help me win her back.
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when u draw the analogy guy go to prostitute, girl go to rebound guy - are you implying she's having sex with him ?
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I don't have the all seeing eye.Originally posted by sgx088:when u draw the analogy guy go to prostitute, girl go to rebound guy - are you implying she's having sex with him ?
Sex or no sex, it does not matter.
Does it to you ? Is your MCP speaking again ? -
Let her go.
Get a life. -
Well, sister, that is exactly the point. You need to rehabilate, build strength and rethink your objectives in love. TS, as smart as he is, is been struck by love, jealousy, betray, self blaming and still await the miracle that she will come back to his arm. He cannot concentrate with all these hallucination.Originally posted by jojobeach:Wouldn't it be better for TS to start a clean slate?
He needs to think out of the box, look from a third party perspective and see how these drama is going to end. He is simply challenging against himself, the seeing of his ex in the arm of another man is not something he can swallow easily, he dun have a western culture kind of love. It both good and bad, good being sincere, bad being he will be unable to break free.
Therefore, he need to have clean state of mind to approach this love issue.
I believe he is a matured man, much more than a gal like me, he should be able to patience and make decisive decision himself, but with a unsettle mind, he will create more problem instead of reducing it.
TS, sometime, when i am with a guy and saw my ex, i also act like very lovely to the guy just to show my frustration to my ex. That does not mean i love that guy, it just that immaturity and anguish overtake me. So hope you get the idea rite. -
just on godstrength+mask of madness+bkb and jus chiong!
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Now that you know, she have TOLD you the reason.Originally posted by sgx088:Everyone, thank you for the advice and support you have given me.
I would like to conclude all of this now.
Just now, I locked myself out when I went for a smoke ... wasn't thinking ... Unwittingly and instinctively, I showed up at where she was staying. It's walking distance so it didn't matter that I did not drive ...
I was just dazed; so I called her sis, and asked her what to do. She told me to leave. Just as I was leaving, I saw her come back ... with a guy, he had his arm around her, and she was leaning into him - they looked happy and she was smiling at him, as he her. And she saw me. She confronted me ... we talked ... I said everything I had to, but she wouldn't come back, she said she snapped - that she didn't love me anymore. She said the guy was just comforting her, and I ... I ... I give her the benefit of the doubt, not like what I think matters anymore.
At first when I created this thread, I had not had a chance to speak to her when she was calm (as I said, she was just berserk) - I could not have closure. Which was why I asked how to win her back. But seeing her say that she did not love me anymore, calmly ... hurt so much, but I now have closure .. although I am hurting more than I ever have. Seeing her with another guy made me feel even worst knowing that I used to be that guy. I just hope she doesn't do something she regrets later in a moment of spite, especially seeing me, and I definitely hope that guy isn't just preying on her vulnerability - but she's an adult, and I have faith in her ... I hope ... I always did have faith in her when we were together, but now ... I just hope
I don't intend to win her back anymore, and she told me not to let her see me or hear from me in the next 6 months - after that, if I want, I can try to chase her back as any normal guy can.
In 6 mths time, if my love for her still holds true, I will try and chase her, just like any other guy out there. I drove her away, and I can blame no one but myself for what went wrong, and the outcome today. Hopefully, nonetheless, I will be able to bring about a happy ending between us someday, eventually.
I hope you guys will keep supporting me through this very painful time - we were de facto partners (people cohabitating together, and in a very lnog term relationship) so this was not any normal relationship ... it's just like a divorce.
But I now have closure ... but it hurts so much
At least you know it's not utterly your fault. You don't have to self condemn and think that it's MCP that destroys the relationship.
/pat pat
I believe you could overcome it. I did, so could you. -
Thanks to everyone for sharing their insights on the matter.
What I updated this thread last night ... I had faith it was just consolation. This morning, I woke up ... I started thinking about her, and the image just kept replaying in my head that's why I sought your opinions. However, having given it much thought ...
I have complete faith in her. She's a smart, beautiful and mature girl. I always worry about her because she's that one person I want to protect, but I guess sometimes, I get so caught up in that role I don't give her credit for being able to protect herself. I will hold out - wussy or not.
If my faith ultimately proves misplaced. I won't blame her. Neither will I regret my decision - it's a path I have chosen to walk myself as a rational adult. When that happens, whether or not I will chase her again, I don't know.
