girlfriend going out with other guys
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duplicate post
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Hi moletan2003,Originally posted by moletan2003:I dont really know what i should do now. I have been drunk the past few nights and nothing seems to be solved. I am just waiting for her to call me but I know the reply, i need to accept whatever god has put in faith of me. I am so tired. anyway a big thanks for all the kind souls who have bothered to reply to this mail. I promised that no matter what is going to happen, I will post the outcome in this forum which has been supportive of my situation. A million thanks to all of you
I think jojobeach and nehpyh gave very good advice on your situation, and there's nothing I really can add that they didn't say.
Apart from one thing,
You mentioned that you have acknowledged the problems/weaknesses in the relationship which she has pointed out. But apart from acknowledgement, have you given the commitment to change? For example, if she feels that you didn't show enough concern for her, do you really understand her without resentment, and if so, can you change? (Like someone pointed out earlier, spending time doesn't necessarily mean showing concern).
You may have tried and failed many times to change things, and if that's the case, she may have a harder time giving you a last chance.
That's really nothing wrong in a woman (or man for that matter) fighting for her own happiness and seeking greener pastures if her current relationship doesn't meet her needs.
Like nehpyh mentioned, if she decides to throw in the towel, then there's really nothing much you can do. But if she hasn't, I am sure you can demonstrate your commitment to change things.
Hope that helps. Good luck! -
What happen in my past is over and I do not lived in the past.Originally posted by jojobeach:Tell us what happen to your story.
There's probably a reason why it didn't work for you.
For a 2 years relationship to end like this, something must have gone right in the beginning to start, and something must have gone wrong in the end.
So, due to your past experience, are you going to always assume that your girl is gonna go sleeping with another man, every time she brings up issues with the relationship ?
Willing to work harder to get a better future. I have learnt the hard way in the past and became a better person now. I do not wish for the TS to walk the same path I have been through.
Due to your past experience, you going to always assume that the guys must always give in and keep giving in to make a relationship work. Have the gal ever done anything to prove it otherwise?
I do not believe in words but only actions of TS ex, if she is willingly to fight for the relationship she should have done something, why must we guys keep doing so much ?
I can understand from your point of view as a gal, is always something must have gone right in the beginning to start, and something must have gone wrong in the end but it does not solve the problem.
If you are right then TS should end the relationship asap as the whole relationship is a mistake any way.
Btw I do not assume, I was there and felt the pain and recovered from it.
To TS, if you love your ex and can take the fact she may be going out with someone or sleeping with by all means go ahead no one here can stop you.
If you are brave enough to accept reality and move on to a better life then you will find the inner peace that you seek. -
Hi Guardx,Originally posted by Guardx:What happen in my past is over and I do not lived in the past.
Willing to work harder to get a better future. I have learnt the hard way in the past and became a better person now. I do not wish for the TS to walk the same path I have been through.
Due to your past experience, you going to always assume that the guys must always give in and keep giving in to make a relationship work. Have the gal ever done anything to prove it otherwise?
I do not believe in words but only actions of TS ex, if she is willingly to fight for the relationship she should have done something, why must we guys keep doing so much ?
I can understand from your point of view as a gal, is always something must have gone right in the beginning to start, and something must have gone wrong in the end but it does not solve the problem.
If you are right then TS should end the relationship asap as the whole relationship is a mistake any way.
Btw I do not assume, I was there and felt the pain and recovered from it.
To TS, if you love your ex and can take the fact she may be going out with someone or sleeping with by all means go ahead no one here can stop you.
If you are brave enough to accept reality and move on to a better life then you will find the inner peace that you seek.
I sympathize with your previous plight and I'm glad you've emerged a better person.
I would agree that both parties need to demonstrate commitment to the relationship, and it's not just one party.
I think we have seen countless scenarios here where one party does not want the relationship anymore, and the Threadstarter, be it guy or girl, is always like grasping for air hopelessly.
Your point is that if the girl is going out with another guy, it signifies a loss of commitment, and at that point of time, it's like a total emotional break.
