Sianz...I contemplating divorce
-
You mean you are going to show her what we write here?Originally posted by Frustrated_guy:HAHA! Quota ah. Got lah. I got record. My mobile sms also got her sms threats. Now I using forum to record loh. Thanks.
I better write some nice things about her. 
-
must show her one...Originally posted by Frustrated_guy:HAHA! Quota ah. Got lah. I got record. My mobile sms also got her sms threats. Now I using forum to record loh. Thanks.
big CROSS on the date... hahah... then she see.. shit.. October I already got 3 crosses liao.. better don't do 4th time or its over and out.
I mean i am sure you know she still loves you - its just her bad habit of using this type of threat. -
the more we talk about it, the more we are concluding that it is just "a bad habit", forgettable and not to be taken seriously.Originally posted by ShrodingersCat:must show her one...
big CROSS on the date... hahah... then she see.. shit.. October I already got 3 crosses liao.. better don't do 4th time or its over and out.
I mean i am sure you know she still loves you - its just her bad habit of using this type of threat. -
she "knows" but apparently she does not realize how irritating it is to TS. or maybe she knows how irritating it is and she is hitting him where it hurts most. the more nonchalant he takes it, the less effective it is ....
-
Huh, after marriage hor. Your stuff is also her stuff lor.Originally posted by Frustrated_guy:If all she wants affects her life, then OK. But my stuff she also wants to control leh. So, I practically become a robot and all will be fine? I like freedom. I believe in free will. I hate control. So, I never restrict her. That said, if she wants divorce, why should I stop her, right? It's all free will.
How can your stuff not affect her life ? Got such thing as your stuff only meh ?
Women uses divorces as a threat when their nagging are ignored.
My mother uses suicide when my brother don't listen to her........
It is just a way to wrestle power from people around them.
Men may have physical strength, women are given emotional strength.
By the way, what is freedom to you ?
What is free will to you ?
Freedom means doing what you want anytime you want without having to be accountable for it ?
Free will, means doing what you want for anyone you want without conceding to demands ? -
i don't think it is forgettable and i think it should be taken seriouslyOriginally posted by AndrewPKYap:the more we talk about it, the more we are concluding that it is just "a bad habit", forgettable and not to be taken seriously.
BUT the reality is
which one do you want to take MORE seriously?
The thoughtless words of anger said during a quarrel
or
the vow and promises you made when you got married to begin with? -
No lah. Not gonna show her. But yeah, I don't mind if you write nice things about her. I still love her, just that I'm considering her offer. HAHA!Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:You mean you are going to show her what we write here? I better write some nice things about her. -
I think this is the key. Both of you need to learn to listen before reacting.Originally posted by Frustrated_guy:Both my wife and I are bad-tempered. Good thing about her is she doesn't bear grudges, but unfortunately, I do. I can't tell the difference sometimes when she threaten divorce is, am I bearing grudges or am I being driven to a corner?
If both of you still want to keep this marriage to go on. You need to work out some agreements. For example, agree not to bring up divorce everything there is an argument. Or agree to let the other person talk until he/she is ready to listen.
I recommend that BOTH of you read through "The Four Seasons of Marriage" by Gary Chapman. I think some of the advice in the book is very helpful. -
You can accept it when your mum threatens suicide?Originally posted by jojobeach:Huh, after marriage hor. Your stuff is also her stuff lor.
How can your stuff not affect her life ? Got such thing as your stuff only meh ?
Women uses divorces as a threat when their nagging are ignored.
My mother uses suicide when my brother don't listen to her........
It is just a way to wrestle power from people around them.
Men may have physical strength, women are given emotional strength.
By the way, what is freedom to you ?
What is free will to you ?
Freedom means doing what you want anytime you want without having to be accountable for it ?
Free will, means doing what you want for anyone you want without conceding to demands ? -
At first, we are distressed by it lah.Originally posted by Frustrated_guy:You can accept it when your mum threatens suicide?
