Is it OK 2 end marriage for freedom? Which 1 more important?
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I hope you are saying this in sarcasm otherwise I have to strongly disagree to what you say. What Frustrated_Guy's wife was doing to him was definitely not love. You don't injure the other person's feeling by doing and saying hurtful things.Originally posted by mystee:ur wife really love u so much that she will say all sort of things to hurt herself & u...
This is about possessiveness. About wanting to be in control of a situation or in this case relationship. Forget about the chinese saying 'Da shi teng ni, ma shi ai'. From what I see FG's wife is a loose cannon, a ticking time-bomb, a minefield! If FG is not careful he might even end up with physical hurt.
I've already said what I wanted to say to FG in all his previous post. It's really up to him to act on it. And somehow I'm beginning to feel wearisome of his lamentation and yet refuse to do anything about it but rather kept on whining and whining like a broken record. It's his own funeral now and no one can help him anymore.
Goodluck! -
i know by saying these, a lot will disagree with me.. but that is definately not sarcasm. I dont know how to explain my standpoint, but i do know what TS wife feel like when she actually say all that out...Originally posted by FocusPoint:I hope you are saying this in sarcasm otherwise I have to strongly disagree to what you say. What Frustrated_Guy's wife was doing to him was definitely not love. You don't injure the other person's feeling by doing and saying hurtful things.
This is about possessiveness. About wanting to be in control of a situation or in this case relationship. Forget about the chinese saying 'Da shi teng ni, ma shi ai'. From what I see FG's wife is a loose cannon, a ticking time-bomb, a minefield! If FG is not careful he might even end up with physical hurt.
I've already said what I wanted to say to FG in all his previous post. It's really up to him to act on it. And somehow I'm beginning to feel wearisome of his lamentation and yet refuse to do anything about it but rather kept on whining and whining like a broken record. It's his own funeral now and no one can help him anymore.
Goodluck! -
She's testing your faithfulness.Originally posted by Frustrated_guy:Yes. It's true. But I never chiong sg chickens b4
I heard 1st time got ang bao take. Can take other stuff like usb mouse or not?
Anyway, next time she ask me find chicken again, I ask $$ from her lah. See what her reaction...
And what you will reply next is very crucial. -
this just goes to show that you don't love your wife at all...
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Your problem is not freedom, it's something else...
Think about it bro... -
Read this article
http://www.bestlifeonline.com/cms/publish/sex-relationships/Marital_Diagnostics.shtml -
y u dis person so farked up de.
ur wife oso another farked up one.
both of u make a beri gd pair wat. -
...maybe you have forgotten how lonely being single can be?Originally posted by Frustrated_guy:I've been missing my freedom since my marriage. The kind of freedom that single people take for granted is what I've had, until I got married. I didn't realise I miss it so much until I chit chat with my friend. He said it is because of freedom that he does not want to settle down.
Before marriage, I was debt-free, happy and free. After marriage, I was not that happy, got cc debt and totally unfree. There's no third party whatsoever. I just want to ask, DOES ANYONE OF U KNOW ANYONE WHO ENDED A MARRIAGE FOR FREEDOM?
I talk to my wife about freedom and she replied, "Well, you can consider divorce. Once we divorce, you can have all the freedom in the world." Dead-end talk.
Anyway, I am considering her offer. Meantime, I just want to know how everybody thinks about it. Lastly, we have no kids. So, any thoughts? Freedom or marriage? -
thank you luck-cu-laOriginally posted by countdracula:you got the wrong lady for a wife...had a boss whose wife refused to visit the in-laws....and they have kids....made him stay in her family home....
you're not alone from what i hear, many modern wives are difficult with in-laws, the reverse is also true though....
if it's me, i would end the thing, really pointless since you're bitter over it.....negativity breeds negativity...get out!!...best wishes...
hello misty, hope all is well at home....
R/S tough and both parties need to work on it... -
You got to be able to answer the question:
Why did you marry her?
Ask her the same question:
Why did she marry you?
That is the basis of the r/s and a reminder to treat each other with respect. You been griping about her. But we don't know much about you except you are not very strong in character.
BTW, there's a difference between having space in between couples and having freedom. The 2 are different. -
How do we know if TS is also injuring/hurting his wife's feelings ?Originally posted by FocusPoint:I hope you are saying this in sarcasm otherwise I have to strongly disagree to what you say. What Frustrated_Guy's wife was doing to him was definitely not love. You don't injure the other person's feeling by doing and saying hurtful things.
This is about possessiveness. About wanting to be in control of a situation or in this case relationship. Forget about the chinese saying 'Da shi teng ni, ma shi ai'. From what I see FG's wife is a loose cannon, a ticking time-bomb, a minefield! If FG is not careful he might even end up with physical hurt.