For now, all I can say is that I truly was in the wrong and I did drive her away - I thank you all for your sympathy, but it takes alot for me, a prideful (not any more) chinese man to come forward and admit my past and mistakes. I am just going to better myself, and become that person she used to love. In 6 months, I will chase her again when the time is right - she always did say she missed the days when i was chasing her.
But I am only human, and when I do come back to whine about the pain in this thread, or update (hopefully favourably) I hope you will continue to lend me, as you all have, your support. -
Take care eh?Originally posted by sgx088:Thanks to everyone for sharing their insights on the matter.
What I updated this thread last night ... I had faith it was just consolation. This morning, I woke up ... I started thinking about her, and the image just kept replaying in my head that's why I sought your opinions. However, having given it much thought ...
I have complete faith in her. She's a smart, beautiful and mature girl. I always worry about her because she's that one person I want to protect, but I guess sometimes, I get so caught up in that role I don't give her credit for being able to protect herself. I will hold out - wussy or not.
If my faith ultimately proves misplaced. I won't blame her. Neither will I regret my decision - it's a path I have chosen to walk myself as a rational adult. When that happens, whether or not I will chase her again, I don't know.
For now, all I can say is that I truly was in the wrong and I did drive her away - I thank you all for your sympathy, but it takes alot for me, a prideful (not any more) chinese man to come forward and admit my past and mistakes. I am just going to better myself, and become that person she used to love. In 6 months, I will chase her again when the time is right - she always did say she missed the days when i was chasing her.
But I am only human, and when I do come back to whine about the pain in this thread, or update (hopefully favourably) I hope you will continue to lend me, as you all have, your support.
It's understandable of what you're feeling. If it takes as long to overcome the pain and learn. So be it.
something we all learn about when we all get into relationships - we can never be too sure of what will happen in the future. So enjoy what you have and treasure it like tomorrow will never come.
All the best.
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Oh NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Originally posted by sgx088:Thanks to everyone for sharing their insights on the matter.
What I updated this thread last night ... I had faith it was just consolation. This morning, I woke up ... I started thinking about her, and the image just kept replaying in my head that's why I sought your opinions. However, having given it much thought ...
I have complete faith in her. She's a smart, beautiful and mature girl. I always worry about her because she's that one person I want to protect, but I guess sometimes, I get so caught up in that role I don't give her credit for being able to protect herself. I will hold out - wussy or not.
If my faith ultimately proves misplaced. I won't blame her. Neither will I regret my decision - it's a path I have chosen to walk myself as a rational adult. When that happens, whether or not I will chase her again, I don't know.
For now, all I can say is that I truly was in the wrong and I did drive her away - I thank you all for your sympathy, but it takes alot for me, a prideful (not any more) chinese man to come forward and admit my past and mistakes. I am just going to better myself, and become that person she used to love. In 6 months, I will chase her again when the time is right - she always did say she missed the days when i was chasing her.
But I am only human, and when I do come back to whine about the pain in this thread, or update (hopefully favourably) I hope you will continue to lend me, as you all have, your support.
GIVE IT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FOR YOUR OWN SANITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -
He's still a human.Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:Oh NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GIVE IT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FOR YOUR OWN SANITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Unfortunately, for him.Originally posted by M©+square:He's still a human. -
Empathy my friend.Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:Unfortunately, for him.
Empathy. -
Good, then let the healing begin !
Like all wounds, you will itch while it heals.
Refrain from scratching it. For it will only open your wounds again. -
Let hate consume one for hatred is the essence to strenght and prevailence.Originally posted by jojobeach:Yes, he is her comfort, for the time being.
That's what it means to have a rebound guy.
She is hurting just as much, frustrated just as much, cursing at you just as much you do at her now.
He is her escape from all these confusions.
In the end, she may not end up with that guy.
But right now, she finds solace in another man's arms.
When her healing is done, she will decide to move on.
Both of you are badly wounded. Each has turned feral in it's own depths of despair.
Let not hate consume you. -
Not all things belong to you even when you tried so hard..
When its not yours, its time to search others..
Simple but cruel..
That;s life dont forget... but dont forget your a man,, Dont be a loser for something you cant gain..
THe past is the past,, im afraid your negativity will affect our performance in work and also concentration while driving..