But after knowing it is just one of her "useless" strategy , we just ignore it lor.
We know she wouldn't dare do it lah, she has a lot more to live for.
4 grandchildren, and her karaoke sessions... to kill herself over a disagreement is damn stupid lor.
Got one time, my brother so mad he told her.. "Nobody is holding you back right now." She got so mad, she refused to eat for 2 days.
My brother is a very stubborn man, even his wife complains to me.
But he is slowly learning to give in more nowadays.
When my brother and SIL argues... my SIL goes on a shopping therapy.
My brother always gets more mad after seeing his credit card bills.
So I told him, just give in to her lah, your pocket hole will be smaller.
And it works so far.
When he wants to tell her off, he'll think about his credit card bills first.
Then all will be peaceful and harmonious.
Trust me, there are many ways a woman skins her husband.
Your wife is only using "words" and "emotions" to punish you.
So , relatively speaking, you're actually quite lucky. -
Some people can "sound" very serious about their vows but when crunch time comes, run like a jack rabbit. Others, like her wife, seems the type that is full of empty talk but when crunch time comes, will stand by you.Originally posted by ShrodingersCat:i don't think it is forgettable and i think it should be taken seriously
BUT the reality is
which one do you want to take MORE seriously?
The thoughtless words of anger said during a quarrel
or
the vow and promises you made when you got married to begin with? -
Well, until the time is proven, the only person you have control over how serious the vows are, is yourself.Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:Some people can "sound" very serious about their vows but when crunch time comes, run like a jack rabbit. Others, like her wife, seems the type that is full of empty talk but when crunch time comes, will stand by you.
yourself not meaning you of course.
generic yourself.
or myself. -
AgreeOriginally posted by Isis:Funny.. some of us condemn the TS and the wife and so who the hell is right and wrong here ?
The end issue is both are right and wrong.
I hope Ts contemplate and think properly ... what is his next steps.
It is his life after all and he is responsible for how he wants to lead it.
We are just side-liners.
-
Hey ~ Fustrated Guy,
I haven been in here for a period of time & I din expect to see ur thread again, at least not so soon..
By the time i saw ur thread, it already has a few pages.
I know it's pretty disappointin that ur wife good behavior doesnt last..& it's gettin tiring havin to handle tat all over again.
Mayb im being overly sensitive, but i observed tat tis time round, u aint as fustrated as ur previous thread..& u are not even bothered trying to make tis r'ship work. U seem pretty light-hearted..
Either u are really thought it thru & "let natural takes its course" or u r onli pretendin to be light hearted as to hide something. To me, either ways, posting here doesnt really help much.
I will not give any comments on ur problem - i gather u already hav alot.
I onli hope things will b solved & whatever choice both of u made, the best for all.
All the best!! -
I think you are letting grudges ruling your head for the time being, having devious thought now.
And ur wife.. sigh
Think properly before ur anger rule over your brain. u prosecute her because she had threatened u. Want to start another fire again? Why so childish. There might not be a fire engine to put out the fire this time.
You know you like to hold grudges. Do you think an eye for an eye will save the marriage or help the split-up to be less painful ? Do you feel superior/ self-righteous for threatening her back ? She might want to request for a divorce again during the argument. Perhaps to her, she is disappointed and tired with the marriage. Have you consider her suffering or just think for yourself?
I wonder if there is really what you want. You don't have the gut to ask for the divorce? You want to shift all the causes of the break up on her ?
Convey the message when both of you are cool. You are currently not in the right state of mind, full of revenge's thought, when you are not seeing things in a objective perspective. I could still strongly suggest try for a third party meditation.
Sometime, if you really want to give up, then walk away like a real man. Let it go.
U know........ Your grudges are one of the factors that compelled you to hold on to the fire. You just refused to let it go. Why? Do you want to solve the problem or be part of the problem? You decide. -
Wow, strong words there. Anyway, still think it's better to ask for third party meditation even if wife doesn't want to attend. Maybe TS can say something like 'getting professional help will help us to view our issues from an objective point of view'. 'We might get to really understand what is troubling the both of us, and subsequently our marriage.' Something like that, maybe?Originally posted by Isis:I think you are letting grudges ruling your head for the time being, having devious thought now.