Your ex-gf is a girl who has little qualms about sleeping with other guys, and show little moral responsibility in any relationship, be it with you or with the next guy or guy after next..., and you are better off without her anyway.
Unfortunately there are girls (and guys) like this around... When I was in the army, I called up this girl I like everyday (we have to queue for the coin phone then), and she gave me the impression that she liked me as well, until I realised she had a boyfriend for several months.
But not all girls are like this.. Perhaps TS's girlfriend is only trying out and is still working hard, and I thought every situation is different.
By the way, I was the "other guy" 10 years ago to my girlfriend, and she went out with me whilst still in the relationship with a hopeless guy who didn't even do anything for her birthday and only wanted to do physical stuff. But she gave him plenty of chances, and he didn't take it nor want to change anything. So I "won" her over and gave her a better life which I think she deserves.
But your situation is still a good reference for TS, I believe.
Take care! -
hmm,,, for me it takes 2 hands to clap... if yr gf still dun bothers u... u have to decide when to stop clapping
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Hi guys, I called my girlfriend yesterday. (my rational thinking lost) Meet up with her at her place. We hug, I told her I still love her and want to give the relationship another chance. She agreed but said that she cannot promise anything cause she is still confused and need some time to think. She also mention that she wants us to be normal again saying that she is soft hearted and that she still loves me. I stayed over at her place yesterday.
here is how I feel, after this incident, I realised that I have become too dependent on her for emotion support, everytime I stayed over at her place, called her, tell her I miss her etc etc. Now I want to make a difference, I will learn slowly and surely to keep my life filled with other activities. I do love her and want us to be together but she needs to be reasured by having someone whom she can depend on. I will try to work towards that but at the same time prepare myself emotionally when one day she might really wants out. I hope that day never comes and I hope one day I can tell you guys in this forum that I am getting married with her. I really hope I am making the right decision.
From the bottom of my heart i really thank all those friends who bothered to read my msg and give your advice to me, I really appreciate your efforts. God bless all you kind souls out there. -
I'm so happy for you.Originally posted by moletan2003:Hi guys, I called my girlfriend yesterday. (my rational thinking lost) Meet up with her at her place. We hug, I told her I still love her and want to give the relationship another chance. She agreed but said that she cannot promise anything cause she is still confused and need some time to think. She also mention that she wants us to be normal again saying that she is soft hearted and that she still loves me. I stayed over at her place yesterday.
here is how I feel, after this incident, I realised that I have become too dependent on her for emotion support, everytime I stayed over at her place, called her, tell her I miss her etc etc. Now I want to make a difference, I will learn slowly and surely to keep my life filled with other activities. I do love her and want us to be together but she needs to be reasured by having someone whom she can depend on. I will try to work towards that but at the same time prepare myself emotionally when one day she might really wants out. I hope that day never comes and I hope one day I can tell you guys in this forum that I am getting married with her. I really hope I am making the right decision.
From the bottom of my heart i really thank all those friends who bothered to read my msg and give your advice to me, I really appreciate your efforts. God bless all you kind souls out there.
Remember, she will only wants out if you KEEP IGNORING the issues.
Keep working on the relationship and one day, she'd be the happiest woman to get to marry you.
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"She agreed but said that she cannot promise anything"Originally posted by moletan2003:Hi guys, I called my girlfriend yesterday. (my rational thinking lost) Meet up with her at her place. We hug, I told her I still love her and want to give the relationship another chance. She agreed but said that she cannot promise anything cause she is still confused and need some time to think. She also mention that she wants us to be normal again saying that she is soft hearted and that she still loves me. I stayed over at her place yesterday.
here is how I feel, after this incident, I realised that I have become too dependent on her for emotion support, everytime I stayed over at her place, called her, tell her I miss her etc etc. Now I want to make a difference, I will learn slowly and surely to keep my life filled with other activities. I do love her and want us to be together but she needs to be reasured by having someone whom she can depend on. I will try to work towards that but at the same time prepare myself emotionally when one day she might really wants out. I hope that day never comes and I hope one day I can tell you guys in this forum that I am getting married with her. I really hope I am making the right decision.
