help me win her back.
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fineOriginally posted by browniebaobao:it's something ginna like u will not understand.
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I used the word happy not gayOriginally posted by jojobeach:LOL.. that sound sooo gay.
OK back to work !
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Hello,Originally posted by dokono:Yes I do agree with you many men are not listening.
Then why aren't the women saying it ? loud and clear? Speak their minds what they want.
Men cannot read minds. Women display a host of behaviours for various reasons. You can't expect us to read too much into everything right ?
lol
doko
sometime woman can't read woman also lor.
And sometime woman can't read man too. -
Everyone, thank you for the advice and support you have given me.
I would like to conclude all of this now.
Just now, I locked myself out when I went for a smoke ... wasn't thinking ... Unwittingly and instinctively, I showed up at where she was staying. It's walking distance so it didn't matter that I did not drive ...
I was just dazed; so I called her sis, and asked her what to do. She told me to leave. Just as I was leaving, I saw her come back ... with a guy, he had his arm around her, and she was leaning into him - they looked happy and she was smiling at him, as he her. And she saw me. She confronted me ... we talked ... I said everything I had to, but she wouldn't come back, she said she snapped - that she didn't love me anymore. She said the guy was just comforting her, and I ... I ... I give her the benefit of the doubt, not like what I think matters anymore.
At first when I created this thread, I had not had a chance to speak to her when she was calm (as I said, she was just berserk) - I could not have closure. Which was why I asked how to win her back. But seeing her say that she did not love me anymore, calmly ... hurt so much, but I now have closure .. although I am hurting more than I ever have. Seeing her with another guy made me feel even worst knowing that I used to be that guy. I just hope she doesn't do something she regrets later in a moment of spite, especially seeing me, and I definitely hope that guy isn't just preying on her vulnerability - but she's an adult, and I have faith in her ... I hope ... I always did have faith in her when we were together, but now ... I just hope
I don't intend to win her back anymore, and she told me not to let her see me or hear from me in the next 6 months - after that, if I want, I can try to chase her back as any normal guy can.
In 6 mths time, if my love for her still holds true, I will try and chase her, just like any other guy out there. I drove her away, and I can blame no one but myself for what went wrong, and the outcome today. Hopefully, nonetheless, I will be able to bring about a happy ending between us someday, eventually.
I hope you guys will keep supporting me through this very painful time - we were de facto partners (people cohabitating together, and in a very lnog term relationship) so this was not any normal relationship ... it's just like a divorce.
But I now have closure ... but it hurts so much
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Hope u have the mistakes from this important lesson... Don't repeat again.Originally posted by sgx088:Everyone, thank you for the advice and support you have given me.
I would like to conclude all of this now.
Just now, I locked myself out when I went for a smoke ... wasn't thinking ... Unwittingly and instinctively, I showed up at where she was staying. It's walking distance so it didn't matter that I did not drive ...
I was just dazed; so I called her sis, and asked her what to do. She told me to leave. Just as I was leaving, I saw her come back ... with a guy, he had his arm around her, and she was leaning into him - they looked happy and she was smiling at him, as he her. And she saw me. She confronted me ... we talked ... I said everything I had to, but she wouldn't come back, she said she snapped - that she didn't love me anymore. She said the guy was just comforting her, and I ... I ... I give her the benefit of the doubt, not like what I think matters anymore.
At first when I created this thread, I had not had a chance to speak to her when she was calm (as I said, she was just berserk) - I could not have closure. Which was why I asked how to win her back. But seeing her say that she did not love me anymore, calmly ... hurt so much, but I now have closure .. although I am hurting more than I ever have. Seeing her with another guy made me feel even worst knowing that I used to be that guy. I just hope she doesn't do something she regrets later in a moment of spite, especially seeing me, and I definitely hope that guy isn't just preying on her vulnerability - but she's an adult, and I have faith in her ... I hope ... I always did have faith in her when we were together, but now ... I just hope
I don't intend to win her back anymore, and she told me not to let her see me or hear from me in the next 6 months - after that, if I want, I can try to chase her back as any normal guy can.