I've already said what I wanted to say to FG in all his previous post. It's really up to him to act on it. And somehow I'm beginning to feel wearisome of his lamentation and yet refuse to do anything about it but rather kept on whining and whining like a broken record. It's his own funeral now and no one can help him anymore.
Goodluck!
C'mon lah guys, you expect your wife to happily send you off at the door so you can abandon her at home while you go off and have some "happy hours" with your guys friends ?
Good thing they have no kids.
I doubt TS will make a good father.
If all he cares about is his freedom, and not having to be accountable for his whereabouts or actions. Then sad to say, please DON'T have kids AT ALL. -
u find her intolerable. There is 3 ways to go ahead
1) Tolerate. Tis is a common practise of many people. But u have to think whether can u live with her like tis FOREVER. I do not believe people changes easily, including u and her.
2) Change her. Marriage conselling is a very good idea. Tell her how u feel, and when u tell her, do not be afraid of argument or give girl chance or cannot bear to make her cry thingy. U must be firm and decisive in order to send the right message over
3) Leave her. Divorce and get a new lease of life.
I believe in private space in relationship. We can still go out with female friends, play video games like no tomorrow, went out with friends to drink and visit our relative whenever we like it. Likewise she can do the same thing. If she want to hinder u, if I am u, I will be angry about it and talk/argue over it but I will not back down on it. If u always let the woman have her way, then u r pampering her way too much and u must be prepared to face it forever -
When a person is married, there is a responsibility to carry. To go out and party all night and not call back and let the other person worry is not being responsible.
No wife like the husband to call other women. Its just that the trust to let him go and meet his female and male friends. However, if that trust is not built up or it was eroded away, then there will be trouble. It applies to both parties.
CNY - can opt to go overseas and don't see all relatives. Otherwise negotiate and assign certain days to certain relatives and keep to the predefined hours.
Be principaled and be fair. If there is a decision to be made, make it together and explain clearly why the choice. Not some condescending or patronizing words. No one likes that.
You can only ask people to be fair and reasonable. But you cannot change anyone but yourself.
TS don't even establish basic management of the r/s... As All Forum people kep asking, didn't you already see her pattern during dating. Now married, these pattern become an issue?
My MIL compare herself to the MIL on TV who torture the DIL and declare herself the best MIL. Well, sometimes, people do not think straight. -
to make a decision, write down the pros and cons on a piece of paper. see which one outweighs the other.
if the cons outweighs the pros of being in a marriage with this woman, ask urself y u are still here with her. is it because u have had much happier days with her, and u are hopeful of those days replaying itself in the near future? -
In all seriousness, is this a marriage or an economic transaction?
It's indeed ridiculous that both parties are resorting to settling scores to break even and ensure he/she retains the upperhand in the relationship. At the rate you're testing each other's patience, your relationship is only going to get worse by the day. It's high time you looked at the long term future of this relationship - can you see yourself living with the shananigans when you're 70? If you can't, are you going to put up with it for life?
At best, the two of you are incompatible. At worst, this relationship is nothing short of a joke between two insecure people with the mentality whose maturity is more dubious than that of kids'. Should either be the case, pulling the plug on the deal may prove the best solution yet... -
You want freedom then don't get married in the first place. YOu can't expect to live like a bachelor after marriage.
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Dude, lets just say it this way. It is your life. You choose what you want to do with it. In the end, you are the one that know the best and your are the one that has to suffer everything or reapt the reward. I believe everyone made mistake and they have to pay for their mistake. And some people do change 180 degree after marriage. Even criminal deserve a second chance and do not have to suffer for the whole lifetime.
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TS...
When is the last time u did something sweet to her? -
TS,
Obviously, you feel tired at trying to play the role your wife wants you to play, and it is natural to want freedom back. It's almost like a teenager wanting to go and hang around with his friends, not so much for the activity, but for the simple reason his parent is forbidding him to do so, and that he needs to want to taste freedom.
But you're in a marriage, and both parties need to work hard at making the marriage work.
If she's not working hard, it gives you the excuse not to work hard too. But is that the way to go?
You said you spent all your time with her.. perhaps, it's only quantity time, not quality time. Spending the whole day walking around with her in shopping malls, or staying at home watching TV, with a grumpy and suppressed resentful look, is not quality time.
Obviously your wife has a problem with regards to freedom and healthy space, but the issue is not to be solved by fighting for your own freedom. Try to understand why she's doing it, and with gentle affirmation, try to work things out...
Why don't you two try counselling? She may refuse to do it, but you can start first, and then perhaps she can join later..
The way I see it, you have stopped working at the marriage, and have started getting back at her. No wife wants her hubby to go Geylang, btw, as far as I know.