Dont let emotion controls you especially when your driving.. you should know that emoition and important things cant mixed togeter even though you very sad.. -
Just dont ever think you;re the only one who experienced this..
theres many out there experienced this and even might be worse than yours.
WHen a gal said to you face to face that she doesnt love you anymore,, that means its the truth.
Time to move on and learn from the past , buddy -
When a string snaps, it can never be mended back. Happy memories are a thing of a past which does not exist anymore and so behold, you will still have a wonderful life ahead of you and you will find new love in your life again. We are all regenerative animals, stronger than we think we are.
The moral of the story is to learn the moral of the story and not be hamstrung by it..
and yeh don't kccp her anymore cos you seem to piss her off more, instead of making her more in love with you. You can still chase her when the Heaven and Earth and Human elements are present. And i can tell you, your feeling for her will probably fade away a year later and her scar will probably heal by then but hor things can never be the same again - You think she is the only love of your life, probably she isn't the same person already.
Both of you can start anew when both hands want to clap. -
time to move on, seriously.
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TS,
I empathize with your situation, and I have so many things to say to you that I don't know quite where to begin.
Firstly, I would like to say that I share similar traits as you, in that I have lots of misplaced pride (which I have swallowed and shitted out of my system on a periodic basis hopefully). Secondly, I admire your steadfast in love, and I hope it lasts.
Your predicament sends a big shudder down my spine, and serves a timely reminder of the fact that one should always positively love and validate the woman one loves.
Secondly, jojo's advice on how to validate a woman, and the various things that you can/need to do are good, but sadly your situation is more dire than that. When a woman tells you calmly in the face that you're not in her heart, it is worse than a crying or mad woman. It signifies that her heart has closed to the present you.
To address your most immediate concern first, you said you don't understand why she is allowing another guy to wrap his hands around her. Sure none of us guys like to see another man wrapping his arms around the woman we love. In fact, it's sickening to even think about it, let alone see it happening. And you mentioned that why is it that she is so sensitive to you having another girl in the house, and yet she's "loosening" up to other men?
The answer is plain, you 2 were a couple then, and of course it's natural to be angry and upset about another girl in the house. But she has officially cut all ties with you, and hence she has nobody to account to. Let not that cloud your judgement. Sure, it hurts, but it's over, pal. It's over.
In fact, she has the freedom to hug/make love to other men whom she thinks is worth the while, and there's nothing you can do about it, or should do about it. That's the true meaning of a breakup. Please don't go around saying "i don't want her to be cheated" and all that crap, because you no longer have a License to do that.
Okay, that sounds depressing and deflating, but I think that could be the start of a new beginning.
When you think about all the happy times you had together, think also about all the sacrifices she has made to make you happy. And you realize it's probably happy one way street.
The start of a new beginning is to change yourself for the better. Six months of self-reflection is no big deal, compared to 4 years of hurt on her part.
Here is where the steadfastedness comes in, pal.
She has given you a time period, 6 months, to come back if you wish, and woo her all over again.
Well, I wouldn't say whether she is sincere in that or not.
But like jojo said, please look at the situation from your ex-gf's point of view. She's hurting too much (and has even slapped you) and 6 months is a short period for her to heal.
If you go back after 6 months, and find that she's still in another man's arms, then you can really let go, and just wish her all the best.
If you go back after 6 months, and found her still hurting, maybe she will tell you to come back after another 6 months.
If you find her in a more receptive mood after 6 months, no doubt you have hope. And although she may say that you have to start all over again, that's not quite possible. Everything you've done for her is not forgotten like this.
Is she worth the 6 months wait?
Let not anyone tell you it's worth it, or it's a waste of time, or it's wimpish or whatever. You ask yourself, is she worth it? You said she completes you, so is that perfect girl worth waiting?
Every time you think of the injustice of her not remembering both your good times and sweet memories, tell yourself she's actually suffering during this time too.
Hope that helps, pal. -
You have my full support all the way in your quest to woo her all over again. It's very romantic and face-losing at the same time, but hey this is the girl that completes you, isn't it?Originally posted by sgx088:Thanks to everyone for sharing their insights on the matter.
What I updated this thread last night ... I had faith it was just consolation. This morning, I woke up ... I started thinking about her, and the image just kept replaying in my head that's why I sought your opinions. However, having given it much thought ...