And ur wife.. sigh
Think properly before ur anger rule over your brain. u prosecute her because she had threatened u. Want to start another fire again? Why so childish. There might not be a fire engine to put out the fire this time.
You know you like to hold grudges. Do you think an eye for an eye will save the marriage or help the split-up to be less painful ? Do you feel superior/ self-righteous for threatening her back ? She might want to request for a divorce again during the argument. Perhaps to her, she is disappointed and tired with the marriage. Have you consider her suffering or just think for yourself?
I wonder if there is really what you want. You don't have the gut to ask for the divorce? You want to shift all the causes of the break up on her ?
Convey the message when both of you are cool. You are currently not in the right state of mind, full of revenge's thought, when you are not seeing things in a objective perspective. I could still strongly suggest try for a third party meditation.
Sometime, if you really want to give up, then walk away like a real man. Let it go.
U know........ Your grudges are one of the factors that compelled you to hold on to the fire. You just refused to let it go. Why? Do you want to solve the problem or be part of the problem? You decide.
TS, you are so lucky to have the whole community being concerned about you (I mean it sincerely, without any sarcasm). If let's say I kena ur case, confirm kena scolded more than being encouraged liao.
All the best, TS. Hope one day (soon I hope) can hear from you that your marriage is finally getting better and your wife and you are back to being loving and respectful of each other once more.
Best wishes. -
No, you are not overly sensitive. I do not see the point in being so frustrated anymore. After over 1 year's threats, after making her promise not to do it, it's still the same. So just take it easy, since she manage to put the word divorce in my mind, I just don't see it as a serious thing anymore. Just an alternative. Anyway, thanks.Originally posted by RedizAlertz:Hey ~ Fustrated Guy,
I haven been in here for a period of time & I din expect to see ur thread again, at least not so soon..
By the time i saw ur thread, it already has a few pages.
I know it's pretty disappointin that ur wife good behavior doesnt last..& it's gettin tiring havin to handle tat all over again.
Mayb im being overly sensitive, but i observed tat tis time round, u aint as fustrated as ur previous thread..& u are not even bothered trying to make tis r'ship work. U seem pretty light-hearted..
Either u are really thought it thru & "let natural takes its course" or u r onli pretendin to be light hearted as to hide something. To me, either ways, posting here doesnt really help much.
I will not give any comments on ur problem - i gather u already hav alot.
I onli hope things will b solved & whatever choice both of u made, the best for all.
All the best!! -
Yes, I'm really grateful for everyone's help. Some of you gives really wise words.Originally posted by Spnw07:Wow, strong words there. Anyway, still think it's better to ask for third party meditation even if wife doesn't want to attend. Maybe TS can say something like 'getting professional help will help us to view our issues from an objective point of view'. 'We might get to really understand what is troubling the both of us, and subsequently our marriage.' Something like that, maybe?
TS, you are so lucky to have the whole community being concerned about you (I mean it sincerely, without any sarcasm). If let's say I kena ur case, confirm kena scolded more than being encouraged liao.
All the best, TS. Hope one day (soon I hope) can hear from you that your marriage is finally getting better and your wife and you are back to being loving and respectful of each other once more.
Best wishes.
Why would u kanna from everybody? Wanna share? -
Aiyah, people...
TS is just here to cry foul lah.
From what I can see from his postings.
He's just complaining about his wife's under the belt tactic during their vocal sparrings.
In the end, we all know both of them don't want to divorce.
The wife knows her opponent well, his weakness. And so she uses it to her advantage when she feels she is going to lose this fight.
If the wife really wants a divorce, you think she cannot get one meh ?
She can jolly well just march herself down to a lawyer office and have the paper served to TS. No need permission from TS . OK ?
So, why is she not doing it ? Think.