In 6 mths time, if my love for her still holds true, I will try and chase her, just like any other guy out there. I drove her away, and I can blame no one but myself for what went wrong, and the outcome today. Hopefully, nonetheless, I will be able to bring about a happy ending between us someday, eventually.
I hope you guys will keep supporting me through this very painful time - we were de facto partners (people cohabitating together, and in a very lnog term relationship) so this was not any normal relationship ... it's just like a divorce.
But I now have closure ... but it hurts so much -
Let me tell u a story.Originally posted by sgx088:Everyone, thank you for the advice and support you have given me.
I would like to conclude all of this now.
Just now, I locked myself out when I went for a smoke ... wasn't thinking ... Unwittingly and instinctively, I showed up at where she was staying. It's walking distance so it didn't matter that I did not drive ...
I was just dazed; so I called her sis, and asked her what to do. She told me to leave. Just as I was leaving, I saw her come back ... with a guy, he had his arm around her, and she was leaning into him - they looked happy and she was smiling at him, as he her. And she saw me. She confronted me ... we talked ... I said everything I had to, but she wouldn't come back, she said she snapped - that she didn't love me anymore. She said the guy was just comforting her, and I ... I ... I give her the benefit of the doubt, not like what I think matters anymore.
At first when I created this thread, I had not had a chance to speak to her when she was calm (as I said, she was just berserk) - I could not have closure. Which was why I asked how to win her back. But seeing her say that she did not love me anymore, calmly ... hurt so much, but I now have closure .. although I am hurting more than I ever have. Seeing her with another guy made me feel even worst knowing that I used to be that guy. I just hope she doesn't do something she regrets later in a moment of spite, especially seeing me, and I definitely hope that guy isn't just preying on her vulnerability - but she's an adult, and I have faith in her ... I hope ... I always did have faith in her when we were together, but now ... I just hope
I don't intend to win her back anymore, and she told me not to let her see me or hear from me in the next 6 months - after that, if I want, I can try to chase her back as any normal guy can.
In 6 mths time, if my love for her still holds true, I will try and chase her, just like any other guy out there. I drove her away, and I can blame no one but myself for what went wrong, and the outcome today. Hopefully, nonetheless, I will be able to bring about a happy ending between us someday, eventually.
I hope you guys will keep supporting me through this very painful time - we were de facto partners (people cohabitating together, and in a very lnog term relationship) so this was not any normal relationship ... it's just like a divorce.
But I now have closure ... but it hurts so much
There was once a guy who love a gal so much to the point of going to the extend of trying hard and doing the best he could for 3 years but yet it did not move her one bit.
It left nothing that he did not attempt to win her heart,name it.
He had been rejected upteen times and each rejection left him really depressed and void.
Every day of that years he though of her,not literally but mentally.
The last straw came and everything that starts have an ending and it just so happen the pen of fate chose a terrible ending to add colours to his collections.
She was the first and will be the last.
The guy knew that he will never stand a chance but he could not back down either so he decided to let her kill his heart so as to sign an ending.
he prayed to GOD to remove the pain but he did not,so he turned to satan,asking him to make a trade..a deal to trade his ability to love to be non-chalant.
Now he is happy and numb to anything emotional.
Have u learnt something from what this guy has gone thro? -
so he has a change of heart la?
sigh..
pat pat TS*
perhaps 6 months will lessen the pain..
but then, be glad that u two were ever truly deeply in love with each other. -
Here is to TS.Now you are talking like a Gentleman who knows what is responsibility for your action.Life is not that simple and you dont always win.I was hard on you with my remarks earlier because Ive been there and done that.I wasnt going to reassure you anything or comfort you because of the possible outcome of your situation....so now you know and you can move on.Take care and hope you meet another wonderful person soon.