I have complete faith in her. She's a smart, beautiful and mature girl. I always worry about her because she's that one person I want to protect, but I guess sometimes, I get so caught up in that role I don't give her credit for being able to protect herself. I will hold out - wussy or not.
If my faith ultimately proves misplaced. I won't blame her. Neither will I regret my decision - it's a path I have chosen to walk myself as a rational adult. When that happens, whether or not I will chase her again, I don't know.
For now, all I can say is that I truly was in the wrong and I did drive her away - I thank you all for your sympathy, but it takes alot for me, a prideful (not any more) chinese man to come forward and admit my past and mistakes. I am just going to better myself, and become that person she used to love. In 6 months, I will chase her again when the time is right - she always did say she missed the days when i was chasing her.
But I am only human, and when I do come back to whine about the pain in this thread, or update (hopefully favourably) I hope you will continue to lend me, as you all have, your support.
By the way, maybe you can do better this time around.
We guys always forget to please the girl we like after the courtship period.
Maintaining that same momentum and romance even after that courtship period is difficult because we guys are goal-oriented, but it can be fun(!) because you know you have succeeded anyway, and am just doing it for the thrill and romance.
In fact, I think I am not doing it enough at all. I just ranted at my wife a little bit last night.
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be glad that its a closure....think no more coz it ain't gonna help a least bit. by not contacting her, it'll be painful but it'll be alot quicker in healing.
remember ur mistakes & never repeat them again...what doesn't kill you only make u stronger
so cheer up & enjoy singlehood while it lasts
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This relationship is over.
Even if TS decides to woo her back, by 6 months.
Even if the girl wants him back.
Can he forget that another man had touched her ?
Can he forgive that this woman had given her heart to some one else ?
Can he face her family again after all that had happened ?
I doubt it.
The next relationship will be better, because of his improvements, lessons learned from this failure. In technical terms, he has been newly refurbished.
As long as TS don't regress, a more lasting relationship awaits with another woman. -
I can't speak for TS, but I would say that optimistically, the first 2 points may not have happened in 6 months down the road, and even if it has happened, it may not be that bad. And I'm sure he will get more respect from her family if he has changed for the better.Originally posted by jojobeach:This relationship is over.
Even if TS decides to woo her back, by 6 months.
Even if the girl wants him back.
Can he forget that another man had touched her ?
Can he forgive that this woman had given her heart to some one else ?
Can he face her family again after all that had happened ?
I doubt it.
The next relationship will be better, because of his improvements, lessons learned from this failure. In technical terms, he has been newly refurbished.
As long as TS don't regress, a more lasting relationship awaits with another woman.
Of course, if it has really happened, it all depends on TS's strength of love. After all, the unfortunate happened due to his wrongdoings too. He must realise that.
In a world increasingly preaching instant gratification in love/career/everything, not giving up in the face of difficulties like this is unfashionable indeed.
How society in general thinks of one's actions has a powerful effect in terms of decision making of one can or cannot do.
The line between perseverance and stupidity is thin, and is a matter of interpretation.
Ultimately, they may or may not get together again. But if TS doesn't even try, the feelings of regret would always manifest themselves down the road.
He might be a super MCP, but people can change for the better under the most adverse circumstances, and for that possibility alone, I support him. -
I concur.Originally posted by ordinaryguy32:I can't speak for TS, but I would say that optimistically, the first 2 points may not have happened in 6 months down the road, and even if it has happened, it may not be that bad. And I'm sure he will get more respect from her family if he has changed for the better.
Of course, if it has really happened, it all depends on TS's strength of love. After all, the unfortunate happened due to his wrongdoings too. He must realise that.
In a world increasingly preaching instant gratification in love/career/everything, not giving up in the face of difficulties like this is unfashionable indeed.
How society in general thinks of one's actions has a powerful effect in terms of decision making of one can or cannot do.
The line between perseverance and stupidity is thin, and is a matter of interpretation.
Ultimately, they may or may not get together again. But if TS doesn't even try, the feelings of regret would always manifest themselves down the road.
He might be a super MCP, but people can change for the better under the most adverse circumstances, and for that possibility alone, I support him. -
now isn't it too late to say all this?
it's just a lesson to learn..if u can't treat him/her well, someone can...