she wants to be with you may not be because she still loves you. It could be because she is also lonely and she cannot find another guy.
But the most important thing now is: rebuild your life again without her because girls absolutely hate needy dudes.
doko -
Asking her how was her day, or that you missed her badly, does not indicate you are willing to change.Originally posted by sgx088:Coax. Definitely coax. Though like I said, when coaxing after an hour didn't work, I begged - which as you said, wrong wrong wrong. Kept sending her smses asking how was her day, that i missed her badly. When night came, even worse, called her ... I mean i really just watned to hear her voice ... so hard being alone at night, in our house, surrounded by our things, memories etc.
She needs to know you have realized your mistakes and will not do it again.
She needs to know, you WILL change for her. -
You need to get out of the " ME ME ME" mindset.
And start thinking about what you can do for HER. -
I guess you are right.Originally posted by jojobeach:Doko,
Sometimes, men talks too much. They don't know when to keep their mouth shut.
Many relationships could have been salvaged, if only the men would just stop digging deeper into their own graves with their mouths.
Many times, all a woman need is assurance that things will improve.
But too many times, the men has to say the wrong thing at the wrong time.
For a woman to tolerate a MCP for 4 years, she is a rarity.
Wouldn't you agree ?
But the problem is being the insensitive creatures we are, we don't know how to read signals and out comes the bombshell that we are being unwanted.
She can be rare but she is still a woman. She drops a bombshell that is so shell-shocked to threadstarter. She is pretending to be in love before the breakup. She knows she wants to breakup, just don't know how to break the news to him... So common in all women in relationships.
That's where the problem lies. Women don't communicate everything to their men.
doko -
jojo you are completely right. I did send her smses everyday listing my mistakes and how I finally saw them, asking for a change, but all she did was come back even more pissed. i really don't dare to contact her now. which is why i don't know when i should contact her.
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One more thing threadstarter:
don't listen to all our advices blindly.
We are just providing guidelines. You live the life you want. You decide what you want. Make your judgements properly.
Don't think everyone is always correct in what they say, including me.
doko -
Sir,Originally posted by dokono:I guess you are right.
But the problem is being the insensitive creatures we are, we don't know how to read signals and out comes the bombshell that we are being unwanted.
She can be rare but she is still a woman. She drops a bombshell that is so shell-shocked to threadstarter. She is pretending to be in love before the breakup. She knows she wants to breakup, just don't know how to break the news to him... So common in all women in relationships.
That's where the problem lies. Women don't communicate everything to their men.
doko
Pardon me for my directness.
Don't you think perhaps, women does communicate many things to their men, and the problem also lies with men hearing but NOT LISTENING ?
Shell-shocked ? My toes are laughing.
If you are a rational man, you'd have seen this bomb coming at ya thousands of miles away.
Even if you feed a stray dog for many months, if you keep kicking and pulling it, you are not expecting that one day, it will BITE BACK ?
C'mon, perhaps reality is harsher than you might believe ?
Woman express their emotions much more often than men does.
And many times, it is classified as naggings by the men. -
Sincerity and patience breach resistance!Originally posted by sgx088:jojo you are completely right. I did send her smses everyday listing my mistakes and how I finally saw them, asking for a change, but all she did was come back even more pissed. i really don't dare to contact her now. which is why i don't know when i should contact her.