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We learn today that you cannot suka suka reasure people about love unless you are involve in it yourself.You think broken hearted people are like Boomerang izzit>?Originally posted by jojobeach:OK.
Desperate times calls for desperate measures.
If you believe in her, this storm shall pass.
As for Boka.....your story about Conan the Barbarian was interesting too~ -
Gd to hear that you have come to a decision.
Nothing last forever, time to move on.
Be an adult, faced your rejection and learn from your mistakes.
I'm in same situation as you, just now mine is 2 years. Like someone said, u know her better than us. Judge by yourself whether you still have chances in the future.
But first learn to be friends again
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haha, don't contradict yourself with "I don't intend to win her back anymore" and "to bring about a happy ending between us" in your conclusion.Originally posted by sgx088:I don't intend to win her back anymore, and she told me not to let her see me or hear from me in the next 6 months - after that, if I want, I can try to chase her back as any normal guy can.
In 6 mths time, if my love for her still holds true, I will try and chase her, just like any other guy out there. I drove her away, and I can blame no one but myself for what went wrong, and the outcome today. Hopefully, nonetheless, I will be able to bring about a happy ending between us someday, eventually.
It should be this, "In 6 mths time, if my love for her still holds true, I try to be friends with her again."
Once break unless the girl still wants to contact with u, then its consider as still friends. -
I can tell u la . It is over lo. You just make her interest rate towards you to a big fat ZERO. Normally MCP will get her interest rate high enough for a period of time. Because ur MCP shows that u are a MAN. woo. Non-MCP members are people who knows to say sorry when they know they are wrong and maintain ur posture or view when ur girlfirend is wrong. This prevent u to be wussy or MCP but maintain ur image as a MAN. But after certain amount of ur MCP 'torture' , she started to hate u a bit by a bit , dropping interest rate bit by bit. This hate accumlate like a volcano , once erupted it is over . So like i say , leave her alone. But u may try the "backdoor attack". Backdoor attack means attack her best friend lo. After a few weeks which is a cooldown period, contact her best friend and say that you are regretting and hope that she give chance. Dun approach her directly. She may still hate you. Females will remember all da bad things u do to her 4ever unlike we guys forgive and forget easily. Slim chance la hor.
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A rebound guy huh ?
It's over my friend.
When a rebound comes along, the bridge to her heart closes. -
Yo, my goodness, you hv hurt a gal badly ya, now to win her back, u need to be good yourself ya, let hv a break, stop smoking, concentrate on your works, study or whatever u good at. Be a gentleman with good habits and then approach or call her once a while. Be sincere in your changes such as your character, temper, way of life and be cool ya. Make sure u do what u said.
Start to date her again in about 2 weeks to a month time, do not apologise anything, she is sick of apologises from you already. Just date her to come out, know your distance and then thanks her for the time with her, thanks her for the way that make you changed to be a better man/lover, in strong characteristic, proclaim that she is still the one you loved and you will be waiting for her. Make it short and sharp, do not show pity or sad emotion, be who you are, let see how it goes.
The most important is to be cool and wait. Patience is the name of this Game.
Formerly, when I broke up with my bf of a year, he kept pestering me and asked for reunited, the fact was that at that time i still love him, but the way he came back was like he was taking drug made me give up on him further, if he would to come back gentlemanly, cool and slowly, patience and not demanding, I would had consider to be with him. So, from a perspective of a gal like me, you should understand how to reunite with your gf in a better approach.
Booo,...booo...now me go back to single, but very happy, cos no more love problem. Yeah!
For Love can be heaven, it can also be Hell. Dun mess with it.
666
Angel -
Wouldn't it be better for TS to start a clean slate?Originally posted by angel7030:Yo, my goodness, you hv hurt a gal badly ya, now to win her back, u need to be good yourself ya, let hv a break, stop smoking, concentrate on your works, study or whatever u good at. Be a gentleman with good habits and then approach or call her once a while. Be sincere in your changes such as your character, temper, way of life and be cool ya. Make sure u do what u said.
