Sianz...I contemplating divorce
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Jus wondering ... Why do you married your wife in the first place?
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ThanksOriginally posted by assfer:The TS is a filial son and he gets into this situation is considered quite pitiful.I fully support every decisions he makes.
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SorryOriginally posted by Short Ninja:Do you realise that a divorce is not a win win situation.This is your ego talking but perhaps it more to it than the subject about your mother moving in ....I think it must have started from all the nitty gritty petty things you both simply wouldnt compromise.Well, it looks like your mind is all set there old buddy so good luck and dont forget to invite me to that batchelor party>
maybe my ego was doing the talking. Almost all the things she wants win, how to compromise.
Like next year CNY, I say want to avoid relatives, go overseas, she don't want.
Then I say if in Singapore, I request to visit only ONE family. She don't want.
But her relatives she want to entertain them.
WTF!!! I marry into her family ah. Her relatives more important than mine??! -
I treat marriage as a very sacred union between my wife and me. I did not take it lightly. So far, in all her threats, I only agreed to divorce once, and it threw her into a fit few days ago. Rehearsal only lah, I think to myself. Next time then the real thing loh. Don't think I very relaxed type all this, very frustrating and hurting one, I tell you!Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:"just divorce"? That is just disturbing. You must not take marriage so flippantly or you will have a very unhappy marriage. -
Originally posted by Twincat:
Seriously we all do wonder like that sometimes
Jus wondering ... Why do you married your wife in the first place? -
as we wonder we are also afraid to wonder what the wife think of us sometimes
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You really got patience. May I ask how old you are? Any kids?Originally posted by Short Ninja:Let me share a little.My first wife was very sweet and nice until mommy dearest moved in after that I started to have in law problems and divorced.Second wife got no in law but out law problem because she is a crook, everything also want so I ended up Dievorced.Now No 3 got no law one anything also can so I am very happy Third time lucky I guess but deep inside if I could only turned back the clock.......I would go back to that first sweet wife kick that fat arsed fire poking mother of hers and eat up the divorce petition
All your wives, all they local? How does a divorce work? Can share? -
try, in your mind, telling yourself and convincing yourself that you will never ever divorce. see if that translate well to her. women are very insecure creatures... they want reassurance all the time, they want to grow old with someone... they want someone that will stick with her no matter what..Originally posted by Frustrated_guy:I treat marriage as a very sacred union between my wife and me. I did not take it lightly. So far, in all her threats, I only agreed to divorce once, and it threw her into a fit few days ago. Rehearsal only lah, I think to myself. Next time then the real thing loh. Don't think I very relaxed type all this, very frustrating and hurting one, I tell you!
that's why you can see some men fool around all the time and yet they have a wonderful marriage and some men just cannot make the marriage work.
the reason is that those men that fool around all the time has managed to convince their wifes that they will never leave them.
those perfect husbands send the wrong signals to their wives and have unhappiness in the marriage no end...
I think that you belong to the second category...
Don't take your marriage as sacred, just take it as marriage for life... -
Hahaha, so, uncle, any 4th wife coming soon.Originally posted by Short Ninja:those who married gay can commit harakiri but those who married women just belok kiri and cepat jalan!!!
Wow! 3 wifeys ya, must have a lots of childrens ya. -
Originally posted by Frustrated_guy:
I have a teenage son from my second wife.The first one is a Singaporean and the other two Foreigners.You see a lawyer and might be asked to list all the bad things about your wife under a certain theme like Mental Cruelty or Irreconciliable differences or others.....I tell you it is awful cuz one moment you are in love and the next you are listing down things like a kid wishing presents from Santa Claus.When the big day comes for you to become a free man you feel like you already ROD from the SAF and yet want to sign on again.These are just some of it..I ike to put humor into whatever I write otherwise the pain itself would make it impossible to even move a finger>
You really got patience. May I ask how old you are? Any kids?
All your wives, all they local? How does a divorce work? Can share? -
I really pray that I dont have to go to club 69 to propose to one develish @ngelOriginally posted by angel7030:Hahaha, so, uncle, any 4th wife coming soon.
Wow! 3 wifeys ya, must have a lots of childrens ya. -
hello aunty, you are the number 4 lor!Originally posted by angel7030:Hahaha, so, uncle, any 4th wife coming soon.
Wow! 3 wifeys ya, must have a lots of childrens ya. -
Ok, wake up, now listen, enough of jokes and fun, now be serious.