So TS, you want to fight ? There is no rules to a couples fight.
The question is, does each of you knows how to let the other back down with some dignity ? -
Building a successful marriage
Success in marriage is based on compatibility rather than just finding the right partner. Both partners must try to be the right person by acting out of mutual respect, love and concern for each other. Love is an inner feeling and af fulfillment arising from the mutual healthy growth with and for the other person. In a successful marriage, a partner must not always try to get things his or her own way. This brings to mind a humorous saying - " Man has his will but woman has her way ". There is only one path to be trodden by both; it may be uneven, bumpy and sometimes difficult, but it is always a "mutual path".
A happy marriage is not one in which exist with eyes closed. We see faults as well as virtues and we should accept the fact that no one is perfect. A husband and wife must learn to share the happiness and pain in their daily lives. Mutual understanding is the secret formula of a happy marriage. Marriage is a blessing but unfortunately, many people treat it otherwise due to lack of correct communication and understanding.
Most martial troubles which arise are normally due to an unwillingness of one partner to compromise and be patient with the other. The golden rule to avoid a minor misunderstanding from being blown out of proportion si to be patient, tolerant, and be understanding. Human beings are emotional and get into angry arguments easily. Husbands and wives should do their utmost that both are not angry at the same time. This is the golden rule for a happy marriage life. If not parties are not angry at the same time, problems can be easily resolved by adopting the noble spirit of patience, tolerance and understanding.
The husband should treat his wife with respect, understanding and consideration and not as a servant nor as a doll in his hands. Although he may be the bread winner of the family, it is also his duty to help his wife with the household work whenever he is free. The wife, on the other hand, should not always nag or grumble at her husband over trival matters. If he really has certain shortcomings, she should try to talk with him and point out his mistakes. A spouse should try to be tolerate and handle problems without bothering the partner, including those related to his or her career.
Being diplomatic
There is a story of a hot tempered woman who would always scold her husband for minor mistakes by saying, " You are a stupid idiot." The husband was very tolerant and kept quiet when he was scolded. However, one day, when the wife shouted " You are a stupid idiot.", the husband said: " i think you are right. If i am not a stupid idiot, do you think i would ever married a woman like you?" From that day onwards she never utter such words. -
Want to share, but maybe some other time in my own post bah. Thanks for your concern.Originally posted by Frustrated_guy:Yes, I'm really grateful for everyone's help. Some of you gives really wise words.
Why would u kanna from everybody? Wanna share? -
I wouldn't really say TS is crying foul, but I do have my doubts that why is TS's wife not taking any concrete action to file for separation papers or any relevant action to signal her intention of a divorce since she seems so dissatisfied with her hubby and their marriage.Originally posted by jojobeach:Aiyah, people...
TS is just here to cry foul lah.
From what I can see from his postings.
He's just complaining about his wife's under the belt tactic during their vocal sparrings.
In the end, we all know both of them don't want to divorce.
The wife knows her opponent well, his weakness. And so she uses it to her advantage when she feels she is going to lose this fight.
If the wife really wants a divorce, you think she cannot get one meh ?
She can jolly well just march herself down to a lawyer office and have the paper served to TS. No need permission from TS . OK ?
So, why is she not doing it ? Think.
So TS, you want to fight ? There is no rules to a couples fight.
The question is, does each of you knows how to let the other back down with some dignity ?
It is indeed a mystery. -
cos the wife still love the husband... or should i say can't bear to ?
-
This is not called emotional strength but emotional blackmail -_-"Originally posted by jojobeach:Huh, after marriage hor. Your stuff is also her stuff lor.
How can your stuff not affect her life ? Got such thing as your stuff only meh ?
Women uses divorces as a threat when their nagging are ignored.
My mother uses suicide when my brother don't listen to her........
It is just a way to wrestle power from people around them.
Men may have physical strength, women are given emotional strength. -
i was thinking.. can u reply in ur sms: But darling i really love you.
and see what she replies.