Start to date her again in about 2 weeks to a month time, do not apologise anything, she is sick of apologises from you already. Just date her to come out, know your distance and then thanks her for the time with her, thanks her for the way that make you changed to be a better man/lover, in strong characteristic, proclaim that she is still the one you loved and you will be waiting for her. Make it short and sharp, do not show pity or sad emotion, be who you are, let see how it goes.
The most important is to be cool and wait. Patience is the name of this Game.
Formerly, when I broke up with my bf of a year, he kept pestering me and asked for reunited, the fact was that at that time i still love him, but the way he came back was like he was taking drug made me give up on him further, if he would to come back gentlemanly, cool and slowly, patience and not demanding, I would had consider to be with him. So, from a perspective of a gal like me, you should understand how to reunite with your gf in a better approach.
Booo,...booo...now me go back to single, but very happy, cos no more love problem. Yeah!
For Love can be heaven, it can also be Hell. Dun mess with it.
666
Angel -
While I have taken every criticism and support to heart, that one question is for me to decide, that is, whether this is it, or whether I will woo her again.Originally posted by jojobeach:Wouldn't it be better for TS to start a clean slate?
More importantly, I am still bothered by the scene of that guy having his arm around her and her leaning in against him ... they looked happy ... like a couple, and the fact he went into her place, her place where she stays alone. I mean, sure, she says that he's just comforting her, but there are limits right? Social limits between intimacy; not talking from a bf perspective as well, and further, it's not as if he's such a good friend of hers - she never brought him up, and she never ever mentioned meeting him. Do girls just jump into the arms of any random guy right out of breakup? I don't understnad, she's saying he's giving her comfort, but when I'm here, asking for a chance, she's in my face fierce and hostile, without even listening to me. Comfort? Comfort? I'm not outside prowling for ONS in clubs, or even a little intimacy from any girl.
On one hand I know I shouldn't be bothered, considering that she has broken up with me, on the other hand, I keep thinking about all the many times she kept raising one incident when a girl came into my room at 3am, sat on the bed for 10mins, and nothing more (I did not touch the girl at all! and chased her out!), and how because of that, I kept such a large distance between the opposite sex (nothing beyond work).
Should I be bothered? More importantly, am I holding out ... in vain? When we were in a relationship, I had complete faith in her, but now that we are not, I can seriously feel it wavering ... not like how I feel matters to her at all, but still. Even worse, I'm afraid she's going to do something she regrets, and he will prey on her vulnerability, I mean she hasn't been through an experience whereby a guy has just used her.
More scarily, because of the context in which all this has happened ... I don't know if my love for her will crumble by the end of 6 mths ... 4 years we were together I never once cheated, or even came close, and neither did she (and I have complete faith in that), although she was more intimate with the opposite sex than I was. However, placing everything into perspective, the fact she's that hostile to me despite what I'm saying ... and yet she says he's giving her comfort, and seeing her lean in on him, with his arm around her, and him going back to her place and being all happy ... it sure f**ks with your head ... and I'm not sure if by the end of 6 montsh, while I'm here holding out to prove my love, but at the same time, constantly thinking that she's not doing the same and happily going into every guy's arms ... I don't know by then if I will still love her, or even want her back.
Now I still do, but who is to say at the end of 6 months? Can any of you really do that? -
You need time to heal your wounds... every time you feel bad... just remond yourself that one day the hurt will go away... don't fight it.
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Ohx... I see... I get the whole picture now...
Bro... I can say it's not your fault, entirely. And you are not exactly the bad guy you made yourself to be. So what if this is a long term relationship? There is no guarantee in everything, not even marriages. People still cheat. In this case it's her. Yes, she's two-timing you. It could not have just happened so fast. You really believe what she had just said? The guy was just comforting her? Oh what a good load of bullcrap! She was so considerate to let you know. Thank her for it.