All of us have only one biological mother, that cannot be deny nor change, as for spouses, it still can be change. I will like to bring you to a mother perspective, since young, your mother had loved you dearly, bring you up, gaive you education, provided all the needs and cares for you as far as they could afford. No mother in this world would like to see her son leaving her, she will alway cherish and wish her son to be happily married, be a man of honor, be a man who can guides his own family toward prosperity, healthy and peace.
Next, as young, we must learn to understand the old pple mindset, money, lavish eating or good living is not the most important criteria in being filial piety, the togetherness, the love sharing, the bonding is the ultimate needs of old pple, we shall all be old one days, we shall have childrens of our own, the day will come when he decided to leave you, what then do you think?, you have to let him go, because you love him, but deep inside the old poor soul, the cry of unheard sound alway wanted her son and daughter in law to be with her, be together, be happy so as to enjoy her twilight years to what she dream of when she borne you.
In our Asiatic value or oriental concept of family, most of the chinese embraced confucianism, an idealogy that once a person is upright, he then can take care of his parents, and with his parents blessing, he gets married and built a perfect family, serve the state and in turn the country. If all these is met, the society shall prosperous in peace and harmony. Anything along the way that cut off this system shall result in saddness and hurt thus affecting anything down the system. We must uphold our family Unity, it is our values that the west have found it hard to follow and are trying to learn from it. Respect of yr elder and ancestor is a respect of yourself, your own culture, your own upbringing and your discipline in life.
Mom had brought you into this world, please take care of her. Nagging and pestering as she can be, her heart is as pure as the blue sky in loving you and your wife. SHe who love her son so much, that she is willing to let him go and cry by herself in the lonely dark corner of a empty house. -
Hello ah ma, you want to be number 5 or not hahahaha...give me a five ya.Originally posted by xiaoxui:hello aunty, you are the number 4 lor! -
Wow! i love it, but term and condition apply hor,Originally posted by Short Ninja:I really pray that I dont have to go to club 69 to propose to one develish @ngel
Example, one of critieria is: All applicants must have an annual income of $1,000,000 to be eligible to apply ya. -
hi sweet angel, what's your astrology...you are so cuteOriginally posted by angel7030:Hello ah ma, you want to be number 5 or not hahahaha...give me a five ya.
just wondering why you call yourself angel? -
Astrology??? Libra lol, oh my god, you must be the witch, run liao!!!Originally posted by xiaoxui:hi sweet angel, what's your astrology...you are so cute
just wondering why you call yourself angel?
Anyway my lovely Xiao Xui, i think you still very Xiao, even aunty angel explain to you, you may not quite get it,
Long ago, jie jie was with angel cupid and gabriel in heaven serving God, then Angel cupid make Angel Gabriel to fall in love with me, and you know Angel Gabriel is so handome and cute that jie jie is cannot control liao, all wet wet liao, but then God found out and in heaven, under the code of 11 by Saint Peter that state Angels cannot be in love. So, we will banished from heaven and been casted down to earth, me with a 666 birth mark embled by God on behind my earlobe, and Gabriel, a 999 on his lower part. -
You still weak. didn't learn lesson the last time. Please stand up for yourself. Unhappy, is a natural thing but your wife is taking it too far. Which couple don't quarrel and who is happy to quarrel. Did she really want to marry you in the first place? She want divorce. Then give it to her. I reminded my husband that I had agreed to his demand for divorce once. asked to move out 2 times. All of that he subsequently ask me to re-consider. However the day I move out. I never intend to move back. It will also be followed by a divorce request.Originally posted by Frustrated_guy:Sorry maybe my ego was doing the talking. Almost all the things she wants win, how to compromise.
Like next year CNY, I say want to avoid relatives, go overseas, she don't want.
Then I say if in Singapore, I request to visit only ONE family. She don't want.
But her relatives she want to entertain them.
WTF!!! I marry into her family ah. Her relatives more important than mine??!
Easy solution to your issues:
You want to go overseas during CYN. She wanna stay. Then you go overseas. and she stay. Solved. She cannot care for your request, why should you care for hers?
She want to visit many family and entertain them. You visit the one you should visit. Problem solved. She want to catch up with her relatives, she can go anytime or call them any day. The one relative you should visit is your in-laws. The rest is just good will. Your relatives are also important to you but you never force her to visit everyone of them did you? Then during wedding, all the ang paos/gold she took from your relatives, she better cough them out.
As i said before in your previous airing of the same issue: how long are you going to give in to her tantrums, pamper her too much before you totally give up and become bitter. How long more do you want to give way to her wishes? You think this is building a r/s? Why can't she give way some times?