From the bottom of my heart i really thank all those friends who bothered to read my msg and give your advice to me, I really appreciate your efforts. God bless all you kind souls out there.
bro gd to hear gd news on yr side... but u r right... to u n me, we do not want that day to ever come but since she said that, u must be prepared for the worst... as for me i am preparing the worst... my thread is on should end a bgr? -
jojobeach... why no encouragement from u on my threadOriginally posted by jojobeach:I'm so happy for you.
Remember, she will only wants out if you KEEP IGNORING the issues.
Keep working on the relationship and one day, she'd be the happiest woman to get to marry you. -
I just did.Originally posted by subaru67:jojobeach... why no encouragement from u on my thread 
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thks sisOriginally posted by jojobeach:I just did. 
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Hey there,Originally posted by moletan2003:Hi guys, I called my girlfriend yesterday. (my rational thinking lost) Meet up with her at her place. We hug, I told her I still love her and want to give the relationship another chance. She agreed but said that she cannot promise anything cause she is still confused and need some time to think. She also mention that she wants us to be normal again saying that she is soft hearted and that she still loves me. I stayed over at her place yesterday.
here is how I feel, after this incident, I realised that I have become too dependent on her for emotion support, everytime I stayed over at her place, called her, tell her I miss her etc etc. Now I want to make a difference, I will learn slowly and surely to keep my life filled with other activities. I do love her and want us to be together but she needs to be reasured by having someone whom she can depend on. I will try to work towards that but at the same time prepare myself emotionally when one day she might really wants out. I hope that day never comes and I hope one day I can tell you guys in this forum that I am getting married with her. I really hope I am making the right decision.
From the bottom of my heart i really thank all those friends who bothered to read my msg and give your advice to me, I really appreciate your efforts. God bless all you kind souls out there.
That's the way to go, man!
I feel that sensitive guys have a place on this earth, but girls want their men to be both strong and sensitive. They want their men to be tough shining knights skilled with the sword but yet macho enough to be sensitive to their needs.
Tough criteria, but that's the way it is.
Nobody ever becomes good lovers or whoever instantly. It takes effort, discipline and commitment.
By the way, marriage is but another step. Things don't end there, and one doesn't stop working on things when married.
I wish you all the best. -
Thanks guys I love you all
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keep that spirit on man.... if my spirit is like u... maybe my side will be betterOriginally posted by moletan2003:Thanks guys I love you all but i am looking in yr direction man -
I will never go out with guys one on one if my dear is not around. If I do, will get his permission first...it is just about respecting each other.
Anyway, hope everything works out with your gf! -
such a sweet gfOriginally posted by rainee:I will never go out with guys one on one if my dear is not around. If I do, will get his permission first...it is just about respecting each other.
Anyway, hope everything works out with your gf! -
Haha, of course I do this on the condition that he does the same for me as well, that he would not go out one on one with any female friend without my permission...Originally posted by subaru67:such a sweet gf
but that makes me think of something...what if one day one of his female colleagues asked him to have lunch with her one to one? Very hard to reject right? hmm... -
i think nowsday guys is tend to have soft spot emotionally.
Well, for the TS, Im glad you had manage to be with your gf again.
But let's back to the reality... she confused.. because she had other option.
You have to understand this... even after 2 yrs of relationship with her. She still OPEN her OPTION.
My advice is ... try to be strong and try not to emotionly depends on her.
Be prepare she may walk you out one day.
Expand your circle of friends and don't just put your life surround on her only.
When one day you can stand on your own. You realize you don't have to have her to have your life goes on... anyway 2 yrs relationship is short.
I would sincerely hope you have a good relationship with her or with someone else that is better.
All the best. -
correctOriginally posted by rainee:Haha, of course I do this on the condition that he does the same for me as well, that he would not go out one on one with any female friend without my permission...
but that makes me think of something...what if one day one of his female colleagues asked him to have lunch with her one to one? Very hard to reject right? hmm... -
gd words of hopeOriginally posted by vivasg:i think nowsday guys is tend to have soft spot emotionally.
Well, for the TS, Im glad you had manage to be with your gf again.
But let's back to the reality... she confused.. because she had other option.