But I want to know this:
I don't know what you mean by saying it's your fault by being MCP. To what degree is your MCP? Do you control her freedom? If so, to what degree? Do you restrict who she sees?
This is how it happens I think.
All along she was pretending to be in love with you while still dating that guy. You see she could not confirm her relationship with that guy. Actually she already knows she wants him before she so-called snapped.
During the course of the 4-year relationship with her, she got tired of you somewhere in Year 2 due to some reason, maybe due to the mcp reason or a combination of factors. At this point of time, she probably found other guys cuter than you but she wouldn't tell you that of course.
In Year 4, she found this guy so cute that she knows who she wants. Of course she still needs you in case their relationship fails. That means, you are the backup if she is back to square one.
This explains why she was so lovey-dovey before she suddenly snapped. There's no such thing as a sudden snap. Get it?? In other words, she should have snapped before this but she was just trying to tolerate you until she has confirmed her relationship with the guy. What a good actress!
Now I suggest you put yourself into a good state of mind to do the things you want and live the life you live before this break up.
-Do not think of her.
-Do not think how different she is now compared to before.
-Do not think of other girls.
-Do delete all links with her, her pictures, videos, etc
-Do enjoy your life.
-Go for a holiday with or without friends whatever that suits you.
-Basically you need a lot of time to heal your life.
-This woman has drained so much energy from you, you need to take a break from all women. You need to find something that can help you forget her. Do what works for you.
doko -
Oh... should you be very surprised? She is sure smart huh? Keep using the girl in your room as an excuse. An excuse to drop you!Originally posted by sgx088:While I have taken every criticism and support to heart, that one question is for me to decide, that is, whether this is it, or whether I will woo her again.
More importantly, I am still bothered by the scene of that guy having his arm around her and her leaning in against him ... they looked happy ... like a couple, and the fact he went into her place, her place where she stays alone. I mean, sure, she says that he's just comforting her, but there are limits right? Social limits between intimacy; not talking from a bf perspective as well, and further, it's not as if he's such a good friend of hers - she never brought him up, and she never ever mentioned meeting him. Do girls just jump into the arms of any random guy right out of breakup? I don't understnad, she's saying he's giving her comfort, but when I'm here, asking for a chance, she's in my face fierce and hostile, without even listening to me. Comfort? Comfort? I'm not outside prowling for ONS in clubs, or even a little intimacy from any girl.
On one hand I know I shouldn't be bothered, considering that she has broken up with me, on the other hand, I keep thinking about all the many times she kept raising one incident when a girl came into my room at 3am, sat on the bed for 10mins, and nothing more (I did not touch the girl at all! and chased her out!), and how because of that, I kept such a large distance between the opposite sex (nothing beyond work).
Should I be bothered? More importantly, am I holding out ... in vain? When we were in a relationship, I had complete faith in her, but now that we are not, I can seriously feel it wavering ... not like how I feel matters to her at all, but still. Even worse, I'm afraid she's going to do something she regrets, and he will prey on her vulnerability, I mean she hasn't been through an experience whereby a guy has just used her.
More scarily, because of the context in which all this has happened ... I don't know if my love for her will crumble by the end of 6 mths ... 4 years we were together I never once cheated, or even came close, and neither did she (and I have complete faith in that), although she was more intimate with the opposite sex than I was. However, placing everything into perspective, the fact she's that hostile to me despite what I'm saying ... and yet she says he's giving her comfort, and seeing her lean in on him, with his arm around her, and him going back to her place and being all happy ... it sure f**ks with your head ... and I'm not sure if by the end of 6 montsh, while I'm here holding out to prove my love, but at the same time, constantly thinking that she's not doing the same and happily going into every guy's arms ... I don't know by then if I will still love her, or even want her back.
Now I still do, but who is to say at the end of 6 months? Can any of you really do that?
She can see other guys while you cannot ? Oh what a noble woman.