Learn from my lesson. I gave way too much! Everyday I think of moving out, divorce, unhappy, suffer hypertension, and all sorts. Everyday I live in regret.
I understand your wish not to stay with your mom. Seriously, its better for you guys and its not a sign that you do not love your mom. You do what you need to keep your r/s. 2 women under one roof with conflicting characters is going to make you crazy. My MIL is aggressive, nosy, careless, shallow, brainless and bossy lao ah lian. She will take every opportunity to bully me and she always want to win at all cost. I am introverted and quite and usually try to have peace by giving way. I end up unhappy all the time. Its really extreme if you see the situation i ended up. I have no say about my house, I cannot place my 2 pots of plants anywhere, I cannot use the washing machine on any days I want, I cannot try any feng shui thing I want. Anything, eveything, in my house, even my money, I have no say and my MIL demand to make decision how to even spend my money for me or she will make a big hu-ha. My husband believe in telling everything to my MIL thinking she is fair and a goddess or goodness in his eyes (this is the real mommy boy) and she takes it out on me later when everyone's not around. She's a real great actress - when my husband is around -wah she is like a saint, when my husband is out her words are sharper than swords and her acts are all out to hurt. My MIL even calls up my Mom and complain all sorts of lies about me till my mom was very upset. I cannot forgive her for the kind of things she's done causing hurt to my mom, for driving my r/s to the rocks and still claiming she's not trying to do anything. Seriously, if you ask me my one wish is that my MIL never existed at all. That will be peace for me, my husband and my FIL. -
So problem one ah divorce. I probably just write "Because she wants it so badly."Originally posted by Short Ninja:I have a teenage son from my second wife.The first one is a Singaporean and the other two Foreigners.You see a lawyer and might be asked to list all the bad things about your wife under a certain theme like Mental Cruelty or Irreconciliable differences or others.....I tell you it is awful cuz one moment you are in love and the next you are listing down things like a kid wishing presents from Santa Claus.When the big day comes for you to become a free man you feel like you already ROD from the SAF and yet want to sign on again.These are just some of it..I ike to put humor into whatever I write otherwise the pain itself would make it impossible to even move a finger>
Yeah, I also like humour. But I find it difficult to share with my wife. Sometimes, she would scold me "Can't you take anything seriously?" I told her not to look at things so hard. Don't think so much.
We can only control 10% of things around us, 90% of things happened cannot be controlled. Learn to let go and be happy. Like now, I 10% keep quiet. She is my 90%, want divorce, want divorce. I increase to 11%, say yes. Then game over liao loh. -
U are very chim. I find it difficult to understand. So perfect guys who don't gamble, smoke and fool around will end up in divorce cases? How to make it work? Wife keep wanting divorcing all the time. Reassure so many times liao, she still want to pick a fight? How? How? How?Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:try, in your mind, telling yourself and convincing yourself that you will never ever divorce. see if that translate well to her. women are very insecure creatures... they want reassurance all the time, they want to grow old with someone... they want someone that will stick with her no matter what..
that's why you can see some men fool around all the time and yet they have a wonderful marriage and some men just cannot make the marriage work.
the reason is that those men that fool around all the time has managed to convince their wifes that they will never leave them.
those perfect husbands send the wrong signals to their wives and have unhappiness in the marriage no end...
I think that you belong to the second category...
Don't take your marriage as sacred, just take it as marriage for life... -
I remember you. The one with the awful MIL. Sorry I am still weakOriginally posted by mistyblue:You still weak. didn't learn lesson the last time. Please stand up for yourself. Unhappy, is a natural thing but your wife is taking it too far. Which couple don't quarrel and who is happy to quarrel. Did she really want to marry you in the first place? She want divorce. Then give it to her. I reminded my husband that I had agreed to his demand for divorce once. asked to move out 2 times. All of that he subsequently ask me to re-consider. However the day I move out. I never intend to move back. It will also be followed by a divorce request.
Easy solution to your issues:
You want to go overseas during CYN. She wanna stay. Then you go overseas. and she stay. Solved. She cannot care for your request, why should you care for hers?
She want to visit many family and entertain them. You visit the one you should visit. Problem solved. She want to catch up with her relatives, she can go anytime or call them any day. The one relative you should visit is your in-laws. The rest is just good will. Your relatives are also important to you but you never force her to visit everyone of them did you? Then during wedding, all the ang paos/gold she took from your relatives, she better cough them out.
As i said before in your previous airing of the same issue: how long are you going to give in to her tantrums, pamper her too much before you totally give up and become bitter. How long more do you want to give way to her wishes? You think this is building a r/s? Why can't she give way some times?