You have to understand this... even after 2 yrs of relationship with her. She still OPEN her OPTION.
My advice is ... try to be strong and try not to emotionly depends on her.
Be prepare she may walk you out one day.
Expand your circle of friends and don't just put your life surround on her only.
When one day you can stand on your own. You realize you don't have to have her to have your life goes on... anyway 2 yrs relationship is short.
I would sincerely hope you have a good relationship with her or with someone else that is better.
All the best. -
Now you're learning! Don't sound too desperate because she will know that she has you by the balls. Show her that she's merely an option, not a priority (regardless what the truth is). You will look like a guy who has a life, friends of his own and pursues other activities, and her existence merely enhances your life. Show her that you don't need her, and if she decides to leave, she'll be losing out more than you will be.Originally posted by moletan2003:here is how I feel, after this incident, I realised that I have become too dependent on her for emotion support, everytime I stayed over at her place, called her, tell her I miss her etc etc. Now I want to make a difference, I will learn slowly and surely to keep my life filled with other activities.
Moral of the story: never act like your life depended on or centred around a girl. Girls don't see that as commitment or dedication; they see it as desperation.
Good luck!
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I think it's no use staying attached to a person who's pretty obviously already on the lookout for a better catch. It's unfortunate she's not being honest with you - maybe she's not even being honest with herself. If she's indecisive, you have to be the decisive one.. the more it drags, the more you'll hurt.
Well, think about it. Even if you can get her to stop the activity (or she stops on her own accord when she cannot find a better "boat" to move to), can you live with the fact that she went shopping around and only came back to you because she realized she couldn't get a newer model for whatever reason? And.. will she still respect you? Will you still respect yourself? -
hey u're such a nice guys, cheer up dont be too upset. It's her lost if she wants to end the r/s, from what u said, u've done everything for her already. Maybe its time for u to tk a break & let her show u hw much u mean to her.
My bf doesnt even rem our anni, he doesn't do anything romantic for me, he screams when i talk to my male classmates..haiz, ur gf is just so lucky to have u!! -
Have you forgotten the sayingOriginally posted by spinsugar:I think it's no use staying attached to a person who's pretty obviously already on the lookout for a better catch. It's unfortunate she's not being honest with you - maybe she's not even being honest with herself. If she's indecisive, you have to be the decisive one.. the more it drags, the more you'll hurt.
Well, think about it. Even if you can get her to stop the activity (or she stops on her own accord when she cannot find a better "boat" to move to), can you live with the fact that she went shopping around and only came back to you because she realized she couldn't get a newer model for whatever reason? And.. will she still respect you? Will you still respect yourself?
" If you love her, let her go. If she comes back to you, she's yours to keep."
Many times, we think there is a greener pasture out there, not knowing we are already standing in one.
Isn't it better to know, there really isn't any better ones after you have ventured out there and found none ?
Once you have realised the field is as green as it can get, wouldn't you learn to appreciate it more and realize how fortunate you are ?
TS's girlfriend is very fortunate to be able to come back to a pasture that is still waiting for her.
We sometimes wants to punish the one who hurt us, but by letting the love one go, arn't we really punishing ourselves ? -
That's why I asked TS to think abt it. Can he handle what he'd have to go through/risk to do that? Does he want to? And even if she comes back, will she treasure the chance? Or just use it to further convince herself of TS's weaknesses, enjoy the ride, and then repay TS's love by running off the next chance she gets?Originally posted by jojobeach:Have you forgotten the saying
" If you love her, let her go. If she comes back to you, she's yours to keep."
Many times, we think there is a greener pasture out there, not knowing we are already standing in one.
Isn't it better to know, there really isn't any better ones after you have ventured out there and found none ?
Once you have realised the field is as green as it can get, wouldn't you learn to appreciate it more and realize how fortunate you are ?
TS's girlfriend is very fortunate to be able to come back to a pasture that is still waiting for her.
We sometimes wants to punish the one who hurt us, but by letting the love one go, arn't we really punishing ourselves ?
I think only TS can answer that and decide for himself. Sometimes it's easier to cling onto something, than admit defeat and let it go.