Sianz...I contemplating divorce
-
I have followed the posts in this thread. Through reading, I have come to learn more about marriages in real life and how complicated they can be, especially when it comes to human emotions.
First of all, I'm around TS's age and is single. So I'm in no position to give any advice and what's more, many angles of looking at TS's problem have already been given. It is really up to TS to decide.
TS, after reading all that in your thread, I really feel the pain and frustration you feel, though I can't say I can understand all exactly.
My personality is in some ways similar to yours, frustratedguy, in that it would cause me to react in almost the same way as you if I were in your situation. But the main difference is, you are more patient than I am, much more. I really cannot tahan micromanaging, but my mom bo bian, cos who ask her to be my mom. haha.
I can also empathise your wife in a way for I agree with some posts here suggesting that she may have a low self-esteem and she is quite insecure with people and things around her. Most of all, she is feeling insecure deep inside. But though we never really got to know whether your wife has some past experiences which moulded her into becoming the way she is at the point of ROM and when leading a married life now.
As a guy, I feel that you are quite the man liao. I simply cannot tahan that long cos I am introverted and dislike being in conflict with loved ones for too long. I also dislike having to explain everything in detail when there are far too many things which I don't even know how to solve myself. I'm already frustrated and yet my wife still wants to ask me to give a solution, only to rebut any solution I can give at that short notice. Even if time is given, with my intellect and limited life experience, I don't see how I can be expected to give satisfactory answers on anything my wife expects me to answer.
That said, the only practical solution so far, in my opinion, is still to consider seeing a marital counsellor together. An objective and neutral third party, a professional in your area of concern, would help to air out and possibly resolve deep-seated misunderstandings due to a wide range of interlinked causes.
Take care, frustratedguy.
P.S: Reading posts from TS and those commented from a position of a married person, it makes me think more deeply about marriage. Perhaps marriage is really not for a weak guy like me. -
Marriage for a weak guy like you is to find a strong woman...Originally posted by Spnw07:P.S: Reading posts from TS and those commented from a position of a married person, it makes me think more deeply about marriage. Perhaps marriage is really not for a weak guy like me.
-
A 'strong woman' is in fact what I fear most about.Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:Marriage for a weak guy like you is to find a strong woman... -
y dis fiasco stil no end yet.
-
In every successful man, there lies a strong woman behind supporting him.Originally posted by Spnw07:A 'strong woman' is in fact what I fear most about. -
wad if the woman is weak ?
-
It is not about a 'strong' woman or a 'weak' woman. I find that if two souls find strength in each other and willing to support each other through thick and think , then it will be a strong union as one.Originally posted by Spnw07:A 'strong woman' is in fact what I fear most about. -
I think you should get your own life/thoughts/life philosophy sorted out first... you seem most confused. Why should you fear a strong woman?Originally posted by Spnw07:A 'strong woman' is in fact what I fear most about. -
I think what he is meaning to say is that it is difficult marrying a woman who is the one wearing the pants around the house like a joke going around about a PM who is married to a man.Here is one storyOriginally posted by AndrewPKYap:I think you should get your own life/thoughts/life philosophy sorted out first... you seem most confused. Why should you fear a strong woman?
During a press conference on US presence in Iraq at the Clintons,Chelsea Clinton said to a four star General ,'Sir why is it that the top brass at Pentagon dare not make firm decisions on Iraq arent those colorful ribbons and many medals pinned on your chest a proof that you are a brave hero?' The General then replied 'On the contrary young lady I am afraid of only three things Osama,Obama and now its Yomama!' -
Weak women will be taken advantages by men.Originally posted by oOprinceOo:wad if the woman is weak ?
For the glory of womenhood, I call upon all women to be strong and earn your rights.
Angel
On behalf of Women Rights Group Chairwoman,
Hiliary Clinton -
Sorry to hijack your thread, frustrated guy, as I myself am surprised that people would respond to one of my comments.
-
It's ok, we just having a discussion about strong and weak women, anyway, he already frustrated liao.Originally posted by Spnw07:Sorry to hijack your thread, frustrated guy, as I myself am surprised that people would respond to one of my comments.
Anyway u fear of strong woman, I also fear of strong man, very pain u know. -
[quote=fymk]It is not about a 'strong' woman or a 'weak' woman. I find that if two souls find strength in each other and willing to support each other through thick and think , then it will be a strong union as one.[/quote]
Agree.
In response to all others who have expression their opinions about my comments 'a strong woman is in fact what I fear most'
Do not get me wrong. My concept of 'strong' and 'weak' is a little bit same, but yet a little bit different.
I have no intention to start any gender debate or look down on any women who are strong in character and career.
My personal opinion is merely that I'm not comfortable with women who try to micro-manage the lives of their partners. Being assertive, efficient or organised is good, but the question is, how much of it, and in what particular situations should they be or not be used. -
In some threads there are people who would say things like....this is my thread these are my rules or your are off topic and such which I find is a barrier to a fun discussion.I dont think anyone has hijack anything in this thread otherwise TS would really be the frustrated guy.Originally posted by Spnw07:Sorry to hijack your thread, frustrated guy, as I myself am surprised that people would respond to one of my comments. -
I think, you using wrong words.Originally posted by Spnw07:[quote=fymk]It is not about a 'strong' woman or a 'weak' woman. I find that if two souls find strength in each other and willing to support each other through thick and think , then it will be a strong union as one.[/quote]
Agree.