Come on, should you bother her anymore? She doesn't like you anymore. She doesn't even care about you anymore. She betrays you and she has no interest in you anymore.
So why should you care??
doko -
Yes, he is her comfort, for the time being.
That's what it means to have a rebound guy.
She is hurting just as much, frustrated just as much, cursing at you just as much you do at her now.
He is her escape from all these confusions.
In the end, she may not end up with that guy.
But right now, she finds solace in another man's arms.
When her healing is done, she will decide to move on.
Both of you are badly wounded. Each has turned feral in it's own depths of despair.
Let not hate consume you. -
ah ya... trueOriginally posted by jojobeach:Let not hate consume you.
doko -
so what exactly is she letting that guy do to her ?!? ... how is this ... i mean ... i really don't know how to react ... are all girls like this ???Originally posted by jojobeach:Yes, he is her comfort, for the time being.
That's what it means to have a rebound guy.
She is hurting just as much, frustrated just as much, cursing at you just as much you do at her now.
He is her escape from all these confusions.
In the end, she may not end up with that guy.
But right now, she finds solace in another man's arms.
When her healing is done, she will decide to move on.
Both of you are badly wounded. Each has turned feral in it's own depths of despair.
Let not hate consume you.
... 6 months ... i always wondered why i heard sad stories whereby girl breaks guy, guy pleads girl, girl says no, some time later girl comes back, guy says no.
my love for her would have gone on, but now that i see this side ... am i wrong? am i a bad person? ... should i continue to hold out and wait? or should i just let myself plunge into endless sex with different girls (or less extreme, become intimate with someone else)? would that lessen my pain? -
For a guy to visit a prostitute, there is no love.Originally posted by sgx088:so what exactly is she letting that guy do to her ?!? ... how is this ... i mean ... i really don't know how to react ... are all girls like this ???
... 6 months ... i always wondered why i heard sad stories whereby girl breaks guy, guy pleads girl, girl says no, some time later girl comes back, guy says no.
my love for her would have gone on, but now that i see this side ... am i wrong? am i a bad person? ... should i continue to hold out and wait? or should i just let myself plunge into endless sex with different girls (or less extreme, become intimate with someone else)? would that lessen my pain?
For a girl to use a rebound, should there be love?
Each serves it's purpose, to fulfill a need.
Will hurting other lonely souls be able to heal your wounded heart ?
The answer is clear.
I have gone down this path, yet I yield nothing. -
It is rather selfish for yr gf to set the 6 month... it is also selfish for u to prevent yr gf from setting the 6 month... Then, I suggested u consider it as probably the last token of yr love for her by respecting her wish...Originally posted by sgx088:so what exactly is she letting that guy do to her ?!? ... how is this ... i mean ... i really don't know how to react ... are all girls like this ???
... 6 months ... i always wondered why i heard sad stories whereby girl breaks guy, guy pleads girl, girl says no, some time later girl comes back, guy says no.
my love for her would have gone on, but now that i see this side ... am i wrong? am i a bad person? ... should i continue to hold out and wait? or should i just let myself plunge into endless sex with different girls (or less extreme, become intimate with someone else)? would that lessen my pain?
U said in the previous post that u can do alot for her love... But unfortunately, love is unconditional...
So, now it's yr time, u will rather inflicted the emotional pain on yrself than on her by leaving her alone for tat time being....
After 6 months or what will happen to her, it is really beyond yr control... Since it is beyond yr control, I guess u have to really endure these times... Do things that u like now or u always wish to do .... Be true to yrself ...
PS : btw, dont rely on smoking to pass thru this phase... this phrase is already emotional damagin ... dont make it physical damagng too..
And hor, if u want to plunge to a sea of sex, pls find professionals... Other than tat, it is totally not fine.... -
Btw, the guy with yr gf may not be a rebound...
it may be a third party...
hmmmmm... third party or rebound... it doesnt really matters.... hahahaa
most importantly, it is you should lead yr life in these 6 months to the fullest...