Focus on the reason behind her anger, and not on what she says. It's content-free, all her words...
I also recommend consulting a fengshui expert for improving your home harmony.
Counselling before divorce, I think, is the best path for any married couple about to split.
Hope that helps. -
My experience tells me, once a woman starts to get posessive and wants to control every movement of the husband, SHE WILL NEVER STOP AGAIN.
You can forget about communicating to her that you are very stifled. You can forget about hoping she will change. They are like that because they are suspicious. Once they are suspicious of you, it just never go away. No one is wrong, they are just like that.
You, and not just you but everyone, should know that marriage will change your life. You are not just responsible for yourself but for your spouse too. No one should expect your life to be the same as when you are single after you are married. Things will change, priorities will change, expectations will change. Be like me, dun get married if you are prepared to give up what you have now. But once you get married and not happy, either you divorce or just live with the consequences cos you chose this way in the first place. -
To be honest, I just want to learn if anybody did it for the sake of freedom. Actually, I didn't really want to talk much about my wife 'cause this time it is about myself. Come to think of it, I felt rather selfish asking the question. But if not for my wife who kept popping the divorce word, it would never really got inside my head...
As for CNY, something miraculous happen. My wife actually managed to think things through and agreed to visit my relatives. Unbelievably, a potential disaster was averted.
Thank you all for the comment, whether positive or negative. Think one of u is right, I may have underestimated the amount of freedom lost after marriage. -
Hi Misty,Originally posted by mistyblue:When a person is married, there is a responsibility to carry. To go out and party all night and not call back and let the other person worry is not being responsible.
No wife like the husband to call other women. Its just that the trust to let him go and meet his female and male friends. However, if that trust is not built up or it was eroded away, then there will be trouble. It applies to both parties.
CNY - can opt to go overseas and don't see all relatives. Otherwise negotiate and assign certain days to certain relatives and keep to the predefined hours.
Be principaled and be fair. If there is a decision to be made, make it together and explain clearly why the choice. Not some condescending or patronizing words. No one likes that.
You can only ask people to be fair and reasonable. But you cannot change anyone but yourself.
TS don't even establish basic management of the r/s... As All Forum people kep asking, didn't you already see her pattern during dating. Now married, these pattern become an issue?
My MIL compare herself to the MIL on TV who torture the DIL and declare herself the best MIL. Well, sometimes, people do not think straight.
How are u and ur other half? MIL still playing her domineering queen role? -
To get a not understanding wife is really tough...
U just do wat u want... She cant control u forever.. u have your life , just ignore your wife.. She's the one who has problem and not you.. Don always follow her instruction..
If she really cant stand this, just divorce.. you are very unhappy now, i bet you will be more unhappy if you both have kids.. just think bout it..
Loving each other is not trying to control whoever or just think bout themself.. its sharing and understanding when you love some1...
TS, just do watever u wan, and of course still spend time with her. She cant control u from talking to family and friends.. She reallly need some lesson la.. it is up to you to be more strict and tough bout this.. THe more u listen to her selfish instruction, the more she will abuse and threathen you with divorce -
Hmm, so far, my bf also seldom meet his frens since the last few months ago. I never control him to do so...
I dunno if he'll think i am controlling anot.. We all have insecurities from time to time... For myself, i am still not married yet.. for him, he is....
He has to settle his divorce ist.. but sometimes i am not too sure if marriage will be gd for us. Now we r happy being with each other, but after marriage, will things stay the same?
We r v close one.. but one thing for sure, I cannot count my fortune yet as I have not yet experience real marriage life though i am living with him already.. -
I really dun understand why u need to be with some1 that is married... And for your bf, hes a jerk to being disloyal with his wife.. i dont know how sad is your bf story or watever, but i seriously object r/s of some1 who is married and playing around behind their lover's back.. Thats just so irresponsible for a guy to do that..Originally posted by mother-of-pearl:Hmm, so far, my bf also seldom meet his frens since the last few months ago. I never control him to do so...
I dunno if he'll think i am controlling anot.. We all have insecurities from time to time... For myself, i am still not married yet.. for him, he is....
He has to settle his divorce ist.. but sometimes i am not too sure if marriage will be gd for us. Now we r happy being with each other, but after marriage, will things stay the same?
We r v close one.. but one thing for sure, I cannot count my fortune yet as I have not yet experience real marriage life though i am living with him already..
I really cant understand gals..I hope the guy will treat u the same when u both got married and see how it felt when he leaves u for other women.. he can do it to his wife.. im sure he can do it to you too. God bless you. Its your life and path that u want it this way, dont regret if this happens to you one day if you married him. People seems to not learn unless they experience it themself