In response to all others who have expression their opinions about my comments 'a strong woman is in fact what I fear most'
Do not get me wrong. My concept of 'strong' and 'weak' is a little bit same, but yet a little bit different.
I have no intention to start any gender debate or look down on any women who are strong in character and career.
My personal opinion is merely that I'm not comfortable with women who try to micro-manage the lives of their partners. Being assertive, efficient or organised is good, but the question is, how much of it, and in what particular situations should they be or not be used.
Your description of the woman you fear should be, stubborn, manipulative, controlling, passive aggressive.
The "weak" description of a woman should be, over submissive, indecisive, lack of confidence, fickle minded/ gullible. -
altho i am not married
but i have to give TS a piece of advice
"it is fate and blessing that made both of you husband and wife"
and didn't both of you gave the vow of
"to be together regardless of sickness and health till death do us part"
what i can say is...put up with her temper...some ladies are like that, they flare up..they dun care what happens next..they just need a outlet
just ignore her..in one ear out another
do what you have to do to salvage..just dun sit around and whining about it -
Hmm, maybe so. However, such women are very, very rare in our modern world, cos very hard to survive like that. The same applies to men as well.Originally posted by jojobeach:I think, you using wrong words.
Your description of the woman you fear should be, stubborn, manipulative, controlling, passive aggressive.
The "weak" description of a woman should be, over submissive, indecisive, lack of confidence, fickle minded/ gullible. -
There is also a limit that TS can put up with. Yes,we shall care and try to give in to each other but if it is one side only,it will never last and never work out..Originally posted by StarPuppy:altho i am not married
but i have to give TS a piece of advice
"it is fate and blessing that made both of you husband and wife"
and didn't both of you gave the vow of
"to be together regardless of sickness and health till death do us part"
what i can say is...put up with her temper...some ladies are like that, they flare up..they dun care what happens next..they just need a outlet
just ignore her..in one ear out another
do what you have to do to salvage..just dun sit around and whining about it
If TS wife temper continue to cross the limit, I suggest TS to think hard and deep of this r/s if nothings improves! -
nothing wrong with don't like a strong women/men.
Some like sweet, some like bitter, some like hot, some like exotic taste and some just don't like anything.. -
Lol, quite true in a way. Aiyah, best forget about bgr and marriage. Have worry, don't have, also worry. haha. just joking.Originally posted by Isis:nothing wrong with don't like a strong women/men.
Some like sweet, some like bitter, some like hot, some like exotic taste and some just don't like anything.. -
Isnt the word 'Strong ' here a positive word which is used more ike a compliment rather than anything else? I dont know what do you people think?
-
yaloh
hruhur I'd like to think I can always be a strong woman for my man
*display muscles*
But its tough for women - always having to walk that line between appearing weak(i.e. submissive, vulnerable, need to be taken care of) and being strong. -
Hmm, ic... But I don't think women need to appear weak or worse, pretend to be weak in front of certain groups of people and flip back to being strong in front of other groups.Originally posted by ShrodingersCat:yaloh
hruhur I'd like to think I can always be a strong woman for my man
*display muscles*
But its tough for women - always having to walk that line between appearing weak(i.e. submissive, vulnerable, need to be taken care of) and being strong.
If you are submissive, you are. If you are vulnerable, you are. If you have either one or a combination of many others, still it doesn't really say that you are weak for that matter or weak throughout your entire life.
The example traits of weak listed by shrodingerscat can indeed be considered 'weak' if they are taken to the extremes in real life, in interacting with others especially.
What some consider to be an heartfelt expression of love and concern can be considered submissive or vulnerable by others, even if it's the same sex looking at one another from afar or near.
That's to say, it merely goes down to personal expectations, beliefs and values. Nothing good or bad about that, really. -
don't indulge in dualistic thinking... people are "all of the above"
-
My apologies for the 'disapperance.' It's hard to input anything at home when wife, within seconds of hearing me type, will come and check on me. We are in the same room.
I try to answer everyone if I can. Some of you are right. No point complaining when all I do is whine. I will probably source out any lawyer's office I can when I am free and wife is not with me.
On a lighter note, everything seems to be fine when she is mentally sane and not throwing her temper around. Mum did not mention about moving in(maybe 'cause she just casually mention?), and wife took a pretty long time to calm down her emotions. I had to bear with her for a week!
For those who think I can talk to mum alone without wife knowing, it's impossible. After everytime I talked to my folks, my wife will ask me in detail. Interrogation style. Last week, she did it to me, and how can I possibly remember everything I chit-chatted with my parents? I blew up my top and asked her, "Next time I talk to them, do you want me to bring a voice-recorder along?" Then she realised I'm going to lose it, and stop.
Both my wife and I are bad-tempered. Good thing about her is she doesn't bear grudges, but unfortunately, I do. I can't tell the difference sometimes when she threaten divorce is, am I bearing grudges or am I being driven to a corner?
Like some of you mention, she also said I will regret when I divorce because it will be painful and there will be a mental scar. But what scar will I have if I regain back my life to a time of peace and freedom?
Our house is in renovation works. I believe it's something good to look forward to. If things go things go the way they should, it would be good. But if she blew her top and mention divorce, it should be over. I reckon it should be next year when I succumb to her threat. Hey, I'm not rushing it. Gotta give it the best before I end it all, right?
P.S. Just for the record, she threaten again last Saturday, 13/10/2007. Cheers!