Learn from my lesson. I gave way too much! Everyday I think of moving out, divorce, unhappy, suffer hypertension, and all sorts. Everyday I live in regret.
I understand your wish not to stay with your mom. Seriously, its better for you guys and its not a sign that you do not love your mom. You do what you need to keep your r/s. 2 women under one roof with conflicting characters is going to make you crazy. My MIL is aggressive, nosy, careless, shallow, brainless and bossy lao ah lian. She will take every opportunity to bully me and she always want to win at all cost. I am introverted and quite and usually try to have peace by giving way. I end up unhappy all the time. Its really extreme if you see the situation i ended up. I have no say about my house, I cannot place my 2 pots of plants anywhere, I cannot use the washing machine on any days I want, I cannot try any feng shui thing I want. Anything, eveything, in my house, even my money, I have no say and my MIL demand to make decision how to even spend my money for me or she will make a big hu-ha. My husband believe in telling everything to my MIL thinking she is fair and a goddess or goodness in his eyes (this is the real mommy boy) and she takes it out on me later when everyone's not around. She's a real great actress - when my husband is around -wah she is like a saint, when my husband is out her words are sharper than swords and her acts are all out to hurt. My MIL even calls up my Mom and complain all sorts of lies about me till my mom was very upset. I cannot forgive her for the kind of things she's done causing hurt to my mom, for driving my r/s to the rocks and still claiming she's not trying to do anything. Seriously, if you ask me my one wish is that my MIL never existed at all. That will be peace for me, my husband and my FIL. Maybe I love her so much, I neglected my own well-being.
Easy solution to your issues:
You want to go overseas during CYN. She wanna stay. Then you go overseas. and she stay. Solved. She cannot care for your request, why should you care for hers?
Not possible. The only time when she 'allows' me to be away from her is work and outing with my friend. If I go by myself, she will say then get married for what, might as well divorce. Even if I somehow manage to go, she will think I go fool around, and then follow me, and then blame me for bringing her along.
She want to visit many family and entertain them. You visit the one you should visit. Problem solved. She want to catch up with her relatives, she can go anytime or call them any day. The one relative you should visit is your in-laws. The rest is just good will. Your relatives are also important to you but you never force her to visit everyone of them did you? Then during wedding, all the ang paos/gold she took from your relatives, she better cough them out.
In-laws are compulsory. I only want to go to 1 close family. She say she scared being judged there. That the aunties will gossip about her. I did not force her to visit each and every one of my relatives. I told her this "If anybody say anything bad behind your back, I will break off relationship with them because you are my wife." She say how we would know, and then start to change topic and pick a fight with me again.
As i said before in your previous airing of the same issue: how long are you going to give in to her tantrums, pamper her too much before you totally give up and become bitter. How long more do you want to give way to her wishes? You think this is building a r/s? Why can't she give way some times?
Not long. I am preparing for endgame. Thanks. -
Divorce is irreversable....if you have considered & have tried out all viable options & way to settle problems amicable & all else fails.....then walk this road.Originally posted by Frustrated_guy:U are very chim. I find it difficult to understand. So perfect guys who don't gamble, smoke and fool around will end up in divorce cases? How to make it work? Wife keep wanting divorcing all the time. Reassure so many times liao, she still want to pick a fight? How? How? How?
Sometimes its good to let go, holding on to somthing that's physically & mentally draining is not good for one's health in the long run
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maybe we should exchange spouse. She come live in my house and see how she deals with my husband who is inflexible and unbending and the shrew, my MIL.
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if only that was possible......Originally posted by mistyblue:maybe we should exchange spouse. She come live in my house and see how she deals with my husband who is inflexible and unbending and the shrew, my MIL.
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You know hoh. After work with her, whenever my mobile phone rings, my heart would pound. Not because I cheated on her, but because I have to leepot to her who and what happen. If itz my friend, OK. If my parents, not so OK. If from long time no contact female acquaitence, disaster time.Originally posted by de_middle:Divorce is irreversable....if you have considered & have tried out all viable options & way to settle problems amicable & all else fails.....then walk this road.
Sometimes its good to let go, holding on to somthing that's physically & mentally draining is not good for one's health in the long run
At my house, if my parents talk to me, I freak out again. Cause she would hear and ask me in detail what happened. So now, I tend to cut my conversations with my folks shorter. But in time, I grew a bit sad 'cause can feel the distance. Itz been a long time since I chit chat and share laughter with them liao